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[MUL] Celeste - "Exhale" by PlayfulPiano

Started by Zeta, April 04, 2018, 09:26:45 AM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Other
Game: Celeste
Console: Multiplatform
Title: Exhale
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: PlayfulPiano

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[attachment deleted by admin]

PlayfulPiano

Here's my other arrangement for Celeste, "Exhale"!

I'm pretty sure the combination of the synth pad and the right hand piano gets a little messy, so that probably needs some fixing.

Khunjund

Here we go:
  • "Breathe" doesn't say much as an indication of character. I believe tranquillo, semplice or even rubato would convey more meaning.
  • There was a problem with stem direction for the left hand in measures 13 and 41.
  • The second quarter note of measure 6 (and other measures with the same rhythm) should be written as an eighth note tied to another eighth note.
  • In 4/4 time, you can beam eighth notes in groups of two or four, but be consistent about it—choose one or the other.
  • As I have said previously, grace notes must be slurred to the following real notes.
  • There is no need for a modulation in measures 21–28. This section is still predominantly in major, even if there is more mode mixture than before. (In the future, keep in mind that key changes require a double bar prior.)
  • It would make the .mus file much easier to follow if you kept the piano as layer one and the synth as layer two (when both play together), or vice versa, even if you have to manually redirect some stems.
  • The ninth on the last beat of measure 42 is awkward to play, and the tenth on the first beat of 43 is unreasonable for anyone not named Rachmaninoff, so consider lower both by an octave. (On the other hand, the synth in measures 38–40 could be shifted to its actual pitch, an octave higher, and still be very much playable.
  • You should easily be able to fit the piece on three pages, whether by tinkering with margins, system height, system spacing, resize tool, or a bit of each.
  • The files are missing both the subtitle and the NinSheetMusic site below the copyright.
Please stop making lists using hyphens.

PlayfulPiano

Quote from: D3ath3657 on April 05, 2018, 05:54:17 PMHere we go:
  • "Breathe" doesn't say much as an indication of character. I believe tranquillo, semplice or even rubato would convey more meaning.
  • There was a problem with stem direction for the left hand in measures 13 and 41.
  • The second quarter note of measure 6 (and other measures with the same rhythm) should be written as an eighth note tied to another eighth note.
  • In 4/4 time, you can beam eighth notes in groups of two or four, but be consistent about it—choose one or the other.
  • As I have said previously, grace notes must be slurred to the following real notes.
  • There is no need for a modulation in measures 21–28. This section is still predominantly in major, even if there is more mode mixture than before. (In the future, keep in mind that key changes require a double bar prior.)
  • It would make the .mus file much easier to follow if you kept the piano as layer one and the synth as layer two (when both play together), or vice versa, even if you have to manually redirect some stems.
  • The ninth on the last beat of measure 42 is awkward to play, and the tenth on the first beat of 43 is unreasonable for anyone not named Rachmaninoff, so consider lower both by an octave. (On the other hand, the synth in measures 38–40 could be shifted to its actual pitch, an octave higher, and still be very much playable.
  • You should easily be able to fit the piece on three pages, whether by tinkering with margins, system height, system spacing, resize tool, or a bit of each.
  • The files are missing both the subtitle and the NinSheetMusic site below the copyright.
1. That was less of a musical suggestion, and more of an emotional suggestion. One of the game's major themes is panic attacks, and how the main character was able to deal with them through breathing. Hence, at the end of the main story, "Exhale" is the name of the credits theme, and why I chose "Breathe" next to the tempo. I mean, yeah, probably wouldn't fit well formatting wise, but maybe you know of a different wording (akin to how you can use something like Ominous next to tempo markings) if "Breathe" can't be used?

2. I seriously don't know why it keeps doing that, nor do I know how to fix it.

3. Will change.

4. I mainly just let Finale do the default beaming.

5. Will change.

6. Will change.

7. Funny enough, it started out as a separate Synth staff, and I then copied it as a new layer, but some measures looked weird with rests and spacing so I started fusing the layers together in some measures. Maybe would keeping it as separate staves would help, even if this is still for solo piano..ish?

8. I.. mainly just tried to make it work. Could you possibly rewrite that section for an alternative appearance?

9. Yeah, probably. I'll try to figure something out.

10. God dammit, I'm usually good with this. Must've been since I first made this in musescore. I'll fix it.

Khunjund

The problem with "breathe" isn't that it doesn't fit into formatting, it's that it doesn't suggest anything to people unfamiliar with the game. I initially thought it meant that liberties can be taken with regard to the tempo (to "take a breath" between measures/phrases). With your explanation, I feel something like tranquillo ("calmly, peacefully") or even pastorale ("in a pastoral manner; peaceful and simple") would have a less ambiguous meaning, on top of being more significant to a wider range of people. You could also just put "Calm and peaceful" or whatnot—it doesn't have to be in Italian; the idea is that you want to write the feeling this game's ending gives you, so that even someone who hasn't played it can understand.

Sometimes, deleting and rewriting a segment fixes positioning issues. Otherwise, "L" (or "cmd+L" on Mac, I think) flips the stems of a group of notes, as long as you're currently hovering the first note of that group in the Simple Entry tool.

Using three staves when writing for solo piano is used when one voice is always separate from the others, both in terms of height and in terms of importance. Since you're intertwining the piano and synth lines, it wouldn't work here.

Here's a link to a .mus file with most of the changes I've recommended. It's still possible that I've missed a few things.
Please stop making lists using hyphens.

PlayfulPiano

Quote from: D3ath3657 on April 06, 2018, 10:45:19 AMThe problem with "breathe" isn't that it doesn't fit into formatting, it's that it doesn't suggest anything to people unfamiliar with the game. I initially thought it meant that liberties can be taken with regard to the tempo (to "take a breath" between measures/phrases). With your explanation, I feel something like tranquillo ("calmly, peacefully") or even pastorale ("in a pastoral manner; peaceful and simple") would have a less ambiguous meaning, on top of being more significant to a wider range of people. You could also just put "Calm and peaceful" or whatnot—it doesn't have to be in Italian; the idea is that you want to write the feeling this game's ending gives you, so that even someone who hasn't played it can understand.

Sometimes, deleting and rewriting a segment fixes positioning issues. Otherwise, "L" (or "cmd+L" on Mac, I think) flips the stems of a group of notes, as long as you're currently hovering the first note of that group in the Simple Entry tool.

Using three staves when writing for solo piano is used when one voice is always separate from the others, both in terms of height and in terms of importance. Since you're intertwining the piano and synth lines, it wouldn't work here.

Here's a link to a .mus file with most of the changes I've recommended. It's still possible that I've missed a few things.

Could you actually change that file to an xml format? I can't open it due to an older version of Finale.

Khunjund

Please stop making lists using hyphens.


PlayfulPiano

It's been a while since somebody replied, should I make anymore changes?

Sebastian

Nice job! Sorry for the late response.

- Flip layer one in M. 13 so it doesn't clash with the second layer.
- M. 28 (LH): The first eighth note on beat 3 is a D.
- M. 35 (RH): The C is not aligned with the D. You can fix this by deleting the C and replacing it.
- M. 36: The second layer rest can be moved up.
- M. 39: Same as M. 35.
- M. 47: Same as M. 35 & 39.
- I would go ahead and respace the entire arrangement. It seems cramped at some spots, especially in M. 21-28 where the notes are clashing with the 8va symbol.




Sebastian

Great.

Could I get a second opinion on the layers in M. 41+? Anyone? Updaters?



PlayfulPiano

Quote from: Sebastian on May 18, 2018, 07:43:53 AMGreat.

Could I get a second opinion on the layers in M. 41+? Anyone? Updaters?
Whoops, thought that measure was fixed. Gimme a moment.

PlayfulPiano


PlayfulPiano

Bumping this, hopefully someone can give more feedback.