A few comments in addition to Bloop's above:
- About the presentation of m. 3: the RH beat 1 notes are offset a bit. You could also potentially write the first few notes of the top melody without the 8va to avoid clashing with the lower layer's notes/ties, but that'd be a lot of ledger lines and potential loss of continuity if you only include the 8va over some of the notes... just a thought you don't have to take.
- m. 20 - I don't hear the second C in the triplet at all, just sounds like a single strike of the C?
- m. 22 - the top A in the second chord is missing its natural sign
- m. 24 - this first triplet doesn't sound like a triplet, more like an echoey effect...?
- The slur all the way at the end can have its right edge dragged a bit to convey that it continues back at the beginning of the loop.
- The rest in the 6/4 measure sounds like it actually lasts a whole eighth rest longer... not imagining this am I? Do you think it might also be helpful to break m. 20-21 into some smaller measures? I think it might help me, at least, to think of a couple of these phrases as just lasting a couple of beats.
Lastly, should this be in Bb major? I know the common left hand pattern is rooted in Eb, but the melody at least tends to center around Bb and resolve to it very often. (There's also a ton of A naturals everywhere...)
- About the presentation of m. 3: the RH beat 1 notes are offset a bit. You could also potentially write the first few notes of the top melody without the 8va to avoid clashing with the lower layer's notes/ties, but that'd be a lot of ledger lines and potential loss of continuity if you only include the 8va over some of the notes... just a thought you don't have to take.
- m. 20 - I don't hear the second C in the triplet at all, just sounds like a single strike of the C?
- m. 22 - the top A in the second chord is missing its natural sign
- m. 24 - this first triplet doesn't sound like a triplet, more like an echoey effect...?
- The slur all the way at the end can have its right edge dragged a bit to convey that it continues back at the beginning of the loop.
- The rest in the 6/4 measure sounds like it actually lasts a whole eighth rest longer... not imagining this am I? Do you think it might also be helpful to break m. 20-21 into some smaller measures? I think it might help me, at least, to think of a couple of these phrases as just lasting a couple of beats.
Lastly, should this be in Bb major? I know the common left hand pattern is rooted in Eb, but the melody at least tends to center around Bb and resolve to it very often. (There's also a ton of A naturals everywhere...)