Submission Information:
Series: Other
Game: Bravely Default
Console: Nintendo 3DS
Title: Cave of Darkness
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Maelstrom (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=4119)
[attachment deleted by admin]
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- Was curious why you lifted the pedal and cut off the chords on beat 4 in m2 and m4 since they ring for the entire measure in the original.
- Have you considered writing in the "echo" notes in m1-12? I think they'd be a nice addition to help it feel more dynamic and less empty.
- I think m6 and m10 should use E# instead of Fn.
- I would consider adding a tremolo in the LH in m20 to replicate the crescendo from the original. (A glissando would be cool to mimic the original, but I don't think it would work really well in a piano transcription given the mood.)
- First two notes in m21 RH should be E and F# (higher than the third note C#).
- Second to last note (beat 4.0) in m21 RH should be E# instead of F.
- Third note (beat 2.5) in m22 RH should be F# instead of E.
- Beat 2.5-4 in m24 RH should be an octave lower.
- There are two sixteenth pickup notes (with harmonies as well) on beat 4.5 in m24 RH.
- There are some faint wind instruments in the background that harmonize with the melody starting from the pickup to m22. I would suggest including these.
- Was also wondering if it would be possible to incorporate some more harmony in the LH from m21-24, since bare octaves don't totally make up for the original orchestration.
- In the first two chords in m26 RH, the highest notes (melody line) should be C and D, not A and B.
- The last three measures should be shifted up one half-beat (the LH notes start on the downbeat).
Quote from: mastersuperfan on January 15, 2020, 10:27:24 PM- Was curious why you lifted the pedal and cut off the chords on beat 4 in m2 and m4 since they ring for the entire measure in the original.
First of all, that's hidden, 2nd of all, finale playback is stupid and was making them run together iirc. That said, I did make the notes whole notes.
>- First two notes in m21 RH should be E and F# (higher than the third note C#).
Cannot hear this for the life of me. I hear what I had written.
>- Beat 2.5-4 in m24 RH should be an octave lower.
see above
As for the rest, I added in the echoed notes, add in a 2nd layer in m14/16/18, added a few more harmonies in m25-28, and respaced everything.
Files updated. I apologize for the amount of errors. It's been 6 years since I first arranged it and my numerous revisions since then haven't caught everything.
These things still hold (as well as the suggestion to include a tremolo in m20 but that's up to your discretion):
Quote from: mastersuperfan on January 15, 2020, 10:27:24 PM- I think m6 and m10 should use E# instead of Fn.
- Third note (beat 2.5) in m22 RH should be F# instead of E.
Quote from: Maelstrom on March 21, 2020, 12:33:32 PM>- First two notes in m21 RH should be E and F# (higher than the third note C#).
Cannot hear this for the life of me. I hear what I had written.
>- Beat 2.5-4 in m24 RH should be an octave lower.
see above
Odd, because that's definitely still how I hear it. I can't hear the A and B on beat 1 of m21 at all.
Other things:
- m19: I like my crescendos vertically aligned between the two staves when possible.
- You might consider adding some harmonies to the RH octaves in m13/15/17 like so:
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/BPU1laH.png)
- Here's what I'm getting for the echo notes in the RH (they last for the whole measure; I cut them off arbitrarily):
Spoiler
(https://i.imgur.com/SWwMxfl.png)
(The C# is less pronounced after the first four measures, so if you want to keep m5+ simpler and less dissonant, you can keep the same Layer 2 rhythm you currently have in the RH from m5 onward, but change the low Bs to Ds.)
- "Senza pedale" is currently capitalized but "con pedale" is not—I'd pick one and make them both consistent.
Quote from: Maelstrom on March 21, 2020, 12:33:32 PM>- First two notes in m21 RH should be E and F# (higher than the third note C#).
Cannot hear this for the life of me. I hear what I had written.
>- Beat 2.5-4 in m24 RH should be an octave lower.
see above
- I agree with Maelstrom completely
- That's a bit tricky. I think the ascent (A B C#) in the melody stays there but there's a lower voice more prominently playing the descent (C# B A). How about something like this?
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/401094846107877377/696419666939084870/unknown.png
Also a couple of passing comments while I'm skimming:
- You can flip the layer 1 LH notes regularly since layer 2 is so far below and doesn't interfere. This will allow you to stop the slurs from popping up so much.
- https
- Keep your text within the page margins, and you can easily push a system onto page 2 if you want
Everything fixed. Implemented latios' solution for the 2nd auditory discrepancy. Files updated
Quote from: mastersuperfan on January 15, 2020, 10:27:24 PM- First two notes in m21 RH should be E and F# (higher than the third note C#).
I actually
do hear this, it's played by the flute so I thought it was pretty easier to hear since it cuts through the rest of the ensemble.
That said, there is an A and B playing underneath, by the oboe and viola it sounds like. There's also a D right on beat 1 from the harp.
I would definitely include the top flute line in the arrangement though, it's pretty noticeable to me at least.
These still:
Quote from: mastersuperfan on January 15, 2020, 10:27:24 PM- m6 and m10 should use E# instead of Fn.
- Third note (beat 2.5) in m22 RH should be F# instead of E.
Quote from: mastersuperfan on January 15, 2020, 10:27:24 PM- First two notes in m21 RH should be E and F# (higher than the third note C#).
Quote from: Static on April 06, 2020, 07:42:10 PMI actually do hear this, it's played by the flute so I thought it was pretty easier to hear since it cuts through the rest of the ensemble.
That said, there is an A and B playing underneath, by the oboe and viola it sounds like. There's also a D right on beat 1 from the harp.
I would definitely include the top flute line in the arrangement though, it's pretty noticeable to me at least.
I completely disagree with writing those notes in - apart from not hearing them even when listening specifically for them (I might just need to listen again another day...), it's clear to me that the oboe line ascending A-B-C# is the intended melody here, paralleling measure 25. The way Maelstrom wrote the melody in here in 21 highlights the melody with a single voice and harmony only in the left hand, so I think that including those upper notes would be very distracting.
I mean I can't even hear the A and B no matter how hard I try so the E and F# sound like the only melody to me
But if the melody line is actually playing A-B-C# and something is just wrong with my ears, then I suppose that would just be the best way to write it.
Quote from: Latios212 on April 06, 2020, 08:01:11 PMI completely disagree with writing those notes in - apart from not hearing them even when listening specifically for them (I might just need to listen again another day...), it's clear to me that the oboe line ascending A-B-C# is the intended melody here, paralleling measure 25. The way Maelstrom wrote the melody in here in 21 highlights the melody with a single voice and harmony only in the left hand, so I think that including those upper notes would be very distracting.
Fair enough. I just don't think it would hurt to add those notes on top of the existing melody.
I personally like it how it is. That's the line I've always heard as the most prominent line there and adding something above it obfuscates it in a way I don't like.
Second check:
- Flip your layers properly in m. 1 and similar. Half rest above the eighth notes, half note stem up, 16th rest on the staff. You could also put the rests at the end back onto the staff in m. 2/4
- Top notes in m. 5-6 and 9-10 should be A not B
- First couple eighth notes in m. 5/7/9/11 LH should be C#-D instead of B-C#
- Bottom whole note misaligned in m. 10
- RH end of m. 19 sounds like it should just be an eighth note dyad instead of two 16ths
This is in addition to
Quote from: mastersuperfan on April 06, 2020, 07:49:34 PMThese still:
And that's why I need a second pair of eyes on my old sheets. Thank you so much.
files updated.
You're very welcome! Glad to have this one tidied up.
Have an approval!
The second system doesn't seem to be spaced right (the last measure is unusually cramped)... try clicking on one of the measures or just highlighting and applying note spacing.
I would also move the eighth rest on beat 3.25 of m8 up in between the sixteenth notes:
(https://i.imgur.com/vT1jrjk.png)
done and updated.
This submission has been accepted by mastersuperfan (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=3561).
~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot