GUYS I'M REALLY GONNA WRITE THIS.
LATER.
I'M TOO DEPRESSED RIGHT NOW.
BUT IT'S COMIN'.
Chapter One: Meeting People
Now, if you're reading this, you may/may not be of the lonely people. That's okay. You know why? THERE ARE OTHERS OUT THERE. THAT'S RIGHT. Now you're probably thinking "Where do I meet these people?" and I've got the answer for you.
NOT HERE. PUT THIS BOOK DOWN. GET OUTSIDE.
There's many places to meet other lonelys at. Let's look at a list:
- Coffee Shops: Meet others that share your coffee obsession, or if you're a regular chat it up with that cute guy/gal that makes your daily espresso.
- Bowling Alleys: You can show off your bowling skills and possibly meet someone just as competitive as you are!
- Target: I realize this one may sound crazy, but it makes sense. If you hang out in the book section you might meet someone with the same book interests, same goes for the music section and so on. Maybe meet someone who likes the same plates.
- The Gym: This mostly goes for you men. There's lots of women with low self esteem at the gym! GIVE THEM A COMPLIMENT. Not to mention get yourself buff in the process. ;)
- Outside Your Home: Just get the fuck outside. Or as internet people call it, gtfo.
In our next chapter we'll discuss actually asking the lonelys you meet on a date! Soon after we'll get into actual relationships and all the crap that comes along with.
Can't wait!
I know this is going to be awsm. =D
It sounds more like you need a self-help book on writing self-help books
Sounds more like Wry needs some lovin'.
So help me out and get started on the book for my sake D:
You know my feelings, my friend. I repeat: go on and help the Slows of the world
I need this book in my life.
EXCITED FOR CHAPTER ONE?!
YOU SHOULD BE.
PRE-ORDER FOR 19.99
OFFICIAL RELEASE: JUNE 15.
You did not just taint my topic.
You did NOT.
June 15, huh? I'll clear my schedule to make time to read this.
Quote from: ETFROXX on June 09, 2011, 07:08:24 PMYou did not just taint my topic.
You did NOT.
I took it off... BUT DUDE WOULD'VE WANTED IT.
I think a majority of the world's population will want this book.
Quote from: universe-X on June 09, 2011, 08:46:37 PMI took it off... BUT DUDE WOULD'VE WANTED IT.
I'm pretty sure it was an awful picture. It was almost in the category of NSFW.
The "We So Excited" picture? :|
Mhm. You're a monster.
:'(
That proves that you need this book more than I too.
Also how are you writing two books at once? I want to read how I die!
ONLY 2 DAYS LEFT. ME GUSTA.
Roz, will you come wait in line at the bookstore with me tomorrow at midnight?
Quote from: SlowPokemon on June 13, 2011, 08:26:53 AMRoz, will you come wait in line at the bookstore with me tomorrow at midnight?
That's a good idea. I will.
ETF should be there to sign them for us.
I am expecting great things.
Who's it going to be dedicated to anyways?
Better be to the first husband D:
I was the INSPIRATION though O:
at least I can believe I was
1 MOARE DAY PEOPLES!
Quote from: HugoMeister on June 13, 2011, 11:14:00 PMBetter be to the first husband D:
But I'm on her ALL the time.
Christ! How many husbands does ETF have?
1. Who's EFT, and 2. I'm pretty sure she has two husbands and one wifey.
Quote from: Jub3r7 on June 14, 2011, 05:12:57 PM1. Who's EFT.
I don't know what you're talking about. ::)
Quote from: Jub3r7 on June 14, 2011, 05:12:57 PM2. I'm pretty sure she has two husbands and one wifey.
...
Hey now people, the book is obviously dedicated to me, I'm probably mentioned every 2 pages.
Just because you're used as an example of what not to do, doesn't make it dedicated to you. ;)
I don't think it needs to be dedicated to anyone. She's the one who is doing most of the work.
all of the work*
I hope none of you stay up 'till midnight waiting for this. I'm not doing a midnight premiere or anything, just releasing chapter one tomorrow. BUT I WILL SIGN IT IN A WAY.
DARN IT.
Sorry man, I'm gonna make sure it's all clean and such when I wake up.
Quote from: ETFROXX on June 14, 2011, 10:55:07 PMSorry man, I'm gonna make sure it's all clean and such when I wake up.
That's what she said.
But yes, I am going to read this whether I need to or not.
Chapter One: Meeting People
Now, if you're reading this, you may/may not be of the lonely people. That's okay. You know why? THERE ARE OTHERS OUT THERE. THAT'S RIGHT. Now you're probably thinking "Where do I meet these people?" and I've got the answer for you.
NOT HERE. PUT THIS BOOK DOWN. GET OUTSIDE.
There's many places to meet other lonelys at. Let's look at a list:
- Coffee Shops: Meet others that share your coffee obsession, or if you're a regular chat it up with that cute guy/gal that makes your daily espresso.
- Bowling Alleys: You can show off your bowling skills and possibly meet someone just as competitive as you are!
- Target: I realize this one may sound crazy, but it makes sense. If you hang out in the book section you might meet someone with the same book interests, same goes for the music section and so on. Maybe meet someone who likes the same plates.
- The Gym: This mostly goes for you men. There's lots of women with low self esteem at the gym! GIVE THEM A COMPLIMENT. Not to mention get yourself buff in the process. ;)
- Outside Your Home: Just get the fuck outside. Or as internet people call it, gtfo.
In our next chapter we'll discuss actually asking the lonelys you meet on a date! Soon after we'll get into actual relationships and all the crap that comes along with.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimg135.imageshack.us%2Fimg135%2F8708%2Fimg0000c.jpg&hash=55dd6e75a1fc0311587912e5403f5064c7cd0532)
A.K.A Jordan Leigh Kitt
There's no Targets in town, now how will I even find someone! :(
There are no Targets in my entire CONTINENT! What am I to do?
gtfo
I have like four or five SUPER Targets in my town, and most have Starbucks IN THEM. :D
Some people have all the luck
But when has a gtfo'er been a gtfo'ee?
Slows gonna get all the ladies.
SO HOW'S EVERYONE ENJOYING CHAPTER ONE.
It's succinct, I GUESS. And since I'm unaware of any stores that sell tea specifically, I'll let the lack of such a store, but presence of Starbucks go.
So A+++++++++
I like the gym part, because IT'S SO TRUE.
And the gtfo part made my day.
:D
I promise the following chapters will be longer.
Totally worth the wait!
I love it. ._.
Brilliant! xD
I never realized that the gym is such a good idea!
Quote from: Cobraroll on June 15, 2011, 12:19:41 PMThere are no Targets in my entire CONTINENT! What am I to do?
If ETF's bit of advice doesn't work, try Ikea :D You get to meet people with actual places to decorate!
I foresee a New York Times bestseller.
coffee house... only you (and me)!
Well done ETF! Nice, simple and probably works! I say that 'cause I'm yet to try it out. :P
Quote from: Ruto on May 23, 2011, 10:57:23 AMI need this book in my life.
HAW-HAW! What happened to dahans? You want TWO men now? >:D
=__=;
...no?
YES!
Woot, just what I needed! There are no Targets or Starbucks in my entire country though, so I guess I'm doomed to be forever alone.
It can be any general store, really!
Hm on a more serious note, how would you respond if a random guy walks up to you in a store and starts going bla bla? I guess the "dude wtf you doing" response might just be in my mind :P
Quote from: ETFROXX on June 18, 2011, 12:59:53 PMIt can be any general store, really!
Wal-mart is full of sluts, if that helps.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1tufujnbzU
NOT YOU TOO, U-X.
Quote from: Offkey on June 18, 2011, 01:25:43 PMHm on a more serious note, how would you respond if a random guy walks up to you in a store and starts going bla bla? I guess the "dude wtf you doing" response might just be in my mind :P
That's happened before! I was like 'hay, wasssssssssssssssssssup'
I CRAVE THE CHAPTER TWO.
SAME.
So umm. I didn't realize it's been so long since the last chapter. NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE NEXT...WEEKEND SOMETIME.
HURRAY!!!!!!!!!
AWESOME I CAN PUT OFF FINISHING THE GRAPES OF WRATH
AWESOME I CAN PUT OFF STARTING BETWEEN SHADES OF GRAY
AWSM. <3
None of the last chapter helped at all! D:
Hurry, I need this next chapter!
WHO'S EXCITED FOR TOMORROW?!?!?!?!?!
TOMORROW? Omg I may not make it, I can't take the horrible suspense
QUICK, SOMEONE BUILD A TIME MACHINE THAT CAN TAKE ME A DAY INTO THE FUTURE
What's tomorrow?
It's the day before the one after tomorrow
AND IT'S COMING TOO SLOWLY.
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO UNTIL TOMORROW
AAHHHHHHHH!!!!!
(I could pack, but that might go too fast)
ITS TOMORROW AND I STILL DON'T FEEL LIKE A BARNEY STINSON
You need a suit first. Which I already have!
I don't just have any suit. I have my pajama suit on as we speak.
If it's silk, you're set. Otherwise tread carefully.
This chapter has been postponed. Sorry.
DDDDDDDDDDDD:
oh well we love you anyways
But you don't love me when I actually post my chapters Jub D:
YES I DO, I JUST FORGET TO COMMENT. OR DON'T KNOW WHAT TO COMMENT.
NEXT CHAPTER THIS WEEKEND PROBABLY MAYBE IDUNNO.
PRETTY PLEASE?
I'M STILL WAITING, WIFE. QUIT LAZING ABOOT AND GIVE US TEH CHAPTER ALREADY
ololol. I forgot. I'LL GET IT UP BY TOMORROW.
I THINK WE ALL KNEW THAT WASNT HAPPENING. NOW GO WRITE SO THERE CAN BE A REASON THIS THREAD HAS SIX PAGES.
Quote from: ETFROXX on August 16, 2011, 04:05:08 PMololol. I forgot. I'LL GET IT UP BY TOMORROW.
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.
DARN IT ETF. KEEP YOUR PWOMISES
HURRY AND WRITE ANOTHER CHAPTER BEFORE WE REVOLT!
You'd better watch out, ETF, or soon you'll have a bunch of lovesick guys hiding in a cornfield. :P
Who gives an etf if there is ever a new chapter...I think if I really wanted love, I could get it. I'm just holding myself back cause I don't want to crush any girls spirits. >__>
or theeeeirr~~~~
ETF could write a chapter on that.
Heyy guys... You forgiving wonderful people... :3
CHAPTER UP TONIGHT I FUCKING D FLAT SWEAR.
HEY MY FAVORITE KEY EVER IS D FLAT MAJOR.
Quote from: SlowPokemon on August 28, 2011, 12:50:35 PMHEY MY FAVORITE KEY EVER IS D FLAT MAJOR.
B FLAT MAJOR IS BETTER
C FLAT MAJOR PWNS ALL MAJOR KEYS!!
...no it doesn't.
I also like A Flat Minor, it's so interesting.
C flat major, personally, is quite stupid. Dunno why someone would even use it. XD
Make up your mind! And stay on-topic! And recognize c major as the best even if it's not!
Chapter Two: Asking People Out On A Date
Wowzers! Did you just meet someone you would potentially like to date? Let's discuss asking them out.
First off confidence is sexy. That's awfully cliche, but it's so fucking true.
Let's list a few 'DO NOT FUCKING DARE'S:
-Ask through technology: This typically says wimp, works on some, but it's not recommended.
-Ask and then say 'BUT YOU DUN HAVE TO IF YOU DUN WANNA: Bitch, just be confident. Confidence is key here.
Now let's list some methods that might actually give you success!:
-In person: Ask in person okay. It can catch a girl off guard (in a good way) and like I've pointed out, confidence is sexy.
-Compliment: Compliment her at some point in saying 'would you like to go out with me?', makes you practically irresistible!
-Suggest: If you get up the guts to ask, suggest what you'll do. That way when you talk to them later you don't have to be all awkward about figuring out what you'll actually do on said date.
NOW GO ASK A BITCH OUT.
FIRST
WIN. Also thanks to this wonderful advice I am now able to ask my girlfriend to be my girlfriend. Which makes so much sense.
But no really, good job.
YAYYYY!!!!!
We finally have chapter 2!
I can finally use this on this hot girl at work!
Jordan you always make me smile and laugh really hard. And it's actually damn good advice.
Quote from: SlowPokemon on August 28, 2011, 07:32:20 PMJordan you always make me smile and laugh really hard. And it's actually damn good advice.
Are you talking to yourself again, slow?
No... :(
Quote from: ETFROXX on June 15, 2011, 12:59:37 PM:D
I promise the following chapters will be longer.
I've been lied to. :(
I WAS IN A HURRY BE THANKFUL I EVEN POSTED IT. D:<
THANK YOU ETF. I WILL BE SURE TO PUT MY NEWLY ACQUIRED WIMMINS SKILLZ TO THE TEST.
In other news, ETFROXX is the type of person to respond to praise. But since I'm an indolent jerk I can't exalt her alone, I'll need everyone's help! Even if the recent installment was so terse! Anyhow, I've made a short review of her recent chapter.
---
Review (No, I Don't Mean To Lampoon):
Miss ETFROXX is the hit new eminent author of our world. A partisan of love, she devotes her time to writing succinct, but informative, chapters in here book, ETF's Self-Help Book for the Love Challenged. On inception, her first chapter caught the interest of many able and genteel individuals (And one in particular whom was the antithesis of both qualities!) who entreated her to post the second chapter as soon as she possibly could. Flattered, after a long delay, Miss ETFROXX posted the second installment.
Miss ETFROXX is known for her ingenuity and I feel that it's quite conspicuous that she is very acute by the manner she writes. She begins Chapter II with a title; "Asking People Out On A Date". This clearly summarizes what the chapter will be about and is an excellent edition to an already excellent chapter.
Miss ETFROXX then takes a small risk and uses an interjection. Wowzers! I was not expecting that! Miss ETFROXX is able to keep her readers on her toes; she's willing to do anything to entertain her readers, even if means defying the laws of grammar (Again). She then makes a transition to discuss points which one must never ever do when asking someone out, adding profanity for emphasised effect.
She states the foolhardiness of asking someone on a date through technology; something which may be of importance to know to her online fans. It can be deemed that if a person does not get a date, then he/she did not ask in person, then if a person asks another in person, then he/she will get a date. It's a simple idea, but so arduous to understand prior to discovery!
She also explains to be confident, to not ask "If it's okay with you"; this piece of advice is directed to the more sophisticated personages who live by propriety. It's interesting to know that being superfluous, even if in an attempt to be polite, can actually come across as uninteresting and be viewed as not confident.
Miss ETFROXX then transitions to what should be done when asking someone out. In case the "Don't use technology" piece of advice wasn't an obvious insinuation, Miss ETFROXX affirms that one should ask someone out in person. She also adds that upon asking another out, one should compliment the person; you have to show them that you really love them, after all!
Finally, Miss ETFROXX states something that some others may not have thought of. Ask for your date's opinion about where you would like to go. Show them that you care about what he/she thinks and that their opinion matters. Not to mention, as she also states, you'll actually know what you're going to do and can plan accordingly.
Miss ETFROXX is a facile writer. Her astute mind brings us clever ideas which we can implement in order to make amends to love lives. An author worthy of the approbation of her readers. She's A+++++++++.
---
The thing about this review is that I'm partially serious throughout the entire thing. But anyway, everyone should eulogize ETFROXX as they should and perhaps we can receive Chapter III relatively soon!
EDIT: I was writing this while doing my Summer Homework. Whoops. To recapitulate though, ETFROXX is awesome and everyone should agree with me by posting. She just needs to augment her chapter lengths!
Quote from: ETFROXX on August 28, 2011, 05:21:29 PM-Compliment: Compliment her at some point in saying 'would you like to go out with me?', makes you practically irresistible!
Would you like to you're super cute go out with me?
A mystery chapter three may or may not be released. What are we to do after said date? Only the wise ETF can help us now.
Or before/during the date, i.e., where should we go?
I have to say, this advice changed my life. I don't think I'll ever be the same again. :o
Quote from: Winter on September 01, 2011, 12:39:53 AMWould you like to you're super cute go out with me?
I died. :D
Sorry guys, Chapter 3 won't be out for a while. Since things are bad at home.
:( Sorry to hear that. I mean, about the book. JKJKJK Hope things get better, former wife.
Quote from: ETFROXX on September 18, 2011, 05:35:06 PMSorry guys, Chapter 3 won't be out for a while. Since things are bad at home.
Write a book for help on that topic D:
We could all use that, I mean, we're all already sexy.
Yeah. Especially me.
Says the boy who complains about how UNsexy he is
IRRELEVANT
I think it's time for a chapter three
Wrydryn! You don't need this book! :3 You is a veela!
nou
I need a step by step guide, trust me. (I'm the doctor)
ETF I NEED CHAPTER THREE.... I just got done with the suggest stage but now it's just a whole bunch of dates :'(
Obviously I can't do this on my own.
Oh wow. I'm sorry guys. Things have been crazy. I'll try to get a chapter up soon.
Success! She lives another day. :D
I sorta kinda need it now. ;_;
Anyways I think I'll have to reread from chapter 1 from a different perspective.
Problems, Jub?
I craves the chapter 3.
Lol moar plz
You can't have a complete love life with an incomplete guide!
Alright guys I'll make you a deal. I'll get a chapter up TONIGHT if you help me get a hold of Wry.
I'm on it.
I can help with that, I'm not sure if can really do it though.
| YOU (Vera) have joined #LemmysLand
Vera Whirr.
Vera Could you join #LemmysLand in esper for me for a second?
Vera [Wrydryn]
Vera quickkkkkkkk
[Wrydryn] Is this fast enough?
Vera No.
Vera ETF wants to speak to you!
[Wrydryn] So I've heard
Yay.
WHAT'S THIS? CHAPTER 3?!?! WITH VISUALS?! :D CHAPTER 4 TO COME SOON!
(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F9UyOq.jpg&hash=d93751219b9c332e85772ae3c856fe3e1e9efb21)
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<3
I don't know what to say on the date now though. :<
ETF, somehow you just got even more awesome.
<3
ALSO. [WRYDRYN] IS NOW OFFICIALLY EDITOR.
As in he's going to look over chapters before I post them. Also I decided next chapter will be a continuation of Chapter 3 seeing as I forgot something very important, conversation!
At first I thought you just copied images off the internet.
That's how good it was.
Lol, thanks. Vera thought that too because I spelled humour right.
You only spelled humor correctly if you suddenly moved to Canada or Europe.
How American English was created:
"Why don't we take British English and change a bunch of grammatical rules to make us look different from them, because that makes complete sense!" ~ Noah Webster
ETF, you should also add that if one would like to date someone, he/she should make sure that his/her date can spell words such as "humour' correctly!
Doesn't matter if it's nonsensical because that's the acceptable US English spelling...any other way won't be accepted by language people here. :P just saying. The u in those words is so frivolous anyway. I'm sort a ridiculous American English language freak in the dark recesses of my soul, so.... I try not to let it show too badly.
I actually like adding in the 'u' to the words. It really makes more sense to do it too.
Words such as "Color" should be spelled as "Colour", I feel, because it's pronounced as "COL-err" (the "ou" makes the "e" sound in the "err") and not "COL-arr", which should be how "Color" without the "u" should be pronounced because phonetic consistency. It can be argued that there's some sort of phonetic exception involving that second "o", but English is already complicated enough with pronunciations, so why make it more difficult?
Also, frivolous has an "ou" following "o", just saying!
Yah US English kept the "ous" thing. But I'm only saying that since it's proper US English there's no reason to use the other versions... I'm just sort of a language enthusiast and kind of turn into a spelling/grammar Nazi sometimes because of it. Therefore since it's the rule here, that's what I believe. Pronunciation shouldn't have much effect on spelling either.
Not that any of it really matters of course.
It would be rather frivolous to have a spelling system if the phonetics were inconsistent though. :P
And simply because leaving out the "u", replacing the "s" with the "z", removing the "e" from "ae", etc. is indigenous to America doesn't mean that we can't be rebels (especially if we do so to be proper and correct)!
I should start this back up y/y
y
There are many fellows on here that need help with the ladies. And some that prolly need help with the men.
Wry is going to be my editor as previously planned! I'll figure out when it'll be up later. Right now I'm watching a show about conjoined twins and it's taking up my thoughts.
yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Just hold up until I get rid of my lice AGAIN and feel less terrible about life.
But let's plan for next weekend.
GUYS I'M SO SORRY. I COMPLETELY FORGOT. I SWEAR. I have finals this week and then I PROMISE. NEXT CHAPTER.
THIS CHAPTER WILL PROBABLY COME OUT AROUND THE SAME TIME I RELEASE THE NEXT PART OF THE ADVENTURES OF JESUS AND FRIENDS (http://www.ninsheetm.us/smf/index.php?topic=3751.0).
I'm thinking the next chapter will be an interactive PDF. Because I have a new found passion for making those.
y/y
yyyyyyyyy
Have my ys
Guys, I shit you not.
I'm working on it right now. I have InDesign open and everything!
I'm trying to make this chapter super awsm and it's sooooooooooo difficult because I WANT IT TO BE SO AMAZING.
omg
excitement
Take your time, ETFROXX! You can't rush perfection.
I'm tryin'! At least I have Wry as editor!
still waiting