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Messages - Radiak488417

#1
Quote from: Latios212 on March 09, 2024, 03:11:06 PMAh I like this for m. 9-20, but not past that. It gets too high for my preference if I raise 17-20 up an octave. Plus this way, the transitions into and out of that section also work very smoothly. I adjusted the harmony a little bit where I've turned the melody into octaves, and also added parentheses to the high Ab in m. 11 since that octave jump can be a bit annoying and I think that top note can be omitted without much of a loss sound-wise.
Hm, to me 17-20 are the climax of the piece so it makes sense to keep the octaves there, suddenly taking them out feels like a drop in energy vs in the original where it sounds like it's increasing in energy. The transitions in the original are kind of abrupt as well, so as much as I like smoothness it feels less accurate to me this way. That's just my two cents though, feel free to keep it as is if you prefer! I'd be interested to hear others' opinions on this.

Quote from: Latios212 on March 09, 2024, 03:11:06 PMLet me know if you'd prefer more harmony in m. 12 and maybe 10 for that matter?)
Ah yeah, I think adding Cs to both beats in m10 and Bbs to both beats in m12 would be nice.

Quote from: Latios212 on March 09, 2024, 03:11:06 PMThirds sound good. Not sure if the D's would fit in too nicely here, I think it's fine without?
Yeah it's probably fine without the Ds. Also I think the bottom note on beat 2 is actually an F rather than a G.

Quote from: Latios212 on March 09, 2024, 03:11:06 PMI included it in the bottom of the current chords, sounds good?
To me raising those horn chords an octave and inverting them kind of falsely implies that they're part of the melody, whereas I hear them as more of a background texture in the original. I think keeping them down in the original octave and inversion would help avoid that, although what you have is fine if you don't want to do that.

Quote from: Latios212 on March 09, 2024, 03:11:06 PMFor beat 2, to confirm, did you mean there's a Bn under the D, that would clash with the bass Bb?
Yep, it's the b9 of the Bb7(b9) chord. I agree with raising the LH here as well, I actually meant to suggest that as a second option but I forgot lol.

Everything else looks great!
#2
In m44-47, I'm pretty sure the middle RH notes are all actually tritones instead of 4ths/5ths. That's all I've got I think!
#3
I barely remember this piece lol

-The melody in the original is in octaves from m9 beat 1 to m20 beat 1. I think adding that in here could help differentiate the latter two sections from the first one texturally, as well as allow for more harmony. Thoughts on raising the whole RH by an octave and adding a lower octave doubling the melody for those measures?
-I think adding a crescendo in m8 to a mf in m9 would be appropriate here.
-m3 + m11 RH beat 2: Pretty sure I hear a D in these spots; I'd personally prioritize it over the Cs here since it's the 3rd and it's being resolved to from a sus4.
-m4 + m12: I hear an Eb in the RH on beat 1 and a Bb in the LH on beat 2, you could move the D on beat 2 to the RH if you want to keep a consistent number of voices per hand.
-m7 RH beats 2-2.6 sound like they're harmonized in 3rds like in m5. Also there are Ds on both beat 1 and 2, not sure if you left them out intentionally but figured I'd mention it.
-m15 RH beat 2: the melody note sounds to me like a D instead of a Bb.
-m16 RH: There's an upper voice on beats 1.6 and 2 that goes F -> Eb.
-m20 RH beat 2.3: bottom note should be a Db.
-m23 RH: There's a lower voice that goes Cn -> Bn here. There's also an Ab on beat 1, you could put it in voice 1 under the top Bb.
#4
I meant to say something when you first submitted it, but incredible work on this you two :)

My only comment is about the phrasing of the melody, in m8 + m10 + m12 I'm not hearing any of the downbeats as staccato, and this applies to all other repeats of this phrase later in the sheet as well (excluding m39-46 and m92-97)
#5
Everything looks great, thanks for the edits  :)
#6
Quote from: Latios212 on August 27, 2023, 07:52:30 AMMaybe unrelated to what Bloop intended, but I was gonna comment m. 15 feels like it should be Cb on beat 3.5 similar to m11.
I was pretty unsure about this spot tbh, listening back I think you're right. I don't hear the staccato anymore either.

Quote from: Latios212 on August 27, 2023, 07:52:30 AMAlso, the crescendo in m. 24 should end before the barline, not on it.
Ah that would be Notepad's fault, didn't catch that.

Unfortunately since you and Bloop saved this with full Finale, all the staccatos are messed up in Notepad, so if you could do both of those edits I'd appreciate it (I don't want to save it as-is).

Quote from: Latios212 on August 27, 2023, 07:52:30 AMThis is really great, nice work! (You should submit sheets more often...)
Thanks! :D I've got a bunch in the works, I've just been meaning to get full Finale so that I can actually get them somewhat how I want them looking before submissions. Hopefully soon...
#7
Quote from: Bloop on August 25, 2023, 07:51:01 AM-m11 and 15: I think I just hear a Cb on beat 3 instead of Gb.
I assume you meant in the LH, in which case I'm still hearing the Gb.

For the 8va, I definitely went back and forth on whether or not to include it, especially for m9-10/m13-14 since the texture sounds a bit off there with the hands so far apart. I also considered raising the LH an octave for just those measures, since I prefer the lower bass sound in the rest of the sheet, but I'm not sure I like how that sounds either. I think for now I'll just edit the performance direction to make it optional to play an octave below written.

And yeah, if you could grab those ties and hide the 8va I'd appreciate it. Thanks for the feedback!
#8
Project Archive / Radiak's "Too Hot to Handle" Sheet
August 15, 2023, 01:38:25 PM
Yoshi's Woolly World: Wonderful World of Wool 6
Outer Rings 2??
(Yes, this is a lava level theme)
#9
  • No officially confirmed composer for this one, but the game's internal music filenames point towards Toru Minegishi being the composer. If you don't feel like going off of those, then you should credit all 3 composers: Mahito Yokota, Toru Minegishi & Yasuaki Iwata.
  • Hearing m1/2 LH a little differently:
    You cannot view this attachment.
    I changed the drum fills (tremolo in m1 and ending 16ths in m2) to Fs since that's the previous bass note.
    Quote from: Bloop on December 31, 2022, 05:37:54 AM-m1-2: I hear some other notes in beat 2 and 3.5 in the L.H., but it's a bit hard to make out. I think it's first F, then D in m1.
    I hear these, but since the bass is also hitting an F on beat 2, I think putting the D on beat 3.5 into the RH might make more sense here to avoid a random extra LH note (hence my omission in the image). Feel free to keep it in the LH if you want though.
  • The main repeating LH pattern in m3-m20 sounds a lot more staccato to me in the original, specifically all of the 5th dyads.
  • I think when Xiao said the melody could use more articulation (correct me if I'm wrong Xiao), they were talking more about notes that should be staccato, as opposed to adding accent marks. Personally, I don't really hear the melody of the original having any especially strong accents besides m1-2 and m24, and all the other places you've added them are already naturally stressed by the meter, so I think you'd probably be fine leaving them out.
#10
Quote from: Bloop on July 13, 2023, 03:46:49 AMI don't hear the F# you mentioned though: wasn't sure if you meant R.H. or L.H., but changing either to F# sounds weird to me.
I meant in the LH, the lowest note sounds like an F# to me rather than an E# (F#maj9 chord). Though, like you said, these measures are a total mess to listen to with all the voices and overlapping notes so let's get another opinion lol
#11
Parallel 5ths ftw  8)

Notes:
-m9 RH: Beats 3.25+3.5 and 4.25+4.5 should all be moved up a step diatonically.
-m8+m11 RH: I'm hearing a C# on both beat 2 and beat 3. Also, just in m11, I hear a G# on beat 2.5. rip the clean 2 voice RH :'(
-m8+m11 LH: Beat 3 sounds like F# instead of E#.
-m12 LH: Could be an overtone but I think there's a G# on top of layer 2 beat 3.

Formatting:
-I can't exactly tell, but it looks like the numbers in the tempo are either the wrong font or the wrong size?
-The con pedale is pretty cramped between the tie in m1 and the slur in m4, you've got a fair amount of space above the first system so you could move the whole thing up a bit.
-I think the accelerando and ritardando in m4 and m5 might be better placed between the two staves, the accel especially is a bit confusing to read and looks like it belongs to the upper system since it's higher than the con pedale in m1.
#12
Quote from: Francesca on June 29, 2023, 04:00:21 AMHowever, I noticed while listening that the beginning part still has the melody somewhat accented, so I'm wondering if I should add a staccato or a short accent mark?
Quote from: Francesca on June 29, 2023, 04:00:21 AMI feel like writing the first part as 3/4 would mess up the accents by fitting 3 quarter notes per bar, while I can hear there being accents every 2 notes.
Personally, I don't really hear any accents on the main melody at all in the beginning section, it all sounds pretty dynamically neutral to me. The main reasons I suggested 3/4 or 6/4 are:
-The bar is split into 2 groups of 3 in m4 and m6 by the two dotted half notes
-The second voice in m2 has 3 quarter notes, and starts on beat 4
Feel free to leave it as is for now, we can get a second opinion from the next updater :)

Quote from: Francesca on June 29, 2023, 04:00:21 AMThese have all been updated.
All looks good, except it looks like you changed m8 and m10 LH beat 1 to Gb instead of Bb?

Quote from: Francesca on June 29, 2023, 04:00:21 AMm18 doesn't have a Bb on beat 3.5, however m19 did and I changed that to Ab.
Whoops, that's totally my bad, I meant m16. In m19 I'm actually still hearing beat 3.5 as a Bb (so basically swap beat 3.5 of m16 and m19 lol).

Quote from: Francesca on June 29, 2023, 04:00:21 AMDon't exactly hear what you mean here?
Here's what I meant:
You cannot view this attachment.
Like I said before it's hard to hear, but I'm pretty sure it's there.

Everything else looks great to me!
#13
(Copying over my feedback from the previous submission thread)

This is one of my favorites from Deltarune, so wistful...

-Personally, I don't think that notating the delay/echo effect in m1-6 as accented dotted notes portrays the original song very accurately on piano, the effect in the original is subtle enough that I think it'd be better left to the performer to decide whether or not to include it.  A performance note saying "optional dotted 8th echo on melody" or something similar would leave the option open for anyone who wants to play it, whereas writing out all the delayed notes doesn't really leave much room for interpretation.  If you do still want to keep it notated literally, though, then the echo in m4 and m6 should be tied dotted notes, like this:
You cannot view this attachment.

-I think m1-6 would be better written out in 3/4, since the rhythmic structure doesn't really change that much between this section and the rest of the song. If you do want to have a different time signature for this first section though, I think 6/4 would work better than 3/2. 3/2 implies that there are 3 strong beats per measure, but I hear there being 2 strong beats per measure because of the two dotted half notes in m4 and m8 LH. That's assuming you don't want to do 3/4, which I still think would be the simplest option.
-In m2, RH beat 4-5 and LH beat 6 all sound like they're part of a separate voice from the main melody; in order to show this more clearly you could either move RH beat 4-5 to the LH, or move LH beat 6 into the RH in a separate layer.
-m8 and m10 LH beat 1 should be Bb instead of Ab.
-I don't hear the Bb on m8 LH beat 3.5.
-m13 RH beat 1 is missing a Bb on bottom.
-m16 and m18 LH beat 1, layer 1 should be Bb instead of Ab.
-m18 LH beat 3.5 should be Ab instead of Bb.
-It's faint, but m18 RH beat 3 and 3.5 sound like they're missing an Eb and Db on bottom respectively, and m19 RH beat 1 is missing a Bb on bottom.
-m20 RH sounds like it's harmonized in the exact same way as m12 RH.
-m20 LH beat 3 sounds like a Bb instead of a Db.
#14
Quote from: Radiak488417 on August 26, 2022, 07:28:58 PM-m64 beat 1: melody note sounds like it should be up an octave. You could include the harmony under it as well (bottom to top Bb-C#-E).

Quick post before this gets accepted, I still think having the Bb and C# here at the very least would be good, to preserve the b9 and 3rd of the chord.
#15
This is one of my favorites from Deltarune, so wistful...

  • Personally, I don't think that notating the delay/echo effect in m1-6 as accented dotted notes portrays the original song very accurately on piano, the effect in the original is subtle enough that I think it'd be better left to the performer to decide whether or not to include it.  A performance note saying "optional dotted 8th echo on melody" or something similar would leave the option open for anyone who wants to play it, whereas writing out all the delayed notes doesn't really leave much room for interpretation.  If you do still want to keep it notated literally, though, then the echo in m4 and m6 should be tied dotted notes, like this:
  • I think m1-6 would be better written out in 3/4, since the rhythmic structure doesn't really change that much between this section and the rest of the song. If you do want to have a different time signature for this first section though, I think 6/4 would work better than 3/2. 3/2 implies that there are 3 strong beats per measure, but I hear there being 2 strong beats per measure because of the two dotted half notes in m4 and m8 LH. That's assuming you don't want to do 3/4, which I still think would be the simplest option.
  • In m2, RH beat 4-5 and LH beat 6 all sound like they're part of a separate voice from the main melody; in order to show this more clearly you could either move RH beat 4-5 to the LH, or move LH beat 6 into the RH in a separate layer.
  • m8 and m10 LH beat 1 should be Bb instead of Ab.
  • I don't hear the Bb on m8 LH beat 3.5.
  • m13 RH beat 1 is missing a Bb on bottom.
  • m14 and m16 LH beat 1, layer 1 should be Bb instead of Ab.
  • m18 LH beat 3.5 should be Ab instead of Bb.
  • It's faint, but m18 RH beat 3 and 3.5 sound like they're missing an Eb and Db on bottom respectively, and m19 RH beat 1 is missing a Bb on bottom.
  • m20 RH sounds like it's harmonized in the exact same way as m12 RH.
  • m20 LH beat 3 sounds like a Bb instead of a Db.