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[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Kirby
Game: Kirby Air Ride
Console: Nintendo GameCube
Title: Fire
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Greg

[attachment deleted by admin]

[Greg]

[Libera]

Cool piece!  I'm not really familiar with any kirby stuff to be honest but this is swish.

-You could do away with the final bar and just have the loop go back to the start of the piece.
-In bars 10-17 the bass sees more action than you've written in, and I feel it would help to give this section a little more movement than the straight homophony you've written in.

Nice arrangement though and the notes look pretty solid.

[Greg]

Wow, somehow I didn't even notice the patterns in the bass on my first pass. Fixed.

[Libera]

No worries.  Some more things:

- Now that we've got more action in those bars the first page is getting cramped.  I'd take the fifth system and move that onto the second page to give yourself some more breathing room.
- The new bass part looks good.  The only thing I'm unsure of is bar 11.  Everywhere else you've just got a single line in the left hand whereas here you go to two.  Also the last three notes sound like G B G to me rather than G D G.  Would you mind having another look at that bar in particular?
- Consider whether staccatos on semiquavers are really necessary.  I tend to not write them in unless the piece is really slow.

Good work though.

[Greg]

Thanks for the feedback!

- Now that we've got more action in those bars the first page is getting cramped.  I'd take the fifth system and move that onto the second page to give yourself some more breathing room.

Fixed.

- The new bass part looks good.  The only thing I'm unsure of is bar 11.  Everywhere else you've just got a single line in the left hand whereas here you go to two.  Also the last three notes sound like G B G to me rather than G D G.  Would you mind having another look at that bar in particular?

I looked at it again, but honestly I'm disinclined to change it: I'm fairly sure there actually are two lines there. I'd be open to changing the D to a B (since upon listening again that note in the original piece is almost just percussion), but given a choice I think G D G sounds better.

- Consider whether staccatos on semiquavers are really necessary.  I tend to not write them in unless the piece is really slow.

I took a bunch of them out, but I left in the one at m.11 for now since I think it serves the purpose of denoting the separation from the following note. Open to removing it, though.

[Libera]

Thanks for the feedback!
Fixed.I looked at it again, but honestly I'm disinclined to change it: I'm fairly sure there actually are two lines there. I'd be open to changing the D to a B (since upon listening again that note in the original piece is almost just percussion), but given a choice I think G D G sounds better.

Hmm I'm hearing the B very clearly.

Besides that, you can bring the systems on page one closer together.  You're getting quite close to the copyright at the moment.

[Greg]

Alright, fixed.

[Libera]

Sweet.

[Brassman388]

Looks good to me

[Zeta]

This submission has been accepted by Brassman388.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot