[NDS] Yoshi's Island DS - "Castle & Fortress" by LeviR.star

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Super Mario
Game: Yoshi's Island DS
Console: Nintendo DS
Title: Castle & Fortress
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: LeviR.star

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[LeviR.star]

I don't even know what I'm submitting anymore.

I guess I'm doing this one because Brassman helped me with some changes. But he originally had me use a clef for vocal music, so I replaced it with a "play R.H. one octave higher than written".

[Khunjund]

You could also just write the right hand using the actual heights; it never goes past four ledger lines.

Your layer two rests in measures 29 and 37 should be inside in staff. You can put them on the second line rather than the third if you really don't want people to think they're for the first layer.

Consider writing the triad in measure 30 as F#-Bb-D or F#-A#-D.

[Latios212]

You could also just write the right hand using the actual heights; it never goes past four ledger lines.

Yeah I agree with this - I think it'd be bit less confusing because the left hand goes pretty high sometimes. You could use 8vas sometimes when it gets really high but for the most part it's pretty readable at pitch (and also as such you'd avoid writing ledger lines below the RH staff).

[LeviR.star]

You could also just write the right hand using the actual heights; it never goes past four ledger lines.

Your layer two rests in measures 29 and 37 should be inside in staff. You can put them on the second line rather than the third if you really don't want people to think they're for the first layer.

Consider writing the triad in measure 30 as F#-Bb-D or F#-A#-D.

- okey. As long as everyone's OK with that, that's fine with me
- they moved around a lot when I worked on this, so I forgot the default positions. Fixed
- not sure why it can't stay the way it is, but I changed it to F#-A#-D

You could use 8vas sometimes when it gets really high but for the most part it's pretty readable at pitch (and also as such you'd avoid writing ledger lines below the RH staff).

If there's any places I need them, you may have to point them out.

Thanks for the feedback, guys.

[Khunjund]

Consider writing the triad in measure 30 as F#-Bb-D or F#-A#-D.

not sure why it can't stay the way it is, but I changed it to F#-A#-D

My reasoning was this:

• It avoids having Gb and G# in succession, which, while sometimes necessary, generally avoided where possible, because the positions of the notes don't reflect the melodic movement (you hear a major second, but see a unison).
• You seem to heavily favour sharps elsewhere in the piece (your rarely go past Bb, which is the first flat in the cycle), and there are multiple instances of F#-A# dyads. That being said, there is a Bb in the bass, so I also saw F#-Bb-D as an option, but having a simultaneous Bb and A# isn't problematic in this type of writing, especially when they occur in different hands.
• This might apply only to me, but I find inverted augmented chords easier to sight-read, because I tend to associate stacked thirds with perfect fifths.

[Latios212]

I don't agree with the the way that part is written right now because of a lack of parallelism with measure 26 (it's written A# here and Bb there). Furthermore in m. 25 you have Ab and G# in the RH in separate layers looking like they're distinct pitches you can articulate separately. There are also the A#/Bb conflict in m. 13.

I would suggest picking one way of spelling the whole tone scale here (using C/D/E/F#/Ab/Bb, for instance) and stick with it. The same thing I mentioned in your other submission about the diminished chord also applies here - when dealing with the equidistant notes of the whole tone scale there will inevitably be intervals that look different if you keep the spelling consistent. And I think consistent spelling is important here, especially from a readability standpoint - more so than trying to make the intervals look right.

The song isn't 100% in whole tone scale but that applies to the parts that are. Here's another sheet that makes heavy use of the whole tone scale - note how the readability takes precedence over making sense of the intervals. https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/download/pdf/3005

[LeviR.star]

Currently working on this with Latios over Discord.

[LeviR.star]

I can tell there's not a lot of work left to be done on this. However, I am busy for the rest of the week. If someone could edit this submission tomorrow, as I won't be here to do it, I would appreciate it.

[Latios212]

Yeah I gotcha

Respelled all of the whole-tone parts using C/D/E/F#/Ab/Bb as I mentioned above. Other than that, split m. 30 beat 1 into two voices and did some minor respacing - decreased space between staves and increased space between systems in page 2 since the notes are pretty far off the staff. Everything else is great!

Approval

[Libera]

Looks great!

[Zeta]

This submission has been accepted by Libera.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot