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[PS1] Final Fantasy VII - "Don of the Slums" by Renaud Bergeron

Started by Zeta, December 10, 2018, 07:36:27 PM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Final Fantasy
Game: Final Fantasy VII
Console: PlayStation
Title: Don of the Slums
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Renaud Bergeron

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Khunjund

Please stop making lists using hyphens.

Libera

Finally it is me giving the feedback mwahaha. 

I'll even use the proper list function just for you. :P

  • I think the left hand in the second page could benefit from articulations.  Things like staccatos on those backbeat crotchets, for example.
  • There's an E in the bass on the chord in bar 36.  Any reason for leaving it out?  I tend to think that the bass notes are the most important ones to include since they determine a lot of the feel.
  • Since the piece moves to G minor in bar 16, would it not make more sense to change key to G minor there rather than 6 bars later?
  • I'd suggest writing D.C. 2nd X or D.C. 2nd time rather than just a plain D.C. to make it more explicit.
  • Could we have the title and game name a little closer together?  Same thing with the composer and arranger info.

Nice stuff.

Khunjund

Yea, if I'm not mistaken, this is the first time you've commented on one of my submissions, isn't it?

Quote from: Libera on December 14, 2018, 03:00:45 PM
  • I think the left hand in the second page could benefit from articulations.  Things like staccatos on those backbeat crotchets, for example.

I agree.

Quote from: Libera on December 14, 2018, 03:00:45 PM
  • There's an E in the bass on the chord in bar 36.  Any reason for leaving it out?  I tend to think that the bass notes are the most important ones to include since they determine a lot of the feel.

I was too lazy to bother making that leap with my right hand. This way, it's more consistent with my treatment of measure 28, and rootless chords are plenty common in this type of jazz harmony.

Quote from: Libera on December 14, 2018, 03:00:45 PM
  • Since the piece moves to G minor in bar 16, would it not make more sense to change key to G minor there rather than 6 bars later?

The melody might fit neatly in G minor, but I can't the the same for the harmony. I see this as more of a transitional passage, and from a structural analysis viewpoint, reserving the modulation proper for the start of the next section seems more intuitive to me.

Quote from: Libera on December 14, 2018, 03:00:45 PM
  • I'd suggest writing D.C. 2nd X or D.C. 2nd time rather than just a plain D.C. to make it more explicit.

Can't say I'm a huge fan of how it looks, but I added it anyway (in glorious Italian).

Quote from: Libera on December 14, 2018, 03:00:45 PM
  • Could we have the title and game name a little closer together?  Same thing with the composer and arranger info.

I brought them a little closer together, but I don't really see what the problem was with the previous disposition. The music isn't particularly dense and the systems are pretty spaced out, so I wouldn't want the text to stand out by being super tightly spaced.

Lists are great, but I can't say the same about double spaces following punctuation. Thanks for the feedback.
Please stop making lists using hyphens.

The Deku Trombonist

Just popping in to say that it's nice to see an arrangement with so many tasty false relations. Yummy!

Libera

The edits look good, and fair enough on your points.  Approveeee.

Quote from: D3ath3657 on December 14, 2018, 10:26:00 PMLists are great, but I can't say the same about double spaces following punctuation.

I was taught from a young age to put two spaces after full stops, and though I've yet to ever see anyone else do it, I'm unlikely to stop any time soon.  Old habits die hard and all.

Latios212

My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

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Zeta

This submission has been accepted by Latios212.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot