[GBA] Dragon Ball Z: The Legacy of Goku II - "Goku's Home" by Onionleaf

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Other
Game: Dragon Ball Z: The Legacy of Goku II
Console: Game Boy Advance
Title: Goku's Home
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Onionleaf

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[Onionleaf]

[Libera]

This piece is pretty sweet.  Peaceful and soothing... 

Anyway, I've got my feedback:

-So with the left hand, I assume you've moved around the voicings to make it fit more easily under the hand, but with some pedal (and I think pedal is pretty appropriate for a piece like this) you can have the left hand exactly as in the original without much difficulty:

Opening bars

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bars 21-24

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You don't even need pedal markings because the bass note being written in a separate layer implies pedal.

-Another thing that you get from the pedal is that you don't have to miss out any of the right hand notes in bars 17-20:

Spoiler

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-I don't think the key change is wholly necessary in bars 21-24 just because it is only for four bars (as you can see from one of pictures above).  If you do remove the key change, remember to remove the double barlines as well.
-Finally the Ens in bar 22 I think should be Fbs.  Then you should also probably have a courtesy accidental on the Fn in bar 23.

Nice stuff.

[Onionleaf]

Thanks for the feedback! I should've re-checked the notes before submitting >.< It should be all fixed now (and I fixed the alignment of text as well).

[Libera]

No worries at all.  Some final comments:

-Missing the . after www in the url.
-I think you forgot to add in the new left hand in the final two bars.
-The Fb in the left hand of bar 22 should be an Fn (it's not quite the same as bar 20, surprisingly enough.)  I did have that in my picture, but I admit that small detail was probably really easy to miss so no worries.
-I noticed that with the extra notes in the right hand, the music on the bottom staves is getting quite cramped for space.  I played around with the layout for a while and the only thing I could come up with that didn't take you onto two pages (or have a really lopsided distribution with lots of measures in the top half and not many in the bottom) was to add a repeat for the first two bars to eliminate two bars from the whole sheet.  Like this:

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(I also then changed the repeat bars to a D.S. because I thought that looked less confusing, but it's not necessary.)
You could also go to two pages instead, but I'll leave that up to you.

Thanks for responding to feedback so quickly, and I'm pretty sure that's everything now!

[Onionleaf]

Super, thanks for that! The files should hopefully look much tidier now.

[Libera]

Great!

[Latios212]

The tied whole notes from Libera's image disappeared! Aside from that I'd suggest a double barline at the segno and maybe tweaking the lines under the performance note just a bit to make them look more tidy.

Other than that, awesome!

edit: I got it

[Zeta]

This submission has been accepted by Latios212.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot