NinSheetMusic Forums

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:

Spotted an error on the main site? Let us know!

Pages: 1 [2]

Author Topic: [DELETED] [SNES] Chrono Trigger - "Guardia Millenial Fair" by Bobbythekid21  (Read 400 times)

Bobbythekid21

  • Fuzzy Fugue
  • ********
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 219
  • The Sites Greatest Terraria Fan aka Shotgun Spider
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: [SNES] Chrono Trigger - "Guardia Millenial Fair" by Bobbythekid21
« Reply #15 on: March 12, 2019, 04:00:41 PM »

-You wrote in the mordent in bar 1, but there are lots of other melodic flourishes throughout the piece that you haven't written in.  For example, in bars 12, 16, 20, 24, 28 and 33.  (Those are the ones I spotted, I only said 'for example' because there might be others I've missed.)  I'd really suggest adding these in, as they really help to give this piece its flavour.
Done.

-In bar 4 (and similar places), I personally would have gone with something like this:
Spoiler
[close]
It's one of those things that's really easy for the performer to do and is more fitting than just a generic chord on that note (at least in my opinion).
I didn't do this mainly because I don't know how to do that.

-In bar 5 (and the subsequent bars) I'd write the lower part in a separate layer exactly as it is in the original.  Like this:
Spoiler
[close]
Done.

-From bar 9 to bar 24 everything is an octave too high, so remove the 8va and change the 15ma to an 8va.  It also saves you from using the 8va -> 15ma transistion, which I'm not a huge fan of.
Ok, so I took both of them out but I don't know how to add an 8va so there is none at the moment, if you could add one or tell me how that would be great.

-The Ab in bar 36 should be a G# like you have in bar 40.
I thought I fixed that already... Oh well, it's fixed now, that's all that matters.

-More of a general comment for the whole sheet, but some of the staccatos don't feel right to me.  For example, I'd remove the staccatos on the semiquavers in bar 4 and if you're going to put a staccato on the third RH quaver of bar 3 then the sixth quaver should probably have one too.  There are others though; I'd have a look through the sheet and really think carefully about where you need the staccatos to go.
-Another general comment about the sheet: rhythm groupings.  These can sometimes be a bit tricky, especially to people just starting out at engraving, but I'll try and explain it briefly.  Latios made a pretty good guide for rhythm groupings in 4/4 but unfortunately we're in 6/8 here.  Luckily, the principle is the same: we want to group the first set of three quavers together, and then the second group of quavers together.  You'll notice in my picture of bar 5 with the new layer added in my beaming is a little different to yours, and that's because I'm following this principle.  Generally speaking, your groupings are pretty good but there are a few places (like that particular rhythmic figure that crops up all over this piece) that have incorrect groupings.  The most egregious are in the left hand in bars 36-43.  I'd have a check through the piece and see if you can fix it up so that the beats in the bar are shown correctly (but do let us know if you're struggling with that).
-Related to the above point is dotted rests.  General rule of thumb: don't use them.  There are few exceptions to that rule like dotted crotchet and minim rests in compound time (although I don't use dotted crotchet rests personally) but if you find yourself using a dotted rest (or a double dotted rest as you have in bar 45 and 49) ask yourself whether you should really be doing that, because the likelihood is that you shouldn't.  For example, the dotted quaver rests in bars 32-33 should be quaver semiquaver rests.
-Bars 36-43 are a little problematic.  Particularly the left hand changes parts part way through the phrase which feels very strange.  Latios has already shown you his mock-up which handles all of the parts very well.  Even if you don't want to use his, definitely this section needs another look at to keep the left hand consistent, if nothing else.
Tried my best to fix all this, I might have missed something though...

-There are more harmonies in bars 25-26 and 29-30 that not including removes the progression in those bars.  Also I think they'd be better an octave lower, something like this perhaps:
I don't know if you meant to include a picture here or what... But I get the idea, I experimented some and I think making it an octave sounds a little better than what you suggested.

-There's a lot more you could do with dynamics than simply forte for the entire piece.  For example. the section bars 36-43 could definitely do with a lower dynamic, perhaps piano.  I'd have a closer think about how you could use the dynamics the translate the feel of the piece over to piano better.
I changed 36-43 to mezzo-piano, and you're right, it sounds a lot better now.
Logged
333,331 is a prime number.
Spoiler
Well, I'll just stick around for now and be helpful.
I'm gonna hold myself to it by constantly reminding myself of it.
[close]

Libera

  • The Fastest
  • Updater
  • Flashman Funk
  • *
  • Posts: 963
  • Triangles!
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: [SNES] Chrono Trigger - "Guardia Millenial Fair" by Bobbythekid21
« Reply #16 on: March 15, 2019, 01:10:59 AM »

I don't know if you meant to include a picture here or what... But I get the idea, I experimented some and I think making it an octave sounds a little better than what you suggested.

Sorry I did mean to include a picture.  This one:

Spoiler
[close]

And putting in octaves does nothing to help the problem I'm pointing out, which is that you're missing the harmonic progression in those bars, which my suggestion keeps completely.  (Although admittedly it doesn't help that I forgot to post the picture.)



Before I get in to everything else, it would really help if you could carefully read the feedback when it's given to you, because you've missed out lots of what I've said.  For example:

-There's a lot more you could do with dynamics than simply forte for the entire piece.  For example. the section bars 36-43 could definitely do with a lower dynamic, perhaps piano.  I'd have a closer think about how you could use the dynamics the translate the feel of the piece over to piano better.
I changed 36-43 to mezzo-piano, and you're right, it sounds a lot better now.

Did you read the rest of what I said?  That particular moment was just an example to help get you started, but I was suggesting looking over the whole piece and thinking about the dynamics everywhere.  If you're having trouble, ask away and I'll be happy to help, but at the moment it feels a bit like you're ignoring half the things I'm saying.



Ok so first things first I copied the arrangement into the standard NSM template to fix all of the margins/spacing issues, and also to decrease the staff size down to 0.65cm which nearly always looks good (in my opinion).  Here's the file (file); feel free to use it!

If I fix up the formatting for you I really would appreciate it if you would use the file I've made.  Your current file has somehow got even further away from the formatting guidelines than it was before (all of the text is now italic, copyright on every page, >8cm staff size etc etc.)



Other stuff:
-The rhythm groupings are still off in the left hand of bars 36-43 (which was the section I specifically pointed out).  Also in bar 15 and 23 in the right hand.
-There are still staccatos on the repeated semiquavers in bar 4 and in other places.
-Swap the layers in bars 45 and 49.
-You can add 8vas using the smart shape tool, which may or may not be available on notepad.  If it's not, I can add them in for you at the end.
-I added the 'Huah!'s using a combination of the lyric tool and by using x-noteheads.  I have no idea if you can use those in notepad (probably not) but if you can't, I can also add those in at the end for you.



If you could go back through the feedback I wrote last time and really make sure that you're having an attempt at everything I'm suggesting, that would be great.  This process is massively more difficult for the both of us if I'm having to keep restating myself.  I'm sorry if I sound annoyed, but understand that it is a little bit frustrating considering I spent a long time going through your sheet and writing feedback.

Libera

  • The Fastest
  • Updater
  • Flashman Funk
  • *
  • Posts: 963
  • Triangles!
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: [SNES] Chrono Trigger - "Guardia Millenial Fair" by Bobbythekid21
« Reply #17 on: March 19, 2019, 01:47:11 AM »

In light of this:

This has absolutely nothing to do with the video, but I just heard from Bobby. Apparently Bobbythekid21 isn't supposed to be using nsm yet. Just look at the picture. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1hXt-FdrCb9FFGrkbjpOqY9Y86RloDIae/view?usp=drivesdk

I'll be archiving this submission.
« Last Edit: March 27, 2019, 02:11:10 AM by Libera »
Logged
Pages: 1 [2]
 

Page created in 0.121 seconds with 24 queries.