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Author Topic: [DELETED] [SWITCH] Paper Mario: The Origami King - "King Olly, Origami Overlord" by Danirbu  (Read 211 times)

Zeta

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Submission Information:

Series: Paper Mario
Game: Paper Mario: The Origami King
Console: Nintendo Switch
Title: King Olly, Origami Overlord
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Danirbu
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Zeila

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Welcome to NSM! Just in general, when submitting sheets you should post an appropriate (and non-extended) youtube video whenever possible, and if not then an mp3 link. On another note, I keep reading this as King Oily for some reason...


This looks like a good start, but you should follow the submission formatting guidelines in order to preserve uniformity. Aside from that though, I have some general comments:

  • It looks like you placed some kind of trill or vibrato marking instead of mordents
  • The rhythm at measure 13 and 21 should be separated by each beat with ties so that the divisions are more clear since sixteenth notes are involved through the augmentation dots. Therefore, instead of dotted eighth-dotted eighth-eighth note groups, it should be a dotted eighth-sixteenth group on beat 1, tied to an eighth-eighth group on beat 2. There's a very basic and non-exhaustive guide here
  • The text could be centered in between the staves better, and "a tempo" should go up top
  • This is missing a repeat marking
  • The opening dynamic should be centered around the first note, and personally I think pianissimo is too soft
  • There are missing harmonies that you could include in measures 1-2, 5-6, beat 1 of measure 9 (which also sounds arpeggiated), and possibly other spots
  • I think it is more preferable if the 8va in the LH part of measures 9-12 was omitted in favor of just lowering it an octave since it's in treble clef, and using 8vb's in treble clef/8va's in bass clef (for raising an octave) could be more confusing for some people
  • In m23, you should rewrite it so that the voices are more coherent. Doing something like this would emphasize the difference between the flute/glock melody and the piano part
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Static

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In addition to everything Zeila mentioned above,
  • The A#s in m2/6 should be Bbs, but only in those measures (due to the A natural, the chords are a bit different than later on in the piece).
  • The entire piece should be in E minor actually.
  • If you're using rests in m23, the quarter note on beat 1 should be flipped up. Personally, I recommend just showing the rests (but combine the first two to a single quarter rest if you do).

Maelstrom

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Bump for arranger, itd be nice if this could be fixed up

Maelstrom

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I'm going to archive this for now. If you come back and want to submit it again, make the changes suggested here and we'll be glad to give you more feedback.
 

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