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Author Topic: [DELETED] [GBA] Pokémon Ruby Version &amp Pokémon Sapphire Version - "quotBattle! (Team Aqua/Magma)"quot by The Vulpin  (Read 744 times)

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Submission Information:

Series: Pokémon
Game: Pokémon Ruby Version & Pokémon Sapphire Version
Console: Game Boy Advance
Title: Battle! (Team Aqua/Magma)
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: The Vulpine Sax
« Last Edit: June 01, 2021, 05:55:46 PM by Call Me Cammy »
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Call Me Cammy

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https://youtu.be/jG1P3BLXH0E

not sure if there's a better way to do this, but here's a video
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Latios212

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Hey there! Wondering if you might have missed feedback on your previous submission - since all review is done through the forum topics - https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?topic=11552.0

This submission looks significantly neater (nice work!), but just wanted to make sure you'll be around to iterate on feedback before I go start checking everything :)
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Call Me Cammy

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Hey there! Wondering if you might have missed feedback on your previous submission - since all review is done through the forum topics - https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?topic=11552.0

This submission looks significantly neater (nice work!), but just wanted to make sure you'll be around to iterate on feedback before I go start checking everything :)

oh yep, my bad. sorry 'bout that
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Alrighty! Some feedback to start:

- Playability of the intro - the right hand is really fast and even though everything sticks within an octave range I think the amount of notes makes it tricky to hit all of them easily. I would suggest doing something like removing the notes in the top layer to have the right hand focus on the 16th notes.
- Also watch out for overly large intervals that would be difficult to play at this tempo - like m. 2 LH beat 2, m. 18 RH beta 1, and m. 45 RH beat 4.5. These tenth intervals are difficult/unplayable at this tempo, so consider removing notes in the less important voice accordingly.
- Octave clefs aren't used in piano music. You can use an 8vb line or simply a text performance note (like in the first measure) to indicate that the left hand should be played lower.
- Avoid using staccato'd dotted quarter notes for the rhythm in m. 3 and places like it - just use a staccato quarter + eighth rest instead.
- We can get to formatting in Finale later, but make sure you consult the formatting guidelines for how the composer and arranger info is to be presented. Also make sure the game name matches what we use on site and that the URL has a https instead of http.

I can come back to check the notes at a later time!
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Call Me Cammy

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Alrighty! Some feedback to start:

- Playability of the intro - the right hand is really fast and even though everything sticks within an octave range I think the amount of notes makes it tricky to hit all of them easily. I would suggest doing something like removing the notes in the top layer to have the right hand focus on the 16th notes.
- Also watch out for overly large intervals that would be difficult to play at this tempo - like m. 2 LH beat 2, m. 18 RH beta 1, and m. 45 RH beat 4.5. These tenth intervals are difficult/unplayable at this tempo, so consider removing notes in the less important voice accordingly.
- Octave clefs aren't used in piano music. You can use an 8vb line or simply a text performance note (like in the first measure) to indicate that the left hand should be played lower.
- Avoid using staccato'd dotted quarter notes for the rhythm in m. 3 and places like it - just use a staccato quarter + eighth rest instead.
- We can get to formatting in Finale later, but make sure you consult the formatting guidelines for how the composer and arranger info is to be presented. Also make sure the game name matches what we use on site and that the URL has a https instead of http.

I can come back to check the notes at a later time!

okay, i changed the intro for the right hand to make it more playable. i think i fixed all the major formatting problems

for the large intervals, i've just been putting some of the notes in the second part in parenthesis. should i get rid of them altogether instead? (like at the end of measure 45?)
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Latios212

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okay, i changed the intro for the right hand to make it more playable. i think i fixed all the major formatting problems

for the large intervals, i've just been putting some of the notes in the second part in parenthesis. should i get rid of them altogether instead? (like at the end of measure 45?)
Yep, much better (sorry for the late reply). Parentheses are okay but I would suggest them on different notes than you have now - for m. 18 it would make more sense on the lower Cb as that's unreachable, while the performer can reach down and hit the Gb after that just fine (if pedal is used to sustain the upper layer). For m. 46 I think parentheses would be fine there, or just raise the second layer F an octave.

Let's see... some more feedback as I start from the beginning:
- Watch your intervals in the LH of m. 2. Those dyads are very low on the piano and will sound extremely muddy - I suggest cutting them down to a single note where possible.
- Definitely worth including the pickup to the m. 3 melody at the end of m. 2 instead of writing in the last two notes of the 16th note run
- The beginning is missing dynamics, and I don't think we really need a crescendo in the third system? I would suggest just writing in an f at the beginning, although see what makes the most sense to you.
- The bass in m. 11-18 actually alternates the root and fifth above it, so every other note (the F's and G's) should be raised an octave
- All of the low bass notes in m. 19-26 should be Bb - unlike the right hand it doesn't ascend to Cb and Db. The one stray high Cb in m. 24 should also be a low Bb.
- m. 27 also alternates root and fifth above it, so it should look like m. 31

As I keep going, a few more general comments...
- There are a some places where the main melody is somewhat tangled with the countermelody the way it's written. Mostly m. 11-18, 27-40. Did you specifically change some of the voicings/stem directions/etc. to make it nicer on piano? I can see how that might be necessary here but it's difficult to tell where the main melody is sometimes.
- Check the bass again in m. 29-34 and 41-44, I'm hearing a bunch more discrepancies from what you have now
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I'm going to once again archive this sheet for inactivity. In the future, when you submit something, please ensure you'll be around to respond to feedback.

Let us know if you need any help!
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