The Adventures of Jesus And Friends

[DrP]

I think the humor is fantastically written and such, but in such a way that I don't know whether to laugh or feel offended. I mean, it's like mocking 9/11. Sometimes funny...never really right. Although I did once read this hilarious book that satirized the bible, having shows on TV like Teenage Jesus (with great scenes like his friends encouraging him to turn the punch at a school dance to wine, or him yelling at Joseph "You're not even my real father!").

Overall, I think I'm going to go on the route that this is more funny than it is offensive; still, I think you could satirize something a bit less controversial, or else be very careful what you poke fun at.

SFK, just be careful.

[Clanker37]

Really good. Just be careful with what you change.

[SuperFireKirby]

I really didn't think this was all that bad. I've actually read Genesis(and many other books in the Bible) multiple times, so much of this is actually what happened but just presented in a satirical manner. But I think I could have made it ALOT worse. I mean, talking aboot the world being made out of arts and crafts and HAM doesn't really sound all that offensive to me. Tho maybe God being a womanizer is taking it a tad bit too far...

But ALSO, how to we know the fruit of knowledge WASN'T ham? I mean, it is never said what the fruit actually is and HAM is by far the most sacred of fruits...

But I digress, I guess I'll try to be even less offensive than I was already trying to be. 

[Cobraroll]

Summa summarum, if he wanted to mock the Bible, then he would have done it better (the flowchart of God's desicions in Genesis leading up to the "fall of man", springs to mind, for instance).

Also, in what way is this different than "Children's Bibles" who Disneyfy everything, gloss over the murders (should be around thirty millions of them if you count everything) and shows the Bible as a fountain of rainbows and happiness? It comes across as equally serious, less boring and a better way to summarize the events of the book for us who rarely, if ever even touch a Bible.

[SuperFireKirby]

I mean, it's like mocking 9/11. Sometimes funny...never really right.

I was meaning to comment on this. I don't think sillyfying the Bible can even be compared to mocking 9/11. Joking about relgion is more acceptable in everyway then mocking people being murdered.

But seriously people's its not like I'm writing a story making fun the holocaust. LIGHTEN UP. And with the being said, OUR STORY CONTINUES.


Genesis Pt.2

Now a long time passed with a bunch of unimportant events that no one really cares about. But then everything changed. One day, a stickbro named Lamech found a little stickbaby, and was all "OMGOMGOMG DIS IS GOD'S SON." Now God had completely forgotten about the little ball he had ever so meticulously decorated with his arts and crafts kit. He was far to busy hanging out with his Bros, drinking scotch, and watching the game.

     But anyways, Lamech decided to bring home the little stickbaby and named him Noah. Now his wife was all like "I DON'T WANT THAT BABY, YOU FOOL!" but after Lamech slapped her around some, she agreed to let him stay. Now Lamech though little Noah was destined for great things. But he had NO FUCKING IDEA. A while later Noah was a full grown stickbro. Now outside the little ball, let's call it hmmmmmm... Earth, God was having a huge party at his place. One of his bros found Earth and decided to try and hit God with it. God dodged it in time but saw it was headed straight for his pool so God was all like,"OMGOMGOMG BUILD A BOAT QUICK AND PUT SOME ANIMALS ON IT FOR THE LOLZ!"

Noah had the teh best stick ears in the whole world so he was the only one who heard God's faint cry. Now he had plenty of time because human time went much slower than GOD TIME. So he built the boat and put a bunch of animals on it. A bunch of other stickpeoples laughed at him for building such a thing. But then they saw it. A giant wall of water of epic propartions. Noah then took the opportunity to moon them all as they were swept away and drowned by the flood. He turned to the giraffe next to him and scoffed "HAHAHA LOOK AT THEM, THEY'RE ALL DEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDD!"

Now all the animals were freakin siked because they never thought they'd be on a boat. And they knew that this boat was fo real. Our little stickbro Noah wasn't all that siked, as he soon realized that he didn't bring no wimmins on the boat. Now not only would he be forced to have teh sole duty of cleaning up duty left by animals, there was no one to have sexy time with and keep the stickpeople race alive. Eventually he saw a young stickchick in the water off in the distance, so he sailed over and he picked her up. Now as far as looks went she was about an 8 but BLAHBLAHBLAH she did nothing but talk! Sooooooo Noah may have pushed her off the boat. It was, without a doubt, an accident. Sometime later, Noah saw a second stickchick who was a ten in almost every area. Her name was Emzara, and she became Noah's wifey. Noah and Emzara had 3 stickchildren together aboard the Ark. Shem who was the oldest, then Japheth, and the youngest being HAM. Ham would turn out to be a total dick but that's a story for another time.

     So after about 20 seconds in GOD TIME, God was finally able to fish Earth out of his pool. And the flood ceased. It was at that time Noah realized he had let two Batmans onto the ark! He was furious as they had always eaten his ham pies before the flood and therefore he did not want them to live. But aboard the ark they had secretly multiplied into the hundreds and could not be stopped! So Noah made sure to move to a land that was Batman free where he would live with his stickwife Ezmara, and his sons and their wives. Now later on, Noah got really drunk after a bad day at the office. Long story short, he ended up naked and passed out. Now Ham decided to be a total dick and not help his father while his other two sons wrapped up Noah and brought him BACH home. Later Noah found out about this and yelled at Ham, and said to him with a GODLY voice, "HAM, FOR BEING A TOTAL DICK I CURSE YOU AND YOUR ANCESTORS FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

And according to every white southern preacher up until the 70's Ham was turned into a black person and Noah also said something about all of Ham's descendents cursed to be slaves, which justified the white's right to be excessively cruel and awful to the black community. But I digress.

GENESIS PT.3 COMING UP SOMETIME SOON!

[MaestroUGC]

You know, I'm curious to see how you interpret the Tower of Babel story.

[SlowPokemon]

I was meaning to comment on this. I don't think sillyfying the Bible can even be compared to mocking 9/11. Joking about relgion is more acceptable in everyway then mocking people being murdered.

But seriously people's its not like I'm writing a story making fun the holocaust. LIGHTEN UP. And with the being said, OUR STORY CONTINUES.


Genesis Pt.2

Now a long time passed with a bunch of unimportant events that no one really cares about. But then everything changed. One day, a stickbro named Lamech found a little stickbaby, and was all "OMGOMGOMG DIS IS GOD'S SON." Now God had completely forgotten about the little ball he had ever so meticulously decorated with his arts and crafts kit. He was far to busy hanging out with his Bros, drinking scotch, and watching the game.

     But anyways, Lamech decided to bring home the little stickbaby and named him Noah. Now his wife was all like "I DON'T WANT THAT BABY, YOU FOOL!" but after Lamech slapped her around some, she agreed to let him stay. Now Lamech though little Noah was destined for great things. But he had NO FUCKING IDEA. A while later Noah was a full grown stickbro. Now outside the little ball, let's call it hmmmmmm... Earth, God was having a huge party at his place. One of his bros found Earth and decided to try and hit God with it. God dodged it in time but saw it was headed straight for his pool so God was all like,"OMGOMGOMG BUILD A BOAT QUICK AND PUT SOME ANIMALS ON IT FOR THE LOLZ!"

Noah had the teh best stick ears in the whole world so he was the only one who heard God's faint cry. Now he had plenty of time because human time went much slower than GOD TIME. So he built the boat and put a bunch of animals on it. A bunch of other stickpeoples laughed at him for building such a thing. But then they saw it. A giant wall of water of epic propartions. Noah then took the opportunity to moon them all as they were swept away and drowned by the flood. He turned to the giraffe next to him and scoffed "HAHAHA LOOK AT THEM, THEY'RE ALL DEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDD!"

Now all the animals were freakin siked because they never thought they'd be on a boat. And they knew that this boat was fo real. Our little stickbro Noah wasn't all that siked, as he soon realized that he didn't bring no wimmins on the boat. Now not only would he be forced to have teh sole duty of cleaning up duty left by animals, there was no one to have sexy time with and keep the stickpeople race alive. Eventually he saw a young stickchick in the water off in the distance, so he sailed over and he picked her up. Now as far as looks went she was about an 8 but BLAHBLAHBLAH she did nothing but talk! Sooooooo Noah may have pushed her off the boat. It was, without a doubt, an accident. Sometime later, Noah saw a second stickchick who was a ten in almost every area. Her name was Emzara, and she became Noah's wifey. Noah and Emzara had 3 stickchildren together aboard the Ark. Shem who was the oldest, then Japheth, and the youngest being HAM. Ham would turn out to be a total dick but that's a story for another time.

     So after about 20 seconds in GOD TIME, God was finally able to fish Earth out of his pool. And the flood ceased. It was at that time Noah realized he had let two Batmans onto the ark! He was furious as they had always eaten his ham pies before the flood and therefore he did not want them to live. But aboard the ark they had secretly multiplied into the hundreds and could not be stopped! So Noah made sure to move to a land that was Batman free where he would live with his stickwife Ezmara, and his sons and their wives. Now later on, Noah got really drunk after a bad day at the office. Long story short, he ended up naked and passed out. Now Ham decided to be a total dick and not help his father while his other two sons wrapped up Noah and brought him BACH home. Later Noah found out about this and yelled at Ham, and said to him with a GODLY voice, "HAM, FOR BEING A TOTAL DICK I CURSE YOU AND YOUR ANCESTORS FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

And according to every white southern preacher up until the 70's Ham was turned into a black person and Noah also said something about all of Ham's descendents cursed to be slaves, which justified the white's right to be excessively cruel and awful to the black community. But I digress.

GENESIS PT.3 COMING UP SOMETIME SOON!

This is awesomely hilarious but I was looking forward to an interpretation of Cain and Abel.

[Jub3r7]

I've actually read Genesis(and many other books in the Bible) multiple times, so much of this is actually what happened but just presented in a satirical manner.

But man was punished toooooooooo!!!

And you changed that and stated it in a /slightly/ satirical manner.

[Clanker37]

"OMGOMGOMG BUILD A BOAT QUICK AND PUT SOME ANIMALS ON IT FOR THE LOLZ!"
[/quote]
God said "Oh my God"? Wouldn't that cause a black hole?

[EFitTrainr]

Sorry for double post.

Did you really just say that.

[EFitTrainr]

Bro, you need to write moar of this.

[SuperFireKirby]

New chapter tomorrow, me promises. I haven't had any free time lately.

[DrP]

No one really has free time anymore

[fingerz]

It's exam time here, so... yeah. XD

[SuperFireKirby]

Wow it's been awhile since I've written. Time flies when you're not having fun at all, I guess.
Anyways,

Genesis Pt. 3

The Story of Abraham Pt.1

     A long, long time passed since Noah had died. A few interesting things happened in this time such as when a bunch of people built a super big tower in honor of Baal, a totally not awesome guy who was always stealing God's wimmins. God was all like "OH NO YOU DIDN'T!" wagging his index finger side to side in distaste. So he took all of their mouths(which were made out of pipe cleaners) and bent and twisted them until everyone spoke a different language. This would ensure that humans would never be able to work together for the common good because of a language barrier. They would also never be able to build a giant monument for Baal again. Because Baal is a total dick.

     So 11 generations after the super awesome stickman known as Noah, a new totally rad guy appeared from the wimmins tummy. He would come to be known as Abraham(who apparently had many sons). Using his ever so awesome GOD POWERS, God decided to shrink himself down and pay a visit to Abraham(then known as Abram), whom he heard was totally awesome and wanted to see for himself. Lo and behold, the rumors were true! Abraham's father had just died at the young age of 225, and God was a like "BRO, WAZZUP?!?!?" and Abram was all like "WAZZUP?!?!?!?!" and God was all like "WAZZUP?!?!?!?" ("wazzup" was still cool back in Abraham's time). And God was all "Bro, you should totally leave here and go to this awesome place called Schemem!" and Abram was all "lolkay". Then God said, "OH and here, seeing as you're now 75 years old and are now a young man, take this perfect 10 as your wife!" So Abram married a perfect 10 named Sarai.

So Abram went to Canaan and stayed there for the fairly short time of prolly 40-50 years. But then, a great famine struck Canaan and Abram and his family decided to go to Egypt. Sarai was all concerned that they'd all die cuz the Egyptians were big meanie heads. But when they went to Egypt, the Pharaoh saw Sarai, insatantely recognizing here 10 status. Abram decided to be silleh and tell Pharaoh that Sarai was his sister. So Pharaoh took Sarai back to his palace and gave Abram tons of junk in exchange for sexy-time with his fake sister. Abram soon realized,"WAIT. THAT'S MAH WIFE THE PHARAOH IS HAVINS THE SEXY TIME WITH!" so stormed the castle with and army of sheep and rescued Sarai from the Pharaoh, whom he had pretty much given Sarai to in the first place. Well, that's not entirely accurate. He actually, more or less, just tapped Pharaoh on the shoulder and was all like,"BRO, that's mah wife." Pharaoh then got real mad and banished Abram and his family from Egypt.

So later on, the Elamites(who, without a doubt, were all dicks) invaded the Jordan River cities and defeated the armies of the King of Sodom. They came to the house of Abram's nephew, Lot, in search of booty(harharhar). They decided to imprison Lot and his whole famrie. Someone escaped and went and told Abram. The approximate expression on Abram's face was surely something like this:


He got together a whole bunch of his bros and fucked shit up. They destroyed the Elamite Army, freed all the captured folks and gots all their stuff back. God had bough front row seats to the show. Why? Cuz theatre is a great place to pick up chicks.

SO Abram had saved the day! But what would happen next for our young hero?