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[SNES] Super Mario RPG - "Mallow Discovers He Is Not a Tadpole" (Replacement) by mariolegofan

Started by Zeta, January 29, 2015, 02:37:07 PM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Super Mario
Game: Super Mario RPG
Console: Super Nintendo Entertainment System
Title: Mallow Discovers He Is Not a Tadpole
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: mariolegofan


Replacement Information:

Links to Existing Sheet: MUS | MIDI | PDF
Replacement Type: Challenge (new arranger)

[attachment deleted by admin]

Sebastian




Sebastian




Xaoz

I really like that song and your arrangement sounds fine to me.

Just two three four little things:
1) Why do you not start with an upbeat?
2) How is that last measure supposed to be played? I think you should indicate, that the b in the bass should be played with the right hand. Atleast that is how I would do it... Maybe the way you put it is perfectly fine and it is just confusing for me as a beginner...
3) Why not put some expression text?
4) Now that I listened a bit closer... I think all the half-note-intervals in the left hand should be rolled and also the first interval in measure 4. The one in 12 does not sound rolled, though.

Quote from: Bespinben on February 03, 2015, 07:49:27 PM
I give the Bespin seal of approval to Xaoz's critique (^o^)=b

Sebastian

Quote from: Xaoz on February 03, 2015, 04:02:14 PM1) Why do you not start with an upbeat?
I use a certain playback piano I like and I'm not sure how to put an upbeat.

Quote from: Xaoz on February 03, 2015, 04:02:14 PM2) How is that last measure supposed to be played? I think you should indicate, that the b in the bass should be played with the right hand. Atleast that is how I would do it... Maybe the way you put it is perfectly fine and it is just confusing for me as a beginner...
Since the bass is rolled the left hand can get it. Otherwise I'd put it in the right hand.

Quote from: Xaoz on February 03, 2015, 04:02:14 PM3) Why not put some expression text?
Since they aren't required and it's extra work, I dont put them :P

Quote from: Xaoz on February 03, 2015, 04:02:14 PM4) Now that I listened a bit closer... I think all the half-note-intervals in the left hand should be rolled and also the first interval in measure 4. The one in 12 does not sound rolled, though.
I thought this at first but I dont they are rolled. Besides, I only indicate them if they're quite obvious.

Thanks for the feedback anyway!



Xaoz

My thoughts

I just put an upbeat there for you, if you want, you can change back the rest :p I also changed some slurs that looked awkward and added expression-text that seems fitting on first thought... But maybe there is something more fitting... I just have to go to bed, so I have no time to really think about it, now :/

Extra work is not a bad thing :) Extra work is what makes music awesome. The more details you put into a piece, the more information and feelings it contains.

I guess the left hand can do the rolling in the last measure. I just could not do it, without making it sound hasty.

Maybe my rolling is kinda overkill, but in the YT-Version you provided it is definitely rolled.

Oh and good job! Love that piece! Will print your final version!

Quote from: Bespinben on February 03, 2015, 07:49:27 PM
I give the Bespin seal of approval to Xaoz's critique (^o^)=b

Maelstrom

Quote from: mariolegofan on February 03, 2015, 04:17:53 PMSince they aren't required and it's extra work, I don't put them :P
Do it. It makes it look much more professional, which is what we are going for here.

Sebastian

Quote from: Maelstrom on February 03, 2015, 04:40:34 PMDo it. It makes it look much more professional, which is what we are going for here.
ok.....
Quote from: Xaoz on February 03, 2015, 04:36:18 PMMy thoughts

I just put an upbeat there for you, if you want, you can change back the rest :p I also changed some slurs that looked awkward and added expression-text that seems fitting on first thought... But maybe there is something more fitting... I just have to go to bed, so I have no time to really think about it, now :/

Extra work is not a bad thing :) Extra work is what makes music awesome. The more details you put into a piece, the more information and feelings it contains.

I guess the left hand can do the rolling in the last measure. I just could not do it, without making it sound hasty.

Maybe my rolling is kinda overkill, but in the YT-Version you provided it is definitely rolled.

Oh and good job! Love that piece! Will print your final version!
Thanks....I guess.



Bespinben

I give the Bespin seal of approval to Xaoz's critique (^o^)=b

There's a much more pressing matter than all the above, however -- key signature and accidentals. This piece is in Ab minor, not Eb minor. The tonic chord is very clear just from measure 1. It also borrows a lot from the harmonic minor scale, meaning all the those A double flats should be spelled as G naturals. For your personal growth, I'd recommend listening to a few Chopin nocturnes, as they have a very similar flavor to the mood of this piece.

(Another alternative would be to write this in G# minor - if you've studied the circle of fifths you can see that Ab minor is enharmonically equivalent to G# minor, and so therefore you'd have 2 less accidentals in your key signature. Unless you have a really good reason for writing in 7 flats [like a temporary transposition from Ab major to Ab minor], I would pick G# minor with its 5 sharps every time. Remember that if you write in G# minor, you'd have to spell the raised 7th of the G# harmonic minor scale as F double sharps).
Quote from: Nebbles on July 04, 2015, 12:05:12 PM
Someone beat Bespinben to making PMD music?! GASP!

MLF for Chatroom Mod next Tuesday

mikey

unmotivated

Sebastian

Quote from: Bespinben on February 03, 2015, 07:49:27 PMI give the Bespin seal of approval to Xaoz's critique (^o^)=b

There's a much more pressing matter than all the above, however -- key signature and accidentals. This piece is in Ab minor, not Eb minor. The tonic chord is very clear just from measure 1. It also borrows a lot from the harmonic minor scale, meaning all the those A double flats should be spelled as G naturals. For your personal growth, I'd recommend listening to a few Chopin nocturnes, as they have a very similar flavor to the mood of this piece.

(Another alternative would be to write this in G# minor - if you've studied the circle of fifths you can see that Ab minor is enharmonically equivalent to G# minor, and so therefore you'd have 2 less accidentals in your key signature. Unless you have a really good reason for writing in 7 flats [like a temporary transposition from Ab major to Ab minor], I would pick G# minor with its 5 sharps every time. Remember that if you write in G# minor, you'd have to spell the raised 7th of the G# harmonic minor scale as F double sharps).
Ok! I'll have this fixed tomorrow!



Sebastian




Sebastian




Xaoz


Quote from: Bespinben on February 03, 2015, 07:49:27 PM
I give the Bespin seal of approval to Xaoz's critique (^o^)=b

Sebastian