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Author Topic: Super Maya Galaxy 1  (Read 2314 times)

Sebastian

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Re: Super Maya Galaxy 1
« Reply #15 on: July 22, 2015, 02:20:07 AM »

You can make me your dashingly handsome rescuer ;)  jk lol

Honestly, you could be a novel writer or even an Editor when you grow up! Nice writing! :)
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Dudeman

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Re: Super Maya Galaxy 1
« Reply #16 on: July 22, 2015, 03:55:51 AM »

I'm really interested to see where this goes! Very engaging prospect so far. Excellently written, too.



also you can stick me in the story if you want i'm not picky as to how


and you may have inspired me to bump/reboot my creative writing thread so thank you
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mayastarr041

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Re: Super Maya Galaxy 1
« Reply #17 on: July 22, 2015, 04:28:27 AM »

Thanks MLF. That's really sweet of you to say and of course I will post you Dudeman. The thing is, hope you guys don't get disappointed if I don't describe you correctly and...yeah. And your welcome.
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mikey

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Re: Super Maya Galaxy 1
« Reply #18 on: July 22, 2015, 04:42:41 AM »

Don't forget I'm nsms sexiest
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TheMarioPianist

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Re: Super Maya Galaxy 1
« Reply #19 on: July 22, 2015, 05:14:09 AM »

I'd love to be part of this! But you're more creative than me, so I'll let you pick my role. It'll be kind of a surprise to me that way! :D
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Hero of Trains

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Re: Super Maya Galaxy 1
« Reply #20 on: July 22, 2015, 05:16:07 AM »

Everybody remembers, Nocturne. It's your personal text, after all! ;)
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mayastarr041

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Re: Super Maya Galaxy 1
« Reply #21 on: July 22, 2015, 06:10:19 AM »

Here it is! Chapter 1! Let the official adventure begin!! Woohoo! And just for extra effect, I will be posting links to the songs here. In this chapter, I visit Good Egg Galaxy, so if you want, you can play the music while reading about Good Egg! It might help.
Music you will be hearing:
1)Good Egg Galaxy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8PDJAJcAL8
2)Space Fantasy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5E1ep0qHQ8
3)Interlude: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5vVL5R45DQ
4)Dino Pirahna: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tn0-YmkyRGg
I will be saying things such as cue Good Egg Galaxy, then you should click on the link and hear the music while I am writing about there! I will also say, end Good Egg Galaxy and then you can turn it off. If you just want to read and not listen to the music, just ignore this. KK? Let's start!

Chapter 1: The Good Egg Galaxy's 1st Mission, Dino Piranha
I entered the Terrace and was greeted by the black star that was next to Rosalina as well as a small blue star, possibly a pull star.
"Do I need to lecture you about pull stars and the domes or are you good?" the black star asked.
"I'm fine, thank you," I replied as it nodded.
"Go for it! Good Egg awaits you!" he said as I saluted him and got into the launch star.
I saw 5 undiscovered galaxies rotating around us. 2 of them were blue cubes as the other 3 had numbers. One had a Bowser head which was numbered 8. Another galaxy was numbered 3 as the currently opened one was numbered 1. I clicked on it as it exploded into the Good Egg Galaxy.
"Take me to Good Egg!" I shouted as I was flung to the galaxy.
I was launched so quickly that it felt like my face was peeling off. I did only one thing that came to my mind.
"YAHOO!" I shouted as the galaxy approached me.
After what seemed like minutes, I finally landed on the galaxy.
Cue the Music for the Good Egg Galaxy
"WELCOME TO THE GALAXY!" a voice shouted in my hand, "In today's mission, you will be fighting Dino Piranha to get the first and foremost power star! Good luck!"
The voice faded away as I finally got the chance to look at the galaxy. It was very very beautiful. I saw clusters of bushes and grasses. I saw a few butterflies lollygagging (A/N: Did I use that word correctly? Dictionaries are really handy XD). around. There were 2 Octoombas jumping around. I approached them as one spit rocks at me. It got me in the face and I recoiled.
"Really dude?" I asked it, "Why would you do that?"
I heard laughter and I whirled around to find another beautiful girl.
"Hi! I'm Trains!" Trains exclaimed.
"Trains!" I shrieked, overjoyed and ran to her, giving her a big hug.
She laughed as she returned it.
"It's so good to see you!" I told her.
"It's so good to see, you!" she replied as we laughed.
The other Octogoomba spat his rock, getting Train in the arm. (Sorry Train!)
She whirled around and gave the Octogoombas the death glare. It looked scared and I took the opportunity to kick it hard as it flew away to...nowhere.
"Nice one!" she congratulated, giving me a high five.
"I couldn't have done it without you Train," I replied as she smiled.
"Now, let's go!" Train said as we ran, laughing, while collecting star bits.
"I always wondered, can we eat starbits?" I asked Train.
"Yeah, I've been wondering about too! Care to try it?" she said.
"Heck yeah!" I replied as I took a bite on the purple starbit, Trains taking a bite on the green one.
My mouth was immediately filled with the flavor of grapes. It was like a hard, chewy candy. It tasted really good. No wonder those Luma's could eat. I could live on this and only this. Train also had this dreamy look on her face.
"Wow, it tastes so good!" Trains squealed as we laughed once more, "Enough dilly dallying! Let's go!"
"And I thought I was crazy," I muttered to myself, smiling.
She gave me a mock glare.
"I heard that!" she replied.
We walked to the underside of the planet and was met with the complete opposite of the other end. There was only one octogoomba this time as it was doing its usual stuff.
"Train, care to do the honors?" I asked as she joyfully nodded.
I tried my best to give the Octogoomba the death glare, but I failed. Instead, it began laughing like crazy. I became offended and before I could do anything stupid, Train ran and kicked the Octogoomba all the way to oblivion. We gave each other fives before we climbed up the stairs. I saw 2 pipes, one orange and one green, but didn't bother with them. We went up to the top and saw a yellow Luma waiting for us.
"Hi!" It squeaked which was very cute, since its squeak was a high pitched one.
"So cuuuute!" Train squealed as I smiled. I had the same reaction at the Observatory.
"My friends are waiting up there! Please do hurry!" the Luma said as it transformed into a mini launch star, as a path to the large launch star..
"Shall we?" Trains asked.
"We shall," I replied as we got on the launch star.
"3!" I counted.
"2!" Trains added.
"1, Blastoff!" we yelled as we were flung out into space.
"WHEEEE!" was our only response as I felt waves of air slapping my face.
After about 2 seconds, we landed on the boulder planet. We saw 2 large spherical landmasses bound together as boulders rotated around it. I counted around 5 boulders. The boulders were huge as they had a brown coat over them and a patch of red on one side.
"Ohh, this does not look good," Train whispered.
I nodded in agreement.
"Hey you!" a tiny voice shouted as we saw another Luma standing there.
Train's face turned really excited as she raced over to the Luma, me following behind.
"Find 5 star chips to make a launch star! If you are injured, get coins and it will help you. Don't question it. And do you have any starbits? I am very hungry!" he told us.
I turned over my pockets, but found none.
"Train? Do you have any? I'm all out," I said as the Luma looked disappointed.
I looked at Train and saw that she was smiling and I felt relieved.
"Here you go!" Train told the Luma as she fed the Luma 5 starbits. Green, red, purple, blue, and white.
"MMM so delicious! Thank you!" the Luma thanked as Trains gave it a pat, "And hey! Be sure to stock up on starbits because my friend Latios eats them like no tomorrow! Just a warning!"
"Latios?" Trains asked smiling.
"Latios," I answered, smiling back.
Trains squealed as she ran off, possibly to collect Star Chips.
"What are you waiting for Maya? Let's go!" Trains called out as I raced over to her.
"Got 3 already," she smiled cheekily.
"Dang, you are really fast," I panted, the run having exhausted me.
Trains had a grin, but it turned to horror.
"Maya, watch out!" she yelled as I saw a boulder right behind me.
I immediately rolled left as the boulder narrowly missed me, but another boulder came from my left and ran over me. Pain seared all over my body as I groggily got up. Trains rushed over to me.
"Are you ok Maya?" she shrieked, worry flooding her face.
"I-I'm fine," I groaned, "Thank God for Mario mechanics or else I would have been dead."
"Will you be fine? Are you ok? Speak to me Maya! Speak to me!" Train shook me.
I got up.
"I'm fine Train, really," I told her as relief washed over her face.
She embraced me.
"You had me worried there," she sighed.
"I'm sorry," I apologized.
"Don't apologize, it's not your fault. I will keep telling you that until you accept that into your heart," Trains told me in all seriousness.
"Then I have no choice," I replied as she grinned.
"That's what I thought, now let's go!" she said as we collected the rest of the chips easily.
Immediately, a launch star formed as Train and I rode on it again. This time, it launched us onto this bean shaped planet. It was filled with Slurples, an octogoomba, and a piranha plant.
"Don't get near those Slurples, they will drain your life really quickly," Trains warned as we rushed over them to the piranha plant.
I stomped the Octogoomba as Trains stomped on the piranha plant. We gave each other high fives as a bean stalk grew out of the piranha plant's "home". We slid on othe beanstalk as we landed on the Bitten Apple planet where there were more boulders, Slurples, and spiky plants. We carefully avoided the plants, raced passed the boulders, and avoided the Slurples. There was a piranha plant in a pipe and we destroyed it. We entered the pipe.
End of Music for Good Egg Galaxy
Cue the Music for Space Fantasy

We emerged from the pipe to see 4 blue question mark panels and a black hole sucking in everything in sight....
"Black holes," Trains muttered, "If you get sucked in by them, they will rip you piece by piece until your very soul gets destroyed."
I stared at her as she shrugged.
"Just don't fall in! Simple!" she replied as I laughed.
We stepped on the panels, switching them from a blue question mark to a yellow exclamation point.
Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! DIING! The 4 panels changed to green squares as they sparkled momentarily. 3 more panels appeared to the right of us, curving upwards.
"Really, how is this possible?" I asked, "How can more panels pop out when we just stepped on four panels?"
Trains nudged me, smiling.
"Mario physics," she told me, "And if four panels didn't appear, we would be stuck here forever."
"Good point," I told her as we stepped on the three panels. We found 4 more panels curved upwards with a one up mushroom and a red rotating platform with spikes jutting out in the edge.
"Yummy green mushroom!" Trains exclaimed as she took it.
"Nooo!" I yelled, "It's poisonous!"
She looked at me questioningly.
"It's not poison! It's good! And I thought you were a hard core Mario fan!" she exclaimed.
"I was just kidding with you Trains! Haha," I replied.
"Yeah right. You really thought it was poisonous," she giggled, "You are bad at lying!"
My face flushed.
"I'm not lying!" I told her as she tried her best to stifle her giggles.
"Whatever, let's go!" she said as we finished stepping on the rest of the panels and a Sling Star appeared.
"BLASTOFF!" we shrieked as the star launched us to the Block-Climb Planet.
End the Music of Space Fantasy
Cue the Good Egg Galaxy Music

"I swear that launch never gets old," Trains smiled.
"Oh man, that is so true," I replied as we saw a tower of blocks with Octogoombas, a luma, and an encased Launch Star.
"Watch out!" The Luma said, "If you spin once, you will have to wait until your Luma goes back to you!"
"Wait what?" Trains asked.
"What Luma?" I asked.
He looked at us weirdly. He was silent for a while, squeaked, then disappeared in a flash of light.
"Oook," Trains said, breaking the awkward silence, "Let's get up there!"
We climbed up the tower destroying Octogoombas as we freed the Launch Star encased in a crystal.
"Are you ready for this?" I asked Trains as she nodded excitedly.
"Let's go kick some Piranha butts!" she replied as we were launched once again.
This trek took awhile as we soared past rocks and as starbits came to us. We landed hard on an egg as it cracked. A tail flicked out as the Dino Piranha began its lazy trek.
End of Good Egg Galaxy Music
Cue the Interlude Music

The song stopped immediately as it was replaced by a simple, yet relaxing tune.
"Should we free him yet?" I asked as Trains looked at it wandering lazily around.
"Let's get it over with, shall we?" Trains replied as she approached the tail, "You wanna do it?"
"You do it," I told her," Kick its butt...err tail."
"Thanks," she replied as she gave it a hard kick.
The tail flew back a good 50 feet as it raced back and hit the Dino Piranha in its egg. It immediately cracked and the piranha appeared. It had a purple head with yellow petals. It shrieked as it looked at us. It was weird since it didn't have any eyes.
"Watch out!" Trains yelled as it charged us and the battle officially began.
End the Interlude
Cue the Dino Piranha Music

I dived to the left as Train dived to the right.
"Aim for its tail! Give it a nice hard kick! Once it charges, it can't change direction well! Use that to your advantage!" Train instructed.
"Sure thing!" I yelled back.
The Dino Piranha was focused on Train so as Train started running forward. I swerved to my right and gave its tail a hard kick. It flew back and hit the piranha in the head. Around 4 petals fell off as it glared at me. It turned very red as it shrieked really loudly. This time, it focused on me as I began running away. Although it was faster, he wasn't that much of a threat. Using the same tactic, Trains kicked the piranha's tail as it hit the piranha in the head. He charged towards Train, but she seemed a bit exhausted.
"Hang in there Train! You could do it!" I encouraged as she wearily smiled.
The dino piranha was gaining ground. I couldn't let it hurt my friend. I would rather die.
"Stupid little dinosaur!" I yelled as I charged at it, pure adrenaline coursing through my body.
I gave it a hard kick, but I kicked to early. That was when everything went wrong. I tripped and landed flat on my face, multiple bruises and scars plaguing my body. Trains faltered momentarily from exhaustion and the piranha used it to his advantage. He descended upon Train as he gave a weird laugh. It raised its tail to crush Train.
"Noo!" I yelled as it brought down its tail.
It hit Train right in her gut as it knocked air out of her. She gasped, clutching her stomach in pain, retching. My eyes flashed murderously, but I was powerless to do anything. It raised its tail again and gave Trains a smack. She groaned as she was flung right next to me. She lay down gasping for air.
"Train, speak to me, are you ok?!" I yelled, crying shameless tears, "Please Train! Speak to me! I don't want to lose you! Speak to me!"
"M-Maya," she gasped, "Not much time. Even if we die. We will return to the Observatory healthy. Don't worry Maya."
"I won't let you die when I can help it," I declared, "And I can help it. Don't go Train. Not now."
She nodded as she closed her eyes. I shook with anger as the Dino Piranha approached us. That guy was going to die.
"You injured my best friend," I growled, "You hurt her and I will hurt you!"
I raced towards the piranha and launched at him. I got on his back and began whaling blows. My knuckles got bloody red and I'm sure I broke some bones, but I wasn't going to let this monster get away with hurting my best friend. It began swaying wildly as I held on for dear life. It threw me as I rolled safely on my knees. It charged me in rage, but a simple sidestep and a kick to the tail ended its life. All of its petals fell off as it shrieked loudly and fell on the floor, biting its tongue. Ouch. It disappeared in a flash of light and was replaced by a star.
End Dino Piranha Music
I ignored the star and rushed over to Train.
"Train?" I asked, "Are you ok? Answer me, please."
No answer. I checked her pulse and it was still beating. She was also breathing softly.
'Get the star you idiot!' a voice in me whispered as I raced to star and got it.
We immediately teleported out. I looked around wildly for Trains and I saw her next to me, smiling.
"Trains!" I yelled as I hugged her fiercely.
"Ouch! Maya! It's nice to see you too, but your crushing me!" she gasped as I released her.
"I'm so sorry! Are you ok?" I asked as she nodded, "God, you scared me. I'm so sorry Trains."
"It's perfectly fine Maya. After all, we're alive and well, aren't we?" she asked, "Why don't we head on to our next mission."
I smiled.
"Let's go do that," I said as we focused our eyes on Good Egg.
And end of Chapter 1! Hope you guys enjoyed it! And sorry Train if I offended you in any way by the way I portrayed your character. Hope that music also helped! More of Good Egg Galaxy tomorrow! Oh and those who want to be in the story, will you please describe your character and how you want to enter here? For example, you can say: I am _______ and I enter the story in (this part of the mission) while riding on a horse who shoots lasers and whatever. Well, you get the point. Good night.
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mikey

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Re: Super Maya Galaxy 1
« Reply #22 on: July 22, 2015, 06:14:56 AM »

Sounds like trains to  me
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Pianist Da Sootopolis

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Re: Super Maya Galaxy 1
« Reply #23 on: July 22, 2015, 06:27:52 AM »

Have you considered going to Quotev? It's a great place to get feedback from other writers, you can get lots of advice especially with improving your writing style.
Looks GREAT!
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Dudeman

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Re: Super Maya Galaxy 1
« Reply #24 on: July 22, 2015, 07:07:09 AM »

I guess the foot is mightier than the..."power of the cosmos" or whatever the luma gives Mario. You make a better plumber than he ever was.
Have to say, it was interesting reading about how painful everything ends up being. You don't really realize how crazily unrealistic this is until you imagine yourself in this situation. In your own words, "Thank God for Mario physics." XD
What a fantastic first chapter! It looks like you're having a ton of fun writing this, and I can really feel it as I read. also you and trains together is the most adorable thing ive ever read omg

Oh, and I might as well write my introduction: I am Damian and I enter the story whenever the Library becomes available, reading a book. I'm a bit reserved and take some time warming up to new people, but I'm very smart and can throw information around when it's needed. I also can't resist the occasional terrible pun or corny joke. I may also have a bit of a protective, caring side. ; )
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Hero of Trains

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Re: Super Maya Galaxy 1
« Reply #25 on: July 22, 2015, 07:42:43 AM »

Awwww! Thank you!  ;D I'm grinning so much right now! And you flatter me! I don't think I could retrieve that much Mario Galaxy knowledge off of the top of my head! (Mostly the names, I'm horrible at remembering those :P)
This is just so sweet, I can't believe it! Also, you nailed my dialogue! ;D
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Trains is so nice that I'm sure she'd resurrect herself for a few minutes to compliment you back

mayastarr041

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Re: Super Maya Galaxy 1
« Reply #26 on: July 22, 2015, 02:31:53 PM »

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mayastarr041

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Re: Super Maya Galaxy 1
« Reply #27 on: July 22, 2015, 02:33:24 PM »

Have you considered going to It's a great place to get feedback from other writers, you can get lots of advice especially with improving your writing style.
Looks GREAT!

:)
I've heard of it, but I'd rather only write it here. It's more comfortable and I feel like I could express myself more. And thank you very much for the compliment.  :)
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mayastarr041

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Re: Super Maya Galaxy 1
« Reply #28 on: July 22, 2015, 02:35:05 PM »

I guess the foot is mightier than the..."power of the cosmos" or whatever the luma gives Mario. You make a better plumber than he ever was.
Have to say, it was interesting reading about how painful everything ends up being. You don't really realize how crazily unrealistic this is until you imagine yourself in this situation. In your own words, "Thank God for Mario physics." XD
What a fantastic first chapter! It looks like you're having a ton of fun writing this, and I can really feel it as I read. also you and trains together is the most adorable thing ive ever read omg

Oh, and I might as well write my introduction: I am Damian and I enter the story whenever the Library becomes available, reading a book. I'm a bit reserved and take some time warming up to new people, but I'm very smart and can throw information around when it's needed. I also can't resist the occasional terrible pun or corny joke. I may also have a bit of a protective, caring side. ; )
Oh sweet thanks!  ;)
And train and I together ARE indeed adorable.  :P
And I can't wait to see you soon Damian, one way or another!!
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mayastarr041

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Re: Super Maya Galaxy 1
« Reply #29 on: July 22, 2015, 02:36:53 PM »

Awwww! Thank you!  ;D I'm grinning so much right now! And you flatter me! I don't think I could retrieve that much Mario Galaxy knowledge off of the top of my head! (Mostly the names, I'm horrible at remembering those :P)
This is just so sweet, I can't believe it! Also, you nailed my dialogue! ;D
Your welcome Train  :D :D
You are smart and you could remember all that. I'm telling the truth. It's sweet because you are sweet and did I actually portray you correctly?
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