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[GB] Kirby's Block Ball - "Blockworld Map" by LeviR.star

Started by Zeta, August 16, 2016, 07:41:06 AM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Kirby
Game: Kirby's Block Ball
Console: Game Boy
Title: Blockworld Map
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: LeviR.star

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Sebastian

#1
Welcome to NinSheetMusic!
It always warms my heart to see new arrangers, especially arrangers that already have a good grasp on formatting and arranging skills.

First off, I'd like to say that if you ever need any help with arranging, or if you have any questions at all, my door is always open! Feel free to contact the Updaters as well. They are a bunch of good folks that have given many hours to our little playground here at NinSheetMusic, and would be very willing to give any help they can offer.

As for the sheet, pretty good! First thing I'd like to mention is that you can post a YouTube original after submitting a sheet. This will give the Updaters and arrangers a frame of reference for reviewing your sheet, and possibly a quicker acceptance.

There are a few things I'd like to point out about your arrangement. First off, great work! I love seeing Kirby sheet submissions. Not too many good ones on site. :P

(I like using pictures since they give a good example to arrangers).
Yours
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Green: Instead of using an expression text, you can use a tempo marking from the expression text tool. You can find these in Expression Tool > Tempo Marks > Select/Create Tempo Marking. Fancy thing you can do with this is after you've created/selected a tempo marking, go into Edit > Playback > Match playback to metronome marking text. Then whatever your text is, the song will be played at that speed.

Red: According to the Formatting Guidelines, you shouldn't have the extra piano markings. Luckily, they are easy to remove! Just go to File info/Score manager > Abbr. name > delete what's there.

Red arrow: Instead of having a measure alone in one system, you could either move it up to the first system (and shrink the sheet), or move a measure from system 1 to system 2 (then you'd have two 2 measure systems). This is the option I'd recommend.

Purple: The arranger/composer names are not properly aligned (you can tell by the handles [the clear square boxes]). Very simple fix to this: Highlight the boxes (while you're using the Text Tool) > Text > Alignment > Right. Same with the Titles, except do center alignment instead of right alignment. 

Yellow: When the composer name(s) come out far enough that they sneak up under the game title, go ahead and put them in two lines. This will make the sheet look more professional, and less messy.

Orange: The first note is wrong. It sounds like a grace note (C#) followed by a D.

Dark Red: Now this is something I'm not quite 100% on: The key signature. I'm getting the F# Minor (3 sharps) vibe. We'll have to get a second opinion on the key signature.
EDIT: Don't change this. Dudeman is correct. It's in D Major. I was listening to it wrong lol. Sorry about the mix-up.

Other: Your BPM (beats per minute; metronome marking) is a bit off. For the most accurate tempo markings, I would recommend this tool:
BPM Counter
It is very, very helpful for deciding on a BPM. Looks like this sheet is clocking in at Quarter Note: 150.

- I would like to point out that the titles I found online are different then the title of your sheet. Since I know nothing about this game, maybe you could shed some light on that.

- Your copyright info looks pretty good! You have the publisher and developer with the comma. Again, you might want to check back to the formatting guidelines for the correct format of the copyright info. The text should be size 10 and the url should be http://www.ninsheetmusic.org/
Also, here we go by the first release date (not the American, Europe, etc.). So it would be 1995, not 1996.

- And one final thing that I just noticed and that isn't on the picture. The last two notes (Left Hand) in the final measure are an octave lower.

Now, for the edits in action:
Edits above
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Again, you did great work! You got almost every note correct, which is outstanding for a newer arranger like you! : )

Please, I'd love to hear what you think about the feedback above and if you have any questions, concerns, disagreements, or praise on the feedback, anything is welcome.

Good job, again. I hope your stay with us is prosperous and lengthy.


Original for reference:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRQLzYosk90&;

Welp, I just realized you're a Notepad user. Here is the mus for ya, buddy:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/akr307xsuxlqexn/Blockworld%20Map.mus?dl=1



Dudeman

Quote from: Sebastian on August 16, 2016, 08:41:23 AMOrange: The first note is wrong. It sounds like a grace note (C#) followed by a D.
What you're hearing is the echo of the previous measure in the loop carrying into the start of the piece. The way s/he has written it is correct.

I agree with the arranger about this piece being in D Major. Listen to the bass, which starts on a D and goes up to the II chord and V chord before going back to D.

Good work, um...let's see, shorthand name...Levi? Does that work?
Quote from: braixen1264 on December 03, 2015, 03:52:29 PMDudeman's facial hair is number 1 in my book

Sebastian

Quote from: Dudeman on August 16, 2016, 09:00:29 AMWhat you're hearing is the echo of the previous measure in the loop carrying into the start of the piece. The way s/he has written it is correct.
Ah, ok. There are quite a few instances of that occurring in video game songs.
Again, I don't have any experience with music from this game, so I don't know. Thanks for pointing that out!

Quote from: Dudeman on August 16, 2016, 09:00:29 AMI agree with the arranger about this piece being in D Major. Listen to the bass, which starts on a D and goes up to the II chord and V chord before going back to D.
Thanks for providing the second opinion. I believe you're correct. I must've been listening to it wrong.



LeviR.star

Quote from: Dudeman on August 16, 2016, 09:00:29 AMWhat you're hearing is the echo of the previous measure in the loop carrying into the start of the piece. The way s/he has written it is correct.

I agree with the arranger about this piece being in D Major. Listen to the bass, which starts on a D and goes up to the II chord and V chord before going back to D.

Good work, um...let's see, shorthand name...Levi? Does that work?

Yeah, my name's Levi. About five years ago I came up with the nickname LeviR.star, and it stuck.
Check out my Youtube channel for remixes and original music! LeviR.star's Remixes

Also check out my piano arrangements here on my PA thread! LeviR.star's Arrangements

Latios212

My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

Spoiler
[close]
turtle

LeviR.star

Quote from: Latios212 on August 18, 2016, 09:41:03 AMUmm... did you read the feedback?

Yes, I read the feedback. Thank you so much for reviewing it. Some of these edits I needed to make were not possible with my version of Finale Notepad, so I'm aiming to find a better software to use in the future.
Check out my Youtube channel for remixes and original music! LeviR.star's Remixes

Also check out my piano arrangements here on my PA thread! LeviR.star's Arrangements

Latios212

It's okay; we got your back this time. Check OP for newly updated files. Next time though, please ask for help in the appropriate place before submitting!
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

Spoiler
[close]
turtle

Zeta

This submission has been accepted by Bespinben.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot