[PC] CrossCode - "Valse d'Ahoge" by Greg

Started by Zeta, March 23, 2019, 07:52:55 PM

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Maelstrom

RH time:
Melody line:
m37 - Chord should be Bb-D-A on beat 1

And now, for the long awaited feedback on the 2nd layer on page 1.
Simply put, I don't like it. I don't like it at all. To start, it's really unnatural to play. The fingering required is horrible. For example, the only way to somewhat connect the 2nd layer in m6 is to play beat 3 with a 2nd finger on the C and 5th on the C an octave higher. I don't think you need a piano to figure out that's really uncomfortable. There's the option to "simply not play it" but in that case, what's it even doing in the sheet if no one will or even can play it? Not to mention the notes are completely changed in m7 and especially 8, where the change in the last 2 2nd layer notes can't be demonstrated by the inversion you chose. Of course, there's also the issue of it muddling the melody, no matter how you slice it. Like in m5, where the melody moves to a note right as the 2nd layer leaves it, taking away the change in pitch because it was just played already. Then there's places like m21 where it just gets confused and messy. I know your biggest argument was that the song would sound too empty without it. I disagree. The original has that 2nd layer as a much quieter background layer that's hard to discern in places at all. It's not a big part of the original and the original would work just as fine without it. So, why can't the piano do the same? This isn't to say I'd argue for it being 100% removed. It still serves an important role in m16-18 and it should stay in there at the very least. What do you think? Try playing it on a piano and see if you can get what I'm saying.

Greg

Finally got back to this: you're absolutely right, so I cut most of that part out. Also made some improvements to m.29-30 to improve playability.

Maelstrom


Libera

Sweet, just some boring stuff left from me.

-The left margin should be larger than 0.5 in case people want to hole punch sheets.  Something around 0.6-0.7 usually works fine.
-Could all the systems on the second page be brought a little lower?  They're kinda close to the page number and subtitle at the moment and there's plenty of white space at the bottom to move into.
-The 8vas could do with starting a little more to the left to better cover the notes.  Especially important here to make those contrasting lines clearer!

It'll be good to wrap this one up!

Greg


Libera


Zeta

This submission has been accepted by Libera.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot