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[GBA] Pokémon Ruby Version & Pokémon Sapphire Version - "Cycling (Duet)" by amc

Started by Zeta, July 10, 2019, 01:36:43 PM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Pokémon
Game: Pokémon Ruby Version & Pokémon Sapphire Version
Console: Game Boy Advance
Title: Cycling
Instrumentation Piano Duet
Arranger: amc

[attachment deleted by admin]

[attachment deleted by admin]

amc

Dropped my phone in McDonald's sprite and that mf started charging

Maelstrom


amc

Dropped my phone in McDonald's sprite and that mf started charging

Maelstrom

No problem, nothing was hurt.

It can just get confusing if there's feedback on the thread that's lost when the submission is deleted.

Latios212

This looks pretty solid! At a quick glance I'd suggest adding more dynamics and articulation. The phrase markings are great but some staccatos for example would be helpful to differentiate how some different parts are played, and there's definitely quite a bit of dynamic variation that I think the original desires.

Let me know if you want any specific suggestions!
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

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[close]
turtle

amc

Dropped my phone in McDonald's sprite and that mf started charging

Latios212

Nice. My thorough check coming in now!

- Slash at the end of the URL
- Definitely an improvement over before but some notes still demand some articulation. For example, the F#-G in beats 1-2 of m. 2/6/10/14 should probably be staccato. Same with the last two melody notes in m. 7/11/15. And some bass notes like beat 3 of m. 18 and following.
- In measure 3 I'm hearing the melody figure on beat 3.5 as E-Eb-D instead of the grace notes leading to the A.
- In m. 5, sec. RH, I'm hearing a voice play a couple of C# 16th notes, then B C# E instead of what you have written. Unless that's a different voice present?
- Melody in m. 10 is missing a Bb grace note before the A
- m. 11, the grace note should be Eb above, not C# below the D
- There's a voice that goes missing in sec., m. 14-16, RH.
- I think the melody voices should be tied between measures 18-19 and 22-23
- Bass dips down to C# instead of repeating D in m. 3 beat 3.5
- I'm hearing E-C# as the last two bass notes in m. 9
- m. 11, A on beat 3 is missing G# before it
- Bass E in m. 14 should be D
- Last A in the bass of m. 24 should be sharp
- Pri's left hand is inaccurate in m. 4-5.
- Cn in m. 9 should be a B
- F# at the end of m. 17 should be E
- Measure 25 seems a bit awkward to play for Pri. Anything we can do about that?

Good stuff, the above comments are all pretty minor. Very clean sheet.
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

Spoiler
[close]
turtle

amc

I've updated the sheets, however I'm pretty sure that E-Eb-D isn't played in m. 3
Dropped my phone in McDonald's sprite and that mf started charging

Latios212

Quote from: Latios212 on July 17, 2019, 06:13:40 PM- Last A in the bass of m. 24 should be sharp
I think this was missed, and also the url is missing the "www". Other than what you mentioned above, I think all is good here, so I'll wait for someone else to weigh in on that.
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

Spoiler
[close]
turtle

Libera

So the thing about bar 3: as far as I can tell there are two lines, one plays F# -> E -> Eb -> D and the other line plays D -> B -> Bb -> A.  For reference here's a picture:
Spoiler
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In other news, the tempo should be 138bpm rather than 144bpm.
And beat 4 in bar 28 pri should be G -> A both quavers rather than just a G.  I'd probably slur the G to the A with a staccato on the A, but your choice.

amc

Dropped my phone in McDonald's sprite and that mf started charging

Latios212

Quote from: Latios212 on July 17, 2019, 06:13:40 PM- Last A in the bass of m. 24 should be sharp
This is still missing. Aside from that, I'd suggest moving the forte in m. 2 Secondo over just a bit. After that, looks good from my end!
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

Spoiler
[close]
turtle

amc

Dropped my phone in McDonald's sprite and that mf started charging

Libera

Looks great, I've just fixed the v26 induced oddities for you and now we're ready to go!