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[DELETED] [NDS] Nintendogs - "Chow Record" by PokéMaster

Started by Zeta, August 07, 2021, 01:39:32 PM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Other
Game: Nintendogs
Console: Nintendo DS
Title: Chow Record
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: PokéMaster


Static

  • m1/21 LH: This is a Dmaj7 chord, I would change the D to C# here.
  • m6/26 LH: There should be an E in the LH as well on beat 1 (middle of staff).
  • m26 RH: Accent marking should not be touching the stem.
  • m28 LH: The chords are missing B's (should look like m8).
  • m32: This is an F#7b9#11 chord, which means the Cn should technically be B# here. You can remove the courtesy C# in the LH.
  • m35-38 RH: It's up to you, but I think trying to find a way to incorporate the guitar lick here would be cool.
  • m37-40: This system is a bit cramped, consider spacing the staves apart more (you have enough room on this page to do that) so that the layers aren't so close together.
  • In m40, you have molto ritardando, and in m48 poco rit.. You could just have these both be rit., it's common enough an expression to where an abbreviation shouldn't be misunderstood.
  • m53 RH: Since this is in 3/4 and not 6/8, the second dotted quarter should be written as an 8th note tied to a quarter.
  • m57-60: I'd also try to include the guitar melody here, I think it's more important than the background chords. This would also mean getting rid of the repeat, since the guitar part is different the 2nd time through.
  • m65: Did you intend the A to be played with the LH? I think it's easier to just play the upper 3 notes with the RH alone.
  • Copyright info, page titles, and page numbers are outside the page margins.

PokeMaestro

Thank you for the feedback! I revised the sheet in your points.

Quotem35-38 RH: It's up to you, but I think trying to find a way to incorporate the guitar lick here would be cool.
I didn't incorporate it, unfortunalely, beacuse the beats wouldn't be filled without the violin voice, just offbeat sounds not so good imo. You can't play the violin voice together with the guitar voice (the voices are overlapping) or rather to play them in two different octaves would be very hard.

Quotem57-60: I'd also try to include the guitar melody here, I think it's more important than the background chords. This would also mean getting rid of the repeat, since the guitar part is different the 2nd time through.
similar matter

Quotem53 RH: Since this is in 3/4 and not 6/8, the second dotted quarter should be written as an 8th note tied to a quarter.
Yes, I just thought it might be easier to read.

QuoteCopyright info, page titles, and page numbers are outside the page margins.
How do I fix it?

Static

#4
Looks good! I just have a few last comments/replies to your comments:

- m50 RH (lower voice): The first note here should be C (natural) instead of E.
- When I said both the ridardandos should be rit., didn't mean exactly that - you can keep the molto and poco. I just meant they should both be rit. (i.e. molto rit. & poco rit. instead of molto ritardando & poco rit.). I just didn't see a reason not to use the abbreviation.
- You had this fit rather nicely on 3 pages before, but when you adjusted the system spacing on Page 2, the last system on Page 3 got shifted down. I would adjust the spacing on Page 3 to make everything fit in 3 pages like before.
- Text can be moved inside the margins by using the Text Tool > right click on handle > Edit Frame Attributes > set V value to 0 (under Alignment and Positioning). For righthand text (i.e. odd page numbers), the Right Page Alignment and Positioning V value should also be set to 0.
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- I would still strongly suggest writing those beat 1.5 dotted quarter notes as tied quarter notes, I think it's easier to read it that way since it's more consistent with standard 3/4 beat groupings. There are times where it's appropriate to interchange such divisions (like in this sheet (m66+) for example). I don't think this is one of those cases, it's just a single syncopated rhythm.
- For the guitar voice, even if it does play on offbeats, the LH pattern is already playing the downbeats so I still think it could work. The guitar melody also frequently plays downbeats too, like in m37-38 and m57-60:
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But if you'd still rather not include it, that's OK too!

PokeMaestro

I'm still working on this, it's getting finished soon.

Libera


Latios212

I'm going to archive this for now. Feel free to resubmit with changes if you get back to it, and let us know if you need help!
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

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