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Author Topic: [PC] Seihou 1: Shuusou Gyoku - "Dichromatic Lotus Butterfly ~ Ancients" by BlueKirby  (Read 1058 times)

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Submission Information:

Series: Other
Game: Seihou 1: Shuusou Gyoku
Console: PC
Title: Dichromatic Lotus Butterfly ~ Ancients
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: BlueKirby
« Last Edit: August 28, 2022, 03:07:39 PM by Libera »
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BlueKirby

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VIVIT gaming

also hi i have motivation to submit something again.

edit: also i am aware that the rit tempos should be hidden. seems the version of the xml fixer i had didnt work there
« Last Edit: December 03, 2021, 12:34:18 AM by BlueKirby »
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Looks like the MuseScore conversion margins didn't quite line up, did you use the Cacabish method by chance? Wondering because the measure numbers are here, but some other stuff is incorrect (ex. copyright on last page)  In any effect, here is a file with the correct margins, I've also made some aesthetic improvements to a few items (tempos on  top of each other, system width adjustments)

-m18 I hear the instead of Gn Fn Gn on the bottom RH notes I hear Dn Cn Dn, and no tie from beat 2.5 to 3.
-m37 LH I hear the Eb an octave up, and a Bb above it; same applies for m38 as far as octaves but I hear an Cn above the Fn.  For m39, I hear a Dn above the Gn, which fixing the octave of the note would sort out the current note overlapping in m40.
-m37 and m39 RH I also hear a Bb under the Gn and Dn
-m38 RH I hear a Dn Cn An underneath each of the current rhythms.
-m41 LH move this up an octave, and there's also a Bb on top[ of the Eb instead of below.  Same feedback 42-43, flip the LH notes and move them up an octave.
-m46-52 I assume at this point down an octave was a decision.  I'd suggest against this because I don't think it sounds as faithful to the original and doesn't detract from the sound

BlueKirby

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alright, i think i addressed all of this correctly, if im reading it right. i have no clue what happened with the formatting as its usually much better than this but oh well (i should note i use whatever the latest version of musescore 3.5 was because im admittedly too lazy to learn how to not make everything look horrid on my eyes)

also, alongside hiding the rit tempos, the "a tempo" at m.13 should be changed to q=156. id do that myself but i dont recall finale notepad having the ability to do that so oops, sorry.
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Libera

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Presentation-wise I think this looks pretty good generally; there's just a few details that I'll comment on (later). 

Something that I should first is that the pickup has been erroneously included in the bar numbering, but I'll be using the current bar numbers when I refer to anything to avoid confusion.  That does need to be fixed though.  To keep this slightly more bite-sized and more approachable, I'm just going to give feedback on the first 19 bars (up to bar 21).



Notes/accuracy:

-In the pickup, the third and fourth notes should be a C and an A.

-In bars 2-4/6-8 the lower notes on beat 3 and 3.5 sound like they should be C -> D rather than D -> G.

-Again in bars 2-4/6-8, I think the dyads on beat 4.5 should be tied over to the next bar rather than coming off immediately.  That sounds to me like what happens in the original.

-The bass in bar 9 plays an F that then moves to an F# on beat 4, rather than an Eb that moves to an Fn.

-I don't hear the Bb or the An in any of the chords in bars 11-12.  I'd suggest replacing them with a doubled G and F#, respectively.

-In bar 12 the bass should be an F# on beat 4 rather than an Fn.

-It sounds to me like the second layer in bar 5 should resolve to a Bb in bar 6, rather than a Dn.

-There's a little descending D -> A just at the end of bar 12, leading into the G in bar 13.

-The lower G on beat 1 of bar 14/16 sounds like an An.

-The lower A on beat 4 of bar 17/19 sounds like a Dn.

-I don't hear the piano line resolve in bar 20.

-The ascending string pattern in bar 20 sounds more like this to me:
Spoiler
[close]



Arrangement/playability:
My comments here mainly just concern the left hand in bars 13-20.  There are some accuracy concerns I have here as well but I'm going to leave mentioning them out while we focus on getting the style right.  You can have another look at the notes here though and see if you can spot them yourself, though, of course.

-Bars 13-16: this accompaniment pattern is very hard to play, particularly the jump at the end of bars 14/16.  There are a number of other options you could try out here.  One would be to move the top notes of the off-beat dyads down an octave, another would be to 'massage' the notes a little so that they fit under the hand easier (maybe alternating with the fifth rather than the third).

-Bars-17-20: This left hand is quite awkward to play (and also not very accurate to the original in places).  I think it might be easier to have this section match the left hand of the previous section, without all of these extra sixteenth notes.  Alternatively, maybe you could adjust the final note in each set of three to be up the octave, and that way it would be a lot easier to play and still cover the same rhythm.  Something else to think about, anyway.



I think that's enough for now.  I don't want to make this post too intimidating.  I think what you have is a good start and I hope we can continue to work through it!  Let me know if you need any help with anything, or any clarification on something I said.
« Last Edit: January 23, 2022, 11:44:09 PM by Libera »
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BlueKirby

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Notes/accuracy:

-In the pickup, the third and fourth notes should be a C and an A.

-In bars 2-4/6-8 the lower notes on beat 3 and 3.5 sound like they should be C -> D rather than D -> G.

-The bass in bar 9 plays an F that then moves to an F# on beat 4, rather than an Eb that moves to an Fn.

-I don't hear the Bb or the An in any of the chords in bars 11-12.  I'd suggest replacing them with a doubled G and F#, respectively.

-In bar 12 the bass should be an F# on beat 4 rather than an Fn.

-There's a little descending D -> A just at the end of bar 12, leading into the G in bar 13.

-The lower G on beat 1 of bar 14/16 sounds like an An.

-The lower A on beat 4 of bar 17/19 sounds like a Dn.

-I don't hear the piano line resolve in bar 20.

-The ascending string pattern in bar 20 sounds more like this to me:
Spoiler
[close]



Arrangement/playability:
My comments here mainly just concern the left hand in bars 13-20.  There are some accuracy concerns I have here as well but I'm going to leave mentioning them out while we focus on getting the style right.  You can have another look at the notes here though and see if you can spot them yourself, though, of course.

-Bars 13-16: this accompaniment pattern is very hard to play, particularly the jump at the end of bars 14/16.  There are a number of other options you could try out here.  One would be to move the top notes of the off-beat dyads down an octave, another would be to 'massage' the notes a little so that they fit under the hand easier (maybe alternating with the fifth rather than the third).

-Bars-17-20: This left hand is quite awkward to play (and also not very accurate to the original in places).  I think it might be easier to have this section match the left hand of the previous section, without all of these extra sixteenth notes.  Alternatively, maybe you could adjust the final note in each set of three to be up the octave, and that way it would be a lot easier to play and still cover the same rhythm.  Something else to think about, anyway.



I think that's enough for now.  I don't want to make this post too intimidating.  I think what you have is a good start and I hope we can continue to work through it!  Let me know if you need any help with anything, or any clarification on something I said.

alright, fixed all of this

Presentation-wise I think this looks pretty good generally; there's just a few details that I'll comment on (later). 

Something that I should first is that the pickup has been erroneously included in the bar numbering, but I'll be using the current bar numbers when I refer to anything to avoid confusion.  That does need to be fixed though.  To keep this slightly more bite-sized and more approachable, I'm just going to give feedback on the first 19 bars (up to bar 21).

i have no clue how this happened, but then again, the conversion was really janky this time for some reason

-Again in bars 2-4/6-8, I think the dyads on beat 4.5 should be tied over to the next bar rather than coming off immediately.  That sounds to me like what happens in the original.

im hearing some space in between the start of the next measure and the end of the last so i kept it the way it was

-It sounds to me like the second layer in bar 5 should resolve to a Bb in bar 6, rather than a Dn.

relistening and noticing its a chord, Dn+Bb



alright hopefully i did things right h
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Static

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Hey, sorry for the wait on this one! I'll start with note accuracy stuff as well (I'll be using the current incorrect measure numbers as Libera did in the previous post):

- m2, 3, 4, etc. RH beat 4.5: Like Libera, I hear these notes longer/tied over to beat 1 of the following measure. To me, it sounds like there's almost no space in between those notes.

- m5 RH beat 3: In the lower layer, the C should be D.

- m6 RH beat 1: In the lower layer, I'd recommend just changing this to an 8th note (but keep it in the lower layer). That dyad is repeated several times in the same measure, so it's impossible to really hold it down in the middle of all that. In a performance setting, it would sound the same whether or not it was written as a whole note, but writing it as an 8th is less confusing.

- m9 LH beats 1-2: Bass plays F here instead of E.

- m10 LH should look just like m9 after the above change is implemented.

- m10 RH beat 4.75: The last 16th note here should be C instead of F.

- m12 beat 4: In both the RH and LH, this last quarter note is played long/tenuto instead of short.

- m16 LH beat 4: Bass stays on G here.

- m18 LH beat 4: Bass moves to F here.

- m21-36: I hear this section harmonized a bit differently, like this:
m21-28

(m29-36 is the same, just transposed)
[close]

- m24/28/32/36 LH: The bass plays a D/D# (respectively) here, it's a Gm/G#m chord but in 2nd inversion.

- m37-39, 41-43 RH: There are only two voices in these measures (just the bottom and top voices you currently have).

- m39/43 RH beat 4.5: Lower voice should be C instead of D.

- m40/44 RH beat 4: Lower voice should be C instead of D.

- m44 RH beat 4.5: This dyad should be Bb (below staff) and G (middle of staff).

- m44 RH: This might look better in bass clef, at least up until beat 4.5.

- m45-50 is harmonized exactly like m37-43.


Lmk if you have any questions
« Last Edit: April 11, 2022, 06:23:43 PM by Static »
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BlueKirby

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Hey, sorry for the wait on this one! I'll start with note accuracy stuff as well (I'll be using the current incorrect measure numbers as Libera did in the previous post):

- m2, 3, 4, etc. RH beat 4.5: Like Libera, I hear these notes longer/tied over to beat 1 of the following measure. To me, it sounds like there's almost no space in between those notes.

- m5 RH beat 3: In the lower layer, the C should be D.

- m6 RH beat 1: In the lower layer, I'd recommend just changing this to an 8th note (but keep it in the lower layer). That dyad is repeated several times in the same measure, so it's impossible to really hold it down in the middle of all that. In a performance setting, it would sound the same whether or not it was written as a whole note, but writing it as an 8th is less confusing.

- m9 LH beats 1-2: Bass plays F here instead of E.

- m10 LH should look just like m9 after the above change is implemented.

- m10 RH beat 4.75: The last 16th note here should be C instead of F.

- m12 beat 4: In both the RH and LH, this last quarter note is played long/tenuto instead of short.

- m16 LH beat 4: Bass stays on G here.

- m18 LH beat 4: Bass moves to F here.

- m21-36: I hear this section harmonized a bit differently, like this:
m21-28

(m29-36 is the same, just transposed)
[close]

- m24/28/32/36 LH: The bass plays a D/D# (respectively) here, it's a Gm/G#m chord but in 2nd inversion.

- m37-39, 41-43 RH: There are only two voices in these measures (just the bottom and top voices you currently have).

- m39/43 RH beat 4.5: Lower voice should be C instead of D.

- m40/44 RH beat 4: Lower voice should be C instead of D.

- m45-50 is harmonized exactly like m37-43.


Lmk if you have any questions

the j


anyways fixed as much of this as i could (did result in the text overlapping horribly, need help fixing that :pensive:), but...

Quote
- m44 RH beat 4.5: This dyad should be Bb (below staff) and G (middle of staff).

- m44 RH: This might look better in bass clef, at least up until beat 4.5.

didn't really understand this or how to do it. i looked around and couldn't find anything, and the first one i didn't really understand what that means (oops, small brain moment), so if i could have a little help with that please?
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Static

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Hey, I got the files for ya (link here), with all the formatting changes. I also made a few other minor adjustments:

- Typically, pickup measures don't factor into repeats, so you can use a D.C. rather than D.S. if you want. Either way is technically correct though, so I've left it with a D.S. Also, instead of whole rests, the rest should match the duration of the pickup, so use a quarter rest here.

- Since there is no "Fine" marking, it should just say "D.S." at the end

- Since the tempo at m13 is different than the previous one, you don't need the "a tempo" there

- Since you only have key changed from sharps to flats (or vice versa), you don't have to show all the natural signs.

- m24/28/32/36 LH: I still am hearing a D# in the bass here, instead of G# (left it as is for now)

- I like having slurs on grace notes, but up to you (I left them as-is)

Regarding m44, this is what I had in mind:


Anyway, the files linked above have all the changes already made, so feel free to upload those. Let me know if you disagree with anything or want clarification, etc.

BlueKirby

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Hey, I got the files for ya (link here), with all the formatting changes. I also made a few other minor adjustments:

- Typically, pickup measures don't factor into repeats, so you can use a D.C. rather than D.S. if you want. Either way is technically correct though, so I've left it with a D.S. Also, instead of whole rests, the rest should match the duration of the pickup, so use a quarter rest here.

- Since there is no "Fine" marking, it should just say "D.S." at the end

- Since you only have key changed from sharps to flats (or vice versa), you don't have to show all the natural signs.

- m24/28/32/36 LH: I still am hearing a D# in the bass here, instead of G# (left it as is for now)

Regarding m44, this is what I had in mind:


Anyway, the files linked above have all the changes already made, so feel free to upload those. Let me know if you disagree with anything or want clarification, etc.

why did it take me so long to get to this fudosjoifsjisd

anyways yeah i agree with most of these changes


- Since the tempo at m13 is different than the previous one, you don't need the "a tempo" there

- I like having slurs on grace notes, but up to you (I left them as-is)


the tempo at m.13 was meant to be the same as the intro tempo but i forgor to change it and by the time i realized i noticed i couldn't change it easily in notepad (unless im missing something very obvious, could easily be that), but if y'all think its okay to keep it at that slower tempo im fine with that, and the grace notes lacking slurs is just me forgetting to do that when i initially tried to make the sheet.
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Static

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the tempo at m.13 was meant to be the same as the intro tempo but i forgor to change it and by the time i realized i noticed i couldn't change it easily in notepad (unless im missing something very obvious, could easily be that), but if y'all think its okay to keep it at that slower tempo im fine with that, and the grace notes lacking slurs is just me forgetting to do that when i initially tried to make the sheet.
The tempo at m13+ is actually slightly slower than the intro in the original, so you were right (even if unintentionally).

- m24/28/32/36 LH: I still am hearing a D# in the bass here, instead of G# (left it as is for now)
You didn't address this, though to be fair it is easier to play as you have it. I'm fine keeping it, though maybe Libera has something to say here.

I'll approve in the meantime, this looks good. Added the grace note slurs as well since they weren't showing up for some reason.

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OK, more feedback from me.

-The pickup is still erroneously included in the bar numberings and so everything is off by one.

-I think the left hand of bar 40 should be an octave higher.  It is currently very low and muddy and doesn't really sound like the original there.

-I don't hear anything on beat 1 of bar 44.

-Bar 50-52's left hand sounds like it should be an octave lower.

-I agree with Static about the bass in bars 24/28 etc.

-I feel like the left hand pattern in bar 17-20 would be a lot easier to play if it was every third note that was up the octave, rather than every second.  At the moment this is very awkward to play at tempo and I don't think changing it would affect the sound that much.

-I hear something completely different in the bass in the second half of bar 18 and all of bar 20.

-I think it'd be cool if the left hand pattern changed for the first run through 29-36, where the percussion drops out in the original.  It would be a nice source of variation in the arrangement and would reflect the original better I think.

-I don't think you need to specify that repeats should be played on the D.S. since this isn't classical music.

-Is the extra piano part left out of bars 46-48/50-52 for simplicity?  I think it's a bit confusing having it be there in bars 45/49 and then suddenly disappear, so it might be a more consistent to just not have it all.

-There are a bunch of systems where the staff separation is much wider and pretty much the only one I think is necessary is the third system of the first page.  All of the others ones should just be normal width.

BlueKirby

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dont try to work with finale notepad, worst mistake of my life

OK, more feedback from me.

-The pickup is still erroneously included in the bar numberings and so everything is off by one.

-I don't think you need to specify that repeats should be played on the D.S. since this isn't classical music.

-There are a bunch of systems where the staff separation is much wider and pretty much the only one I think is necessary is the third system of the first page.  All of the others ones should just be normal width.

dunno if i can fix any of these because NotePad Moment:tm:

Quote
-I think the left hand of bar 40 should be an octave higher.  It is currently very low and muddy and doesn't really sound like the original there.

-I don't hear anything on beat 1 of bar 44.

-Bar 50-52's left hand sounds like it should be an octave lower.

-I agree with Static about the bass in bars 24/28 etc.

-I feel like the left hand pattern in bar 17-20 would be a lot easier to play if it was every third note that was up the octave, rather than every second.  At the moment this is very awkward to play at tempo and I don't think changing it would affect the sound that much.

-Is the extra piano part left out of bars 46-48/50-52 for simplicity?  I think it's a bit confusing having it be there in bars 45/49 and then suddenly disappear, so it might be a more consistent to just not have it all.

fixed these

Quote
-I hear something completely different in the bass in the second half of bar 18 and all of bar 20.

-I think it'd be cool if the left hand pattern changed for the first run through 29-36, where the percussion drops out in the original.  It would be a nice source of variation in the arrangement and would reflect the original better I think.

could you clarify on these a tiny bit please? small brain doesnt fully understand this (i relistened and for some reason my brain blanked on what an alternative could be, apologies)

i think that's everything

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Libera

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-I hear something completely different in the bass in the second half of bar 18 and all of bar 20.

Ah for 20 I think what you have is actually fine now looking at what you're trying to write in, but for 18 I hear this in the second half:
Spoiler
[close]

-I think it'd be cool if the left hand pattern changed for the first run through 29-36, where the percussion drops out in the original.  It would be a nice source of variation in the arrangement and would reflect the original better I think.

Yeah I can explain this more.  So because the offbeat percussion has dropped out the left hand pattern that is written in doesn't really make that much sense anymore (although it sounds perfectly fine) so I was thinking maybe something different here would work better, and also help to vary it up a little bit.  The arpeggio patterns are kind of horrendous so I wouldn't suggest that, but since the energy does loosen up here anyway I think just taking the bass notes on their own would sound fine.  Like this:
Spoiler
[close]
and then the second time around you go back to the pattern that you had before.

Also I'll just point out something I mentioned way back when that never got addressed:

-There's a little descending D -> A just at the end of bar 12, leading into the G in bar 13.

Like this:
Spoiler
[close]



I can get all the other formatting stuff later if that isn't editable in notepad.

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Bump for arranger.
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