Morning
x2 on what Bloop said about the hidden barlines. If you want to write it out like this you need to use one long bar. At the moment the spacings are pretty weird.
The only other thing I would say is that you have loads of vertical space but multiple elements of the sheet are overlapping horizontally at the top. The composer info can start below the game title, the tempo marking can start below the arranger info etc. Just space things out a bit more at the top.
Also the composer info, etc. needs to be aligned to the margins.
Bits and Pieces: From the Ashes
-Again the spacing at the top of the sheet needs to be cleaned up. The composer info is waaay too close to the sheet title and can start below the game title.
-I'm not personally a huge fan of the staccatos mixed with augmentations dots. I think it can be confusing to read. I'd write these as quarter notes (still with a staccato if you want) followed by an eighth rest.
-The bass notes in bar 9 are Bb -> Ab, not F to C. Those chords will probably need to be revoiced to make it work.
-I don't think these are parallel thirds in bar 9. It sounds like the Bb is an Ab still.
-The way the second layer is written out in bars 10-13 is quite confusing and doesn't really match up with what is being played in the original. On beat 3 of beat bar it should be play an Ab, and I don't know why it is currently playing a Bb on beat 4.
-Why are bars 18-19 written so differently to all of the other RH bars in this section? I'd stick to one style of writing this RH part out i.e. either with the layers combined or split.
-Bar 19 is also missing Dns.
-Bar 29 has Bbs in the bass every beat (what is currently written in could be played by the RH).
-The measure distribution in general could do with some cleaning up. The last system of page 1 is far too dense, and the penultimate system of page 2 is very spread out. There are lots of options, but it needs to be a lot more even.
-Is bar 26 really quieter than bar 1? I'd try to make the dynamics a little more consistent. Also, at the moment it is confusing what dynamic bar 2 should be played at the second time. They could also be centred a bit more horizontally, particularly the one in the first bar.
-Does this piece loop in game?
-Copyright should be 'developer, publisher c 2009' i.e. Bungie, Microsoft Game Studios c 2009.
-Ditto as to your other sheet about aligning the copyright, composer info, mini titles etc.