[Wii] Kirby's Epic Yarn - "Vs. Meta Knight" by Zeila

Started by Zeta, November 02, 2017, 11:23:00 PM

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Static

Sorry for the wait! I delved deep into this one to try to get all I could find, and here's what I got:

- m5-8 LH beat 5: I hear 2 8th note chords here instead of just one held quarter note chord.
- m11 RH beat 3.5: I would probably put the upper Ab here instead of the Db, because its not anywhere else in either hand here.
- m12 RH beat 5: There should be an F here (bottom space).
- m16 RH beat 1: There should be a G in between the Eb and Bb in this chord.
- m18 RH beat 1: There should be an Eb below the F in this chord.
- m18 RH beat 4.75: The dyad here should be Eb-G instead of Eb-Bb.
- m18 RH beat 5: There should be a Bb between the F and Eb in this chord. This chord should also have a rolled chord marking.
- m19, 20, 22 LH: These measures should all look like m17 LH.
- m22 RH beat 2.5: The bottom Anat in the chord should not be there.
- m22 RH beat 2.5: If you only want the RH to crescendo on this line, then you should move the forte above the chord here. If not, the way it is now is fine, I just wanted to make sure this is what you meant.
- m22, 23, 24: The notes/durations you have are all correct, I would adjust some of the time signatures a bit: I would put m22 in 5/4, because the bass and percussion lines are the same as the bars before it. I would then make m23 a 4/4 bar (like it currently is, just the notes will be shifted to account for m22), and m24 would be 2/4 (this is when the little drum break is). This is how I would notate it, personally (note this version of the sheet is an older version than the re-spaced one you currently have):
m22-24
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- m21, 23, 24: Generally, you don't need a double barline for changing time signatures, especially if they change in rapid succession like they do here. I would just leave the 3rd double barline at the end of m24 because that one indicates a new section and change of style compared to the bars before it.
- m23: I would un-hide the forte at the end of the crescendo here; I think it's good to tell the performer how much to keep getting louder here.
- m25-28 RH beat 5: Each beat 5 here should be D-Ab-Ab-Db instead of G-Ab-Gb-C#. However, playing 2 16th note Abs in a row at this tempo is cumbersome, to say the least, so what I would do is raise the 2nd Ab (2nd to last 16th note in each bar) up an octave so it's above the staff. Keeps the same kinda sound but it's easier to play.
- m32 RH: This rhythm is really weird, and I'm not really sure myself how it goes lol. This is what I came up with, but some other people's thoughts would be helpful I think:
m32 RH
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- m32-35 RH: Overall sound reasonably correct, accurate, and well-written, but like I said before, an extra look or two from someone else here might go a long way.
- m37: The double barline here is unnecessary due to reasons I explained above.
- m37, 38: I would instead make m37 a 6/4 bar and m38 a 5/4 bar, because thats when the 5/4 rhythm picks up again.
- m38 RH: The final pair of 8th notes I hear as ever so slightly faster than the 8th note percussion line before it. I would write this is an 8th note triplet (an 8th note F followed by a quarter note Eb under a triplet bracket).



Sorry if this sounds like a lot lol, but really most of these are very miniscule issues. This sheet is absolutely insane, and you captured it on piano really, really well, so yeah. Great sheet!

Zeila

Quote from: Static on July 20, 2018, 12:53:45 PM- m32 RH: This rhythm is really weird, and I'm not really sure myself how it goes lol. This is what I came up with, but some other people's thoughts would be helpful I think:
m32 RH
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I don't think this way is correct because it sounds like the two triplets (sixteenth and eighth at beat 3.5) are at the same speed. Also, when I slow it down it sounds like they start on beat 4. I did change beat 5.5 to the two sixteenth notes though

Everything else was fixed. Thanks for the feedback!

Static

Quote from: Zeila on July 21, 2018, 12:14:44 AMI don't think this way is correct because it sounds like the two triplets (sixteenth and eighth at beat 3.5) are at the same speed. Also, when I slow it down it sounds like they start on beat 4. I did change beat 5.5 to the two sixteenth notes though

Everything else was fixed. Thanks for the feedback!

Alright, sounds good, and you're welcome!

Latios212

Nice work you two, looking much better now.

From my end before we finish up here:
- Give the first system a bit more space both above and below - the tempo and pedal markings are a bit crammed in between stuff. You can move everything down on the page a bit.
- Similarly reconsider your spacing between LH/RH staves - dynamics are given very little space in the second system but there's ample room in the last system on the first page.
- I'd watch your 8va usage in m. 18, the chord is not easy to read (my recommendation would be to keep beats 1-3 of m. 18 non-8va)
- Tie flipped the wrong way in LH of m. 22
- Perhaps just consider writing the tremolo on the top staff instead for m. 22-23?
- Courtesy natural (non-parenthesized) would do nicely on the D's at the beginning of m. 26, 28. Conversely the natural on the C in m. 29 is unhelpful.
- Not sure how I feel about the tie in the triplet in m. 33 - consider making it a dotted eighth?
- Accent flipped at the end of m. 34
My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

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Zeila


Latios212

My arrangements and YouTube channel!

Quote from: Dudeman on February 22, 2016, 10:16:37 AM
who needs education when you can have WAIFUS!!!!!

Spoiler
[close]
turtle

Zeta

This submission has been accepted by Latios212.

~Zeta, your friendly NSM-Bot