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Other => Gaming => Topic started by: BlackDragonSlayer on December 04, 2013, 03:53:58 AM

Title: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on December 04, 2013, 03:53:58 AM
Title says it all.


King's Bounty (Sega Genesis)

"I want YOU for U.S. Army!" - Uncle Sam

Today, we shall begin our time-killing sessions with a review of an instant classic: King's Bounty, first released in 1990, for multiple systems; for the purposes of complete accuracy, I shall be reviewing the Sega Genesis version.

Now, many old video games captivate the player's sense of wonder and imagination. Doom, for example, provokes many questions: What is that demon doing behind those bars? What is that wall made out of? Who put that biohazard suit behind the acid? Why does it only protect me for a limited time? King's Bounty is another game that can give rise to many wondrous questions. Why can I only recruit 10 sprites if there are 110 at the creature dwelling? How am I supposed to build up my armies to fight the overpowered rogues that hide in castles? How the hell do enemy creatures counterattack you after you've already killed them? Why do I feel as if the interface if fighting against me more than the game's enemies? What's wrong with the day system? What kind of king leaves his scepter right outside his castle and then hires somebody to find it!? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzkrREEtnAI)

The objective of this game is to hunt down villains and find the King's scepter within a limited time period, because apparently he'll die if you don't. You'd think he'd want to protect his scepter more. However, the villains put up quite a fight- I never beat a single one of them. The first one I fought, some pirate dude, had these insane berserker-like warriors who carved through my troops. Then the king proceeded to lecture me on strategy after I miserably failed due to a lack of troops. WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME SOME MORE TROOPS INSTEAD!?!? ISSUE A DRAFT OR SOMETHING! HIRE MORE HEROES!!!!! NAEUIAERUGHAYUEEWEEE!!!!1!!!!1

I fondly remember two things about this game when I was young:
1: I couldn't get very far.
2: I couldn't recruit any creatures.

Playing the game now, I don't have any clue why I remembered those two things in specific.

According to Wikipedia, a reviewer from Computer Gaming World magazine said that he "finished it in six hours." One must wonder what kind of wizard he was to finish the game at all, let alone in six hours. He also called the battles "exciting." Tense, more like it. What, is the computer version that different from the Genesis version?

Pros:
+ Cool fantasy setting.
+ It was the predecessor to Heroes of Might and Magic, I guess.
+ There was a boardgame version too?

Cons:
- Confusing user interface and controls.
- Confusing battles.
- Confusing objectives and day system.
- What? You can't buy a boat?

Final Score: 7/10

Reviewer notes:


Reviews so far
1: King's Bounty (Sega Genesis)

2: Heroes of Might and Magic: A Strategic Quest (PC) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg233859#msg233859)

3: Metroid Prime Trilogy (Wii) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg234705#msg234705)

4: DUEL REVIEW: Heroes of Might and Magic II: The Succession Wars (PC) vs. Heroes of Might and Magic III: The Restoration of Erathia (PC) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg235202#msg235202)

5: Rocket Knight (PS3) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg235773#msg235773)

6: Perfect Dark (Xbox 360) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg236174#msg236174)

7: Metroid: Zero Mission (GBA) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg240679#msg240679)

8: Shrek Smash n' Crash Racing (DS) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg241147#msg241147)

9: Heroes of Might and Magic III: In the Wake of Gods (PC) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg244132#msg244132)

10: Need for Speed: Most Wanted (PS3) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg244355#msg244355)

11: DUEL REVIEW: Alien Hominid (GBA) vs. Gunstar Heroes (Sega Genesis) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg245192#msg245192)

12: DUEL REVIEW: Castle Crashers (PS3) vs. Alien Soldier (Sega Mega Drive) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg245600#msg245600)

13: Super Rub 'a' Dub (PS3) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg245887#msg245887)

14: Heroes of Might and Magic III: Horn of the Abyss (PC) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg246857#msg246857)

15: Family Dog (SNES) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg250262#msg250262)

16: Gain Ground (Sega Genesis) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg250719#msg250719)

17: The Monkey King: The Legend Begins (Wii) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg253094#msg253094)

18: DOOM (SNES) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg256301#msg256301)

19: Fat Princess (PS3) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg289922#msg289922)

20: Sonic the Hedgehog (NES) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg291467#msg291467)

21: DUEL REVIEW: Pokemon Omega Ruby (3DS) vs. Pokemon Alpha Sapphire (3DS) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg293277#msg293277)

22: Sonic 3 & Knuckles (Sega Genesis) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg293862#msg293862)

23: MEGA REVIEW: Two Sentences Hate: SG-1000 Games (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg307945#msg307945)

24: DUEL REVIEW: Undertale (PC) vs. Fez (PS3) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg326913#msg326913)

25: Mega Turrican (Sega Genesis) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg377233#msg377233)

26: Anticipation (NES) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg380515#msg380515)

27: Sonic Mania (PS4) (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg382904#msg382904)

28: RollerCoaster Tycoon (PC) (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?topic=5989.msg406597#msg406597)
[close]

Games by Score
Shrek Smash n' Crash Racing (DS) - 2
Lode Runner (SG-1000) - 2.5
Anticipation (NES) - 3.0
Congo Bongo (SG-1000) - 3.5
DOOM (SNES) - 3.6
Dragon Wang (SG-1000) - 3.7
Family Dog (SNES) - 3.8
Sonic the Hedgehog (NES) - 4
H.E.R.O. (SG-1000) - 4.1
Super Rub 'a' Dub (PS3) - 4.2
The Monkey King: The Legend Begins (Wii) - 6.2
Alien Hominid (GBA) - 6.5
King's Bounty (Sega Genesis) - 7
RollerCoaster Tycoon (PC) - 7.2
Heroes of Might and Magic: A Strategic Quest (PC) - 7.4
Fez (PS3) - 7.4
Fat Princess (PS3) - 7.5
Zoom 909 (SG-1000) - 7.6
Alien Soldier (Sega Mega Drive) - 7.8
Heroes of Might and Magic III: In the Wake of Gods (PC) - 7.9
Rocket Knight (PS3) - 8
Metroid: Zero Mission (GBA) - 8.2
Gain Ground (Sega Genesis) - 8.2
Heroes of Might and Magic III: Horn of the Abyss (PC) - 8.4
Heroes of Might and Magic II: The Succession Wars (PC) - 8.6
Undertale (PC) - 8.6
Need for Speed: Most Wanted (PS3) - 8.8
Castle Crashers (PS3) - 9
Pokemon Alpha Sapphire (3DS) - 9.2
Pokemon Omega Ruby (3DS) - 9.2
Sonic Mania (PS4) - 9.2
Sonic 3 & Knuckles (Sega Genesis) - 9.4
Perfect Dark (Xbox 360) - 9.5
Mega Turrican (Sega Genesis) - 9.6
Gunstar Heroes (Sega Genesis) - 9.8
Metroid Prime Trilogy (Wii) - 10
Heroes of Might and Magic III: The Restoration of Erathia (PC) - 10
[close]

Non-reviews
A Column in Which I Analyze the Difference Between Multiple Things, and Express My Direct Preference For One or Another (1) - "The Music of Chris Hülsbeck: Turrican 3 (Amiga) vs. Super Turrican (SNES) vs. Mega Turrican (Sega Genesis)" (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg241652#msg241652)

VG Rankings and Top 10s (1) - "The Weapons of Gunstar Heroes" (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg284954#msg284954)

VG Rankings and Top 10s (2) - "The Worst Sprites of Pokemon Generation 1" (http://forum.ninsheetmusic.org/index.php?topic=5989.msg399037#msg399037)

VG Rankings and Top 10s (3) - "The Manufacturers of Borderlands" (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?topic=5989.msg409621#msg409621)

VG Rankings and Top 10s (4) - "Borderlands DLC" (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/index.php?topic=5989.msg412452#msg412452)
[close]
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Dudeman on December 04, 2013, 05:02:40 AM
Congratulations, BDS. My time has been officially wasted.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: blueflower999 on December 04, 2013, 10:35:57 PM
Oh no, not another one.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on December 05, 2013, 01:13:07 AM
Another one, you say? Who am I not to oblige!?

Heroes of Might and Magic: A Strategic Quest (PC)

"This game should be rated M!" - videogamedunkey

And now, for a much, much better game to review. Cleanse our palates with something a little less archaic, but still very much archaic. This game was first released in 1995, five years after King's Bounty, and boy, it was a hard-hitter! Oddly enough, this game was included alongside King's Bounty in a release in 1996 (for Windows 95); of course, after playing this game, why would you want to play King's Bounty ever again? Nostalgia...? HA!

In essence, all I need to say is that Heroes of Might and Magic is a much more advanced and less frustrating game than King's Bounty. But that wouldn't be much of a review, now would it?

In the game, there are four factions: the honorable Knights, the less honorable Sorceresses, the even less honorable Warlocks, and those dirty-rotten honorless Barbarians. Of course, unless you are yourself honorless, the choice of a faction is clear: Warlocks. And that's why their story is the canonical one. They have dragons. Big, purple dragons. (http://www.heroesofmightandmagic.com/heroes1/monsters/dragon.gif) And cute little slow hydras. (http://www.heroesofmightandmagic.com/heroes1/monsters/hydra.gif) They are the strongest; all shall bow before the Warlocks. Wait... no... I think I got that wrong... Join the Knights! They have Paladins! Don't bother with the Peasants though!

All this talk of creatures brings me to another important aspect of the game: Combat! There are only five slots in your army, but six creatures available to recruit! My, this is quite a dilemma! Whatever shall we do? Ditch the level 1 creature; feed it to the Ghosts- you don't need them anymore!

Combat itself is quite enthralling and often provokes an extreme desire of bloodlust: the game even encourages the shedding of blood by having creatures spout blood whenever they're attacked by certain other creatures. Don't believe me? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aHcDzx0CRU) TOO BAD! Blood must be spilled to appease the demon lords! It's fun to watch squashed cartoony characters kill each other on the command of their masters. The music sets the tone of violence phenomenally!

The Map Editor for this game is the most loveably archaic thing to ever grace my computer's taskbar: you have to have the disk for the game in in order to run the map editor! Isn't it lovely? I don't get why they ever got rid of that feature in future games! In addition to that, the map editor is not user friendly, and is like trying to play an accordion with only your feet while you eat a messy sandwich with your hands.

Pros:
+ Even cooler fantasy setting.
+ No lazy king to lecture you on strategy.
+ You can actually recruit creatures based solely on how much gold you have!
+ Four factions and three different recruitable neutral units!
+ You can buy a boat!
+ BLOOD!
+ Lovably archaic at times!

Cons:
- No boardgame version.
- Squashed cartoony graphics.
- Archaic.

Final Score: 7.4/10

Reviwer Notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on December 17, 2013, 07:11:50 AM
Metroid Prime Trilogy (Wii)

"Wow! That's a LOW price!" - guy from Staples commercial

Three amazing games in one! Wow! The groundbreaking first game from the Gamecube era, the somewhat-forgotten-but-still-groundbreaking-sequel, and the third game for Wii. The only bad thing about the first two is that their obviously archaic controls were no match for the Wii's superior technology-advancement of a controller! That's why they updated the controls... yay... and graphics too!!!

Now, I'm sure you all know about the Prime series and how it completely revolutionized the Metroid series. That's why I'm going to unashamedly bash the Prime Trilogy collection instead of just rehashing its merits in one collective review.

First of all, you've got no real set of achievements. Everybody knows how the Wii failed at adopting the achievement system à la the Xbox 360 and PS3. SHAME ON THEM. You just have this cheap unlockables-thing where you use credits to buy things. AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ABOUT THE FRIEND CREDITS. As of June 28, 2013, you can't even really get them any more! WHAT A PIECE OF...

...

rotten pie. :)

Second, you have the price. Now now now, I know what you're all thinking! "You're crazy; you're getting three games in one!" Well, some genius at Nintendo (the sales and marketing director- beat him!) decided to give the game as short of a sales run as possible; needless to say, they sold like hotcakes, and when they didn't restock, countless, countless gamers were left disappointed... the only way to get a copy now is to pay an arm an a leg to buy a new copy... unless you're fine with a used copy, but... *shudder* You'd think that they'd want to keep selling it as long as possible to rake in as much money as is thrown at them... and why not! I'd buy three copies if that were the case! (http://rojrunning.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Shut-up-and-take-my-money.jpg)

Third of all, the Prime series caused a drought of 2D Metroid games- in fact, the only 2D Metroid game released during the dynasty of the Prime series was Zero Mission, and that was a blatant rip-off of the original. I mean, the plot was exactly the same! And that setting: you can't hide the fact that it's pretty much just the same Zebes from the original...

Finally, you have the Wii. The graphics for this game are great and all... but seriously, you can get much more from the processing power of the PS3! Bad marketing decision, I say.

Pros:
+ The original Metroid Prime!
+ Metroid Prime 2: Echoes!
+ Metroid Prime 3: Corruption!
+ Revolutionary gameplay!
+ Upgrade from archaic Gamecube graphics and controls!

Cons:
- Did you even read the review.

Final Score: 10/10

Reviewer Notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: mikey on December 17, 2013, 02:24:16 PM
Do this more often.  The time before my 2nd hour is very boring.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on December 24, 2013, 01:44:55 PM
It's Christmas Eve, and do you hear those bells a' ringin'?

Well, I don't. All I hear is the war machines a' rollin'. Because it's time for a...

DUEL REVIEW!

Heroes of Might and Magic II: The Succession Wars (PC)

vs.

Heroes of Might and Magic III: The Restoration of Erathia (PC)

"Magic. *snort* *snort*" - Mr. Bean

"The empires of the future are the empires of the mind." - Winston Churchill

It's the first of many battles of the ages to be heroically chronicled on this not-so-humble review topic! So, to start this review out, I will be comparing these two games in numerous categories, such as: Gameplay, Graphics, Story, In-game Content, Music/Sound, Map Editors, and Expansion Packs, some of which are unique to these games. So, with absolutely NO hesitation, let's begin!

Gameplay
HoMM II plays like an updated version of the original game, and that's exactly what it is. I give them credit, though: they did improve upon much of what was wrong with the original. They got rid of the blood, though.

Playing HoMM III after playing either of the first two is like playing Ocarina of Time after playing A Link to the Past! Woah! It's so non-archaic! I think that sums it all up pretty well: HoMM III is the obvious winner in this case.

HoMM II Score: 9/10
HoMM III Score: 9/10

Graphics
HoMM II looks like an updated version of the original game, and that's exactly what it is. I give them credit, though: they did improve upon much of what was wrong with the original. The graphics don't look squashed, nor cartoony, and this is very evident, in both the battle and castle screens. It's a clear improvement. They got rid of the blood, though.

In HoMM III, the town screens are beautiful, the map screen is beautiful, the battle screens are beautiful, the map screen is very beautiful, and the town backgrounds are simply gorgeous. Playing HoMM III after playing either of the first two is like playing Ocarina of Time after playing A Link to the Past! It's all like: Woah! Nice graphics! I'm glad I got my hands on this game! I can safely say that HoMM III BLASTS the competition away.

HoMM II Score: 7.5/10
HoMM III Score: 9/10

Story
Here's the story summary of HoMM II (and I didn't just rip it from Wikipedia!):
After Morglin Ironfist's (that guy from the first one) death, his two sons, Archibald and Roland, fight to become king, but Archibald plays dirty and ends up winning the crown, but Roland (who was exiled), protests, and fights for his right to be king! He's all like: "I just can't wait to be king!" I mean that literally. He's so overconfident, he just sits back most of the time and makes YOU do all the work! I wonder what kind of a king he'll be...

On the other hand, here's the story summary of HoMM III:
After the assassination of King Gryphonheart of Erathia, Catherine, the wife of Roland Ironfist (and King Gryphonheart's daughter) travels back to Antagarich in order to unite her people against the forces of evil that have taken over, including the dungeon lords of Nighon, the Kreegans of Eeofol, and the Necromancers of Deyja. Eventually, the Necromancers plot to revive King Gryphonheart as a lich, but he proves to be too powerful for even them, and they're forced to ally with Catherine in order to stop him! And all while these events happen, numerous side plots are going on. How enthralling.

HoMM II Score: 8/10
HoMM III Score: 10/10

In-game Content
In talking about the length of the campaign in HoMM II, I say this: There are technically only two campaigns, and each of them is about the same length (which I think is about ten or twelve levels?). This is impressive, until you see that HoMM III has seven different campaigns, albeit of different lengths (the shortest, if I recall correctly, only having about three maps, but most have more). Now, THAT is variety.

Now, if you want to know about factions and creatures, I say this: In HoMM II, there are six factions (the Barbarians, Knights, Sorceresses, Warlocks, Wizards, and those dastardly Necromancers), with several creatures (but not all) having an upgrade, and the Warlocks' Green Dragon having TWO upgrades! Wow! This is impressive!... until you see the selection in the sequel. Watch and fall to your knees! There are a total of EIGHT factions in the original HoMM III, and one added in the expansion packs! WOW! Nine factions! And every creature has an upgrade! And what about those neutral units? In the expansion packs, you have... dragons, dragons, and more dragons! So many dragons to slay! You're got Faerie Dragons, Rust Dragons, Crystal Dragons, and Azure Dragons! And that's in addition to all the other dragons already in the game! Wow! So many dragons! What does HoMM II have, on the other hand? At best, Ghosts and Genies... and you can't even recruit the Ghosts until the expansion pack! Boo...

HoMM II Score: 8/10
HoMM III Score: 10/10

Music/Sound
HoMM III is a newer game and thus has more superior sound. Do I need to say more. No? Now, for the music.

Necromancer Castle HoMM II
[close]
VS.
Necromancer Castle HoMM III
[close]

Knight Castle HoMM II
[close]
VS.
Knight Castle HoMM III
[close]

Barbarian Castle HoMM II
[close]
VS.
Stronghold HoMM III
[close]

Sheer brilliance on the part of HoMM III. Oh. OHHHH! So expressive! Captures the mood so well! OOOOHHHHHHHH! I must say, though, the music of HoMM II has its merits... but it's a bit too archaic for my tastes. Pew.

HoMM II Score: 9/10
HoMM III Score: 10/10

Map Editors
Both map editors are so wonderful, I don't think I can say much in terms of how b... oh wait. The HoMM III Map Editor is SOOOO much more advanced and user friendly. I mean, what, was HoMM II's map editor made in 1996 or something? Seriously, who could even bear to use such an unfriendly map editor even in such a time long past!? Do you mean to say that... back then... people had more patience? :o The thought... it shocks me! Zap. (http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130617182036/mightandmagic/en/images/3/32/Heroes_III_LightningBolt.png)

HoMM II Score: 8/10
HoMM III Score: 8.5/10

Expansion Packs
It's all down to this. HoMM III has been fighting a winning game since nearly the beginning, and at this point, my fingers are tired, and I'm just ready to declare HoMM III the instant winner... but wait! There's something more! I saved the best for last! It's a two against one fight! That's right folks: HoMM II only had one expansion pack, but HoMM III had two! This is going to be good! (http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/happytreefanon/images/f/f0/Dis_gon_b_gud.gif)

Let's start with Heroes of Might and Magic II: The Price of Loyalty. This expansion adds FOUR new campaigns, new artifacts, new scenario maps, new in-map buildings and an improved map editor to bind it all together! But, really, this expansion was essentially the developers' way of saying "Screw the game balance! We're the developers!" Why, you ask? BARROW MOUNDS. Here, you could recruit ghosts, which, whenever they kill a unit, incorporate them into their ghostly ghost ranks. Needless to say, after some bouts of peasant-killing, this leads to some amazingly large stacks of ghosts. Lol. It's pretty gutsy to include such a thing without first balancing the creature (never mind that it can also be interpreted as lazy).

HoMM III had Armageddon's Blade and the Shadow of Death. Now, Armageddon's Blade is an interesting case, because of a little controversy (http://mightandmagic.wikia.com/wiki/Forge_(town)#Concept_and_scrappage) amongst fans involving a new town. I, personally, think that it's a shame that it was scrapped... but hey! I'm not here to give you too many interesting tidbits and honest opinions! Quite simply put, Armageddon's Blade significantly advanced the content of the game, but had a somewhat lackluster story/campaign (though not necessarily disappointing), and the Shadow of Death only made a few minor changes to gameplay/content (being shafted and losing a new castle due to Armageddon's Blade, although there were a number of gameplay improvements), but had an exciting story/campaign (who doesn't love Sandro! ;)).

Quite simply put, even though the Price of Loyalty Expansion pack for HoMM II puts up a fairly good, long, and entertaining fight, the dual expansion packs of HoMM III ultimately beat it to a pulp. And when I said "entertaining" earlier, I meant, "entertaining to watch Price of Loyalty get the goblins beat out of it." And when I said "long" earlier, I meant "long because Armageddon's Blade and The Shadow of Death really want to teach it a lesson." By this point, I think you know what I meant when I said "good" earlier.

If you want the Price of Loyalty's beating to turn into a "tearing-apart-limb-from-limb-session," you can even count the fan-made In the Wake of Gods expansion (Wikipedia mentions it, so I thought I should too). But now, now, that would just be absolutely cruel and vile, and it IS Christmastime, after all (and I haven't tried WoG yet)!

HoMM II Score: 9/10
HoMM III Score: 9/10

Conclusion
These are both really good games, but in the end, there is, and can be, only one winner. After a brutal mauling, HoMM II gets thrown into the Skeleton Transformer- and while most of you probably don't know what that means, I can assure you that it's not pleasant for anybody involved (depending on what you throw in, but I digress).

HoMM II Final Score: 8.6/10
HoMM III Final Score: 10/10

Reviwer Notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: FireArrow on December 29, 2013, 02:45:25 AM

Sheer brilliance on the part of HoMM III. Oh. OHHHH! So expressive! Captures the mood so well! OOOOHHHHHHHH! I must say, though, the music of HoMM II has its merits... but it's a bit too archaic for my tastes. Pew.

HoMM II Score: 9/10
HoMM III Score: 10/10


I love you for introducing me to the sound track for II (III is just meh, idk what your talking about.)
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on December 29, 2013, 03:36:40 AM
I love you for introducing me to the sound track for II (III is just meh, idk what your talking about.)
Aaah; I guess we just have different tastes then...

But, you're welcome!! :D
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on January 01, 2014, 01:47:18 AM
Ring in the New Year with rockets! Or...

Rocket Knight (PS3)

"The future ain't what it used to be." - Yogi Berra

This game is the sequel to the classic Rocket Knight Adventures for the Sega Genesis. And, I figured, instead of reviewing another Sega Genesis game (there are more coming in the future, though!), I'd review this. There's nothing like a new game review every so often! So, here we go.

Rocket Knight takes place after the last Rocket Knight game, Sparkster: Rocket Knight Adventures 2. Like, fifteen years after. So Sparkster is old. And fat. And his armor is rusty. Now, what kind of a game do you think this will be? To rub in the fact that Sparkster is old and his armor isn't working due to its advanced age, Sparkster's nemesis took his place in the war between the Pigs + Opossums and the wolves. Thus, jealous, old, and paranoid (he apparently doesn't trust the pigs, the enemies of the previous games; pfft), Sparkster starts his quest to take back his title and his land! Getting his armor on once more (I seem to recall it being unusable, but whatever), he battles against the wolf army and eventually defeats them. But, what's this! The pigs are, in fact, evil, and they do in fact turn against the possums!! Oh no! I was wrong! To complete his quest and assert his dominance over the land, Sparkster must defeat the pigs and save the world... his future empire... the kingdom!

Now, I personally found the game to be rather easy, but I must say that there seem to be random difficulty spikes at certain points in the game (specifically around the middle and towards the very end), as if the level designers want to bore you to death with bland cakewalk levels and then make you bash your controller against the wall when you least expect it to be difficult. I found most of the boss fights to be fun, and adequately difficult (but the final boss was a "slash around until you find out what you have to do" sort-of boss... GUIDE DANG IT! (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/GuideDangIt)).

The controls, gameplay, and music are all adequate. The jetpack is fairly unique, but still falls into the category of adequate (ain't got nothin' on Jango Fett, old man!). Overall, this game is good, but it's nothing compared to the original. So go play that instead. Stop reading this and play it now. That's what I'll leave you with.

Pros:
+ Adequate.
+ Better graphics than the original.
+ Old Sparkster gets back in shape!
+ Like the Rocket Knight we know and love... but still not the Rocket Knight we know and love...

Cons:
- Nothing compared to the original.
- Just adequate
- Plotholes.

Final Score: 8/10

Reviwer Notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on January 05, 2014, 01:25:31 AM
Perfect Dark (Xbox 360)

"Burn it down! Burning people. He says what we're all thinking." - GLaDOS

Perfect Dark for the N64 is the spiritual successor to GoldenEye 64, the legendary shooter developed by Rare. They are called Rare because it's rare to find a developer as great as they are. Or, at least, were. BUT THIS ISN'T PERFECT DARK FOR THE N64! It's the XBLA remake, silly; that's why I said it in the title!

Anyway, back to the review: Microsoft completely screwed up Rare by forcing them to work on mindless Kinect games, so instead of having them develop more GOOD GAMES, they went like "OH ****" and had 4J Studios port this and Banjo-Kazooie to the Xbox Live Arcade (XBLA). But I don't care, because it brings the lovably archaic Perfect Dark into the modern era. NOW we are playing with power! Blast processing power!

Perfect Dark is what I like to call a mutilation shooter. Why? Because, quite frankly put, you can mutilate the dead mooks' bodies with bullets after you've killed them. And that's not it! You can even do it before they're dead! (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheJoysOfTorturingMooks) In the game, you play as Perfect Dark... errr, Joanna Dark. Perfect Dark is her codename, because she's an agent of the Carrington Institute, an institute devoted to contacting aliens (http://www.fromquarkstoquasars.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/aliens-meme.jpeg). Their rivals, DataDyne (because every truely evil corporation in the future has "Dyne" in their name), though, have made a pact with the evil aliens, who are known to mutilate (I'm noticing a recurring theme here already) Earth's livestock. But the Maians, the good aliens, team up with the agents of the Carrington Institute to stop them. OH YEAH!

The main campaign is fun, but it's the combat simulator that puts the icing on the cake. You get to play simulation challenge after simulation challenge until you finally get to the point where you want to rub the controller into your forehead until you expose your skull. Yeaaaah... But the main point of it is to play with your friends! You can use all the guns that appear in the main campaign, even those that barely appear! You can use rockets, alien rockets, alien laser guns, invisibility guns, and even a combat knife! YAAY! You can fight with dumb sims, somewhat dumb sims, and cheating-computer-sims. What variety!

The voice acting is ham (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAyrGBV4GDI), but it wouldn't be Perfect Dark without ham (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LargeHam). The graphics are stellar, though. You can't get this on the PS3, now can you! Can't get it on the Wii, either. Snicker. Snicker. I suppose you could get it on the Wii U, but I don't own a Wii U. And Nintendo doesn't own Rare.

Pros:
+ Those graphics will blow you away.
+ Same old Perfect Dark, but new!
+ GUNS. Alien. Guns.
+ Call of Duty can't stand up to this!
+ Combat Simulator. With guns and sims.

Cons:
- What has become of Rare.
- You don't get an actual flamethrower!

Final Score: 9.5/10

Reviwer Notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Sebastian on January 05, 2014, 01:28:57 AM
Could you review one of these games?

Super Mario Sunshine
Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door
Diddy Kong Racing (N64)
Super Mario 64
Mario Kart Wii
Super Paper Mario
Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

I think all of these have some pretty good music

Thats ok if cant or dont want to :)
Oh, and good job with your reviews so far :)
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on January 05, 2014, 01:33:54 AM
Could you review one of these games?

Super Mario Sunshine
Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door
Diddy Kong Racing (N64)
Super Mario 64
Mario Kart Wii
Super Paper Mario
Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

I think all of these have some pretty good music

Thats ok if cant or dont want to :)
Oh, and good job with your reviews so far :)
The only ones of those I've played are Super Mario 64 and Ocarina of Time. I'm sure I might get to those eventually.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Sebastian on January 05, 2014, 01:34:21 AM
Great!!  ;D
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: mikey on January 05, 2014, 04:37:53 AM
The only ones of those I've played are Super Mario 64 and Ocarina of Time. I'm sure I might get to those eventually.
o.O hasn't played Mario Kart Wii...
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on January 05, 2014, 04:48:13 AM
o.O hasn't played Mario Kart Wii...
The only racing games I've really played and enjoyed are Crash Team Racing and Wipeout HD.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Waddle Bro on January 05, 2014, 04:59:27 AM
CRASH TEAM RACING IS MY FAVOURITE GAME AND MY CHILDHOOD.

It's so good. Crash Nitro Cart was a big disappointment.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on February 18, 2014, 12:11:24 AM
Metroid: Zero Mission (GBA)

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson

Metroid: Zero Mission for the Gabe Moy Advance is a remake of the original Metroid for the NES. In other words, they had just released Fusion, they wanted some extra money, and they will NOT, will NEVER BE, remaking Metroid II. No, that would give the fans what they wanted, and make up for Other M (thebabythebabythebabythebaby). In fact... instead of reading my review of Zero Mission, why don't you watch this lovely video of a fan remake of Metroid II (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wkr8samEBQ)??

...wait, I can't get away with that again? Darn. Onto the review, then.

Of course, being a modern interpretation of such a classic game, it does many things right, and many things wrong. The beginning of the game is a cakewalk when compared to the original game: you actually start out with a full energy tank, and you can easily kill the Skree (bat creatures that fall from the ceiling) before they hit the ground. Additionally, a number of other new power-ups make the early game easy as PIEH. For example, the Power Grip. And the fact that you can have both the Ice and Wave beams (both of which are found in Norfair in this game, instead of the Ice Beam being originally found in Brinstar, but also in Norfair). However, in many ways, these power-ups can also be a detriment: until you get the High Jump Boots, the Power Grip can end up being a very irritating power-up indeed. Additionally, the way many areas of the game have been redesigned in order to accommodate the new power-ups is absolutely frustrating, and, in my opinion, greatly hinders your desire for exploration (unless you're a completionist, in which case, have at it!). Also, until the very end of the game, when you get the Space Jump, the Screw Attack can turn out to be very useless, because you often end up killing many frozen enemies you want to use as platforms, or it ends up throwing off your well-placed jump, an issue that still was not resolved from the original game (this issue can particularly be seen in the escape from Tourian).

Strangely, paradoxically, and ironically (whichever of the three is actually correct to use- I don't care much), in many cases, Zero Mission actually ends up being harder than the original Metroid- which is something I didn't expect- but not for the reasons it should be. As a PRIME example, in Tourian, the Metroids are much harder than in the original because:
1: They don't stay frozen very long.
2: You have to kill all of them to advance.
3: The hit detection in this game makes it a lot more difficult to kill them, ranging from anywhere to your missiles completely flying by them, to a simple tap from one of them being enough for them to latch on and begin draining your very life essence away.

Mother Brain is also harder (but less frustrating, because there's a Save station nearby), because it not only has some new attacks in store, but also because the arena gives you even less room to move around in than the original (compare this (http://cdn.wikimg.net/metroidwiki/images/thumb/c/cb/Mother_Brain_m1_Screenshot.png/200px-Mother_Brain_m1_Screenshot.png) to this (http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120211011911/metroid/images/a/a6/Mother_Brain_Metroid_Zero_Mission.gif) to this (http://images2.fanpop.com/images/polls/311000/311019_1255261039885_full.jpg)- ha, made you look), meaning that you'll likely be taking a lot more damage from the lasers and red cheerios than you will from Mother Brain, although in many cases, the silly projectile placement made me get hit by attacks from both, one after another, allowing very small windows in which to hit Mother Brain. Bleeckh...

The Zero Mission sequences were very entertaining, tense, frustrating, and frantic (and a result of Samus' incompetence during space battles). How sweet my revenge was when I came charging in with my new Gravity Suit and Palsma Beam, killing all those nasty Space Pirates who had once tormented me... :3 The final boss is a bit of a joke, and can easily be dispatched with a handful of Super Missiles (depending on the size of your hand)- the real final boss should be, in fact (and is really the secret final boss of the game), the SLOW-AS-ECH maintenance robot that blocks your path several times during your journey through and out of the Space Pirate Mothership. Now that's a worthy opponent (and Super Missiles don't even damage it! WOW!).

Overall, I'd say that the game was slightly worse than Metroid Fusion, thought not bad; Metroid: Zero Mission was, in fact, a good time, no alcohol requi... this isn't a movie. Thus, I give it:

Pros:
+ Vast improvements over the original. Obviously.
+ New power-ups.
+ WOAH LOOK AT THEM GRAPHICS.
+ New Zero Suit sequences.
+ You also unlock the original Metroid for beating the game, so you can play Metroid while you're playing a remake of Metroid.
+ Tries to be like Super Metroid and Metroid Fusion.

Cons:
- ...different?... from the original.
- Screw Attack is same Screw Attack as in Metroid until the end.
- Paradoxical difficulty levels, fluctuating from easy to hard and back to easy.
- No Metroid II remake.
- But it isn't Super Metroid or Metroid Fusion.

Final Score: 8.2/10

Reviewer Notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on February 24, 2014, 10:14:41 AM
There's a time an place for everything. Now is the time I define my rating system.

Ratings:

0/10: Play this game at your own risk. If it's not so bad it's funny, it's probably more dangerous to be around than nuclear waste.
1/10: This game is really bad. Please, don't play it!
2/10: This game is pretty bad. I'd recommend you don't play it, but whatever. It's your own health at risk.
3/10: This game is bad, but it's just barely good enough to be bearable.
4/10: This game is bad, but it probably has something to save it from being worse.
5/10: A mediocre game. Meh.
6/10: This game isn't exceptional, but it's not bad.
7/10: It's a fun game, and I enjoyed it, but it could have been so much better.
8/10: This game is pretty good, actually.
9/10: What an exceptional game! I greatly recommend it!
10/10: AUEIFGAVIAHEUIRHUGIHRUIG. THIS IS A GREAT GAME. PLAY IT.

Decimal System:

'Great,' you say. 'You wasted my time giving me a clear vision of what I already had a fair understanding of. A 0 is a bad score, a 10 is a great score.' BUT WAIT! 'What do the decimals mean, then!?!?' I say. 'Uh,' you stutter, 'games that, uh, aren't bad enough to be the number below, but aren't good enough to be the number above?' 'NOT QUITE!' I state.

You see, for all intents and purposes, the score is the number above it. For example, you could consider a 7.5 as an 8. But, in fact, it is on the lower spectrum, so to say, of an 8! It's an 8, but it's not as good as other games that are an 8, not as good as a 7.9, not as good as a 7.8, etc. all the way down to 7.5. In essence, it's a way of dividing games into further sub-categories in order to give you, the reader, a better understanding of how I feel about a game. In some ways, it's just a method to drive people mad by giving their favorite game an 8.9 instead of a 9.

That's just a fancy way of saying that the games aren't bad enough to be the number below, but not good enough to be the number above, isn't it.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on February 24, 2014, 11:36:55 AM
Shrek Smash n' Crash Racing (DS)

"PLAYTIME IS OGRE." - Shrek (I think)

Who doesn't love Shrek!?!? You'd think it would be easy to make a halfway-decent Shrek game, sell it on a variety of consoles, and make tons of money on it, wouldn't ya say? Well, the developers of this game prove me wrong. I think I have made it quite clear how, despite a few exceptional examples, I don't really like too many racing games. They're not really my cup o' tea. In racing games, it's easy for the game to get to the point where it's nearly impossible for you to catch up with the opponents, but they are always able to go just fast enough for them to get past you without too much trouble. It's easy for the controls to be fickle. It's easy for there to be mechanics which greatly hinder you, but seem to have no effect on the NPCs. Blah, blah blah, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. This game is no different. But the thing is, it's like the developers of this game didn't even try to make a good, enjoyable experience.

The graphics are fine, but if I wanted this game for the graphics, I would've bought Hamsterz Life. I have Hamsterz Life, but I didn't buy it, so there. This game has playable graphics... but so does Hamsterz Life. And, while we're on the subject of comparing games, I'll say that Hamsterz Life has more memorable audio, sound, music, and everything else otherwise (gameplay included... and hamsters are cuter than ogres and donkeys, right?). One thing this game has over Hamsterz life, and I will give them this, is the characters. They got Shrek, they got Donkey, they got Puss in Boots, they got Princess Fiona, they got Lord Farquaad, they got the Disney princesses (Snow White's a Disney princess, right)... I'm just gonna stop here and say that they got everybody! You'll break the skin on your thumbs and bleed profusely by the time you've tried all the characters. Not just because there are so many (the DS has nice buttons, actually), but also because this game is so terrible. On that note, you might break your screen also.

In addition, now that I mention characters, I'm not sure why you'd have a reason to pick any character over another, bar preference. Wikipedia says that they "have special stats that are not displayed in the game," but I never noticed any real difference between the characters. That could explain why the NPCs always had an advantage over me, but then again, I could never do much with any character. This game doesn't do much.

This game has a weapons system, I believe. Weapons are fun, right? NOPE. Not always! These weapons feel shoehorned in, and they're not even weapons Shrek would use! Shrek would like to use flamethrowers, am I not mistaken? Well, this game doesn't have flamethrowers, so stop looking for them. If you want awesome futuristic weapons, play Wipeout HD. That's a fairly new game, has a good variety of gameplay, is just difficult enough, and isn't as terrifyingly brutal in all aspects of the game (and it has trophies! But some people... don't want to talk about those...).

I can't even remember how many times I got ahead, was just about to win, but the NPCs always was able to speed ahead and leave me in the dust. I maybe won one race in this game. MAYBE. I got a foggy memory of this game. It's not something I like to remember. Too traumatic. In short, this game gets too frustrating, pointless, and unenjoyable too quickly- you begin to feel helpless. You want to keep playing, you want to get better, you want to enjoy the thrill of winning and losing, you want to win over the game*, to triumph, to tell it you're the boss, to put it in its place, to dominate it, to prove your gaming skill, to assert your superiority in the world... but in the end, you can't bear it any more. This game punishes you for doing nothing- for trying to get better. It's not merciful towards you at all. It's one speed (no pun intended), and that speed is like a bar set way too high (or a limbo bar set way too low, depending on how you look at it).

Now, to conclusions. Why did I just explain my rating system in my previous post? Because I want you to know just how deplorable this game is. I hate this game so much that I gave it to my older brother, and he actually took it. That is love.

Pros:
+ its shrek

Cons:
- This is Shrek what the heck is this
- BAD controls.
- BAD gameplay.
- Frustrating, cheating NPCs.
- Jolly right thumb-bleeding gameplay and character selection.
- There is no "playtime" to begin with so it can't be "ogre," right?

Final Score: 2/10

Reviewer Notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on March 03, 2014, 03:47:44 AM
I will steal an idea from be inspired by Blueflower and do something that isn't necessarily a game review. Serious this time. Insanely serious.

A Column in Which I Analyze the Difference Between Multiple Things, and Express My Direct Preference For One or Another (1)

Or, "The Music of Chris Hülsbeck: Turrican 3 (Amiga) vs. Super Turrican (SNES) vs. Mega Turrican (Sega Genesis)"

Mega Turrican is a very interesting case: the game was originally going to be released on the Sega Genesis, and then ported to the Amiga, but for some reason, the Amiga version was released before the Genesis version. Both Turrican 3 and Mega Turrican, thus, were very similar, bar a few changes.

Super Turrican was more like the classic Turrican games (not that Turrican 3/Mega Turrican were all that different, though). Many of the settings were less industrial than those of the other two games, and the inclusion of a laser beam that you could move all around you (which was replaced by a grappling beam in Turrican 3/Mega Turrican) further tied it closer to the originals. Also, you fight a giant Xenomorph at the end, and not the Machine.

There's one thing that ties all these games together, aside from the fact that they're part of the same series: their music. Specifically, I will be analyzing two pieces from each game, "Stage 1-1" and "Stage 1-3" (1-2 on Genesis). Below, you can listen to each of the three versions of the song.

Turrican 3: Stage 1-1
[close]

Super Turrican: Stage 1-1
[close]

Mega Turrican: Stage 1-1
[close]

The Amiga version of the song is the bare bones version of the song. It doesn't present the song to its fully quality, and in many places, the song feels as if it's missing something (clearly noticeable at 0:27- compare the other two versions of the song at this point. It's as if there's a slight awkward pause where another instrument would have been in the other two versions). It's simplistic, not top quality, but it's certainly not bad- just acceptable.

Out of all these three, Super Turrican doubtlessly has the most superior and realistic sound quality. But, like the Amiga version, it almost sounds lifeless and flat. Sure, the music is there all the same, but it just doesn't have the same quality of the Genesis version- you could say, it's not as intense or compelling. It's just sort of "there" in the background, as if it almost has a monotone or bland sound to it, and in my opinion, it doesn't do the composition justice.

The Mega Turrican version of the song, on the other hand, has layers (like an onion, I guess)- the "poppy" sound of the Genesis, as I've heard it be called, gives depth to the song, and the multiple instruments only serve to give each layer a distinctive quality to it. In my opinion, this is definitely the superior version for these reasons.

Going back to my earlier comment about the "poppy" sound, you can easily hear the difference between songs on the Genesis and SNES. A prime example would be the Hyrule Overworld from A Link to the Past (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkH2zETKqws) and Casino Night Zone from Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jl6kjAkVw_s). Both are wonderful songs, but their style is different. The SNES has an almost regal-sounding quality to it (particularly emphasized in the song I chose), as I would describe it, but the Genesis has a type of "radical" quality to it. Another interesting video to watch on this matter would be SNES & NES soundtrack on SEGA Genesis sound chip (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQCya6yn73o).

Now, onto the next song.

Turrican 3: Stage 1-3
http://youtu.be/Y530mBlpv7k?t=7m35s (http://youtu.be/Y530mBlpv7k?t=7m35s)

I apologize for not being able to find a plain version of the song without sound effects. But, as a bonus, you get to see what the game is like. (https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fllforum.net%2Fimages%2Fsmilies%2Ftweeet.gif&hash=1097f2df1554b84e385aff674e293209)
Technically, I did (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXmB07UCMxQ) find a plain version, but it always seem to glitch every few seconds.
[close]

Super Turrican: Stage 1-3
[close]

Mega Turrican: Stage 1-2
[close]

My comments about the Amiga version are must the same as the previous song. My only complaint is that is has the pace of the SNES version, but without the energy that it has, which gives it a lethargic sound. Pweh.

Now, I'd say that I enjoy the Super Turrican version of this song the same as the Genesis version. Its pacing is different (being slightly slower) giving a different sound to the song. Unlike Stage 1-1, this doesn't come across as being flat or dull.

Like with the Amiga version, my comments on this song are very similar, though, when compared to the other two songs, its pace is faster and more lively. The "poppy sounds" come into effect at 0:26, and are simply brilliant. At 0:59, the song gains more layering.

Overall, all of these versions of the songs have something different to offer, whether it be simplicity, realism, or a unique sound quality. I don't think any of these versions are bad in any way, and I'd like to hear your opinions as well.

Now, for something to waste your time... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxv80NjJHLA)
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on April 12, 2014, 10:40:56 AM
I was going to review another game, but I lost the review I was writing. So you'll have to settle for this.

Heroes of Might and Magic III: In the Wake of Gods (PC)

"And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. / And God saw the light, and it was good; and God divided the light from the darkness." - The Bible

Heroes of Might and Magic III: In the Wake of Gods. It is a fan-made expansion to Heroes of Might and Magic III. I was curious about it, and I mentioned it in the earlier II vs. III review, so I downloaded it. It adds some new stuff, and I guess that's what I should talk about, because if I were to judge it by gameplay alone, it would be the same as Heroes of Might and Magic III.

In the Wake of Gods, or "WoG," as it is called, started as an improvement to the Map Editor shipped with the original HoMM III (which I don't think is too bad, but whatever), but later expanded into a full game. WoG comes with six full campaigns of its own; however, I won't be reviewing any of those except for the first one (also called "In the Wake of Gods"). This primary campaign starts out explaining how you are a peasant in a field hoping to become a knight. This first map feels a lot more like an RPG than a strategy game, given the fact that you really don't do any battling in it. A complaint for this map is that the instructions you get are muddled, and half the time, you're just running around trying to figure out what to do instead of actually doing anything. Despite the new tutorial included with the game, the new mechanics introduced (including leaving units on the overworld map, which is involved in a somewhat humorous event in the mission) impede progress as you're constantly doing things wrong, and you have to run all the way across the starting area (or in later cases, the whole map) in order to find hints. Also, in the first map, I found a huge error- there are seven "objectives" that you need to complete, but I only had to do one in order to win... huh!?!?

The second and third maps of the campaign are slightly better in this regard, as the second one has battles in it (albeit a bit convoluted, as I will explain later), and the third and final map- for the most part- drops the RPG-esque elements completely for the standard turn-based strategy experience.

The second map, as far as I can tell, relies completely on using Ghosts, a new unit based on the Ghosts of the same name from the previous two games, in order to build your army and destroy your powerful opponents. If you don't do this correctly, you'll have to restart the map completely in order to do it right, which, considering that the ghosts die (re-die?) easily because of their paper-thin defenses, and the fact that you don't know what you need to do (defeat several enemies) until slightly-later in the map, can be rather difficult.

I wouldn't say that I have any concerns about the third map, but another complaint about the campaign I have is the story (perhaps I was confused because of the lack of completed objectives in the first map): the end of the first map involves you picking up a creature called a Gorynych; the second map involves the Gorynych leading you on a conquest to destroy some towns (with no explanation as to why?) with the Gorynych leaving you about halfway through the map. The final one has you abandon the Gorynych, going on a conquest of your own, and then finally confronting and killing the Gorynych (who has mysteriously gained a ****ton of health (https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/lx17kvcaai2uve7/Gorynych.png?dl=1&token_hash=AAEUc1g3NXRvI-7m3bGPkasV0UW1Y_eh3OgVmTgIfb48Qw)). Then, the concluding cutscene goes all psychological on you, questioning whether good can exist without evil, blah blah blah... good? ??? What-I-assume-are-translation-errors also help (I say that sarcastically) with confusing the player about the story, preventing the learning of knowledge which would contribute to you understanding the story more.

Campaign aside, all the other changes are great. To start, the title screen art (http://www.heroes3.eu/images/wog-cover.jpg) and music have changed, which gives a uniqueness to this fan expansion from the beginning. A lot of creatures are added, including Level 8 creatures (even more powerful versions of the already powerful upgraded Level 7 creatures) and recruitable Commanders for each castle, the aforementioned Ghosts, variations on other creatures (the Messengers, War Zealot, Arctic/Lava Sharpshooters, among others), as well as numerous other completely new creatures (the four Emissaries, which have no usage in combat, but power up your hero the longer they have them, come to mind as prime example), adding more variety in battle. Demolishing a castle- turning it into what looks like a mushy pile of goo- and converting it is a great addition strategy-wise, as it allows you to build power for your "native" faction instead of being forced to keep a captured castle of a different faction isolated from the rest of your forces, acting as only a moneymaking city.

Finally, I noticed that WoG tends to glitch a lot less than HoMM III does- I don't know whether that's because the disk is scratched or there are compatibility issues (I'd say the latter is likelier)- which makes playing the game a lot more enjoyable, especially for playing "Multiplayer."

With the Map Editor, at first glance, I didn't notice much of a difference from the regular one, with the exception of adding the new structures (a lot of which are snow-covered versions of other structures, which, oddly enough, can ONLY be placed on snow-covered areas; quite a shame, since I liked placing snow-covered objects on non-snow-covered areas)... many of which are just called "Object," which leads to only a vague understanding of each structure for the average user; sure. That's cool. I'll just place a few of these OBJECTS and hope they don't mess up the balance of the map. That would be terrible if they just gave out 100 or so RUST DRAGONS to whoever visits them first.

Overall, this is worth a download. If you already own HoMM III Complete, since you need that to download WoG. If not, it's still worth download, if just to look at the icon staring at you. LOOK AT THE ICON STARING AT YOU. (https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/4tzfgnf82gc1yma/THE%20EVIL%20EYE%20IS%20ALWAYS%20WATCHING%20YOU.png?dl=1&token_hash=AAEc5SAUEB5HTCTOYVHuJxb2qGHb5hu_C0ZvCZ02UqYxZw)

Pros:
+ New stuff.
+ Old stuff.
+ New stuff works well with old stuff.
+ Something else that is thought-provoking and informative.
+ ANIMATED TREES.

Cons:
- Bad first taste from the one campaign I did play.
- Translation errors (?). That's what you get from a game made by Russians!!!...
- Final cutscene failed to touch me psychologically, mentally, or emotionally.

Final Score: 7.9/10

Reviewer Notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Waddle Bro on April 12, 2014, 11:09:51 AM
The nostalgia :)
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on April 17, 2014, 12:06:10 AM
Need for Speed: Most Wanted (PS3)

"It's Ridge Racer!... Riiiiiiiiiiidge Raaaaaaaaceeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrr!" - Kazuo "Kaz" Hirai

Need for Speed: Most Wanted is a most wonderful game. Apparently there was another game with the same name released in 2005, but this isn't it- this is the 2012 one. If you were expecting the 2005 one, then TOO BAD! Expecting me to say "Waluigi time?" TOO BAD. This isn't Mario.

So, as I was saying, Need for Speed: Most Wanted is a most wonderful game. You get pretty cars, and you gets lots of them; they don't skimp on the cars! Y'got Fiat, DeLorean, Jeep, Hummer, Cadillac... y'got the Honda Ferrari... I could go on. But I won't, lucky for you. :)

What do you do with all these cars in this most wonderful game, you ask? You drive around town and crash into things. YOU CAN'T DIE. You can come upon other cars and get into them. IT DOESN'T EVEN SHOW YOU GETTING OUT OF YOUR CAR. IT'S LIKE THE PROTAGONIST IS BLESSED WITH IMMORTALITY BUT CAN NEVER EVER LEAVE THE INSIDE OF A CAR. Among the funnest things to crash into are other cars! You just speed along the highway going in the wrong direction until you see someone 'n THWACK! You hit them! BOOM! They flip over the side of the road. See someone else, mercilessly pursue them, 'n THWACK! Again again again! And the police never seem to notice unless you crash directly into them; yay!

Mentioning the police brings to mind another aspect of the game. You can goad police into chasing after you, building some sort of heat meter or whatever it's called, until you finally **** them off enough to the point where they send S.W.A.T. trucks to block you. They mean business. If you get cornered by the police cars for long enough, you are "arrested" (busted is the in-game term)... you don't even get your car taken away. You don't even go to jail, you aren't even handcuffed. This lends credence to my earlier theory about the immortality thing.

Overall, this game is pretty good. It has a lot of fun and humorous aspects to it, like driving around crashing into things and getting a paint job in the middle of a police chase.

Whaa-at ddooo... y...you mm...m...mean... t-this iiss a... raaaccing game?

Pros:
+ Crashing into things is fun.
+ Going fast and crashing into things is better.
+ Police pursuits give hint of challenge.

Cons:
- *shudder* Not a racing game not a racing game not a racing game...
- No explosions.

Final Score: 8.8/10

Reviewer Notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: mikey on April 17, 2014, 12:10:43 AM
But the protagonist IS blessed with immortality but can never leave the inside of their car.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Yugi on April 17, 2014, 12:13:05 AM
I love how this game pretty much has the same story as no more heroes except it's drivers rather than assassins.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on April 17, 2014, 12:17:21 AM
But the protagonist IS blessed with immortality but can never leave the inside of their car.
Everything's in the manual, they say. But I don't have the manual. :(
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on April 29, 2014, 07:53:31 AM
The Behemoth Treasure Double Double Feature! This week, one duel review of a game by The Behemoth and one by Treasure, and next week, another duel review of a game by The Behemoth and one by Treasure! Letttt'ssss geeeetttt ssssttaaarrrttttteeeeeeedddd! It's time for a...

DUEL REVIEW!

Alien Hominid (GBA)

vs.

Gunstar Heroes (Sega Genesis)

"SPAAACCCCCE!" - Space Core, Portal 2

"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." - Christopher Reeve

Both these games are side-scrolling shoot 'em up games. Both of them have robots. But one of these games... is better than the other...

I will be comparing these two games in numerous categories, such as: Gameplay, Graphics, Story, Weapons/Power-ups, and Music/Sound. So, now that you know that, let's go!

Gameplay
In Alien Hominid, I was usually dying every few seconds- it's a good thing they give you a ton of lives! HA! Wikipedia compares Alien Hominid to Metal Slug, and to that, I say this: Alien Hominid (GBA version, at least; I haven't really tried any of the other versions) is like Metal Slug where it's impossible to avoid 80% of the stuff you can avoid in Metal Slug; and I can say that safely since I've played Metal Slug. METAL SLUG IS EASIER THAN THIS GAME. A GAME RELEASED IN 1996 IS EASIER THAN A GAME RELEASED IN FRICKIN' 2006 (2004 if you count the earlier versions). What's wrong here people!? And don't get me started about those bosses OOOOHHH. The first two bosses in the game (both in level 1) alone are very tedious as you slowly chip their health away while they kill you repeatedly with their nigh-unavoidable attacks (or at least, very very difficult to avoid while trying to hurt them). The key to this game is button mashing (oddly enough, being a "crazed alien," which the game tells you not to do, is more effective than being "calm"), but when even that's unreliable... When I played this game while doing this review (my third time playing it- I guess the third time is the charm), I did a bit better. The gameplay is also deducted for not having any two-player mode, or as far as I can tell (the game has three minigames, but I didn't play for long enough to unlock them). Also worthy of note is that there is a level select and multiple difficulty settings (I played on "Medium" for the purposes of objectivity), but that pretty much takes away the point and/or challenge of the game.

The vehicles in Alien Hominid, too, are (usually) pretty frail and mediocre, something you don't see in Metal Slug (the titular tank is literally that: if you're good enough, you can keep it alive through much of the level, whereas, it's frustratingly difficult to keep the Alien Hominid vehicles alive for very long, let alone to the end of the level). I feel like I'm comparing this game more to Metal Slug than I am to Gunstar Heroes!

Speaking of Gunstar Heroes *cough*... Since I don't want to explain to you the basics of shoot 'em up games (you should know what they are; if not: SHAME AND DAMNATION!), I'll just say what's interesting about Gunstar Heroes. This game forges its own path- you have health instead of merely dying in one hit; in addition to the weapon system, which I will describe later, this gives it much more genuine difficulty (if you die, it's your own fault because you let your health drop too low). Although, unavoidably, some of the bosses are frustrating, it's more-often-than-not able to be worked around with good strategy (instead of merely charging your foes, or using the right weapons COUGHCHASERPLUSFORCECOUGH), and the two player mode makes the game even more fun.

Plus, there's even one level in the game where you're in a rocket! Wheee.

Alien Hominid Score: 6/10
Gunstar Heroes Score: 10/10

Graphics
Alien Hominid has that cool cartoony style (yet violent at times), so I can't really criticize it in that regard. They're not to the same standard as other versions of the game, but then again, this is the GBA (that isn't a bad thing though!) Not much to say about this. *shrug*

Well, what about Gunstar Heroes? It's an older game, so surely it won't stand up, right? Wrong-o sir/ma'am. Look at this glory. (http://platoscavern2.talkspot.com/uploads/46872/gunstargen.gif) Look at this glory. (http://xboxlivemedia.ign.com/xboxlive/image/article/993/993645/gunstar-heroes-20090511035607027_640w_1244665815.jpg) Look at this glory. (http://cdn.cutestpaw.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/silly-turtle-l.jpg) Look at it! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eIIWYF-nlo) This is standards- beauty, even. You can't compare. DON'T. Even try.

Alien Hominid Score: 7/10
Gunstar Heroes Score: 9/10

Story
Story of Alien Hominid: You are an alien flying over planet Earth and your ship is shot down by government agents. They take your ship away but for some reason don't take you to whatever lab/place they take your ship to...? So, for that reason, you get to blow them apart with your laser gun, and that's where the game comes in.

Gunstar Heroes is so absolutely awesome, it has two stories: a Japanese story, and a Western one. Alien Hominid barely has one, so there. Go to Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gunstar_Heroes#Plot) to read the plots. I'm not going to waste time rephrasing them here. Pah.

Alien Hominid Score: 6.5/10
Gunstar Heroes Score: 9/10

Weapons/Power-ups
I personally found the weapons in Alien Hominid to be rather uninteresting, but as far as I could tell, all of them were better than the default weapon, so I just grabbed whatever weapons/power-ups were available. But when you die, you lose your current weapon!!! AAH!

Gunstar Heroes has four weapons; it may not seem like much, until you take into consideration two things:
1: The weapons are: Force, which rapidly SHOOTS BALLS; Lightning, which- duh- shoots lightning lasers; Chaser, which- duh- shoots homing bullets; Fire which DUH SHOOTS FIRE.
2: You can have two weapons at one time, which means that you can either switch between weapons, or COMBINE the weapons! This opens up woooorrrlllddddddsss of possibility!... although you know, the best weapon is without a doubt the Chaser + Force (which shoots HIGH-POWERED HOMING BALLS).

Alien Hominid Score: 5/10
Gunstar Heroes Score: 10/10

Music/Sound
The background music of Alien Hominid is pretty good, as I feel it compliments the game really well, but it doesn't really stand out in the way the music of Gunstar Heroes or Castle Crashers does; when I played with the volume down, I didn't really feel as if missed anything exceptional or worthwhile. The sound effects are somewhat redeeming however. Somewhat.

The music of Gunstar Heroes is great and adds a new level of atmosphere to the game. The sound effects do as well, especially the "HYAAAH!" whenever you throw an enemy, the "HRRRUM!" whenever you get knocked back by an enemy, and the futuristic siren noise whenever the boss battles are beginning. The final-battle music (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAQSiFLSezo) is especially good, as it builds tension as the game states "HERE COMES THE CLIMAX!" and then proceeds to list Golden Silver's attacks: "GOLDEN BLAST NUCLEAR / JEWEL STRIKE / EARTH RESOLVER." 'nuff said.

Alien Hominid Score: 6/10
Gunstar Heroes Score: 9/10

Conclusion
I don't know if this is a case of a bad port, or whether I just find the GBA version of Alien Hominid subpar compared to other shoot 'em ups. Gunstar Heroes on the other hand... do I really need to say anything more about it? ;) Yes, I do. Gunstar Heroes is perhaps my second favorite game on the Genesis; it's one of those games I need to own on pretty much every console I have. NEED IT. LIKE BREAD.

Alien Hominid Final Score: 6.5/10
Gunstar Heroes Final Score: 9.8/10

Reviewer Notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on May 06, 2014, 06:58:27 AM
It’s week two (and the final week) of the Behemoth Treasure Double Double Feature! You know what that means… it’s time for a…

DUEL REVIEW!

BattleBlock Theater (Xbox 360)

vs.

Alien Soldier (Sega Mega Drive)

"Mankind must put an end to war before war puts an end to mankind." - John F. Kennedy

"If you want to conserve your Pokémon for the Gym Leader... Then get it right!" - Cinnabar Gym

This review is pretty long... so I decided to put it in a spoiler tag...

Review
You thought I was reviewing Castle Crashers didn’t you you silly squid! Well you were wrong. Ha.

(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FH8clR.gif&hash=f7b0fdc7ebd05b64531543b1a31d77ea)

Real Review

Castle Crashers (PS3)

vs.

Alien Soldier (Sega Mega Drive)

"Mankind must put an end to war before war puts an end to mankind." - John F. Kennedy

"If you want to conserve your Pokémon for the Gym Leader... Then get it right!" - Cinnabar Gym

I lied. And I fooled you twice you silly little squid.

I will be comparing these two games in numerous categories, such as: Gameplay, Graphics, Story, Weapons/Power-ups, and Music/Sound, as with the last pair of games… so let’s get started then!

Gameplay
Kessel Threshers is a beat 'em up game developed by The Behemoth; you can choose from a number of characters (depending on who you've unlocked) that can gain different magical abilities as you level up. I chose the Green Knight on my first playthrough: he uses poison-based magic. When you level up, you can also increase other stats, and throughout the game, you can get new weapons and "Animal Orbs" that can give you special benefits or further enhance your stats.

The game also has a postgame mode called... Insane Mode... *sigh* I am convinced it is completely impossible to do with only one player; you pretty much NEED at least two players in order to get through (one of which should optimally be the King, so that you can heal between enemy encounters, and not consume potions, which are invaluable for boss fights). I've just given up on trying... X_X

Alien Soldier is another run and gun game made by Treasure; apparently, it was originally only released in Japan and Europe (hence the "Mega Drive" title rather than "Genesis"), and was not released at all physically in the US until later. When you start the game, it greets you with such phrases as "FOR MEGADRIVERS CUSTOM" and "VISUALSHOCK! SPEEDSHOCK! SOUNDSHOCK! NOW IS TIME TO THE 68000 HEART ON FIRE!" Huh. I guess so. So when you actually start the game, you're presented with a slew of options: what weapons to choose, which of the confusing HUDs to use, and a list of moves and abilities you can use.

There are only two difficulties in this game: Superhard (the default), and Supereasy (the difference being that you cannot use continues in Superhard). This game does not **** with you. It ****s on you. There's no Supernormal. It's as if the game is saying that you can either be a ***** or be a man. I just realized that statement was sexist, and will amend it to say that it's as if the game is saying that you either be weak or be strong. As for the gameplay itself, it's mostly bosses. Wikipedia says that this game "is listed in Guinness World Records Gamers Edition 2010 under the category 'Most boss battles in a run and gun game'." This game takes a while to get a hold of, as it's mostly just preserving your health until you get to the bosses, and then trying to keep your health as high as possible during those. One of the abilities, a teleporting-like ability, is extremely useful for this purpose (as in, you will most likely need to use it a lot).

Castle Crashers Score: 9/10
Alien Soldier Score: 7.5/10

Graphics
The art style of Crustle Thrusters is very cartoonish, much like Alien Hominid (yet also violent at times); it adds a unique appearance to the game and gives it its own atmosphere, etc. etc. etc.

The same thing that applies to Gunstar Heroes applies to Alien Soldier. I'm too lazy to write more about it. The protagonist is an eagle-robot-thing, so I guess I could say that he looks cool?

Castle Crashers Score: 9/10
Alien Soldier Score: 9/10

Story
Castle Crashers has a pretty typical story (that still manages to be humorous and all-around entertaining): four princesses are captured as the evil wizard attacks the castle, and you need to go all across the land, rescuing the princesses one by one, as you encounter many kinds of great enemies (bosses) before your final confrontation with the evil wizard and his henchmen. You even get kidnapped by aliens once (yes, those (http://bbsimg.ngfiles.com/14/13336000/ngbbs46a1a45b023ac.gif) aliens); it's a bit challenging to explain all the minute details of the story.

Alien Soldier... uh... where should I start. Just read this (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alien_Soldier#Story). READ IT.

Castle Crashers Score: 8/10
Alien Soldier Score: 9/10

Weapons/Power-ups
In Cushing Mushers, you get a great variety of weapons, some of which raise stats, others which raise some stats but lower other, and even more weapons that DO NOT RAISE YOUR STATS AT ALL (usually the default weapons). According to the Castle Crashers Wiki, there are 83 weapons in all, of which my favorite is possible the Evil Sword. Pretty impressive. The power-ups you get in this game (or other items, rather) vary from things like a Bow, to Bombs, Sandwiches (which make you BEEFY), a Boomerang, a Shovel, and Health Potions. While in the levels, you can find food items that restore your health. Pretty standard fare.

Alien Soldier gives you a selection of four out of six weapons from the start: Buster Force, which shoots a stream of energy balls out in front of you; Flame Force, which, uh, shoots a jet of flame out in front of you; Sword Force, which shoots a laser; Ranger Force, which shoots a flurry of projectiles in an arc in front of you; Homing Force, which shoots out flames (?) that bend toward your enemies; and finally, Lancer Force, which shoots a slow laser (I assume it's a stronger version of Sword Force that takes longer between shots). Each weapon has limited energy before it drains, meaning you'll need to collect more energy for the weapons in the levels. My only complaint is that it's difficult to switch weapons mid-level without getting hurt- the game doesn't pause at all while you're switching!

Castle Crashers Score: 8/10
Alien Soldier Score: 7/10

Music/Sound
The music in Castle Crashers is DELICIOUS. From the title screen to the map, to the first song in the first level (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpSskCG7i6E), to Jumper (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXHO4AN_49Q), and a lot (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLchXp8FCbI) of (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdNa8Z1b4Mo) other (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_qeFD_J__o) stuff (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gv9Hp_HiXvc) create a diverse tone for the game and enhance the mood for each level (and other locations) in the game, and is just plain enjoyable to listen to. VIDEO GAME MUSIC FTW!!!

The music in Alien Soldier is pretty good, but I don't like it as much compared to Gunstar Heroes' soundtrack (there is a remix of the Seven Force theme (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8ONhxEIx-M) in the game though, when you fight "Seven Force" at one point in the game). I didn't get to hear much of it in-game (as I only got up to stage 5), so I unfortunately can't say much about it in terms of in-game context, but I did enjoy listening to it on Youtube (although it was mostly just flipping through the songs- I don't have time to listen to each one individually, especially because I'm just going to write a paragraph summary of the whole OST! :P).

Castle Crashers Score: 9.5/10
Alien Soldier Score: 8/10

Conclusion
Overall, Castle Crashers is a great game; its art style is great, the gameplay is enjoyable, the music is wonderful; etc. However, on the other hand, I didn't really like the giant boss run feel that Alien Soldier had (because that's literally what it is)- it's still quite enjoyable, but it doesn't have the same impact (for lack of a better word) as other run-and-gun games like Gunstar Heroes have with me. I wouldn't call it a bad game by any means, but out of these two games, the choice is clear.

Castle Crashers Final Score: 9/10
Alien Soldier Final Score: 7.8/10

Reviewer Notes:
  • I wish they had a Colonel Sanders statue as a weapon in Chicken Munchers!
  • Alien Soldier has 25 (short) levels and 31 bosses. Yikes.
  • FOR MEGADRIVERS CUSTOM. FOR GREAT JUSTICE.
[close]
[close]
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: mikey on May 06, 2014, 03:33:52 PM
It's both a duel review and a dual review
wp
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on May 09, 2014, 03:36:44 AM
I noticed that I've reviewed too many games that I've given a score greater than 5. That must change in the future.

Bubberducky (PS3)

"This whole video. All of it. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQWbFnAeDAo)" - videogamedunkey

I wanted to review this game because I saw that the forum was suspiciously lacking in Bubberducky and not because I had my soul stolen by a demon from playing this game. No, that would be entirely absurd.

Bubberducky is a wonderful game: it's like Flicky, but in 3D, and you'll definitely notice a vast improvement from that old, archaic game. Bubberducky is vastly superior. I was not paid to say this, nor was I hypnotized, nor am I being commanded by a demon to say things I don't want to- it is of my own free will that I praise this game. The graphics are vastly superior to any game on the PS3, and the controls are flawless. You don't use analog sticks to play the game, you don't use buttons... YOU JUST USE THE CONTROLLER! How brilliant! The era of buttons and the era a humanity shall end starting with this game!

The story of this game is tragic and compelling, told mostly through the use of inferences based on the gameplay. You play as Bubberducky, a convert from the Cult of Beelzebub to the Cult of Baal. Tasked by his new master to collect innocent ducks to sacrifice, he is opposed by the sharks who follow Beelzebub- false prophets who seek to stop him on his quest. All the while, Bubberducky begins to doubt himself and falls into insanity. This is the actually story. You have no reason to doubt that. It's a heartfelt tale, really.

This game was released in 2007, but it plays like it was just released yesterday! ARHEFGAYWY! I have nothing else to say but: PLAY THIS GAME! DO IT! BUY IT. SPEND YOUR MONEY ON IT. THE DEMON LORDS OF EEOFOL DEMAND IT. HELP ME SAVE MY SOUL.

Pros:
+ I enjoyed it more than Shrek Smash n' Crash Racing.
+ A demon did not possess me after I played this game!
+ Good graphics.

Cons:
- Don't listen to what I said in the review above!
- It has terrible controls!
- Entirely unexceptional.
- Frustrating gameplay at times.

Final Score: 6.66/6.66

Final Score: 4.2/10

Reviewer Notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on May 24, 2014, 10:59:21 AM
I was intending to review this game earlier, but I didn't want to rush into it.

Heroes of Might and Magic III: Horn of the Abyss (PC)

"Remember- no Russian." - Vladimir Makarov, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

So apparently a lot of Russians really love Heroes of Might and Magic...?

Heroes of Might and Magic III: Horn of the Abyss (HotA) is another fan-made mod for Heroes of Might and Magic III; it is notable for being the "first fan mod in the history of the entire series to successfully add a mostly-stable, all-new town, without replacing any other factions in doing so" (that's in quotes because it's taken from here (http://heroescommunity.com/viewthread.php3?TID=26298)). In addition, the official thread (http://heroescommunity.com/viewthread.php3?TID=39830) states that other new features include a new war machine for the Cove- the cannon (I love it)- new artifacts and artifact sets (pretty good), new banks and conservatories (I never really bother with those anyway), new types of map objects (always a plus), new heroes (great), new map editor with bigger map sizes (cool?), and other balance fixes (yay), all while striving to stay true to the "classic formula" of Heroes III mods (like Armageddon's Blade- introducing a new town and some other nice things, but not altering basic gameplay like WoG does). When starting the review for this game, I asked myself, "How do you review something that isn't complete?" but then I said to myself "You just do it." And then I said HEYYEYAAEYAAAEYAEYAA (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ5LpwO-An4&feature=kp).

Firstly, let's talk about that Cove town. The Cove town is a pirate town that adds 14 new creatures. Wow! 14! The same as any other castle! Plus another extra unit, the Sea Dog, that can be upgraded by the campaigns hero Bidley. Wow! Dogs at sea! How cool and original! When I heard the idea of a pirate town, it sounded incredibly generic, but the way it is executed in HotA makes the town interesting and pretty fun to play as; though, calling it a pirate town isn't necessarily the most correct term to use, given that approximately four of the fourteen units are actually pirates. Of course, with the Cove town comes two new hero classes: the Captain (might) and Navigator (Magic). Both of these are good. And the music. The music's good too. It's good music. You should listen to it. Go do it now. I'll help you with that: here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNwwnwl8aMA).

There are more towns planned, but as of this review, they have not been released yet. Also worthy of mention is that a few of the creatures from other towns have changed appearance; specifically, the Pikeman/Halberdier, Dendroid Soldier (I haven't actually seen what it looks like), and the Orc/Orc Chieftain (they look like ugly pigmen).

Secondly, let's talk about them campaigns. Right now, there are only two (both centered around the Cove), but I really like them. The campaigns themselves are fairly straightforward, but I can say that I enjoyed them more than I did WoG's campaign(s)... except for the timed "Flag all Creature Dwellings" mission in the first campaign... those are never fun. :P The campaigns offer a well-devised introduction to the new town, and still, in my opinion, fit in well with the general theme of being faithful to the original game and its expansions. I hope future campaigns (which will most likely be developed... "when" is another question...) will follow in the same fashion.

Finally, let's talk about that map editor before we (meaning me) sum things up. The aesthetics of the editor have been changed- in completely positive ways. No longer are all the buttons tiny little squares that you always inevitably end up missing with your clumsy mouse navigation. Now, the buttons are increased in size and detail; overall, it's a simple but great change that doesn't take long to get used to. The objects added are another nice addition to the editor (and you can place snow-covered objects on non-snow terrain ;)), and, as far as I can tell, are adequately named, rather than just being labeled as "OBJECT."

In summary, although Horn of the Abyss arguably isn't as flashy as WoG, its comparative simplicity is a good thing for fans of the classic HoMM III and want something similar, that adds something more to the gameplay experience, but doesn't completely alter the way the game works (aside from balance fixes, which are always welcome). Plus, there are plans to expand it even further, and since both the HotA Facebook page and Heroes Community thread are still very active, we can be assured that this will happen. Eventually.

Also of note is that the instructions for downloading the game tell you not to install HotA in the same HoMM III Complete file as WoG... let's just pretend I didn't do that, m'kay? It certainly can't cause anything bad to happen, right? R *CRITICAL RUNTIME ERROR*

Pros:
+ Good new town.
+ Good campaign.
+ All the other new stuff.
+ New stuff works well with old stuff.
+ More new stuff coming at a later time.
+ I don't think there are as many translation errors!
+ Bigger buttons on map editor for people with bad touchpads.
+ "Snow objects on non-snow terrain" is still a thing.

Cons:
- Orcs and Orc Chieftans.
- A little sparse in its current state.
- I do not play Heroes of Might and Magic to flag all creature dwellings on a godforsaken island in three months.

Final Score: 8.4/10

Reviewer Notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on July 16, 2014, 03:44:27 AM
Family Dog (SNES)

"Am I dead yet?." - JonTron (Jon Jafari)

This game. This game.

Family Dog for SNES. It is based on the TV series Family Dog. The TV series was created by Brad Bird: y'know, the guy who directed Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol. That Brad Bird. With a basis like that, how could you go wrong with a video game for the SNES, one of the greatest consoles of all time, home to such amazing games as Final Fantasy VI, Super Metroid, and Yoshi's Island! I don't know, but they did.

You start the game up, and after the initial menu, you are presented with one of the most lovably derpy dogs I've ever seen in a video game.

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/ip5nvq4x8hx7uis/Family%20Dog%20SNES%201.png?dl=1)
D'aww.

If you're anything like me, you then proceed to test out the controls, which consist of jump, run, sonic bark. Nothing unusual there- except for the fact that the dog can do a backflip: now, that's one talented dog! Well then, this game is shaping up nicely!

The sonic bark, it turns out, is your only attack besides jumping... and, quite unfortunately, it's limited. What kind of a dog can only bark a few times before it can't bark any more? That defies logic! I know no such dog.

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/vc1rvgwu2vjelo3/Family%20Dog%20SNES%202.png?dl=1)
This is the face of pain.

Then you move to the right, and everything tries to kill you. A bouncy ball, a spinning top, a cat, a boy (what kind of family is this?), and even FLYING BOOKS. FLYING BOOKS try to kill you (what kind of family is this?)! I'm not sure whether to be afraid of this game because it's like some sort of nightmare, or admire it for its daring conformity. I mean, this can't just be a peaceful game where you're a dog and you do stuff- this has to be a game where you kill enemies just like any other game, platform like any other game, and play like any other game! Also if you crouch on the TV bones comes out. That's not natural.

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/3z0w7wrztffoklx/Family%20Dog%20SNES%203.png?dl=1)
This is your new life. Enjoy.

The game plays fairly normally (can you describe this game as "normal"?) until you get to a part of the level where you're being chased by the boy (the same one who attacks you earlier during the level). HE TRIES TO KILL YOU AGAIN. You run, and run, and jump over toys that get in your way (but don't hinder the boy at all) until you reach the other side of the room. THEN, the boy wants to play ball with you! One minute, he's trying to kill you, and the other he wants to be your friend! I do say, that kid needs to see a psychiatrist.

If you don't catch the ball, you run into...

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/88jdgdnh71z99r5/Family%20Dog%20SNES%204.png?dl=1)
...this...

Given the ominous jingle that plays, you expect to fail and be forced to try and catch the ball again. Well, that's not what happens... you're sent to another level, that highly resembles the first, except a little different! STOP SENDING ME MIXED SIGNALS, GAME! It's never right to do! After you're done this level, there's another chase sequence (with no fetch sequence after that). Then, you're deposited into the kitchen. This next level (?) brings new meaning to the words "Hell's Kitchen." There are killer blenders, killer toasters-which-shoot-out-killer-minitoast, and killer... dustpans. All while that nasty, ugly boy is running around beneath you with a vacuum cleaner. What's his motivation? Where are the parents? What is this game?

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/j43v0x1suo7incz/Family%20Dog%20SNES%205.png?dl=1)
I'm completely serious.

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/ddlmx73wjauw4ga/Family%20Dog%20SNES%206.png?dl=1)
Thar' be demons at work here.

Eventually, you learn to accept it all. You don't want to play the game any more, but you do anyway. You don't question the game, you don't try to fight it anymore; you just... it just... is. The game is not life, this game is not death, this game is not Hell, this game is not Limbo. The game is.

Pros:
+ Dog
+ Dog
+ Dog

Cons:
- Dog
- Dog
- Dog

Final Score: 3.8/10

Reviewer Notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Maelstrom on July 16, 2014, 03:50:17 AM
Sounds like it would make a good jontron video.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on July 16, 2014, 03:52:06 AM
My brother said the exact same thing! :P
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: braix on July 16, 2014, 04:21:33 AM
I love this dog.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on July 27, 2014, 12:51:04 AM
Gain Ground (Sega Genesis)

"♫ Come with me, and you'll be, in a world of pure imagination... ♫" - Willy Wonka

Gain Ground is an interesting game, and that's all that really needs to be said about it... but where would the fun be in that?

The story of the game is simple (and is not mentioned in-game at all, except when it is briefly referenced in the ending): It is the year 2348. The good ol' government, worried that mankind's instinct to wage war is fading after a long era of peace, has decided to develop a simulation system (title drop) to... make people want to wage war again...? That aside, as you'd expect, the system went rogue (and potentially gained sentience?) and kidnapped a bunch of people. Three heroes enter the Gain Ground system to rescue the people and destroy the system!

The gameplay is described as an "action-strategy." With action, and with strategy, what's not to love? I mean, you've got two great genres put together, and...

(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fblueskygamer.files.wordpress.com%2F2013%2F12%2Fggchars2.png%3Fw%3D584&hash=ddd0e1326ecf0f94477f3d872a6bd25e)
All these guys.

You start with three characters, and as you progress, can find various captives spread across the map. To use them, you have to "collect" them and, while doing such, reach the designated exit(s); if any of the warriors you already have are injured in battle, you can do the same to rescue them. Now, these characters have names, but they're bad names. Thus, I shall christen them with new names as I see fit: in order, we have Tribesman Rauru, Coolhand McStoneface, Leif Erikson, Old Rambo, Bob, Radical, Old-Guy-With-A-Grudge-And-An-Assault-Rifle, Motocross Mac, Sally, Radical's Wife, Assassin Hunter, Ms. Death Stare, Otto, Colonel Pyro, Space Kook, Mister Falcon, Paladin, Nien, Stoic, and Samurai Kneel. Twenty characters is a fair amount, and I will, of course, go over each and every one of them- their weapons, general strategies, and etcetera. Worthy of note is that if you play in Hard difficulty, all of these characters are unlocked from the beginning; I, personally, found that this made it easier to complete the game, as you do not have to formulate a strategy for killing just enough enemies to escape with all the captives (in addition to the fact that having all the characters immediately gives you a bigger range of options).

Of course, Leif Erikson and Mister Falcon are the only characters you'll willingly be using for more than two levels.

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/q8zwvfm15pq5yzg/Gain%20Ground%201.png?dl=1)
HINGA DINGA DURGEN

Overall, there are 50 levels in the game, divided into 10 rounds each; at the end of each round is a boss (as one would expect). These bosses provide and interesting mix-up in gameplay, but usually aren't too difficult (except for those monkey demons and their long-range-fireballs).

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/nle9l1vzr8x32cq/Gain%20Ground%202.png?dl=1)
Just looking at those monkeys makes me feel the burn of their fireballs all over again.

A strategy many enemies employ is to stand atop a wall, roof, or other barricade. One of the wonders of Leif is that he can hit such enemies; his long range, too, helps him reach enemies before they can fire at you. Especially in later levels, where range and speed are especially important. This is why he is clearly the superior choice for all but a few levels (which his missile-spewing companion is usually fit for); you have no reason to choose any other character except to destroy the walls leading to the final boss (unless you're this guy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jv5dfRhcb1U)). They are not fit for combat. They are not heroes. They are failures.

This game, however, is not.

Pros:
+ Action/Strategy
+ Plot?
+ Brilliant characters.
+ Stunning character development.
+ WAR! WAR! WAR!

Cons:
- Monkeys. Not flying, though.
- Normal and easy mode are for the weak, and thus, they should not have included them at all.

Final Score: 8.2/10

Reviewer Notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Maelstrom on July 27, 2014, 02:34:43 AM
So.... basicly a less complicated, sci-fi Fire Emblem?
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on July 27, 2014, 02:39:55 AM
It's not turn-based, and you can only have one character on the battlefield at a time (except in two-player mode).
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Maelstrom on July 27, 2014, 02:55:44 AM
That makes more sense.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: mikey on July 28, 2014, 04:47:25 AM
That willy wonka song always reminded me of the song of storms
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: braix on July 28, 2014, 06:58:31 PM
That willy wonka song always reminded me of the song of storms
Same >->
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Yugi on July 28, 2014, 10:47:42 PM
Why is M.Bison one of the mercenaries?
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on August 22, 2014, 06:45:20 AM
The Monkey King: The Legend Begins (Wii)

"Knowledge is power." - Francis Bacon

Let me start by saying that this game has my third favorite box art of all time, right behind Phalanx and Mega Turrican. Now, that being said, let me talk about the game!

(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fdreager1.files.wordpress.com%2F2012%2F10%2Frtde6k.png&hash=d8feb8522795d5385e55f4d4494cd000)
Best.

When I first saw this game, I was shocked- I didn't know what it was, I didn't know what to do with it, I just... didn't know anything any more. I was left in a confusion, and dropped the box on the ground, where it lay until I finally decided to try it out. And let me tell you, never judge a book by its cover!!! Except this isn't a book, so I guess you could say that you should never judge a game by its box art!!! The game is a side-scrolling shooter; you can choose to play as one of two characters: Wukung or Mei Mei (I don't think there's a difference aside from their appearance, though: it's not like you can make a character in a side-scrolling shooter jump higher). Oddly enough, aside from the two-player mode, the game offers two modes to play the game in- "normal" mode, and story mode. The separation of these two modes seems a bit pointless; however, the story in story mode isn't spectacular anyways so it kind of defeats the point of having story mode in the first place, which justifies playing normal mode and... I don't know!?!? Why can't this game just be simple!

While this game excels in offering pointlessly complex menu options, this game offers extreme simplicity in terms of gameplay (I spoke too soon). You just shoot things as you scroll. Despite this, the gameplay still manage to be as strange as the rest of this game; how fitting.

This is one of those games where you start out extremely weak, but become more powerful as you progress (due to the collectible power-ups); now, this would be completely fine, but the difficulty of the levels does not scale to your power. This leads to the game becoming easier as you progress, with the first level or two being difficult, but the last few levels being quite easy. The imbalance is especially noticeable during the boss fights- I found myself struggling to defeat the first boss, but not having any trouble whatsoever on the final boss... what is TESTING a game!?!? :o Worthy of note, though (I suppose), is that you can tilt the Wii Remote to change the speed of the level (to make the pain go away faster).

(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hardcoregaming101.net%2Fcloudmaster%2Fmonkeyking-9a.jpg&hash=9ab161ae69ba20be034cb8a3b4e39d89)
Fighting a boss. Like a monkey boss.

On a final note, while doing this review, I discovered that this game is actually a remake of an older game, called Chuuka Taisen (Cloud Master), which was released for various systems, including the Famicom and Sega Master System. That certainly explains some of this game's shortcomings (the original is supposedly a mediocre game to begin with), but given how they deviate from it in the remake (adding a story mode, another playable character, a new final level, etc.), I think it would be fairly acceptable to beef the content up a bit. You can read more about the game here. (http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/cloudmaster/cloudmaster.htm)

(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hardcoregaming101.net%2Fcloudmaster%2Fcloudmaster-msx.jpg&hash=2e0c4ef9523d7c562edd6ec8abe2a1ca)
The box art does not compare.

Overall, the game is short and unbalanced. It is interesting to play once, but due to a variety of factors, the game just feels... incomplete. Perhaps if the game had more levels (or maybe a branching path somewhere in the story mode to give you another reason to play it?) and better balance it would be more enjoyable. As is, well, uh...

It's a quality coaster.

Pros:
+ Monkeys flying on clouds.
+ Coaster action.
+ Two-player mode? I guess that's a plus?

Cons:
- GAME.

Final Score: 6.2/10

Reviewer Notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Maelstrom on August 22, 2014, 01:04:09 PM
"final boss... what it TESTING a game!?!?"             ???
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: mikey on August 22, 2014, 06:40:14 PM
inb4 zoroark and wolf screaming "WUKONG"
after me of course
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on August 22, 2014, 11:32:18 PM
"final boss... what it TESTING a game!?!?"             ???
Separate thought incorporated into the sentence through the use of an ellipsis (e.g. The final boss is easier than the first! Have these people heard of testing their game?). :P
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Maelstrom on August 23, 2014, 12:32:22 AM
But also a typo. That didn't help.  :P
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on August 23, 2014, 12:38:32 AM
i don't see any typo 0 :-D
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on October 05, 2014, 03:42:25 AM
1-800-DEMONS (SNES)

"That the reason why they are not fallen already and do not fall now is only that God's appointed time is not come. For it is said, that when that due time, or appointed time comes, their foot shall slide. Then they shall be left to fall, as they are inclined by their own weight. God will not hold them up in these slippery places any longer, but will let them go; and then, at that very instant, they shall fall into destruction; as he that stands on such slippery declining ground, on the edge of a pit, he cannot stand alone, when he is let go he immediately falls and is lost." - Jonathan Edwards

WARNING! The following review is a review of an EXTREMELY GRAPHIC game. Its content may be DISTURBING to some readers; for this fact, all images depicting the game have been put into spoiler tags! Open the tags at your own risk! Thank you for your time, and please enjoy the review.

1-800-DEMONS is a very sinful thing. In this "video game," you control a sinful demon channeler- nameless, of course- who summons demons to earth in order to reap the souls of the living. It is your job to kill as many people as you can, while summoning more and more demons to destroy the world. From the beginning, the morals and lessons this game imparts- or lack thereof- are absolutely shocking, and revealing of the immorality of the youth of this day. These "video games" are an immoral tool that should be destroyed and kept down to preserve the integrity of our growing and impressionable youth. However, I fear that for many, it is too late.

Spoiler
(https://www.dropbox.com/s/jx7zizq7xyidee2/DOOM%20SNES%201.png?dl=1)
Hell beckons you.
[close]

Hellish images frequently pop up during the game, serving to further rally the innocent youth, who know not what they do, to the cause of the Devil. Guns of many kinds are used as weapons of destruction in this game, or so I have heard, blowing apart poor people who struggle to survive against the onslaught of demons- betrayed by one of their own!

Spoiler
(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fclassicgamingpresents.com%2Fwp%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2013%2F06%2F526.jpg&hash=96358e1ef262c939fdcccf50e57324be)
Psalm 140:4
[close]

In the very final level of the game, your demon channeler visits the heart of hell to converge with his demonic overlords and plot the final downfall of the human species and all that is good. How this game was even allowed to be sold, I know not, but I do know that it is a great irresponsibility on the hands of the lawmakers if they think this thing is a positive influence on our youths! This game teaches witchery and the practice of summoning demons with black magic! It is violent and unholy! If such a game proposes to preach violence and sin, we shall see a decline in society! Already has this game prompted youths to go mad and kill others! When, I ask, will the light finally reach peoples' eyes, and they see that these abominations called "video games" must be brought to and end! Have people strayed so far from God's graces that they are blind when Satanic influences scream right in front of their eyes!?

Spoiler
(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F2.bp.blogspot.com%2F-fbozym7x0R0%2FUST6q8BR1uI%2FAAAAAAAADT4%2FKjbgw04u0Y4%2Fs400%2Fgba%2Bdoom.jpg&hash=b71f69b1acab41be1fbd4987094c51a4)
Summoning more minions for your armies.
[close]

1-800-DEMONS is a very sinful thing. If you play this game, you are a sinful demon channeler, and you will be damned to the fiery pits of hell by the righteous fury of the heavens. I urge you, before it is too late, to avoid this game at all costs.

Pros:
+ A classic game ported to a classic console.

Cons:
- Slow frame rate and frequent lag.
- Bad sound and graphics.
- The fact that the game is available on pretty much any other console, but better.

Final Score: 3.6/10

Reviewer Notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Maelstrom on October 05, 2014, 04:16:05 AM
*Doom
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Waddle Bro on October 05, 2014, 02:55:09 PM
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: MaestroUGC on October 05, 2014, 03:14:04 PM
"I tried to play Doom last night but it crashed."
"Why?"
"Printer ran out of toner."
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Sebastian on October 08, 2014, 08:24:01 PM
1-800-DEMONS (SNES)

"That the reason why they are not fallen already and do not fall now is only that God's appointed time is not come. For it is said, that when that due time, or appointed time comes, their foot shall slide. Then they shall be left to fall, as they are inclined by their own weight. God will not hold them up in these slippery places any longer, but will let them go; and then, at that very instant, they shall fall into destruction; as he that stands on such slippery declining ground, on the edge of a pit, he cannot stand alone, when he is let go he immediately falls and is lost." - Jonathan Edwards

WARNING! The following review is a review of an EXTREMELY GRAPHIC game. Its content may be DISTURBING to some readers; for this fact, all images depicting the game have been put into spoiler tags! Open the tags at your own risk! Thank you for your time, and please enjoy the review.

1-800-DEMONS is a very sinful thing. In this "video game," you control a sinful demon channeler- nameless, of course- who summons demons to earth in order to reap the souls of the living. It is your job to kill as many people as you can, while summoning more and more demons to destroy the world. From the beginning, the morals and lessons this game imparts- or lack thereof- are absolutely shocking, and revealing of the immorality of the youth of this day. These "video games" are an immoral tool that should be destroyed and kept down to preserve the integrity of our growing and impressionable youth. However, I fear that for many, it is too late.

Spoiler
(https://www.dropbox.com/s/jx7zizq7xyidee2/DOOM%20SNES%201.png?dl=1)
Hell beckons you.
[close]

Hellish images frequently pop up during the game, serving to further rally the innocent youth, who know not what they do, to the cause of the Devil. Guns of many kinds are used as weapons of destruction in this game, or so I have heard, blowing apart poor people who struggle to survive against the onslaught of demons- betrayed by one of their own!

Spoiler
(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fclassicgamingpresents.com%2Fwp%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2013%2F06%2F526.jpg&hash=96358e1ef262c939fdcccf50e57324be)
Psalm 140:4
[close]

In the very final level of the game, your demon channeler visits the heart of hell to converge with his demonic overlords and plot the final downfall of the human species and all that is good. How this game was even allowed to be sold, I know not, but I do know that it is a great irresponsibility on the hands of the lawmakers if they think this thing is a positive influence on our youths! This game teaches witchery and the practice of summoning demons with black magic! It is violent and unholy! If such a game proposes to preach violence and sin, we shall see a decline in society! Already has this game prompted youths to go mad and kill others! When, I ask, will the light finally reach peoples' eyes, and they see that these abominations called "video games" must be brought to and end! Have people strayed so far from God's graces that they are blind when Satanic influences scream right in front of their eyes!?

Spoiler
(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F2.bp.blogspot.com%2F-fbozym7x0R0%2FUST6q8BR1uI%2FAAAAAAAADT4%2FKjbgw04u0Y4%2Fs400%2Fgba%2Bdoom.jpg&hash=b71f69b1acab41be1fbd4987094c51a4)
Summoning more minions for your armies.
[close]

1-800-DEMONS is a very sinful thing. If you play this game, you are a sinful demon channeler, and you will be damned to the fiery pits of hell by the righteous fury of the heavens. I urge you, before it is too late, to avoid this game at all costs.

Pros:
+ A classic game ported to a classic console.

Cons:
- Slow frame rate and frequent lag.
- Bad sound and graphics.
- The fact that the game is available on pretty much any other console, but better.

Final Score: 3.6/10

Reviewer Notes:
  • We must strive to keep ourselves pure in times of trouble such as these, despite the evils all around us.
I totally agree with this :)
Excellent work :)
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on October 08, 2014, 10:49:29 PM
I totally agree with this :)
._.

What part of it.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Sebastian on October 09, 2014, 03:43:36 AM
All Of it :P
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: K-NiGhT on October 15, 2014, 08:19:53 PM
are you real
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: mikey on October 15, 2014, 09:53:33 PM
are you real
are you fake
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Sebastian on October 16, 2014, 10:59:26 PM
are you real
What do you mean?
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Olimar12345 on October 16, 2014, 11:15:52 PM
He's probably just poking fun at how your post(s) seems hollow and lacks much purpose.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on March 21, 2015, 10:50:05 AM
Time to get insanely serious.

VG Rankings and Top 10s (1)

Or, "The Weapons of Gunstar Heroes"


Combo Weapons

#1
(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/trvsxnto3vaprpw/Chaser%20Force.png?dl=0)

Chaser + Force: Ever since I converted from Chaser + Lightning, I have used this weapon. I love using this weapon. Plus... HIGH-POWERED HOMING BALLS. You just can't hate that!
[close]

#2
(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/a1z98erfuymolat/Chaser%20Lightning.png?dl=0)

Chaser + Lightning: Notice a pattern here. I love Chaser weapons: this one is no exception. It was my original favorite weapon. However, unlike Chaser + Force, I find that this one is more likely to lock onto targets you don't want it to, and thus, is harder to aim properly. Nonetheless, this is a fun weapon, as its main attack is a square of lasers that locks on to foes.
[close]

#3
(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/f4ommibkma1ivn9/Fire%20Lightning.png?dl=0)

Fire + Lightning: The notorious "lightsaber," which does insane damage, but has short range. It's quite difficult to use, but I like the daring, risky playstyle it encourages, leaping around to fight enemies while avoiding damage. On the plus side, this weapon can also destroy certain shots enemies fire at you, which helps this weapon to also function as a semi-defensive weapon. Ultimately, though, the "lightsaber" stands as "the boss weapon"... literally.
[close]

#4
(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/gq0y345xkzxrs49/Fire%20Force.png?dl=0)

Fire + Force: It was so hard to get any screenshots with this weapon; this is the best one I got! Anyway, this weapon shoots a force ball (it shoots a ball with force) that explodes in a fiery burst (great balls of fire!). It's a cool weapon, and combines the two component weapons perfectly. I haven't used it in a full playthrough, unfortunately. I should really try that!
[close]

#5
(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/uwqnklq4qkppgo2/Lightning%20Force.png?dl=0)

Lightning + Force: Lightning is a laser. Force is a rapid ball shooter. Combine them, and what do you get? A shower of lasers. This is my favorite screenshot that I took, because it captures this weapon at the perfect moment. When you're not doing cool laser-moves with it, it's just a rapid laser beam. Which isn't bad.
[close]

#6
(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/3s6hgxe0q3aidsd/Chaser%20Chaser.png?dl=0)

Chaser + Chaser: This is the middle-ground of the Chaser weapons; it shoots a stream of stars a foes, which is always fun, but a bit unexpected, given that the Chaser by itself shoots triangles. :P This weapon also swirls around you like a shield when you're not firing it- whether it actually shields things, I don't know, but I'll keep calling it a shield until I'm proved otherwise.
[close]

#7
(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/pnwk7h9oscs9jt1/Fire%20Fire.png?dl=0)

Fire + Fire: FLAMETHROWERS ARE COOL. BURNING THINGS IS FUN. THESE ARE FACTS OF LIFE. However, although it is doubtlessly better than single-Fire, it suffers from being a bland weapon compared to the others. I would consider this the most "mid-tier" weapon out of all of them.
[close]

#8
(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/ismdfdupfjuknca/Force%20Force.png?dl=0)

Force + Force: On one hand: BIG RAPID BALL SHOOTING. On the other hand: Chaser + Force. I've never found Force to be a particularly compelling weapon by itself (not to mention, one of the hardest to use by itself when using Free Shot), so doubling it, unfortunately, doesn't do much to help it out.
[close]

#9
(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/6xy6o0d9juu1uot/Lightning%20Lightning.png?dl=0)

Lightning + Lightning: I guess lightning works better with other weapons than with itself. Unlike Lightning + Force, which disperses when you move the shots from side to side, this is just a beam that goes in a straight direction. So, basically, this weapon is like Lightning + Force, but not as fun.
[close]

#10
(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/nrvg9mq4gqzqvd5/Chaser%20Fire.png?dl=0)

Chaser + Fire: I like Chaser weapons, you know! This is the one exception. While it's a really powerful weapon (and remote-control flamethrowers are a neat idea), I'm sure, it's difficult to control, and often impractical in large spaces, or when enemies are swarming you. I've never willingly used this weapon in-game, aside for the purpose of taking the above screenshot.
[close]


Single Weapons

#1
(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/pku3n2oj8xaeo0o/Gunstar%20Heroes%20Chaser.png?dl=0)

Chaser: Ya get to blow **** up by pressing a button? WHERE DO I SIGN.
[close]

#2
(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/wf3mbq9rozc60jq/Gunstar%20Heroes%20Lightning.png?dl=0)

Lightning: I HAD THIS PERFECT SCREENSHOT TAKEN BUT THE SHOT WASN'T IN THE PICTURE SO I... calm, calm now. I had to take this lousy screenshot. While it's not as epic as I would have liked it to be, it shows off the weapon. Not too well, but it just does its job. Like the weapon. It does its job well, and combos well when you need it to. It's the only other weapon besides Chaser I'd start with, because, between those two, you pretty much have everything you need!
[close]

#3
(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/u1rfiotri8h6wif/Gunstar%20Heroes%20Force.png?dl=0)

Force: As I mentioned earlier, Force is hard to use by itself, and oftentimes lacks the killing power that Fire does. Force combos really well with other weapons, though, so that's a great plus! Additionally, it's not as bad when using Fixed Shot (but ew fixed shot).
[close]

#4
(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/9qbuwgmhawqusnb/Gunstar%20Heroes%20Fire.png?dl=0)

Fire: Unfortunately, Fire by itself doesn't have the range to operate as effective as the other weapons by themselves- the only one that lacks significant range. If you want a combo with Fire, I would not recommend starting with Fire, as it seems to pop up by its own often enough! I find that Fire works better with Free Shot than Fixed Shot, which is odd, as some of the Fire combo weapons actually work better with Fixed Shot (see: Fire + Chaser)!
[close]
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on May 03, 2015, 02:54:57 AM
Fat Princess (PS3)

"♫ My zippers bust, my buckles break / I'm too much man for you to take / The pavement cracks when I fall down / I've got more chins than Chinatown ♫" - Fat by "Weird Al" Yankovic

Fat Princess for PS3 is "an action real-time strategy video game," where the main goal is fighting with an enemy army and/or rescuing your Princess from the enemy castle, feeding cake to the captured enemy Princess in order to make them harder to carry. While many people consider it one of the best games on the Playstation store, others consider it to be rife with sexism and weightism (never mind the fact that the story mode ends with everybody accepting that it's ok to eat as much cake as you want).

(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fvignette3.wikia.nocookie.net%2Ffatprincess%2Fimages%2F1%2F1d%2FFatwed.JPG%2Frevision%2Flatest%3Fcb%3D20120618172420&hash=b3ad81b6fbb8aa1c7282cd578d3e412e)
See? No weightism here!

Gameplay involves 32 players- 16 on each side- controlling one of six classes (three more if you have the DLC, but... bleh... it's arguably not worth it). You can change classes by grabbing hats and putting them on, à la Copy Essences. Let's take a look at the classes, shall we?
Villager: Basic class. Weak, mostly used for grabbing other hats or quickly slapping enemies trying to grab a Princess (but surprisingly effective for grabbing the Princess itself).
Worker: Class used for harvesting resources, building objects, breaking down objects built by the enemy, and upgrading Hat Machines. Not very good offensively, but the upgraded version can throw bombs.
Priest: Class used for healing. Has a melee attack, but its upgrade can also use a life drain.
Mage: Can shoot fire and use area fire attacks. When upgraded, can also use ice attacks to slow or freeze enemies.
Ranger: Ranged class that fires arrows. When upgraded, it gains a sweet blunderbuss.
Warrior: Staple of offense; has a sword for attacking and a shield for blocking certain attacks. When upgraded, its weapons are replaced with a glaive that can be used for more powerful attacks.

(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.gameandplayer.net%2Fimages%2Finset%2Finset2_09_0808_fatprincess.jpg&hash=2dd03a164ff7327d4fee038f27e9f4a4)
A visual representation. No captions included.

Each class can be upgraded once (with the ability to switch weapons if you so desire), which I feel is a bit lackluster and disappointing, removing a potential extra layer of strategy and depth to the game. In my opinion, offering a split upgrade after the initial upgrade (with each one enhancing one of the aspects of the class: e.g. one Ranger upgrade giving them a stronger bow, and the other giving them a stronger blunderbuss, with only one able to be chosen) would have enhanced the game in a simple way. Similarly, other structures should have further upgraded forms as well (such as an upgrade to the Catapult being either a bubble around your castle/outposts where your units are buffed, or a bubble in the same areas in which enemy units are weakened). Adding just a bit more content would make the game go so much further. A few more modes- and more of a mix-and-match selection- a few more classes (with a limitation on how many Hat Machines you can take with you into battle, perhaps?), and possibly an extra map or two (there are already a number of wonderful maps in the game, so this is the area that least needs improvement) would make me squee in delight as a fan of strategy games.

(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.psxextreme.com%2Fscreenshots%2Fps3_fat_princess%2Fps3_fat_princess_fe55d138718b3636a23e7d1276ccca0e2.jpg&hash=92b6e84f2ee1e1646c297d77978d3808)
Gameplay. This probably won't be your average experience.

This game feels like it was made in anticipation for a sequel, with more content that this game should have had in the first place. While this is an enjoyable game, with the gameplay as a solid foundation, it gets boring and repetitive quickly (I have not yet reached the point where I completely do not want to play the game, fortunately). If you're interested in the online play, it might have a bit more replayability, but I would assume that would not stop the gameplay from becoming stale quickly. Overall... there are other games that offer more for around the same price... may I, perhaps, recommend Comet Crash for those who crave strategy games...?

Pros:
+ Simple, effective gameplay.
+ Charming visuals and story mode.
+ Online mode offers a bit more to expand the time you'll want to play it...

Cons:
- ...which is already low due to the general lack of content.
- Too simple.
- The desire for something more, the glory that this game could have been.
- Um... did you read the review? ???

Final Score: 7.5/10

Reviewer Notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Maelstrom on May 03, 2015, 04:01:04 AM
A visual representation. No captions included.
But isn't that a caption
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on May 18, 2015, 04:29:31 AM
Sonic the Hedgehog (NES)

"This is How You Sonic." - Sonic Drive-In

I recently heard some people talking smack about one of my favorite games on the Sega Genesis: Sonic the Hedgehog (what a classic). I'm here to show them that Sonic is actually a really great game through careful and deliberate analysis of the game. Here we go.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/loc11iygtykw1d5/Sonic%20NES%203.png?dl=0)
This has me hyped.

Sonic was developed to compete with Mario. Sega needed a mascot, so they made Sonic. And they made Sonic games too. Sonic is a classic, for its gameplay and vivid imagery. This game first came out in 1992, I think. The game starts in a stage known as Green Hill Zone...

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/sral2g8icev4bsq/Sonic%20NES%201.png?dl=0)
...uh, Spring Yard Zone...

...as you follow Sonic, zooming through many stages of adventure, mischief, and fun. You have a number of abilities, including jumping, and running. Some people criticize the lack of a spin dash in this game- an ability which would come to be known as Sonic's primary attack- but I don't seem to mind it. The main goal of the game is to reach the goal of each stage or sometimes defeat a boss; along the way, you collect rings, which help you not die.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/ldc90e6znt1c058/Sonic%20NES%202.png?dl=0)
Where does he fit all of them?

This game is fun because, uh, the variety, the music, the gameplay, the zooming, and the enemies. The bosses are also a plus, if you can get to them. This game is pretty hard. I don't ever remember it being this hard...

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/sral2g8icev4bsq/Sonic%20NES%201.png?dl=0)
This is as far as I got. Did they even make any more of this game?

You know what? This game has aged. It's just not fun anymore... I tried to tell myself otherwise, but I guess I let my nostalgia influence my opinion... this game is

Pros:
+ Sonic?

Cons:
- Hard.
- It's not fun.
- This isn't Sonic.

Final Score: 4/10

Reviewer Notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on June 06, 2015, 05:21:19 AM
I haven't reviewed any Pokemon yet. I want to review some Pokemon. LOTS of Pokemon. I guess it's time for a...

DUEL REVIEW!

Pokemon Omega Ruby (3DS)

vs.

Pokemon Alpha Sapphire (3DS)

"The Earth does not belong to us: we belong to the Earth." - Somebody

"♫ Somewhere beyond the sea / somewhere waiting for me ♫" - Beyond the Sea, by Jack Lawrence

Two Pokemon against each other. One of these games just might be better than the other... this will be fun, won't it?

I will compare these games in several categories, including Gameplay, Graphics, Story, In-game Content, and Music/Sound. So, let's start this.

Gameplay
Pokemon Omega Ruby keeps the same timeless gameplay as other games in the Pokemon series. You fight Pokemon, catch them, then use them to fight. Simple enough, ain't it? There are also other activities you can do on the side, such as the beloved Pokemon Contests, returning to the series for the first time since Generation 4 (sorry Musicals- you're just not the same!). Pokemon Omega Ruby is a remake of the earlier Pokemon Ruby (as the name implies), and in my opinion, it is the best of the remakes thus far: it captures the essence of the original, all while updating the games to hold their ground in the modern gaming scene.

Pokemon Alpha Sapphire keeps the same timeless gameplay as other games in the Pokemon series. You fight Pokemon, catch them, then use them to fight. Simple enough, ain't it? There are also other activities you can do on the side, such as the beloved Pokemon Contests, returning to the series for the first time since Generation 4 (sorry Pokestar Studios- you're just not the same!). Pokemon Alpha Sapphire is a remake of the earlier Pokemon Sapphire (as the name implies), and in my opinion, it is the best of the remakes thus far: it captures the essence of the original, all while updating the games to hold their ground in the modern gaming scene.

Pokemon Omega Ruby Score: 9.8/10
Pokemon Alpha Sapphire: 9.8/10

Graphics
Pokemon Omega Ruby puts the graphical style of Generation 6 to great use, showing off the beautiful Hoenn region to its full extent. While I personally prefer the style of Generation 5, I must say, the graphics in this game do! Not! Disappoint!

Pokemon Alpha Sapphire puts the graphical style of Generation 6 to great use, showing off the beautiful Hoenn region to its full extent. While I personally prefer the style of Generation 5, I must say, the graphics in this game do NOT disappoint!

Pokemon Omega Ruby Score: 8.2/10
Pokemon Alpha Sapphire: 8.2/10

Story
In Pokemon Omega Ruby, you play as a new Pokemon trainer who journeys throughout the Hoenn region, both training their Pokemon, defeating Gym Leaders, all while saving Hoenn- and the world- from Team Magma, who seeks to awaken the legendary Pokemon Groudon, who has the power to summon ceaseless droughts. During this journey, you learn several important lessons about friendship, responsibility, and dedication. In the newly added postgame, Delta Episode, you save the world once more. Overall, I feel this remake enhances the plot of the earlier Pokemon Ruby, adding emotion, fascination, and depth.

In Pokemon Alpha Sapphire, you play as a new Pokemon trainer who journeys throughout the Hoenn region, both training their Pokemon, defeating Gym Leaders, all while saving Hoenn- and the world- from Team Aqua, who seeks to awaken the legendary Pokemon Kyogre, who has the power to summon ceaseless floods. During this journey, you learn several important lessons about friendship, responsibility, and dedication. In the newly added postgame, Delta Episode, you save the world once more. Overall, I feel this remake enhances the plot of the earlier Pokemon Sapphire, adding emotion, fascination, and depth.

Pokemon Omega Ruby Score: 8.5/10
Pokemon Alpha Sapphire: 8.5/10

In-game Content
Pokemon Omega Ruby features over 700 Pokemon and adds over 10 new Mega Evolutions! Such Pokemon include fan favorites such as Seedot, Solrock, and Zangoose! There are also numerous rare Pokemon like Ho-Oh and Palkia available! Aside from the wonderful main quest, the side content added- including the updated Secret Bases and Contests- will keep you coming back again and again. You can trade with people around the world to help you complete your Pokedex. What a world we do live in.

Pokemon Alpha Sapphire features over 700 Pokemon and adds over 10 new Mega Evolutions! Such Pokemon include fan favorites such as Lotad, Lunatone, and Seviper! There are also numerous rare Pokemon like Lugia and Dialga available! Aside from the wonderful main quest, the side content added- including the updated Secret Bases and Contests- will keep you coming back again and again. You can trade with people around the world to help you complete your Pokedex. What a world we do live in.

Pokemon Omega Ruby Score: 9.6/10
Pokemon Alpha Sapphire: 9.6/10

Music/Sound
Pokemon Omega Ruby features an amazing soundtrack, updated from the already great soundtrack of Pokemon Ruby. Highlights include Drought (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk7qrL8aZjM), Battle! Archie/Maxie (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xv7ZGS3Nkbo), and Route 111 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSQ8ZLS8AP8). You can listen to the soundtrack here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mT-v0QBEMY&list=PLrI1fMoatt_VzM49AY6oD2Z8GAp3t_PRi).

Pokemon Alpha Sapphire also features an amazing soundtrack, updated from the already great soundtrack of Pokemon Sapphire. Highlights include Heavy Rainfall (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmAjT8tVHOA), Battle! Rival (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhhTWytQR2Y), and Meteor Falls (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDXXjNk_BRk). You can listen to the soundtrack here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mT-v0QBEMY&list=PLrI1fMoatt_VzM49AY6oD2Z8GAp3t_PRi).

Pokemon Omega Ruby Score: 9/10
Pokemon Alpha Sapphire: 9/10

Conclusion
Both Pokemon Omega Ruby and Pokemon Alpha Sapphire are great games from the Pokemon franchise (and I do recommend both of them), but in the end, one must emerge triumphant! Deeply analyzing the specifics of each, I can say with confidence that I will declare a definitive winner!

Pokemon Omega Ruby Score: 9.2/10
Pokemon Alpha Sapphire: 9.2/10

Reviwer Notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Latios212 on June 06, 2015, 05:24:50 AM
I love these reviews so much ;D

Both Pokemon Omega Ruby and Pokemon Alpha Sapphire are great games from the Pokemon franchise (and I do recommend both of them), but in the end, one must emerge triumphant! Deeply analyzing the specifics of each, I can say with confidence that I will declare a definitive winner!
I was expecting a tiebreaker based on water content :P
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on June 06, 2015, 05:28:29 AM
I could probably add a 0.1 for Primal Groudon... ;)
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Hero of Trains on June 06, 2015, 05:47:44 AM
Kyogre all the way. These are hilarious! Great job. ;D
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: mikey on June 06, 2015, 12:41:03 PM
kyogre>groudon therefore sapphire>ruby
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on June 13, 2015, 03:46:17 AM
I decided to skip Sonic 2 because you all probably know what I'm going to say about it.

Sonic 3 & Knuckles (Sega Genesis)

"I woke up and realized life is great and people are awesome and life is worth living." - Hulk Hogan

Well, what do I say about this. To start, it's a good game, but not as good as Sonic 2. Let's start, shall we?

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/1ggczkm5rpht200/Metal%20Sonic%20in%20Sonic%203%201.png?dl=0)
Sh...

Spoiler
Metal Sonic in Sonic 3 & Knuckles (Sega Genesis)

"I woke up and realized life is great and people are awesome and life is worth living." - Hulk Hogan

So I guess I'm playing this game instead. It's pretty much the same thing, right? The game starts the same way, where you arrive on Angel Island and encounter Kunkles the Edicina, who steals your Chaos Emeralds. You can also play as him, but for the purposes of this review, that would be boring.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/zr4cexm3z7rvpcv/Metal%20Sonic%20in%20Sonic%203%202.png?dl=0)
NOBODY LIKES YOU KUNKLES

You play the game the same way as you play any of the earlier Sonic games (collect rings, hit boxes, hit enemies, do stuff, reach signposts, etc.), except now, Sonic has some sort of Insta-Shield ability. That doesn't matter in this review, fortunately! Sonic has been kicked out in favor of Metal Sonic, because for some reason, somebody decided that Metal Sonic would be better than Sonic. I suppose that's reasoning I can get behind.

The first zone is Angel Island Zone, which is pretty boring, actually. It's not as good as Emerald Hill Zone, that's for sure.

So, now, for the reason I'm playing as Metal Sonic. Like Sonic or Tails, he has some special abilities; if you press jump, then jump again while pressing up, he does a double jump. If you press jump twice without up, then you do a forward spin dash- that's pretty helpful, but overall not as helpful as the double jump... it's pretty gamebreaking at times (lol).

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/tgn9vx2b7j3qzlf/Metal%20Sonic%20in%20Sonic%203%203.png?dl=0)
If I were playing as a certain other character, I could access this area. But then again, I'm not.

Next is Hydrocity Zone... more like, Atrocity Zone! Because it's so bad... X_X Hehehe... let's not delve into that.

After that is Marble Garden Zone, known for its flying tops and its boringness. Seriously, I forgot this level existed until I played the game again. The boss is interesting, but a lot easier with Metal Sonic's abilities (see what I mean?).

Then is Carnival Night Zone, better known as the cross between Casino Night Zone and Mystic Cave Zone, yet somehow not as good as either of them (they could have snuck slot machines in there and nobody would have cared! A bad decision on all fronts, I say). This is definitely the most time-consuming zone (especially Act 2), as it's so big and maze-y (if you choose to play as... no, no, not going there! Lalalala!)... for some reason, there's water in there? I guess that works?

After that is IceCap Zone.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/3iv7qbn0tgbocdx/Metal%20Sonic%20in%20Sonic%203%204.png?dl=0)
BALL.

We don't talk about IceCap Zone.

The final zone of the Sonic 3 part of the game is Launch Base Zone; aside from getting to ride in the Egg Mobile, it's pretty bad for a final stage (and insists on repeating the whole "large and maze-y" motif of the whole game). It's a good thing Sonic & Knuckles came along!

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/6gpqpemkd7l541k/Metal%20Sonic%20in%20Sonic%203%205.png?dl=0)
NOBODY LIKES YOU KUNKLES

One thing I forgot to mention! If you jump into giant rings scattered throughout the levels, you get teleported into hell special stages where you can win Chaos Emeralds. And if you collect all the Chaos Emeralds...

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/ql0468guwakipfl/Metal%20Sonic%20in%20Sonic%203%206.png?dl=0)
That's so metal.

Now we transition into the Sonic & Knuckles part of the game, starting with Mushroom Hill Zone.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/rghemwl45zpgkux/Metal%20Sonic%20in%20Sonic%203%207.png?dl=0)
Badger badger badger badger

Like with the Chaos Emeralds, you can enter giant rings to play special stages to get... SUPER EMERALDS. But that doesn't matter right now.

After Mushroom Hill is Flying Battery Zone. It's literally just a flying battery. It's not too interesting.

(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffarm3.static.flickr.com%2F2641%2F3886439694_137ab3c72c_m.jpg&hash=a7c00bee203b809b0622a5f5adb59e4e)
Pictured: Flying Battery Zone

Next is Sandopolis Zone...

Next is Lava Reef Zone. I always like to think of this level as the IceCap Zone of Sonic & Knuckles.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/v4yz60x2zjhsfda/Metal%20Sonic%20in%20Sonic%203%208.png?dl=0)
WHERE'S THE LAVA

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/5eml8o125l7wxv8/Metal%20Sonic%20in%20Sonic%203%209.png?dl=0)
BALL.

After that is... you know what, there are so many levels in this game, I'm beginning to lose track of them all; I don't even know- or care, for that matter- what's next! Why can't there just be simple stages any more? What's up with that, huh? I mean, Metal Sonic is fun and all, but it's not worth playing through the whole game again for! This is boring. I'm going to do something else now.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/8l78ivmxqquhb29/Metal%20Sonic%20in%20Sonic%203%2010.png?dl=0)
*cue metal guitar solo*

Pros:
+ Better than Sonic 1.
+ So metal.
+ You can also play with Tails, so good?

Cons:
- Not as good as Sonic 2.
- Nobody likes Kunkles.

Final Score: 9.4/10

Reviewer Notes:
  • I might do Sonic 2 later, if I feel like it.
  • The amount of weird Sonic hacks I've found is almost quite disheartening.
  • -ish
[close]
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on September 04, 2015, 08:29:32 AM
For the first time ever, it's a...

M-M-M-MEGA REVIEW!

Two Sentences Hate: SG-1000 Games

"VISUALSHOCK! SPEEDSHOCK! SOUNDSHOCK! NOW IS TIME TO THE 68000 HEART ON FIRE!" - Alien Soldier Tagline

Here's how I'm going to do this. I'm going to name the game, show a screenshot, write two sentences to sum it up, then give it a score.

H.E.R.O.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/vupxdrjcvvnk4zi/SG1000Review1.png?dl=0)
Snaaaaaake.

I am hero: I have dynamite and gun; I fight spiders and moths and snakes; I rescue trapped miners (?). This game is not fun.

H.E.R.O. Score: 4.1/10

Lode Runner

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/wsz6mwdy0utnfb8/SG1000Review2.png?dl=0)
I don't know what to do about this but feast.

I AM MANEATER; I WAIT FOR MAN IN MY MAN TRAP. KAHAHAHAHAHA.

Lode Runner Score: 2.5/10

Congo Bongo

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/sk6hqbmp7v1otvt/SG1000Review3.png?dl=0)
I'll get you now Congo Bongo. Or whatever your name is.

Like Donkey Kong, but not as good. Terrible jumping.

Congo Bongo Score: 3.5/10

Dragon Wang

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/puwpmnxxd1wbh3f/SG1000Review4.png?dl=0)
It seems our hero, Mr. Dragon Wang, can float in some circumstances.

I only need one sentence to describe this: WTF!?

Dragon Wang Score: 3.7/10

Zoom 909

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/gqu7ewb17on7bsv/SG1000Review5.png?dl=0)
ZOOOOOOOOMM!

WOW; actually a good game! After all the others, I was surprised at the depth and variety this game held!

Zoom 909 Score: 7.6/10

Conclusion

Most of these games suck; Zoom 909 is pretty good. See you next time.

Reviewer Notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on January 04, 2016, 07:40:47 PM
(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/cqgnexblv2svkme/Undertale%20Get%20Hyped.png?dl=0)
get hyped
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Dudeman on January 04, 2016, 07:46:02 PM
the hype train has no braix



braix
get on the hype train
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: braix on January 04, 2016, 07:58:45 PM
(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi64.tinypic.com%2F352rhxu.jpg&hash=e350e65e04a539fb4e3b213fb672f4e9)
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Dudeman on January 04, 2016, 08:05:14 PM
brb dying
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Olimar12345 on January 04, 2016, 08:07:59 PM
thas a good pic braix oh my

btw will read your review BDS, looking forward to it
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: braix on January 04, 2016, 08:13:29 PM
Update:
(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi65.tinypic.com%2F212fptd.jpg&hash=4871a1a76c79d5782ae3ec25cf01250a)
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: mikey on January 04, 2016, 08:14:25 PM
I thought he didn't like undertale
nebbles should be on there instead
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Olimar12345 on January 04, 2016, 08:15:14 PM
I have learned to love it and it's lovely music. As frustrating as both of those things are, they grow on you o___o

EDIT: OH SHIT I'M ON THE TRAIN YAS
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: mikey on January 04, 2016, 08:15:54 PM
NOT YOU TOO OLIMAR
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Spoiler
(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ftheinfosphere.org%2Fimages%2F5%2F5e%2FYivo.jpg&hash=772bd464c30072be27208bbabf55a387)
[close]
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Sebastian on January 06, 2016, 12:14:01 AM
Update:

Where am I? D:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Dudeman on January 06, 2016, 12:15:12 AM
Hype train has a limited number of seats. Sorry. Better luck next time.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Sebastian on January 06, 2016, 12:17:47 AM
Aw man.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Olimar12345 on January 06, 2016, 01:32:33 AM
Where am I? D:

but have you even played Undertale yet?
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Sebastian on January 06, 2016, 05:27:19 AM
Working on it.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: FireArrow on January 06, 2016, 08:18:38 AM
...then why do you wanna be on it?
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Dudeman on January 28, 2016, 06:48:03 AM
oh my gosh the hype train hasn't come into the station yet


BDS? You still working on this?
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on January 28, 2016, 10:23:15 AM
Yep. Just juggling a few ideas around before I finish the review.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on February 01, 2016, 01:35:07 PM
It's time.

Undertale (PC)

"ButtsPie" - Game

Undertale is a game that... (bzzzzzzz)

Undertale is a... (BBZZZZZZ)

Undertale... WHAT'S THAT (BZZZZPT (http://cloud-2.steamusercontent.com/ugc/558722554870890385/28587ABCA135EB96EA06E0C504124AC41B9532B7/))

New challenger approaching. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrBB3_rFPjg)

This review will contain spoilers
Undertale (PC)

vs.

Fez (PS3)

"ButtsPie" - Game

"Ualuealuealeuale ualuelaelaellalea" - Chacarron Macarron

Two acclaimed indie games. One fight to the death. Only one game can win. Spoilers, anybody? One of these games is a good game, while is other is a flawed gem that doesn't quite live up to the hype. Which will be which? Read on to find out!

I will compare these games in several categories, including Gameplay, Story, Music/Sound, and Uniqueness, as well as giving any other thoughts about the games. Let's do this.

Gameplay

At first glance, Undertale is just another RPG; you move along an overworld, talk to NPCs, have random encounters, and fight bosses at occasional points. But quickly, you'll find that this is not the case at all: Every battle features a "Bullet Board" where, on the enemy's turn, you have to avoid projectiles and other attacks. As you progress, new attack types are introduced, and, in boss battles, completely different style of gameplay are introduced, known as Soul Modes. Of note, you're also given the option to completely avoid fighting, in which case you must try to spare the enemy by performing a series of actions to placate them (or just flee, I suppose, but where's the fun in that?). While the game is generally good at introducing and using attack types, I do have a few complaints about the battle system:

1: Soul Modes are underused throughout most of the game; while this makes sense story-wise, it would still be fun to see ordinary enemy encounters that utilize these different soul modes, or even give you the option of switching at will between certain modes.

2: There's often a kind of "difficulty dissonance" through parts of the game, noticeable even from the start: some encounters are really, really easy, while others- mostly boss battles, along with a select few enemy encounters- actually pose some sort of challenge. While this isn't a major deal breaker by any means, I think it's something that could use some fine-tuning in order to deliver a more enjoyable gameplay experience.

In general, because of the Soul Modes, the boss battles are never uninteresting and are one of the pinnacles of the game's battle system. Although I can't comment on any of the Genocide boss battles, my favorite boss battles (not including any of the final bosses) were Mettaton EX, Papyrus, and Muffet, because of how their battles catch you by surprise, in a way, if you're not expecting their unique mechanics at all.

As for the rest of the game... another unique trait is that the game remembers certain events that you've done in the past, such as killing a certain person, or being killed by a certain person, or... some more drastic things in the case of the Genocide run. While this starts off pretty neat, and leads way to a lot of interesting situations, I can't help but not entirely be thrilled with the repercussions of a Genocide run, which I feel might affect a player negatively for merely exploring all routes the game has to offer (like killing your friends and just generally seeing things fall apart isn't enough discouragement). For me, this is the only thing preventing me from actually playing through a Genocide run (call me homicidal if you will), even if there are ways to undo this.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/hugoxjo79xw87xt/Undertale%20Review%201.png?dl=0)
Why Bobbio? I get the feeling this is going to be funny later on.

(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/af/Fez_(video_game)_screenshot_04.png)
An screenshot from early in the game. It's hard to capture the main rotation mechanic in a static picture.

Fez, on the other hand, is dedicated to puzzles and platforming. Very early on in the game, you receive an ability that allows you to rotate the game screen in order to solve puzzles- essentially getting a 3D view of a 2D world by shifting through four different screens. In its purest form, this mechanic is pretty great and is used for a lot of puzzles; there's rarely a point where this becomes uninteresting, as later parts of the game introduce new things to do with this ability. The way it works specifically is best compared to Echochrome (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfICeBtVv8U), although the fact that you can't freely rotate the camera, in my opinion, makes the mechanic easier to work with overall.

The platforming aspects of the game are workable; though there are a few times where it might interfere with your progress, any delays are usually temporary and insignificant- essentially, it does its job, but it's not the main focus of the game.

Undertale Score: 8.7/10
Fez Score: 8/10

Story

In Undertale, you play as a human who has fallen into the Underground, a place full of monster who have been sealed there after a war with humans. These monsters are determined to escape by collecting seven human souls, and, as it turns out, you're the seventh soul they need. Along the way, you encounter monsters who are more sympathetic to your cause- and many more who are perfectly willing to kill you on the spot until you convince them otherwise. If you manage to get through the game after fulfilling certain conditions- most notably, not killing any enemies- you can unlock another ending, known as the True Pacifist ending. Personally, I feel as if the True Pacifist Route really adds a lot to the game, and makes whatever time you've already spent on the game worthwhile. At the very least, it definitely makes you feel an emotional attachment to the characters (and if it doesn't, either you lack an understanding of emotions or just really hate the game :P).

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/aglgviuphkqvo8u/Undertale%20Review%202.png?dl=0)
That's about it in a nutshell.

(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FOif8g.gif&hash=8a60ecec7b766fb0ef20ef28b760e760)
That better?

There's not much of a story in Fez, really. You play as Gomez, an... I'm not sure what to call Gomez... who receives a mysterious fez from a Hexahedron which then explodes, "crashing" the game (this repeats a few later times in the game, and also seems to be a shared theme between the two games). Using this fez, which gives you the ability to experience the third dimension, you must then recover all the pieces of the Hexahedron, known as "cubes," aided by a tesseract called Dot. In fact, most of what could be considered "story" is a vague history of an ancient race or races that came before you. Aside from this, I can't do the plot justice. Just... just read it (https://www.reddit.com/r/Fez/comments/3jpe08/spoilers_backstory_and_lore_mega_summary/). Does anyone even know what's going on here!? (http://fez-game.wikia.com/wiki/Game_Lore) This is all made so much more complicated by the "best" ending, which can be seen here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8m2K7bJR5k). What. WHAT. WHAT EVEN.

tl;dr Who knows what this game is about.

Undertale Score: 9.4/10
Fez Score: 7.5/10

Music/Sound

Undertale's soundtrack is great, full of songs both catchy and thematically powerful. The music covers a wide variety of sounds and feelings, and in many cases (an estimated 99% of the time), greatly captures both the mood of the locations and the feel of a classic game. Standouts include Once Upon A Time, Shop, Bonetrousle, It's Showtime!, Metal Crusher, Death by Glamour, ASGORE (+Bergentrückung), and Hopes and Dreams. Of note is the sheer amount of musical similarities (a (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaseQGGZ07A) few (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdA_axFJZSg) examples (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uK0CTU_ThUM)), which, in my opinion, borderlines on brilliance: in some cases, you'll never even notice the similarities (as in the third example), and when you realize them, you'll understand their significance and probably chuckle a bit.

The only bad thing I can really say about it is that there are a few short, repeating songs which might get a bit repetitive. However, there are only a few songs I would say that this applies to and, after all, you could likely say the same thing about almost any game. More of a minor remark, but something worth mentioning just to be thorough.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/0tlgd70ct817el6/Undertale%20Review%203.png?dl=0) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNTwYzoFzck)
I'm channeling Kaylee (click for music).

(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/08/Fez_%28video_game%29_screenshot_08.png) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KeWFzsqLsH0)
Click for moosic.

Fez's soundtrack is also pretty great; each song has a pretty interesting sound individually, but not different enough to the point where you can't tell they're all part of the same soundtrack. I like that about the music, and I think that's why the music is definitely one of my favorite parts of the game- it's the most consistent in terms of quality, and really adds another layer to the game (another layer? Geddit!?), along with just being nice to listen to be itself. Standouts include Adventure, Progress, Beacon, Flow, Forgotten, Sync (+sound effects), Death, Nocturne, and Home.

Undertale Score: 9.6/10
Fez Score: 8.5/10

Uniqueness

Undertale is also notable for its humor- while I have a bunch of screenshots showing this, there are far too many to put in this review (18 of them!)- and I suitably enjoy it. When I went into the game, I was worried that it would not achieve the fine balance required to make such humor work, but rarely do jokes fall flat. There are a few moments in the game that definitely remind me of other games (http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/earthwormjim/ewj2-quiz8.png), but, if anything, those moments work well in the game's favor.

Aside from the humor, the already-discussed battle mechanics play a pretty big role in making the game memorable and unique. I don't often play bullet hell games, but I think the combination of styles is very distinct and not at all a detracting point for those typically don't enjoy those types of games. There are also a few places where the overworld gameplay changes from simple interaction with other characters or puzzle solving (most notably, the scenes with Mettaton, and a chase sequence earlier in the game; can't forget that!), and these segments also work very well in the context of the game.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/c0g58hchkzeewyz/Undertale%20Review%204.png?dl=0)
Like, heck yeah! He knows me!

(https://i.ytimg.com/vi/h7cSgaUZtHs/maxresdefault.jpg)
When you beat the game, you unlock first person view... which allows you to complete more puzzles...

Fez is a pretty interesting game at first glance. The central mechanic is pretty unique, and the general atmosphere of the game is also very reminiscent of older games- not just the graphics, but also through homages to other games- including Tetris (oh yes, there are plenty of Tetromino puzzles), The Legend of Zelda, and a whole Mario-esque sewer area in original Gameboy-like graphics. Personally, I think it does a fairly decent job at creating good memorability and atmosphere.

One thing worth talking about is the world map. Personally, I found the map to be a bit too complex, and it doesn't always do you favors- a quick glance at it isn't always enough to get the information you need, though taking time looking over the map reveals that it's not completely useless. I mean, just... JUST LOOK AT IT (http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/fezthegame/images/2/28/Fezmap.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20130507172816)! And that is only after you've completed the game! Imagine using something like that when it's only half-complete... whycantthesethingsbesimple

Undertale Score: 8.2/10
Fez Score: 7.8/10

Other Thoughts

A more major complaint I have about the game is that there are a few parts in the game that I found more tedious than the rest due to a seeming excess of unnecessary dialogue (specifically talking about pre-Snowdin and some of Hotland after leaving the lab, but before reaching the MTT Resort). These sections really stand out in the game because of how glaring they are compared to everything else. However, aside from that, I don't really have anything else worth noting... which is good, I suppose. Your mileage may vary in this regard, of course, depending on just how much you consider "necessary" or "unnecessary."

And, uh, about that Bobbio thing...

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/nkqzdyv3qz085yk/Undertale%20Review%205.png?dl=0)
You're talking to a guy named Bobbio. Worth it.

(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Forig10.deviantart.net%2F81d5%2Ff%2F2012%2F106%2F4%2F1%2Fgomez_wears_a_fez_now__fezzes_are_cool__by_sm0k1nggnu-d4wcuuq.png&hash=a324d85c6d9f764d3511b44fe2365fc0)
I don't have any more pictures of Fez to show you, so have this picture of Gomez.

Now, Fez... oh, Fez... this is where the game really starts to fall apart. See, I first played Fez when it was released on the Xbox Live Arcade. But after a while, I had trouble getting through the game without using any outside help. So I stopped playing it. Later, I got the game again when it came out on PS3, figuring I'd give it another try.

One of the worst puzzles in the game, for me, is a puzzle which relies on exiting the game and resetting your system clock based on cues inside the game (sure, you could just wait it out, but for all intents and purposes, that just makes things worse). But there's a problem here... you have to do this four times, and climb up a fairly perilous stretch before you can complete the puzzles.

So imagine this: You get in the game, run up the clock tower, check how the clock is on ALL FOUR SIDES, exit the game, set your system clock, go back in the game, climb back up the tower, and hope you set the time right based on what is essentially a guess (the time frames are pretty specific, which, for the larger periods of time, is not as easy as it might sound, if it even sounds easy in the first place). Oh, and if you don't get to the top in time, you have to do it all over again. You have to do this if you want to 100% the game (or should I say, 209.4% it, which would technically be more correct). At least you don't have to do all four at the same time. This is a basic explanation of it (http://www.ign.com/wikis/fez/Clock_Room), though it doesn't capture just how frustrating and tedious it is in-game. And this isn't the only headache-inducing puzzle, oh no: that would be too easy (see: the solution to what was considered one of the hardest puzzles (http://i.imgur.com/6qjYcfq.jpg)). I mean, I suppose you can appreciate these types of puzzles for their creativity, but they're not in any way fun to play (which, considering this is a video game, takes a lot away from the experience).

Undertale Score: 8/10
Fez Score: 6/10

Conclusion

Undertale is a great game that's both a breath of fresh air and a delightful experience overall. Would I call it one of the best games of all time? No, but you should definitely play it. What about Fez, then? Do I regret playing it? No, not at all. Would I play it again? No, probably not.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/76r9s779v77sali/Undertale%20Review%206.png?dl=0)
It's beautiful.

(https://www.ninsheetmusic.org/forum/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Forig10.deviantart.net%2F81d5%2Ff%2F2012%2F106%2F4%2F1%2Fgomez_wears_a_fez_now__fezzes_are_cool__by_sm0k1nggnu-d4wcuuq.png&hash=a324d85c6d9f764d3511b44fe2365fc0)
Gomez.

Undertale Pros:
+ Unique battle mechanics.
+ Touching story, especially with the True Pacifist ending.
+ Charming characters and eccentric humor.
+ Memorable events and locations.

Undertale Cons:
- A few dialogue-heavy parts in the game that are a little tedious.
- Occasional difficulty dissonance.

Undertale Final Score: 8.6/10

Fez Pros:
+ Fascinating gameplay leads to some interesting puzzles.
+ Charming style.
+ Tends to draw you in with mysterious backstory, urging you to fully complete it.

Fez Cons:
- Unnecessarily complex at times.
- A few seriously "WTF" puzzles.
- I dare you to 100% it without anything other than your controller. Sometimes you might question whether it was worth it.

Fez Final Score: 7.4/10

Reviwer Notes:
  • Whew. That's over with.
  • I think I need to take a break after all the writing. But it's all worth it, isn't it?
  • Oh, Bobbio, I'm so afraid! Bobbio! Bobbio!
[close]
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BrainyLucario on February 01, 2016, 02:34:51 PM
I think I'm a little late on the hype train....I thought your review of Undertale was actually pretty fair. Glad you enjoyed it!
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: braix on February 01, 2016, 04:59:56 PM
Oh why must I hate long walls of text so much? I only lasted until your favorite Undertale bosses before my brain fried out and I couldn't retain anything I read anymore.
I'll read it later
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: mikey on February 01, 2016, 06:39:32 PM
*raises finger* I regret playing it
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Dudeman on February 01, 2016, 07:26:12 PM
*applause*

I haven't heard a lot about Fez so it was cool seeing you put the games side-by-side like that. Very nice job.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on February 01, 2016, 10:28:20 PM
*applause*

I haven't heard a lot about Fez so it was cool seeing you put the games side-by-side like that. Very nice job.
Thank you! That's one of the reasons why it took so long- I was debating whether or not to do them both... plus all the writing for both.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: cashwarrior1 on April 18, 2016, 09:08:19 PM
Why has this stopped?
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on April 18, 2016, 11:44:18 PM
Because I've been working on several other things and the next review(s) (a bunch of them in a row, yep!) I have planned will take a lot of consistent commitment.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: cashwarrior1 on April 19, 2016, 12:55:28 AM
Okay, yay!
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on May 30, 2017, 08:47:11 AM
Oh, wow! It's hard to believe that it's been *sniff* almost twenty five reviews! I'm so proud of myself. So, so proud of myself. :P Thanks for sticking around this long, everybody! To celebrate this, I'm going to be doing something epic. I mean EPIC. For the next couple of reviews, I will only be reviewing games released before the year 2000 (I mean, I do that a lot anyway, but for now, I'm going to be doing that intentionally)—that includes the good stuff, the bad stuff, and everything in-between! So, to start, here's an old favorite of mine that, quite honestly, I'm surprised I haven't reviewed yet. Here goes!!!

Mega Turrican (Sega Genesis)

"One batch, two batch, penny and dime." - Frank Castle

Ahh, I love this old game. I love the soundtrack, I love the art style, I love the enemies, I love the locations, I love the box art (just in case you haven't heard me talk about this already (http://static.giantbomb.com/uploads/original/7/73970/1635908-megaturrican_us_front.jpg)), I love... well, I think it's best I show you all the stuff in the game and why I love everything so much!

The best way I can describe this game simply is how I used to describe it many years ago: "Metroid, but more about the platforming and less about the exploration." In a way, I still think this is kind of like the Genesis's'is's equivalent of Super Metroid—even though this game was technically also released on another platform—and even though it has more notable flaws than Super Metroid, I still hold this game very dear to my heart. Now, what's interesting about this game is that it differs from other games in the franchise: while previous games of the series do have more exploratative elements to them, with levels that are usually more open in order to encourage explodation, Mega Turrican's levels tend to be more focused, with a specific path to follow, and only a few secrets along the way. In fact, the first area even has a secret level in it!* In addition, Mega Turrican replaces the previously-used beam whip with a grappling rope/hook/thingamajig.
*Side Note: Secret levels do not appear in any other part of the game.

Mega Turrican was released in 1994. However, the Amiga version of the game—Turrican 3: Payment Day—was released i-

Wait a minute.

Payment Day?

P-P-P-PAYMENT DAY!?!?

(https://soloprpro.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Payment-day.jpg)
Turrican 4: The Machine Does His Taxes

You know what, I'm done talking about the game's background; you can probably read all that by yourselves if you really want to. Let's get to the real business.

The intro starts. The music plays. Story stuff.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/u2lxvnvjqj2p42w/Mega%20Turrican%20Review%201.png?dl=0)
Dude means business. He's going to be, like, the hardest boss ever, I swear. I mean, with a name like "THE MACHINE," you can't go wrong, right?

You play as Bren McGuire, who is a really ugly guy (seriously, he's ugly (https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/2471428786/BMcGuire_400x400.png)). He swears FINAL REVERGE against THE MACHINE, because THE MACHINE kills everything. Like, seriously, how does this man expect to defeat a PLANET-DESTROYING MONSTER... BY HIMSELF!? I don't know, but if you're good enough, and have a Turrican Assault Suit, you can do anything, I guess. You're probably going to die a lot though!

You start the first level, and encounter robo-Goomba things that make adorable noises when you step on them. Talk about video games encouraging violence, sheesh! Next thing you know, kidsaregonna be steppin' on their dogs next!

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/cityfq3pma3nxq4/Mega%20Turrican%20Review%202.png?dl=0)
I mean, it is a really adorable noise. *squish*

The game progresses through a variety of stages and settings. Interstingly enough, in the easiest setting, the game stops at the end of the second stage's boss (a water level). Talk about cruelty. Talk about earning yer keep. But it really is a worthwhile investment to play the game on a harder setting. While there's a big emphasis put on platforming in the game, there is also a very, very big emphasis on shooting. And fighting boss-a-ma-jigs. There are so many boss-a-ma-jigs.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/tugvdkog47i8zyq/Mega%20Turrican%20Review%203.png?dl=0)
*Right, Left, Down, Right, B* Who cares about water levels anyway?

There's so much in this game I could praise? Where should I start!? Oh where, o where! Most simply put:

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/qfpe4tbaon5hhyo/Mega%20Turrican%20Review%204.png?dl=0)
THIS GAME.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/1a3uxwa95o3lzdv/Mega%20Turrican%20Review%205.png?dl=0)
IS.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/lgfbecv3jyiwxu2/Mega%20Turrican%20Review%206.png?dl=0)
AWESOME.

*melts from nostalgia*

Pros:
+ Turrican.
+ Mega. When you add "Mega" to stuff, it's always better!
+ Platforming and shooting.
+ Secrets! Aw yiss!

Cons:
- The final boss is literally easier than any other boss in the game.
- Why are old games so hard!?

Final Score: 9.6/10

Reviewer notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on July 14, 2017, 05:13:30 AM
Anticipation (NES)

"Play stupid games, win stupid prizes." - Popular Saying

I anticipate that this is going to be a very bad game. ;)

Anticipation for NES is basically a board game in video game form. And, well, we all know how well those go. Especially the older-era ones. Like, just PLAY A BOARD GAME. You need physical manipulation for these kinds of things! Physical manipulation is the best way to have fun. You gotta really get up there and manhandle those... wait, what was I talking about?

(https://r.mprd.se/media/images/54773-Anticipation_(USA)-10.jpg)
The future of board games! Anticipa-pa-pa-pation!

Basic gameplay consists of moving your selected token around the board via "rolling" a die (a prime example of the lack of physical contact with game pieces, an integral part of the whole "board game experience"), then landing on a square which is one of four colors, each corresponding to a particular category of items you have to guess, based on a series of dots that, as the timer counts down, connect to form an image (which, of course, is what you have to guess). After you guess a picture from each category, you can advance to the next level; there are three levels in total in the two easier difficulty settings. Of course, being a "board game," you compete with other players. Because I have no friends I'm not playing a physical copy of the game you get the option of playing against the computer (and if you do too, you probably will be as well!). Sometimes, you might find that the computer players seem to be able to guess the pictures way too soon for anything resembling a normal human reactions; that's mostly to get you to stop breezing through the game and to kill your perfect streak... but more on that later! Another cheap aspect of the game is how, after you've got one color down, there's absolutely nothing preventing you from landing on that same color again... which means, technically, if you get unlucky, you could be landing on the same color over, and over, and over again, making absolutely no progress (and by extension, the computer players, by virtue of being the computer, get an advantage if you happen to slip up in a way like, say, falling asleep because you're so bored). Yay! I have trouble believing there isn't a better way they could have designed this.

(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/c3/AnticipationUSNovember1988.jpg)
I'm using a picture from Wikipedia because I'm feeling particularly lazy today. Courtesy of user GVnayR, apparently.

If you play the game on the easier two difficulties, it has a chance to be too easy, given that, if you guess a picture correctly, you get to roll again (that's a thing in this game, something I'm usually not fond of in board games... for the sole fact that it could potentially allow one player to completely dominate the game without giving the other players much of a chance)... meaning, if you're good/quick enough, you can potentially play the whole game without any of the NPCs getting a turn. Of course, you're probably not going to get a perfect run because you're not perfect: you are a flawed human being who will succumb to sin just like the rest of us has to face against the cheating computer. Playing the game on the harder difficulties, on the other hand, just makes things even more cheap. Instead of three levels, there are four levels, and, to make matters worse, if you get unlucky, you can land on squares that send you back to the third level. You can imagine how fun that is. Spoiler: it's not fun at all. With no player input on the actual drawing part of the guessed object in the puzzles, the main bulk of the gameplay gets boring pretty quickly (like, I suppose that if you had a good enough memory, you could win simply by memorizing the dot and/or line patterns! Also, congrats, you probably have no life if you do that). Once you play long enough to pick up how the game work, that's pretty much it. You might be frustrated an occasion time or two that the game doesn't accept your answer even though it totally should (there's also the matter of letter selection for the guessing, which is extremely poor and adds a whole other needless layer of stress to the game), but, yeah... that's about it. This game has no redeemable single player experience. It doesn't even really work as a board game because it seriously doesn't have the elements that make a board game work. And if it doesn't fulfill its principal purpose, what good is it?

Wait a minute, this game was made by Rare.

Pros:
+ Is its own board game version.
+ The music's kind of okay I guess?

Cons:
- Tedious, repetitive, unfun.
- The mechanics of the game themselves are kind of cheap and borderline broken.
- Difficulty setting take exactly the wrong approach the game.
- just play an actual board game.

Final Score: 3/10

Reviewer notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: mikey on July 14, 2017, 06:18:34 AM
"AI hax doesn't exist" -alti
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Maelstrom on July 14, 2017, 05:34:09 PM
I just realized how much I've missed these reviews.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on July 15, 2017, 03:34:45 AM
"AI hax doesn't exist" -alti
uh oh
be warned, alti may be incoming to correct your out-of-context statement

I just realized how much I've missed these reviews.
Thank you; glad you enjoy them! Also, your post was the 100th reply! Woooooooo!!!
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: mikey on July 15, 2017, 03:40:25 AM
That's what makes it funny
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: SlowPokemon on July 15, 2017, 05:06:49 AM
That's what makes it funny

I have to admit, this made me laugh out loud
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on August 16, 2017, 03:59:20 AM
For the next couple of reviews, I will only be reviewing games released before the year 2000
WE INTERRUPT YOUR REGULARLY-SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING TO BRING YOU THIS SPECIAL REPORT.

Spoiler
Sonic Mania (PS4)

"To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence... When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up." - C. S. Lewis




Sonic's back. Guys, Sonic's back. ;_; After so long. The hype... it... it's real. And it's magnificent.
















Pros:
+ Sonic's back.
+ The game does so much new that builds off of the old material the game is so clearly inspired by.

Cons:
- This game wears its influences on its sleeve. Sometimes to a fault. (e.g. the second part of Hydrocity Zone's Act 2 boss)
- As someone who prefers the simplicity of Sonic 2 over the complexity of 3, I'm not as happy with the fact the game tends to take much more influence from the third game than the second.

Final Score: 9.2/10

Reviewer notes:
  • Thank you for listening to this special announcement. We will now resume your regularly scheduled programming.
[close]
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on May 18, 2018, 12:20:04 AM
For the next couple of reviews, I will only be reviewing games released before the year 2000
Well, looks like that's going to happen, like, never!

VG Rankings and Top 10s (2)

Or, "The Worst Sprites of Pokemon Generation 1"

Pokemon Generation 1 has some great, and even iconic, sprites. Blastoise from the original Japanese Red and Green, Scyther from Red and Blue, Gengar from Yellow, and Charizard's back sprite if you were that kind of kid. And yet, at the same time, some of these sprites are... well, really awful. Like, really, really horrendous. So today, we're counting down the Top 10 worst Gen 1 front sprites, with some that didn't quite make the cut thrown in for good measure. Here goes nothing!

#10
(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/c/c0/Spr_1b_018.png)
Pidgeot - Red/Blue

This sprite had me thinking for the longest time that Pidgeot was originally designed to have no neck—just one giant body and head. If that's not a testament to how bad it is, then I don't know what is!
[close]

#9
(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/6/6a/Spr_1b_102.png)
Exeggcute - Red/Blue

It's a quality sprite, except for the fact that someone decided, for whatever reason, to randomly make one of the eggs much larger than the others. Much, much larger. At least it's the one in the center.
[close]

#8
(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/9/9c/Spr_1b_076.png)
Golem - Red/Blue

When I first saw this sprite, it was because of the MissingNo. glitch messing up my Hall of Fame. I thought I had messed my game up really badly, because there's no way a sprite like this could be real. Now known to me as "Balloon Shell Golem."
[close]

#7
(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/c/cc/Spr_1g_023.png)
Ekans - Red/Green

no step on snek

except with a mouth like this you can't miss this snek

which looks like a generic nope rope instead of a pokemon

they could've at least put a stripe on it
[close]

#6
(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/9/93/Spr_1b_105.png)
Marowak - Red/Blue

Its head is supposed to be a skull? It looks more like its face is made out of rubber. Or like an overstretched tendon or something. I don't really know what to call it; it looks weird with or without an insulting name, though.
[close]

#5
(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/c/cf/Spr_1b_113.png)
Chansey - Red/Blue

I would not let this thing get anywhere near me to try and heal me. Worst of all, I'd hate to see what it looks like when it's standing straight. Truly the stuff of nightmares. On the other hand, though, it kind of just looks like a balding old man.
[close]

#4
(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/e/e3/Spr_1b_114.png)
Tangela - Red/Blue

beware

the spaghet monster is going to get you

beware the spaghet
[close]

#3
(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/5/59/Spr_1g_006.png) / (https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/f/ff/Spr_1g_149.png) / (https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/3/38/Spr_1g_151.png)
Charizard, Dragonite, and Mew - Red/Green

For number three, it's actually a three-way tie between emaciated Charizard, emaciated Dragonite, and emaciated Mew! Because apparently one emaciated Pokemon isn't enough! wanna bet it was the same artist who did all of these
[close]

#2
(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/e/ec/Spr_1g_094.png)
Gengar - Red/Green

Or as I like to call it, overweight middle-age Gengar. It's not scary at all (unless you're married to it) and look like all it's missing is a wife beater and some oversized jean shorts. Or maybe not even the pants. I don't think this Gengar has much class at all.
[close]

Dishonorable Mentions
(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/2/24/Spr_1y_011.png)
Metapod - Yellow
Aside from the fact that Metapod would probably be struggling to hold itself upright, it just looks like a weird shaped thing with a nose. This is such an awful perspective for Metapod. Dear Arceus.

(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/9/90/Spr_1y_019.png)
Rattata - Yellow
Compared to Rattata's sprites from the other games, this one somehow manages to have less detail on it than the others. Just... how?!

(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/8/8c/Spr_1b_022.png)
Fearow - Red/Blue

While not a bad sprite in and of itself, it's nothing like how Fearow should actually look. Kind of makes you wonder if the art department had its stuff together at all.

(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/4/48/Spr_1b_029.png)
Nidoran-F - Red/Blue

I don't know what they did to this Nidoran, but it's enough to make me want to speak out against animal testing. That face says it all.

(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/b/b5/Spr_1g_037.png)
Vulpix - Red/Green

Weird-lookin' eyes are a recurring theme here, as you'll quickly notice.

(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/8/87/Spr_1g_039.png)
Jigglypuff - Red/Green
It's seen some things. Not good things.

(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/b/bc/Spr_1g_040.png) / (https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/3/39/Spr_1b_040.png)
Wigglytuff - Red/Green AND Red/Blue
When you see things for too long, you start to get a little... unwell in the head. Just look at those freaking eyes.

(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/a/a8/Spr_1g_042.png) / (https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/2/23/Spr_1b_042.png)
Golbat - Red/Green AND Red/Blue

Although I would personally consider Golbat's Red/Blue sprite something that's so bad it rolls over into iconic territory, Golbat's Red/Green sprite has no such saving grace. It's bad.

(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/f/f5/Spr_1b_056.png)
Mankey - Red/Blue

Devoid of any detail? Check. Looks almost nothing like its future incarnations? Check. Pulling... its own ears? Check...

(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/3/38/Spr_1g_066.png) / (https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/b/b2/Spr_1b_066.png) / (https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/5/53/Spr_1y_066.png)
Any of Machop's sprites; Yellow's looks the best though.

(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/2/21/Spr_1y_073.png)
Tentacruel - Yellow
What's up with its eyes?

(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/3/3b/Spr_1g_092.png)
Gastly - Red/Green

Wanna bet how much effort this sprite took?

(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/a/a4/Spr_1b_099.png)
Kingler - Red/Blue
"Do you think they'll notice if we only do half the sprite?" - whoever made this sprite

(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/f/f1/Spr_1g_107.png)
Hitmonchan - Red/Green
Aah, the classic "Togekiss watching a Doduo take a dump" look. Never gets old.
[close]

#1
(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/8/80/Spr_1b_122.png)
Mr. Mime - Red/Blue

Was there really any surprise here? Even today, Mr. Mime is ugly as sin; way back when, it was straight-up nightmare fuel. I don't even know what's wrong with its face. I admittedly feel more pity than fear because it is obviously living an unhappy life with whatever deformity it's been plagued with. I don't want this thing in a trade! Hell, I'll give you some extra 'mons just to make sure you keep this ugly devil as far away from me as possible. Urruggh.
[close]

So we're done. That's it. Go home. Or post below what Gen 1 sprites really drive you crazy because of their awfulness. Cheers.


Really, that's all for today.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: Deku Trombonist on May 19, 2018, 02:41:23 AM
That was a fun read, some of those sure were scrappy.

And I loved your characterization of Gengar. Poor guy!
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: swimswamit on May 19, 2018, 03:20:08 AM
the way you described hitmonchan's sprite was spot-on, can't unsee that now
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on May 19, 2018, 06:21:31 AM
That was a fun read, some of those sure were scrappy.

And I loved your characterization of Gengar. Poor guy!
Hahaha, thank you; glad you enjoyed! :P

the way you described hitmonchan's sprite was spot-on, can't unsee that now
Yep, that's actually a common joke on the internet. Lots of pictures depicting what it would actually look like with the respective Pokemon.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: E. Gadd Industries on May 20, 2018, 03:53:03 AM
(https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/2/23/Spr_1b_042.png)
Discord reaction when

Also, that face you make when you’re hungry and smell your favorite food—and you’re about to eat it
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: RichardMichel on September 04, 2018, 10:49:37 AM
The only ones of those used phenq https://phenq-avis.com/en/ (https://phenq-avis.com/en/) I've played are Super Mario 64 and Ocarina of Time. I'm sure I might get to those eventually.

Waiting to waste my time with your Super Mario 64 and Ocarina of Time reviews. By the way, your reviews are not silly.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on September 05, 2018, 06:35:22 AM
I'm glad that you joined the site to remind me about a four year old promise I made. :D

I probably should have done a review or two over the summer while I still had time, but I will promise to get one out by the end of November. Can't guarantee it will be either OoT or Super Mario 64, but it will be something.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: thehay95 on September 19, 2018, 01:06:29 PM
ep. Just juggling a few ideas around before I finish the review.
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on November 24, 2018, 02:41:16 AM
RollerCoaster Tycoon (PC)

"I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!" - Cave Johnson

RollerCoaster Tycoon is a game about building roller coasters. Well, it's a game about building amusement parks that kind of sort of features the option to build roller coasters. From the start, we've already got a bit of deception going on here, but I'll give them a pass.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/bwfhxv002742t3u/RollerCoaster%20Tycoon%20Screenshot%201.png?dl=0)
Do'hohoho! This is such a happy, wholesome, feel-good game!

Having played Thrillville on PS2 in the past, I can say I have experience with what makes a good amusement park game or not, so I feel fairly qualified to review this game, having played it fairly extensively as well. The game starts out by presenting you with a list of scenarios you can play without much of an introduction or tutorial. Like a lot of older games, it falls into the trap of "presenting you with a lot of buttons without explaining what these buttons do," but fortunately the game isn't too complex and you should be able to figure out everything on your own.

Like I touched on just above, the principle point of the game is to build pre-set amusement park rides, a couple of which may include roller coasters. Most of them are pretty lame and just there because they're cheap to build and they attract customers. Depending on the scenario, most of the rides aren't available from the beginning, and you have to invest in R&D in order to unlock rides and stalls; even at maximum budget it takes a while to develop things. You'll be doing a lot of waiting in this game, which is kind of unfortunate, because I don't think there's any way to change the rate that time progresses, something that would really be helpful given how much this game involves sitting back and waiting for things to happen.

Oh, and sometimes your roller coasters can crash for no reason.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/5p08q20k4aqf6v9/RollerCoaster%20Tycoon%20Screenshot%202.png?dl=0)
I... I... I take that... back.

Nothing to interrupt your nice, relaxing, mostly stress-free amusement park building game like people dying, am I right? It messes everything up, too.

Occasionally, there will be weather... or rain, I'm pretty sure it's just rain that's in the game... that pretty much just messes everything up and hopefully makes people buy your park's umbrellas.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/n57eheruohzobe1/RollerCoaster%20Tycoon%20Screenshot%203.png?dl=0)
I live life on the edge. I make my rides just barely safe enough to function. For the thrills.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/3lzpm2vqagbkeb3/RollerCoaster%20Tycoon%20Screenshot%204.png?dl=0)
See, they love me.

Quite ironically, building roller coaster in this game is awful and tedious. It costs so much money in-game that most of the times you'll only have one or two coasters or similar rides even in a park full of other rides (and as much as I'd like to have in-park transportation like monorails, they're expensive and unwieldy too); on top of that, even after you're doing building, there's a pretty good chance you'll make a ride that turns out to be way too intense for your pansy guests. As far as I can tell, there's nothing you can do to estimate the intensity ratings while you're in the middle of making the ride, and even if you make adjustments after you're done, there's a chance that you'll plummet the ride's rating to be way, way too low. There's no middle ground here. Either your coasters are super intense and nobody wants to ride them, or they're mild kiddie rides and you start feeling bad about yourself! When the title of the game specifically highlights roller coasters, you'd expect them to make things more accessible for people to actually build roller coasters without—or with very few, at least—limits!

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/c1qdtto2dulg3es/RollerCoaster%20Tycoon%20Screenshot%205.png?dl=0)
This gets annoying real quick.

However, the scenarios in the game are pretty good. Some of them can get a bit intense or feel like things are out of control as to whether or not you'll complete the goal in time, but overall, they're fun. I think I'd like some of them to be a bit more vague with their guidelines and less restrictive, but overall, like I said, they're enjoyable. I still haven't finished all of them but there's not much to complain about the ones I have played.

(https://dl.dropbox.com/s/7972tmty92nk5fx/RollerCoaster%20Tycoon%20Screenshot%206.png?dl=0)
Only wholesome thoughts here. S-see, look? Balloons? This isn't going to be a problem sometime later.

Pros:
+ I enjoy the "theme park management" genre. This is a fine example of the genre.
+ If you really engross yourself in the game you can have a lot of fun and find a lot of humor in the little things.

Cons:
- Building roller coasters is literally the worst part of the game.
- Unlike Thrillville, for example, there are no minigames or really any other part of the game—there's pretty much nothing else to do except build your theme park.
- "Your guests are complaining about all the litter" *looks around* *park is literally spotless* *hires more workers* *park rating goes down anyway*

Final Score: 7.2/10

Reviewer notes:
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: mikey on November 29, 2018, 07:08:09 AM
Roller coaster tycoon is the bomb
If you put an ice cream stall right before the spinny rides you can make people throw up
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on February 26, 2019, 06:33:27 AM
VG Rankings and Top 10s (3)

Or, "The Manufacturers of Borderlands"

The Borderlands series is all about guns, thousands and thousands of guns! So, you figure the fictional companies that make these guns would be pretty important! So I'm gonna rank those gun manufacturers from my favorite to least favorite, just because!

#1
(https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/borderlands/images/8/81/Jakobs.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/350?cb=20180301134351)

Jakobs

The classic western gun. A manufacturer known for high damage and a general lack of elemental weapons. Consistent and fun to use, especially in TPS where the max level balancing is a bit better. Very reliable guns to use especially in your first playthrough.
[close]

#2
(https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/borderlands/images/5/5e/Vladof.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/350?cb=20100101211507)

Vladof

Basically Russian-themed bullet hoses. With massive fire rates and awesome designs, these guns may not be ammo efficiently, but dang if they ain't fun to use. The blue rarity weapons, especially the assault rifles, are some of the most awesome designs in the game.
[close]

#3
(https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/borderlands/images/4/44/Torgue.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/350?cb=20180227231740)

Torgue

EXPLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSIONS! IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHY I LOVE TORGUE, THEN YOU'RE A SILLY BOZO WHO DOESN'T REALIZE THE SHEER AWESOMENESS OF EXPLOOOOOOSIONS!

(Torgue guns shoot explosions btw)
[close]

#4
(https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/borderlands/images/a/a7/Hyperion.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/350?cb=20110121192736)

Hyperion

Hyperion isn't necessarily the choice that seems obvious for top weapon, given that their gimmick of reverse recoil upon sustained fire is a bit odd at first, but their legendaries, especially their shotguns, are some of the best weapons in the game, so it's hard to deny their appeal.
[close]

#5
(https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/borderlands/images/9/99/Dahl_White.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/350?cb=20140228131503)

Dahl

Their burst fire when aiming down sights gimmick is awesome. I'm sad they don't manufacture shotguns, because that would be hilariously fun. Like Hyperion, they have a lot of great weapons, especially the Sand Hawk, which is perhaps THE best weapon in the game.
[close]

#6
(https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/borderlands/images/1/11/Tediore.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/350?cb=20180228131122)

Tediore

Have you ever wanted to throw your gun and have it explode like a grenade when it hits an enemy? Because that's exactly what happens when you reload your Tediore weapon! It's hilarious, and whoever came up with that idea deserves a raise. While they don't have too many good weapons (the Avenger, IVF, and Laser Disker are probably the best, with the third being my absolute favorite weapon in TPS), the thought it still there.
[close]

#7
(https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/borderlands/images/e/e2/Maliwan-0.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/350?cb=20180228145009)

Maliwan

Maliwan's gimmick is the exact opposite of Jakobs: they only do elemental weapons. I can't say I have any particular preference for Maliwan weapons, although they are helpful to have in early playthroughs when elemental weapons are pretty scarce. Their legendaries, with the exception of the Norfleet, are pretty underwhelming too.
[close]

#8
(https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/borderlands/images/0/0f/400px-Bandit_logo.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/350?cb=20130804123157)

Bandit/Scav

Bandit's gimmick is that they have higher magazine sizes but lower stats, and honestly, that's kind of lame! With all the skill boosts to reload speed and magazine capacity, most characters don't really benefit that much from the increase in magazine size that Bandit weapons offer. Their legendary weapons aren't bad, especially the Slagga and Badaboom, but aside from that, they don't really have much going for them.
[close]
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: mikey on February 26, 2019, 06:37:18 AM
oh shoot I love the idea of ranking in-universe stuff like that
you should do some for splatoon
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on February 26, 2019, 06:49:31 AM
Unfortunately, I have not played Splatoon. :(
Title: Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
Post by: BlackDragonSlayer on May 28, 2019, 12:26:18 AM
VG Rankings and Top 10s (4)

Or, "Borderlands DLC"

DLC is a significant part of any modern game, for better or for worse, but some franchises make better use of their DLC than others. I feel like the Borderlands franchise has always used their DLC as a vehicle for experimentation and adding new content that actually matters, as well as delivering entertaining—and sometimes emotionally investing—stories. However, there's no doubt that some of the games' DLCs are better than others. So here's to ranking them. This only includes main DLC campaigns, and not characters or any additional DLC like the Headhunter Packs or Digistruct Peak.

Amazing
#1
(https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/borderlands/images/f/f5/Aodk_transp.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/200?cb=20190413124734)

BL2 DLC4 - Tiny Tina's Assault on Dragon Keep

The final main DLC campaign from BL2 is also by far its best. Its story, led by the eccentric Tiny Tina, starts off lighthearted, but slowly works in aspects of grief over the loss of Roland. The way that this DLC deals with grief and loss is incredibly moving and well-done and makes you feel even more attached to the characters. In terms of gear and weapons, this DLC introduced a lot of good things, especially the Magic Missile and the Grog Nozzle, which is by far one of the most-used guns in the game for its healing and Slag attributes, and the raid boss, the Ancient Dragons of Destruction, is both challenging and rewarding at the same time.
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#2
(https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/borderlands/images/a/ae/ClaptasticVoyageAnnounceScreen.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/200?cb=20150315201430)

TPS DLC1 - Claptastic Voyage

Unfortunately the only DLC campaign for TPS, but it's a good one. Not only did it have a fantastic storyline (and great side missions as well), but it introduced a ton of great weapons (the Flayer, Laser Disker, and Luck Cannon are three of my favorites) and gear, including the Glitch rarity weapons. Although the final bosses can seem a bit cheap it's overall a great experience that adds much-needed content to TPS. The only downside to this DLC is that there isn't a true raid boss.
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#3
(https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/borderlands/images/5/50/The_Secret_Armory_of_General_Knoxx_logo.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/200?cb=20190413120006)

BL1 DLC3 - The Secret Armory of General Knoxx

Perhaps the most fleshed-out of the DLCs, and definitely the best story. It actually makes the Crimson Lance feel like the villains, instead of just some force you have to fight through because the story requires it. Odd because most of the maps in the DLC are just really long roads. However, this DLC introduces not one, not two, but three brand new vehicles for you to make use of on these roads. This DLC introduced the first raid boss, Cramerax, and Pearlescent weapons. To top it all off, for completing the DLC, you get a loot room (the titular armory) to farm (albeit on a timer), which is technically farmable a total of three times, but you can easily use glitches to farm it over and over again (and fortunately, without the timer).
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Great
#4
(https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/borderlands/images/d/d7/Blands2_-_DLC1_splash.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/200?cb=20190413124243)

BL2 DLC1 - Captain Scarlett and Her Pirate's Booty

The first DLC of Borderlands 2 is a real good one. It introduced some of the best weapons in the game, including the Sand Hawk and the Pimpernel, as well as introducing Seraph weapons, and the pirate theming and new enemies are really great. As a reward for completing the campaign, you get access to a loot room, which is unfortunately only farmable twice. It's kind of a shame that they didn't have some sort of perpetually-repeatable task or mission you could do in order to farm the room over and over again, but it's a fun reward nonetheless.
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#5
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BL2 DLC2 - Mr. Torgue's Campaign of Carnage

I started off not really liking this campaign much, but the more I play it, the more I enjoy it. More of Mr. Torgue and Tiny Tina are rarely bad things, and both of them are present in significant amounts in this DLC. This DLC fittingly has parallels to the Underdome, as they both feature missions that take place in an arena, but unlike the earlier DLC, this one doesn't make those missions a focal point of its story, as most of the missions take place outside the arena. The bosses are pretty fun, with maybe the exception of Badassasaurus, and although I can't recall any significant weapons this DLC added, it made the Unkempt Harold and other Torgue legendaries a lot more readily farmable at the Torgue Vending Machines. Pyro Pete is a fairly fun raid boss, although you could argue that it's lame that he's just a recycled boss from the DLC's main quest.
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#6
(https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/borderlands/images/1/1d/Zombie_Island_of_Dr._Ned_logo.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/200?cb=20190413120405)

BL1 DLC1 - The Zombie Island of Dr. Ned

The first DLC of Borderlands 1 starts off on a really solid note. It adds the critical feature of having quest-giving NPCs actually talk to you while giving you their missions, which makes the game feel that much more alive. In addition, the zombie enemies feel unique and fitting, as their main tactics are to slowly swarm you and take you down by doing bits of damage, unlike any enemy in the main game. Unlike the other DLCs, you don't get either a skill point or a farmable location for beating it, so you're pretty much doing this DLC for the fun of it (although you do get a Jakobs vending machine from one of the side missions which is newly farmable in the remaster), which isn't entirely a bad thing.
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Ok
#7
(https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/borderlands/images/4/4c/CNRR_Logo.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/200?cb=20190413115447)

BL1 DLC4 - Claptrap's New Robot Revolution

The first thing that struck me upon entering this DLC is how massive the maps are. It's definitely intimidating, and it feels like there's a lot of empty space and pointless running around you have to do in order to reach your objectives. The new Claptrap and Hyperion enemies are nice additions, although the excess of Claptrap-assimilated enemies that you've already fought (I'm pretty sure they're not any different than their main-game counterparts) makes things a bit stale. Having to fight bosses you've already fought before (with the exception of Steele, and the two final bosses) is a bit lazy, but it works, except for the fact that you have to fight each boss twice. Overall, this DLC is redeemed by the fact that you get a skill point from it in each playthrough (much less painful to achieve than the Underdome) and a farmable Hyperion Gift Shop which has a pretty good chance of spawning legendaries (to the point where legendaries feel a lot less special than in BL2, but I'll save that complaint for another time).
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#8
(https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/borderlands/images/3/34/Hammer_splash.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/200?cb=20190413124503)

BL2 DLC3 - Sir Hammerlock’s Big Game Hunt

I'll start with the good. This DLC introduced some great weapons and gear, like the Interfacer and the Twister, which are two of the best shotguns in the game, and the oft-used Rough Rider shield. There's a giant loot room at the end of this DLC, which is unfortunately only farmable once. They introduce a new vehicle, the fan boat, which is always fun. The story is fairly funny and entertaining, but unfortunately, that's where the good ends. The story missions feel kind of tedious, and the enemies are repetitive and unfun to fight. The two raid bosses introduced in this DLC are very hit and miss, with one of them being perhaps by far the most difficult raid boss in the game, and the other one being very expensive to fight and not very worthwhile either.
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TRASH
#9
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BL1 DLC2 - Mad Moxxi's Underdome Riot

I talked about this a bit in Discord, but this DLC is absolutely miserable. For the main story mission, you have to withstand five rounds consisting of five waves each, in three different arenas. If you get defeated during a wave, you get sent not to the beginning of the current round, but to the beginning of the LAST round. There's a bit of random chance involved with certain modifiers popping up at random (some of which are genuinely fun an exciting, emphasis on "some"), but there's absolutely zero customisability to how any of the arenas work, unlike the future Mutator Arena in the Claptastic Voyage DLC (which, IMO, is the best execution of a "Circle of Slaughter" in a Borderlands game thus far). Beating the story mission unlocks arenas that have 20 rounds, but there's no reason to do any of those unless you like to torture yourself or you actually have friends. Aside from the 5 round and 20 round variants, there's nothing in-between, so you can't go in just for a single round to try our your gear, for example. The arena design is pretty spread out too, which works if you're cooperating/competing with friends, but makes things even more tedious if you're playing alone.

To make things short, if this DLC didn't hold not one, but two skill points hostage (one per playthrough), I would never touch it for my life.
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