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Author Topic: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!  (Read 28603 times)

BlackDragonSlayer

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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #60 on: March 21, 2015, 10:50:05 AM »

Time to get insanely serious.

VG Rankings and Top 10s (1)

Or, "The Weapons of Gunstar Heroes"


Combo Weapons

#1


Chaser + Force: Ever since I converted from Chaser + Lightning, I have used this weapon. I love using this weapon. Plus... HIGH-POWERED HOMING BALLS. You just can't hate that!
[close]

#2


Chaser + Lightning: Notice a pattern here. I love Chaser weapons: this one is no exception. It was my original favorite weapon. However, unlike Chaser + Force, I find that this one is more likely to lock onto targets you don't want it to, and thus, is harder to aim properly. Nonetheless, this is a fun weapon, as its main attack is a square of lasers that locks on to foes.
[close]

#3


Fire + Lightning: The notorious "lightsaber," which does insane damage, but has short range. It's quite difficult to use, but I like the daring, risky playstyle it encourages, leaping around to fight enemies while avoiding damage. On the plus side, this weapon can also destroy certain shots enemies fire at you, which helps this weapon to also function as a semi-defensive weapon. Ultimately, though, the "lightsaber" stands as "the boss weapon"... literally.
[close]

#4


Fire + Force: It was so hard to get any screenshots with this weapon; this is the best one I got! Anyway, this weapon shoots a force ball (it shoots a ball with force) that explodes in a fiery burst (great balls of fire!). It's a cool weapon, and combines the two component weapons perfectly. I haven't used it in a full playthrough, unfortunately. I should really try that!
[close]

#5


Lightning + Force: Lightning is a laser. Force is a rapid ball shooter. Combine them, and what do you get? A shower of lasers. This is my favorite screenshot that I took, because it captures this weapon at the perfect moment. When you're not doing cool laser-moves with it, it's just a rapid laser beam. Which isn't bad.
[close]

#6


Chaser + Chaser: This is the middle-ground of the Chaser weapons; it shoots a stream of stars a foes, which is always fun, but a bit unexpected, given that the Chaser by itself shoots triangles. :P This weapon also swirls around you like a shield when you're not firing it- whether it actually shields things, I don't know, but I'll keep calling it a shield until I'm proved otherwise.
[close]

#7


Fire + Fire: FLAMETHROWERS ARE COOL. BURNING THINGS IS FUN. THESE ARE FACTS OF LIFE. However, although it is doubtlessly better than single-Fire, it suffers from being a bland weapon compared to the others. I would consider this the most "mid-tier" weapon out of all of them.
[close]

#8


Force + Force: On one hand: BIG RAPID BALL SHOOTING. On the other hand: Chaser + Force. I've never found Force to be a particularly compelling weapon by itself (not to mention, one of the hardest to use by itself when using Free Shot), so doubling it, unfortunately, doesn't do much to help it out.
[close]

#9


Lightning + Lightning: I guess lightning works better with other weapons than with itself. Unlike Lightning + Force, which disperses when you move the shots from side to side, this is just a beam that goes in a straight direction. So, basically, this weapon is like Lightning + Force, but not as fun.
[close]

#10


Chaser + Fire: I like Chaser weapons, you know! This is the one exception. While it's a really powerful weapon (and remote-control flamethrowers are a neat idea), I'm sure, it's difficult to control, and often impractical in large spaces, or when enemies are swarming you. I've never willingly used this weapon in-game, aside for the purpose of taking the above screenshot.
[close]


Single Weapons

#1


Chaser: Ya get to blow **** up by pressing a button? WHERE DO I SIGN.
[close]

#2


Lightning: I HAD THIS PERFECT SCREENSHOT TAKEN BUT THE SHOT WASN'T IN THE PICTURE SO I... calm, calm now. I had to take this lousy screenshot. While it's not as epic as I would have liked it to be, it shows off the weapon. Not too well, but it just does its job. Like the weapon. It does its job well, and combos well when you need it to. It's the only other weapon besides Chaser I'd start with, because, between those two, you pretty much have everything you need!
[close]

#3


Force: As I mentioned earlier, Force is hard to use by itself, and oftentimes lacks the killing power that Fire does. Force combos really well with other weapons, though, so that's a great plus! Additionally, it's not as bad when using Fixed Shot (but ew fixed shot).
[close]

#4


Fire: Unfortunately, Fire by itself doesn't have the range to operate as effective as the other weapons by themselves- the only one that lacks significant range. If you want a combo with Fire, I would not recommend starting with Fire, as it seems to pop up by its own often enough! I find that Fire works better with Free Shot than Fixed Shot, which is odd, as some of the Fire combo weapons actually work better with Fixed Shot (see: Fire + Chaser)!
[close]
« Last Edit: March 21, 2015, 10:56:19 AM by BlackDragonSlayer »
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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #61 on: May 03, 2015, 02:54:57 AM »

Fat Princess (PS3)

"♫ My zippers bust, my buckles break / I'm too much man for you to take / The pavement cracks when I fall down / I've got more chins than Chinatown ♫" - Fat by "Weird Al" Yankovic

Fat Princess for PS3 is "an action real-time strategy video game," where the main goal is fighting with an enemy army and/or rescuing your Princess from the enemy castle, feeding cake to the captured enemy Princess in order to make them harder to carry. While many people consider it one of the best games on the Playstation store, others consider it to be rife with sexism and weightism (never mind the fact that the story mode ends with everybody accepting that it's ok to eat as much cake as you want).

See? No weightism here!

Gameplay involves 32 players- 16 on each side- controlling one of six classes (three more if you have the DLC, but... bleh... it's arguably not worth it). You can change classes by grabbing hats and putting them on, à la Copy Essences. Let's take a look at the classes, shall we?
Villager: Basic class. Weak, mostly used for grabbing other hats or quickly slapping enemies trying to grab a Princess (but surprisingly effective for grabbing the Princess itself).
Worker: Class used for harvesting resources, building objects, breaking down objects built by the enemy, and upgrading Hat Machines. Not very good offensively, but the upgraded version can throw bombs.
Priest: Class used for healing. Has a melee attack, but its upgrade can also use a life drain.
Mage: Can shoot fire and use area fire attacks. When upgraded, can also use ice attacks to slow or freeze enemies.
Ranger: Ranged class that fires arrows. When upgraded, it gains a sweet blunderbuss.
Warrior: Staple of offense; has a sword for attacking and a shield for blocking certain attacks. When upgraded, its weapons are replaced with a glaive that can be used for more powerful attacks.

A visual representation. No captions included.

Each class can be upgraded once (with the ability to switch weapons if you so desire), which I feel is a bit lackluster and disappointing, removing a potential extra layer of strategy and depth to the game. In my opinion, offering a split upgrade after the initial upgrade (with each one enhancing one of the aspects of the class: e.g. one Ranger upgrade giving them a stronger bow, and the other giving them a stronger blunderbuss, with only one able to be chosen) would have enhanced the game in a simple way. Similarly, other structures should have further upgraded forms as well (such as an upgrade to the Catapult being either a bubble around your castle/outposts where your units are buffed, or a bubble in the same areas in which enemy units are weakened). Adding just a bit more content would make the game go so much further. A few more modes- and more of a mix-and-match selection- a few more classes (with a limitation on how many Hat Machines you can take with you into battle, perhaps?), and possibly an extra map or two (there are already a number of wonderful maps in the game, so this is the area that least needs improvement) would make me squee in delight as a fan of strategy games.

Gameplay. This probably won't be your average experience.

This game feels like it was made in anticipation for a sequel, with more content that this game should have had in the first place. While this is an enjoyable game, with the gameplay as a solid foundation, it gets boring and repetitive quickly (I have not yet reached the point where I completely do not want to play the game, fortunately). If you're interested in the online play, it might have a bit more replayability, but I would assume that would not stop the gameplay from becoming stale quickly. Overall... there are other games that offer more for around the same price... may I, perhaps, recommend Comet Crash for those who crave strategy games...?

Pros:
+ Simple, effective gameplay.
+ Charming visuals and story mode.
+ Online mode offers a bit more to expand the time you'll want to play it...

Cons:
- ...which is already low due to the general lack of content.
- Too simple.
- The desire for something more, the glory that this game could have been.
- Um... did you read the review? ???

Final Score: 7.5/10

Reviewer Notes:
  • ...and that's another thing. I would've liked to see the outposts serve a bit more use, such as a spawn location or an area that offers unit buffs, something useful, etc.? Unlike other games that feature similar mechanics (Battlefront), there's not much incentive to capture them except to intimidate your opponents. During average gameplay, they switch sides really quickly because nobody really guards them.
  • - doesn't even have a boardgame
  • DLC...? Fat chance.
« Last Edit: May 03, 2015, 03:01:34 AM by BlackDragonSlayer »
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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #62 on: May 03, 2015, 04:01:04 AM »

A visual representation. No captions included.
But isn't that a caption

BlackDragonSlayer

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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #63 on: May 18, 2015, 04:29:31 AM »

Sonic the Hedgehog (NES)

"This is How You Sonic." - Sonic Drive-In

I recently heard some people talking smack about one of my favorite games on the Sega Genesis: Sonic the Hedgehog (what a classic). I'm here to show them that Sonic is actually a really great game through careful and deliberate analysis of the game. Here we go.

This has me hyped.

Sonic was developed to compete with Mario. Sega needed a mascot, so they made Sonic. And they made Sonic games too. Sonic is a classic, for its gameplay and vivid imagery. This game first came out in 1992, I think. The game starts in a stage known as Green Hill Zone...

...uh, Spring Yard Zone...

...as you follow Sonic, zooming through many stages of adventure, mischief, and fun. You have a number of abilities, including jumping, and running. Some people criticize the lack of a spin dash in this game- an ability which would come to be known as Sonic's primary attack- but I don't seem to mind it. The main goal of the game is to reach the goal of each stage or sometimes defeat a boss; along the way, you collect rings, which help you not die.

Where does he fit all of them?

This game is fun because, uh, the variety, the music, the gameplay, the zooming, and the enemies. The bosses are also a plus, if you can get to them. This game is pretty hard. I don't ever remember it being this hard...

This is as far as I got. Did they even make any more of this game?

You know what? This game has aged. It's just not fun anymore... I tried to tell myself otherwise, but I guess I let my nostalgia influence my opinion... this game is

Pros:
+ Sonic?

Cons:
- Hard.
- It's not fun.
- This isn't Sonic.

Final Score: 4/10

Reviewer Notes:
  • Maybe Sonic 2 will fare better.
« Last Edit: June 06, 2015, 04:36:13 AM by BlackDragonSlayer »
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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #64 on: June 06, 2015, 05:21:19 AM »

I haven't reviewed any Pokemon yet. I want to review some Pokemon. LOTS of Pokemon. I guess it's time for a...

DUEL REVIEW!

Pokemon Omega Ruby (3DS)

vs.

Pokemon Alpha Sapphire (3DS)

"The Earth does not belong to us: we belong to the Earth." - Somebody

"♫ Somewhere beyond the sea / somewhere waiting for me ♫" - Beyond the Sea, by Jack Lawrence

Two Pokemon against each other. One of these games just might be better than the other... this will be fun, won't it?

I will compare these games in several categories, including Gameplay, Graphics, Story, In-game Content, and Music/Sound. So, let's start this.

Gameplay
Pokemon Omega Ruby keeps the same timeless gameplay as other games in the Pokemon series. You fight Pokemon, catch them, then use them to fight. Simple enough, ain't it? There are also other activities you can do on the side, such as the beloved Pokemon Contests, returning to the series for the first time since Generation 4 (sorry Musicals- you're just not the same!). Pokemon Omega Ruby is a remake of the earlier Pokemon Ruby (as the name implies), and in my opinion, it is the best of the remakes thus far: it captures the essence of the original, all while updating the games to hold their ground in the modern gaming scene.

Pokemon Alpha Sapphire keeps the same timeless gameplay as other games in the Pokemon series. You fight Pokemon, catch them, then use them to fight. Simple enough, ain't it? There are also other activities you can do on the side, such as the beloved Pokemon Contests, returning to the series for the first time since Generation 4 (sorry Pokestar Studios- you're just not the same!). Pokemon Alpha Sapphire is a remake of the earlier Pokemon Sapphire (as the name implies), and in my opinion, it is the best of the remakes thus far: it captures the essence of the original, all while updating the games to hold their ground in the modern gaming scene.

Pokemon Omega Ruby Score: 9.8/10
Pokemon Alpha Sapphire: 9.8/10

Graphics
Pokemon Omega Ruby puts the graphical style of Generation 6 to great use, showing off the beautiful Hoenn region to its full extent. While I personally prefer the style of Generation 5, I must say, the graphics in this game do! Not! Disappoint!

Pokemon Alpha Sapphire puts the graphical style of Generation 6 to great use, showing off the beautiful Hoenn region to its full extent. While I personally prefer the style of Generation 5, I must say, the graphics in this game do NOT disappoint!

Pokemon Omega Ruby Score: 8.2/10
Pokemon Alpha Sapphire: 8.2/10

Story
In Pokemon Omega Ruby, you play as a new Pokemon trainer who journeys throughout the Hoenn region, both training their Pokemon, defeating Gym Leaders, all while saving Hoenn- and the world- from Team Magma, who seeks to awaken the legendary Pokemon Groudon, who has the power to summon ceaseless droughts. During this journey, you learn several important lessons about friendship, responsibility, and dedication. In the newly added postgame, Delta Episode, you save the world once more. Overall, I feel this remake enhances the plot of the earlier Pokemon Ruby, adding emotion, fascination, and depth.

In Pokemon Alpha Sapphire, you play as a new Pokemon trainer who journeys throughout the Hoenn region, both training their Pokemon, defeating Gym Leaders, all while saving Hoenn- and the world- from Team Aqua, who seeks to awaken the legendary Pokemon Kyogre, who has the power to summon ceaseless floods. During this journey, you learn several important lessons about friendship, responsibility, and dedication. In the newly added postgame, Delta Episode, you save the world once more. Overall, I feel this remake enhances the plot of the earlier Pokemon Sapphire, adding emotion, fascination, and depth.

Pokemon Omega Ruby Score: 8.5/10
Pokemon Alpha Sapphire: 8.5/10

In-game Content
Pokemon Omega Ruby features over 700 Pokemon and adds over 10 new Mega Evolutions! Such Pokemon include fan favorites such as Seedot, Solrock, and Zangoose! There are also numerous rare Pokemon like Ho-Oh and Palkia available! Aside from the wonderful main quest, the side content added- including the updated Secret Bases and Contests- will keep you coming back again and again. You can trade with people around the world to help you complete your Pokedex. What a world we do live in.

Pokemon Alpha Sapphire features over 700 Pokemon and adds over 10 new Mega Evolutions! Such Pokemon include fan favorites such as Lotad, Lunatone, and Seviper! There are also numerous rare Pokemon like Lugia and Dialga available! Aside from the wonderful main quest, the side content added- including the updated Secret Bases and Contests- will keep you coming back again and again. You can trade with people around the world to help you complete your Pokedex. What a world we do live in.

Pokemon Omega Ruby Score: 9.6/10
Pokemon Alpha Sapphire: 9.6/10

Music/Sound
Pokemon Omega Ruby features an amazing soundtrack, updated from the already great soundtrack of Pokemon Ruby. Highlights include Drought, Battle! Archie/Maxie, and Route 111. You can listen to the soundtrack here.

Pokemon Alpha Sapphire also features an amazing soundtrack, updated from the already great soundtrack of Pokemon Sapphire. Highlights include Heavy Rainfall, Battle! Rival, and Meteor Falls. You can listen to the soundtrack here.

Pokemon Omega Ruby Score: 9/10
Pokemon Alpha Sapphire: 9/10

Conclusion
Both Pokemon Omega Ruby and Pokemon Alpha Sapphire are great games from the Pokemon franchise (and I do recommend both of them), but in the end, one must emerge triumphant! Deeply analyzing the specifics of each, I can say with confidence that I will declare a definitive winner!

Pokemon Omega Ruby Score: 9.2/10
Pokemon Alpha Sapphire: 9.2/10

Reviwer Notes:
  • NNOOOOOO...!!
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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #65 on: June 06, 2015, 05:24:50 AM »

I love these reviews so much ;D

Both Pokemon Omega Ruby and Pokemon Alpha Sapphire are great games from the Pokemon franchise (and I do recommend both of them), but in the end, one must emerge triumphant! Deeply analyzing the specifics of each, I can say with confidence that I will declare a definitive winner!
I was expecting a tiebreaker based on water content :P
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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #66 on: June 06, 2015, 05:28:29 AM »

I could probably add a 0.1 for Primal Groudon... ;)
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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #67 on: June 06, 2015, 05:47:44 AM »

Kyogre all the way. These are hilarious! Great job. ;D
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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #68 on: June 06, 2015, 12:41:03 PM »

kyogre>groudon therefore sapphire>ruby
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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #69 on: June 13, 2015, 03:46:17 AM »

I decided to skip Sonic 2 because you all probably know what I'm going to say about it.

Sonic 3 & Knuckles (Sega Genesis)

"I woke up and realized life is great and people are awesome and life is worth living." - Hulk Hogan

Well, what do I say about this. To start, it's a good game, but not as good as Sonic 2. Let's start, shall we?

Sh...

Spoiler
Metal Sonic in Sonic 3 & Knuckles (Sega Genesis)

"I woke up and realized life is great and people are awesome and life is worth living." - Hulk Hogan

So I guess I'm playing this game instead. It's pretty much the same thing, right? The game starts the same way, where you arrive on Angel Island and encounter Kunkles the Edicina, who steals your Chaos Emeralds. You can also play as him, but for the purposes of this review, that would be boring.

NOBODY LIKES YOU KUNKLES

You play the game the same way as you play any of the earlier Sonic games (collect rings, hit boxes, hit enemies, do stuff, reach signposts, etc.), except now, Sonic has some sort of Insta-Shield ability. That doesn't matter in this review, fortunately! Sonic has been kicked out in favor of Metal Sonic, because for some reason, somebody decided that Metal Sonic would be better than Sonic. I suppose that's reasoning I can get behind.

The first zone is Angel Island Zone, which is pretty boring, actually. It's not as good as Emerald Hill Zone, that's for sure.

So, now, for the reason I'm playing as Metal Sonic. Like Sonic or Tails, he has some special abilities; if you press jump, then jump again while pressing up, he does a double jump. If you press jump twice without up, then you do a forward spin dash- that's pretty helpful, but overall not as helpful as the double jump... it's pretty gamebreaking at times (lol).

If I were playing as a certain other character, I could access this area. But then again, I'm not.

Next is Hydrocity Zone... more like, Atrocity Zone! Because it's so bad... X_X Hehehe... let's not delve into that.

After that is Marble Garden Zone, known for its flying tops and its boringness. Seriously, I forgot this level existed until I played the game again. The boss is interesting, but a lot easier with Metal Sonic's abilities (see what I mean?).

Then is Carnival Night Zone, better known as the cross between Casino Night Zone and Mystic Cave Zone, yet somehow not as good as either of them (they could have snuck slot machines in there and nobody would have cared! A bad decision on all fronts, I say). This is definitely the most time-consuming zone (especially Act 2), as it's so big and maze-y (if you choose to play as... no, no, not going there! Lalalala!)... for some reason, there's water in there? I guess that works?

After that is IceCap Zone.

BALL.

We don't talk about IceCap Zone.

The final zone of the Sonic 3 part of the game is Launch Base Zone; aside from getting to ride in the Egg Mobile, it's pretty bad for a final stage (and insists on repeating the whole "large and maze-y" motif of the whole game). It's a good thing Sonic & Knuckles came along!

NOBODY LIKES YOU KUNKLES

One thing I forgot to mention! If you jump into giant rings scattered throughout the levels, you get teleported into hell special stages where you can win Chaos Emeralds. And if you collect all the Chaos Emeralds...

That's so metal.

Now we transition into the Sonic & Knuckles part of the game, starting with Mushroom Hill Zone.

Badger badger badger badger

Like with the Chaos Emeralds, you can enter giant rings to play special stages to get... SUPER EMERALDS. But that doesn't matter right now.

After Mushroom Hill is Flying Battery Zone. It's literally just a flying battery. It's not too interesting.

Pictured: Flying Battery Zone

Next is Sandopolis Zone...

Next is Lava Reef Zone. I always like to think of this level as the IceCap Zone of Sonic & Knuckles.

WHERE'S THE LAVA

BALL.

After that is... you know what, there are so many levels in this game, I'm beginning to lose track of them all; I don't even know- or care, for that matter- what's next! Why can't there just be simple stages any more? What's up with that, huh? I mean, Metal Sonic is fun and all, but it's not worth playing through the whole game again for! This is boring. I'm going to do something else now.

*cue metal guitar solo*

Pros:
+ Better than Sonic 1.
+ So metal.
+ You can also play with Tails, so good?

Cons:
- Not as good as Sonic 2.
- Nobody likes Kunkles.

Final Score: 9.4/10

Reviewer Notes:
  • I might do Sonic 2 later, if I feel like it.
  • The amount of weird Sonic hacks I've found is almost quite disheartening.
  • -ish
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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #70 on: September 04, 2015, 08:29:32 AM »

For the first time ever, it's a...

M-M-M-MEGA REVIEW!

Two Sentences Hate: SG-1000 Games

"VISUALSHOCK! SPEEDSHOCK! SOUNDSHOCK! NOW IS TIME TO THE 68000 HEART ON FIRE!" - Alien Soldier Tagline

Here's how I'm going to do this. I'm going to name the game, show a screenshot, write two sentences to sum it up, then give it a score.

H.E.R.O.

Snaaaaaake.

I am hero: I have dynamite and gun; I fight spiders and moths and snakes; I rescue trapped miners (?). This game is not fun.

H.E.R.O. Score: 4.1/10

Lode Runner

I don't know what to do about this but feast.

I AM MANEATER; I WAIT FOR MAN IN MY MAN TRAP. KAHAHAHAHAHA.

Lode Runner Score: 2.5/10

Congo Bongo

I'll get you now Congo Bongo. Or whatever your name is.

Like Donkey Kong, but not as good. Terrible jumping.

Congo Bongo Score: 3.5/10

Dragon Wang

It seems our hero, Mr. Dragon Wang, can float in some circumstances.

I only need one sentence to describe this: WTF!?

Dragon Wang Score: 3.7/10

Zoom 909

ZOOOOOOOOMM!

WOW; actually a good game! After all the others, I was surprised at the depth and variety this game held!

Zoom 909 Score: 7.6/10

Conclusion

Most of these games suck; Zoom 909 is pretty good. See you next time.

Reviewer Notes:
  • I don't have anything else to say about this.
« Last Edit: September 04, 2015, 08:31:25 AM by BlackDragonSlayer »
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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #71 on: January 04, 2016, 07:40:47 PM »


get hyped
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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #72 on: January 04, 2016, 07:46:02 PM »

the hype train has no braix



braix
get on the hype train
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Dudeman's facial hair is number 1 in my book

braix

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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #73 on: January 04, 2016, 07:58:45 PM »

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Braixen is a wonderful [insert gender] with beautiful [corresponding gender trait] and is just the darlingest at [stereotypical activity typically associated with said gender] you ever saw.

Dudeman

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Re: BDS Wastes Your Time With Silly Game Reviews!
« Reply #74 on: January 04, 2016, 08:05:14 PM »

brb dying
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Dudeman's facial hair is number 1 in my book
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