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I'm gonna be honest and say I picked a piece pretty out of my skill level, did not realize what I was getting myself into until after I submitted whoops. I was trying to follow the strings since to me they sound the most prominent but I unfortunately have a hard time hearing the low notes properly especially amidst all the layers so for now I've tried to just fill in the chords somewhat, though I don't know if I've got it right.

No worries! You've done a great job with your arrangement and I'm mostly just nit-picking here. The harmonies sound right to me (usually just filling in the chords works lol).

Now for everything past m69

• m83, 115 b2 lh - I'm hearing Bb instead of An for the middle note.
• m84, 116 b3 lh - It sounds like it should be An-C dyad, no F on top.
• m85-94 rh - For this figure here, there should be a grace before the top note.
  
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• m91, 123 lh - The line you're notating has a sneaky rhythm going on but the b2 and b3 notes should be on the third triplet of the beat.
  
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• m95 b3 lh - This should be the same as b2.
• m108 rh - The synth line does play a C with a mordent on beat 3, though I'll leave its inclusion up to you.
• m112-116 rh - The top line should be down an octave.
• m117, 125 b1 rh - You can place these rests on top of each other since both lines don't play.
• m129-132 rh - The bottom line should be up an octave.
• m140 - There's only one bar of rest here, so this isn't needed. You could do a grand pause at the end of 138 if you want to.
• m141 to the end should be quarter note = 89 as well.
• m143 b1 rh - This note should be C. They're playing a mordent so it's C-Db-C but the echo makes it a little hard to notice.

[accept!]

Ah I think you're right. By "everywhere" did you mean the corresponding places in the other verses? I made the corresponding change in m. 31 too.

Yeah, all verses. It only needed to be changed in 15 and 31 though so all good.

Keeping the vocal melody up top and unmuddled is my priority here, but I suppose I can lower those half notes an octave to keep them in LH range. I'm not super keen on it, but I suppose it works to keep that line there.

Understandable. I think the rhythm is mostly what was missing, though the player could balance out the voices so it doesn't take away from the melody.

I don't have anything else, looks good to accept!

[Rivers in the Desert]

Rivers in the Desert

This sounds like it'd be really fun to play!

• m15, 31 b4.5 lh - I don't hear this pickup note. It seems its the same everywhere, though the guitars have the pickup in the intro.
• m57, 113 b1 rh - I'm hearing this harmony as D instead of Eb.
• m77 rh - The chord on b2.5 sounds like it should be a beat earlier.
• m85-86, 89-90 lh - There's a piano countermelody being played here in half notes, might be able to include them (it might be a cross-hand thing unless you move it to a different octave)?
• m96 b3 lh - I'm hearing a chord here in the piano part.

[accept!]

I checked this part again and I'm still pretty sure about the G# and A# being there (it's in the same voice that holds the long notes through the rest of that section - the note on beat 1 is the most audible but it does continue through as well). I think you might be right about the top line being up a whole step, though, so I changed that.

Ah, I didn't realize it was in that voice specifically, that's probably why I was having trouble hearing it.

Well it looks good to me! Really nice sheet, will accept!

[approve!]

Ah okay, that makes sense. It looks good to me, I'll approve!

Did you mean b2 for the LH F? Added the F-C Diad.

No, I meant b3. It's also up an octave, its the lower harmony of the string part on b3-4. I'm hearing a C on b3 in the RH as well and an Ab below the F-C dyad (Did you forget to add this?) on b4.

Those notes are actually the harmony in m0 huh. I swapped the middle two notes of the arpeggio so the melody comes through.

The arpeggio notes shouldn't be swapped around, that takes away from the original and interrupts the movement this moment is supposed to have. There isn't any melody here, its just chords building up tension to transition into the next section.

On formatting:

• I noticed there's a lot of space at the top of each page, is that a setting you can adjust?
• There are multiple spots like m6 where the ties clash with the dotted notes (check the whole sheet for those).
• The dotted half rest in m8 lh can be deleted. In the same measure, the rh trill can be centered over the dotted half note. Also, the decrescendo is a little too close to the barline and note stems.
• The 4th system is a little too close to the 3rd on the 1st page, that can be moved down a bit.
• m13 rh - That grace note feels a little far from the eighth note if you could bring it a little closer. The slur also could be adjusted so its not as close.
• m14 lh b3 - There's dotted quarter note with a dot inside a note, that should be moved and line up with the dot of the note below.
• m23 rh - Could you move the tie so its not going through the note on b4?
• m32 rh - The tie cuts into the notes here too.
• Some of the notes in the 5th system of the 2nd page are quite close to each other, so the entire system could be widened a little.
• It feels a little weird to see a singular eighth note with no rests before it in m35. Are you able to make cross-stave beams? If not, I can do it for that entire section.
• m36 rh - There should be a half rest on b3 for the half note. The eighth rest in the upper layer should be the same as the rest of the measure.
• m55 - Could you center the ritenuto so its more in the middle?

I haven't heard this one yet! It's very Lena Raine lol

• The tempo at the beginning is quarter note = 89, I'd also put the ritard in m4 since it's a longer slow down.
• In these music box sections in m1-m8 and m141-end, the LH plays a grace note earlier. You could just add a grace note and tie it to the quarter notes, or put a performance note about it.
• m13, 15, etc lh b3.5 - The strings play an E here.
• m20 lh - I think the bass not being here loses a bit of momentum, omitting the dyad in b1 for the bass works fine imo but that is up to you. I'm hearing the bass play Bn on b3 and that could be included below the third.
• m27 lh b1 - I'm hearing Cn.
• m35, 36 rh - I'm hearing these eighth notes as quarter-eighth triplets.
• m37-42 lh - The notes on the downbeats could be down an octave (maybe m39 and m40 are fine) to match the original. Also all the upbeats have harmonies, though I'm not sure what you're currently notating (I'm assuming its the string parts, but why is it only one note then?).
• m39-40, 55-56 rh - These are harmonized by thirds below
• m43 - I'm not sure why the 2nd layer is in the treble clef, it'll be easier to read in the bass clef. Is b3 layer 2 supposed to be played by the rh or the lh? You could also put the dotted half En in the lh.
• m46, 50 lh - Again, I think the lack of bass on beat 1 loses momentum here, and this time it feels more interrupting of the waltz rhythm. b3 I'm hearing Bn. I also think the Bn on b2 distracts from the D#-B movement and should harmonize b2 with a third above instead.
• m50 rh b3 - I'm hearing this as staccato.
• m51 rh b3.5 - I'm hearing this as an eighth triplet.
• m51, 52 lh - b1 I think this can have an octave above and b2 and b3 should be lowered an octave. Then since the synth bass goes low you can harmonize m52 with an octave below.
• m53-60 rh - The original is down an octave and I"m assuming you put it up because this section is lighter? I think it should stay in the original octave and making this section pianissimo would communicate that (or an expressive note if you wanna be fancy lol).
• m53-58 lh - Same comments as m37-42 except since this part is lighter it's fine to leave the bass where it's at (plus, moving it down in that earlier section will make this feel lighter by comparison).
• m59-60 lh b2-3 - I'm hearing G#-B dyads in 59 and E-G# dyads in 60.
• m64-66 rh - m64 b2 should be staccato, m65 b3 should not be staccato, m66 b3 should be staccato.
• m65-66 lh - Any reason the upbeats aren't harmonized like the rest of the section?
• m68 rh b1 - I'm hearing C-D grace notes.

Right, that's all I got for now. I'll look at the cool drop section at a later time.

Sorry for the wait!

• I'm hearing more/different notes for all the chords:
   - m1 An below the En
   - m5 The entire chord an octave above with an En on top (it should stay in the same octave as the previous one)
   - m9 En above the Bn
   - m13 Cn below the Gn
• m17 rh b1 - This pad instrument is playing chords and I'm hearing a E minor. The melody doesn't seem to play the Cn here.
• m19 rh b1 - Hearing a Cmaj7 chord.
• m23 rh b1 - I'm hearing an An instead of Gn and En below that.
• Any particular reason the lh in m17 to the end is not down an octave like the rest?

[accept]

Messaged over discord to resolve my feedback. It's ready to accept now!

[accept!]

Alright, it's looking good to me! I'll accept!

-I'm guessing you kept the 16th note C's in m5-6 and m9-10 as single C's instead of chords for playability? I think it's technically possible to play the full chords (I believe Fm), partly because i'm bad at repetitive notes with different fingers so i'm already bouncing on one finger lol. Just a suggestion tho ^^

I did, yeah. I definitely agree that its possible to play full chords, but 166 is such a fast bpm and I feel like it'd be easier to play the notes loud with a single finger.

-In the youtube vid you posted, the last diminuendo in the last two measures goes on for 2 more measures.

I dunno how I missed that lmao

Updated.

Sorry for the wait!

m7 It is split that way so the pedaling directions are clear.

I think it confuses things just a little bit and having the b1 quarter notes be staccato with a dotted half note in the second layer would communicate that just as well.

m17-19 I'm not sure what you mean here. The melody is in its original octave here (I put it up an octave m21 because of the trumpet that comes in), and I'm not sure what part of the bass line you want me to add that the LH isn't already playing.

I think the melody should be an octave higher (there are trumpets playing the melody and they are definitely not playing that low) and could split between both hands. Though I also think what you have represents the melody and bass just fine so that's up to you.

m32 I hear the Db Fb line as prominent, so I wanted that to be the top voice. The Bb on b3 can go into the RH if you are worried about the minor 9th.

I think it sounds a little too muddy where they are now, this section is supposed to feel lighter and these half notes fill up the upper range compositionally. There's a string line starting in the previous measure going Db-Eb-G-Bb, and that movement is what helps it feel lighter. With how it's voiced currently, that part is an octave lower doesn't have that feeling. All this to say, I think the G on b1 should be moved up an octave and both the Bb and Fb on b3 up an octave with how they're voiced currently.

Correct, but the LH is playing the same note on b1.0. I couldn't get the melody to sound connected when playing a Db in the RH there so I tweaked it to an Eb so the rhythm is still there.

For what it's worth, I think it would actually sound just fine with completely removing that note, the extra silence brings attention to the melody and the piece is "slowing down" here anyways.

I will wait for a third opinion.

I also hear the trill.. but I also think it'd be difficult to play so its up to you.

• m20 rh b1.33 - I'm hearing the top trumpet line move up to Bb here (could omit the bottom Eb for playability).
• m21 rh b4 - I'm hearing the strings play an F-C dyad here. I'm also hearing a lower F on b3 here that could be placed in the lh.
• m23 rh b1 - Thoughts on including a Db in this chord for more impact?
• m34 rh b 4.5 - I'm hearing an Eb harmonizing the melody (its not an awkward hand movement either).
• m46 rh - The notes for the arpeggio are not entirely correct, I'm hearing it like this.
  
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  The melody is going to get a little lost but the top line is still there, and its also very much playable.
• m52 lh b4 - Thoughts on repeating the Eb-Bb-Eb here to represent the crash? The bass doesn't play this but I think it'll be a cool effect.
• m55 - Any reason why the quarter-eighth rhythm isn't represented here?

Updated (just the musx)

Quite a calming but melancholy feeling tune! Feels meditative lol

I was also using the version on khinsider to listen, so I don't know if it was any different in the youtube upload.

• The tempo is a bit fast, I'm getting half note = 69
• b4 of m33-m34 rh (the 8va) - I'm hearing this entire line down a perfect 4th. Same with 41-42.

- idk if this is just a different source thing or soundtrack vs in-game or what, but in the khinsider soundtrack, after the repeat it branches off after m32 to a different measure (not 33).

I believe this is a special coda just for the soundtrack release, I'd say it's up to Bloop if they wanna include it or not

m102 b1.5 LH - I hear a D, not an E

I am hearing this as it's written currently.