cacabish's Halloween Sheet - Mario Party 4 - Boo's Haunted Bash

[cacabish]

I swear I don't only do Mario Party sheets.
This is the main theme for one of the boards of the game. It's a nice spooky waltz and definitely has that Halloween flair. Enjoy!

[Link to the Sheet]

[mastersuperfan]

What you have so far is really solid! I think there are some parts that could have more added to them to flesh out the sheet a little bit, though:
- Trill in m4 RH
- The strings in m11-12 RH
- Harmonies and/or countermelody under the melody in m13-20 RH
- They're not necessarily there in the original but I think adding harmonies (i.e. dyads instead of single notes) under m29-36 RH would make it feel a lot fuller (either that or find a way to fit the countermelody under it)
- Dyads instead of single notes in m37-44 RH

Let me know if you have trouble hearing/adding any of these and I'll try to help.

Other minor things for now:
- I hear the top notes in m1 RH as Bb-A-Bb.
- Minor, but for m9 RH, I think you could add a slur on beat 3 that ends on the staccato'd note for visual clarity.
- I wouldn't tie the m27 dotted half note over to m28, because right now it's not visually clear whether the note should be held or re-articulated at the start of m28.

[cacabish]

What you have so far is really solid!

Thanks for the compliment! 

- Trill in m4 RH

I actually forgot I was going to add that before submitting the first time. Whoops.
It's now been added. I've also reworked the couple previous measures a bit. However, now that it's more complex, I'm not 100% certain of the end result. Definitely take a look and give me feedback on these measures.

- The strings in m11-12 RH

Added. Definitely adds quite a bit and was a good suggestion. 

- Harmonies and/or countermelody under the melody in m13-20 RH

This one was... quite tricky. Here are my notes about the harmony, as I hear it.
In m13, it starts really high (on a Bb5), out of the reach of play (unless you are Rachmaninoff). Since the harmony only plays a staccato G5 after that, I've struck the harmony from m13 and introduce it in m14.
In m15, I've added a descending harmony starting on Db which I'm pretty sure I hear. However, descending starting on a G5 also sounds good too.
Finally, the harmony/countermelody in m17 starts on a G4, again out of reach (unless you are Rachmaninoff). This time, I've just omitted that note and left the remaining notes the same, leaving a quarter rest in its place.
Since this was kind of a challenge, if you hear something different than what I've written, or could work in the notes I've omitted, please let me know!

- They're not necessarily there in the original but I think adding harmonies (i.e. dyads instead of single notes) under m29-36 RH would make it feel a lot fuller (either that or find a way to fit the countermelody under it)

*Quick Google search of what a "dyad" is.* Ah, okay. I get where you are coming from. The piece seems to be building over those measures and adding additional notes would help it build. Gotcha. I've considered the countermelody, but it would be really challenging to transcribe, let alone play. As such, I've simply just added what would be appropriate for the underlying chord pattern. The only note lacking a dyad is m32 b3.5 as I feel like this note doesn't need one, however, an E can be added underneath it, but I just find it to be a bit much.

- Dyads instead of single notes in m37-44 RH

*Quick Google search to make sure that I actually know what a "dyad" is.* Okay, pretty sure its the same thing. Since the chord progression is Gm-A-Ab-Gm, I've simply just added the note in the chord that is right beneath the original note. However, in the original, this falling notes are kind of quiet whilst the bass takes center stage with its cellos (I think those are cellos...). Should I add a reduction in dynamic here? Either for the system as a whole or just the right hand? Or is leaving the dynamic alone just fine?

Other minor things for now:
- I hear the top notes in m1 RH as Bb-A-Bb.
- Minor, but for m9 RH, I think you could add a slur on beat 3 that ends on the staccato'd note for visual clarity.
- I wouldn't tie the m27 dotted half note over to m28, because right now it's not visually clear whether the note should be held or re-articulated at the start of m28.

I don't consider any of these "minor things", I agree with all the suggestions!
- The first measure was throwing me for a loop, so I'm glad you heard that. I've fixed it, unless you had a different octave in mind.
- I added the slur and definitely find it appropriate, especially after listening to the piece again.
- As for the tie, I was wondering about that, but I was unsure. I figured it'd get called out if incorrect, and it did, so it's fixed now.

Alright, I think that's everything addressed. I've updated the file in the Dropbox, so feel free to give it another gander! Please let me know of any more fixes that I need to implement or if you disagree with any of my changes! 

[mastersuperfan]

Really solid stuff. Some last things:
- I think the dynamic is closer to mf to f, although you may disagree.
- The Bb-C-D on beat 2.5 of m3 is pretty dissonant. You might consider changing it somehow (like removing the C, maybe?).
- The slur in m6 sounds like it should end on beat 3, not beat 2. (Maybe in m14 too for consistency, but the phrasing sounds more ambiguous there, so the current slur probably still works fine)
- I would also extend the slur in m9 to the staccato'd eighth note.
- I think m11-12 RH would look cleaner if you just combined all the notes into the same layer, since that wouldn't really change how it's played or how it sounds very much.
- Sounds like there are eighth notes that you might consider adding to m12 RH?
- In m37-38, I would suggest removing the dotted halves from Layer 1 (both of them) since (a) they crowd the measure a bit and are hard to interpret because the dot is hidden by Layer 2, and (b) the only way to hold that G across both measures is using pedal, and if the pianist is using pedal, then it doesn't really matter whether you write out the G or not because it gets held either way. i.e. I would just leave the eighth notes.
- The top notes of RH m43 beats 1-1.5 sound like D and low D (octave jump down from beat 1 to 1.5; both D's have a B under them).

[cacabish]

- I think the dynamic is closer to mf to f, although you may disagree.

I don't really disagree. It was a coin toss for me, so I originally set it to f. However, I decided to change it to mf for a more spooky vibe.

- The Bb-C-D on beat 2.5 of m3 is pretty dissonant. You might consider changing it somehow (like removing the C, maybe?).

I thought dissonance made it more spooky. I've removed the C by changing it to a D. This avoids creating an unnecessary rest. I've also eliminated the staccatos over the triads I put there, mostly because I think it's strange to have one finger playing staccato whilst your others are playing legato.

- I would also extend the slur in m9 to the staccato'd eighth note.
- I think m11-12 RH would look cleaner if you just combined all the notes into the same layer, since that wouldn't really change how it's played or how it sounds very much.

Done and done!

- Sounds like there are eighth notes that you might consider adding to m12 RH?

Sneaky devils snuck by me, but I've got them now! 
There's technically another eighth on b3.5, but I don't feel it would add much and it would require separate voices again. Let me know if you want me to put it in regardless.

- In m37-38, I would suggest removing the dotted halves from Layer 1 (both of them) since (a) they crowd the measure a bit and are hard to interpret because the dot is hidden by Layer 2, and (b) the only way to hold that G across both measures is using pedal, and if the pianist is using pedal, then it doesn't really matter whether you write out the G or not because it gets held either way. i.e. I would just leave the eighth notes.

I did consider something like that originally, but I mostly left them in for sake of being accurate to the music. However, what you said makes complete sense, so I have removed them. Certainly good advice to consider for the future!

- The top notes of RH m43 beats 1-1.5 sound like D and low D (octave jump down from beat 1 to 1.5; both D's have a B under them).

I thought I was hearing a G, but I think I was getting thrown off by the bass. Good ears! I've fixed it now.

Alright, I think that's everything addressed and the file in the Dropbox has been updated. If there are any more changes that need addressing, please let me know! 

[mastersuperfan]

Nice. A few more small things before I approve:
- In m3, I would move that eighth rest on beat 1 up one more increment.
- You might consider adding a few more slurs in the first page to emphasize the phrasing, although you don't have to if you think there would be too many slurs. But you might consider, for example adding a slur to m1 RH, m10-11 RH (ending on beat 1 of m11), and beats 2-3 of m11 RH (ending on the first staccato'd eighth note).
- I think it might look better if you moved the quarter rest on beat 1 of m17 into the center of the staff.
- I would also add thirds under the pickups to m29 (i.e. the last two eighth notes in m28) so that they're dyads as well.

That's all!

[cacabish]

- In m3, I would move that eighth rest on beat 1 up one more increment.
- You might consider adding a few more slurs in the first page to emphasize the phrasing, although you don't have to if you think there would be too many slurs. But you might consider, for example adding a slur to m1 RH, m10-11 RH (ending on beat 1 of m11), and beats 2-3 of m11 RH (ending on the first staccato'd eighth note).
- I think it might look better if you moved the quarter rest on beat 1 of m17 into the center of the staff.
- I would also add thirds under the pickups to m29 (i.e. the last two eighth notes in m28) so that they're dyads as well.

Done, done, done, and done! File's been updated!

Let me know if you would change any of my slur placements (I'm not very good at figuring out where to place slurs) or any other revisions!

[mastersuperfan]

Looks great! A small number of final final things:
- I'd move the staccatos in m3 below the noteheads. (Maybe they already are in your file? v26 messes up articulations so I can't tell how you have them)
- You might try playing around with the slur in m17 so that it doesn't hump upward so much (maybe try moving the left endpoint of the slur up, then adjust the curvature from there).
- I think you're missing an eighth note on m28 RH beat 2.5 (part of the pickup). (should be written as a G-B dyad)

I've gone back and forth with you on this enough so I'll just approve it for now so that another update can claim the sheet and you can make these changes when you get the chance.

[cacabish]

- I'd move the staccatos in m3 below the noteheads. (Maybe they already are in your file? v26 messes up articulations so I can't tell how you have them)
- You might try playing around with the slur in m17 so that it doesn't hump upward so much (maybe try moving the left endpoint of the slur up, then adjust the curvature from there).

The staccatos were above the noteheads on my sheet. I've moved them now. They're up there by default as that is part of the 1st voice on a split-voice measure. However, if it looks better below, then so be it!
I've messed around a little bit with the slur and got it more smooth. I'm not sure how high I should move the left endpoint before it's improper, so it could still be wrong.

- I think you're missing an eighth note on m28 RH beat 2.5 (part of the pickup). (should be written as a G-B dyad)

Really? I'm not hearing what you're hearing. All I hear are the notes in beat 3 and 3.5; I hear no melodic pickup note in beat 2.5. All that I hear is the spooky ooooo sound in the background, but that's on a D6 on beat 2.5.

Anyway, I've updated the file again based on the first two suggestions.

[mastersuperfan]

Really? I'm not hearing what you're hearing. All I hear are the notes in beat 3 and 3.5; I hear no melodic pickup note in beat 2.5. All that I hear is the spooky ooooo sound in the background, but that's on a D6 on beat 2.5.

Yeah, I definitely still hear it. I'll let another updater weigh in on it.

[Maelstrom]

m17 LH b4.5 - It's an Eb, not a Bb
m18 RH - sounds like this:

Naturally, that isn't exactly playable, but the way it is now misrepresents what is being played here. I might recommend raising it an octave or rolling it.
Staccatos for 2nd layer in m17-19?

I hear what MSF heard in m28, exactly as he said, even at full speed.

[cacabish]

m17 LH b4.5 - It's an Eb, not a Bb

Whoops! Don't know how I missed that. Thanks for catching that! 

For m17-19, I've implemented your suggestion; it's incredibly subtle, but you are correct. I also elected to do the octave raise over the roll. I've also added some staccatos, as per your suggestion, in places where it sounds, well, staccato.
After listening to m28 more times than I want to admit, I finally hear the extra pickup note. Despite my ears' shortcomings, I've added the dyad to the sheet as MSF said.

That's all taken care of! I've updated the file again, so please let me know of any more suggestions, issues, or the like! 

[Maelstrom]

Alright, looks great.

Accepted