[DELETED] [PS1] Xenogears - "Dazil, Town of Burning Sands" by legoenthusiast

[Zeta]

Submission Information:
Series: Xeno
Game: Xenogears
Console: PlayStation
Title: Dazil, Town of Burning Sands
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: legoenthusiast

[legoenthusiast]

Unfortunately I could not find the original video I used to arrange this, but I think this one is the same.

Here is the Musescore version: https://musescore.com/legoenthusiast/desert-city-dazil-xenogears

Thanks to Kricketune54 for converting this to Finale!

[Libera]

The main thing I have to say here is about accuracy.  I'll be honest with you and say that this arrangement is not very accurate.  Normally I would point out all of the accuracy errors I see, but I personally I don't think it's my job to re-transcribe the entire bassline for you.  The updaters are here to catch mistakes and help with difficult sections, not fix the notes in an entire sheet.  I'll point you in some direction with what you should be checking again, but really you need to go through this whole sheet again and really listen closely to the original for the rhythms and the notes.

-As I mentioned above, the bassline is where most of the inaccuracies lie.  For example, there are mistakes in the rhythms and the notes in every bar in the bassline before the repeat sign and many more after that.  For a specific example, bar 3 should look like this in the left hand:

Spoiler

You cannot view this attachment.

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-There is an entire part missing in the first four bars.
-The opening bar only has eight notes in it: G F E C Bb G F En.
-The countermelodies that appear in bars 15 and 17 come in a beat too early.
-The layers in bar 20 would make more sense the other way around i.e. with the line beginning on Db above the line beginning on F, like in the original.  You also don't have to write this as two layers.
-The double graces in bar 21 should be written as sixteenths rather than eighths.
-The notes in the second layer in bars 23/25 are also off.  It doesn't go up to a G on beat 2 or beat 4.  It goes to an E on beat 2.5, an F on beat 3.5 and a G on beat 4.5.  At least that's what it sounds like to me.
-The way you have written in the vocal samples doesn't feel very representative of the original either.  For example, the rhythm in bars 27/29 isn't right and the notes sound more to me like G -> F -> G there.  Similarly in bars 26/28/30 it sounds more like a repeated G at the start rather than F -> G, and I don't hear the harmonies you wrote it on beats 2/2.5.  The parallel fourths that it creates doesn't seem the match the sound very well, in my opinion.  I'd also recommend simply cueing in the 'Ayah!' on beat 4 rather than putting it on a middle C.  (Also if it is 'A-yah!' shouldn't it be two notes?)  You could just an x notehead(s), maybe the performer will want to vocalise there.  On a similar note, is 'whisper' really what you want there?  It doesn't seem to match the sound of the sample.
-The time signature shouldn't swap from 4/4 to common time in bars 1 and 2.  Pick one or the other.
-The first bar should also be a pickup, rather than a whole bar on it's own.  You could write in that slide as grace notes as well if you wanted to.  What does 'suspend notes' mean?  If you want pedal, just say pedal.
-I think writing 'optional 8vb' is a bit weird.  I think it should just be 8vb.  Definitely though don't say optional 8vb and write 8va.  Choose a convention (either say 8va or 8vb, I don't mind).

I think that's enough for now, although they'll be more details later that will need to be sorted out.  If you have any questions about anything I said or need clarification, feel free to ask.

[legoenthusiast]

These seem good, fixed pretty much everything.
(Kricketune54 makes the conversion to Finale pdfs and such, so more recent updates can be seen on the Musescore ver: https://musescore.com/legoenthusiast/desert-city-dazil-xenogears)

A couple of questions:

For example, the rhythm in bars 27/29 isn't right and the notes sound more to me like G -> F -> G there.

(bar. 26/28/30) I still hear it as marked in the MS file (Finale isn't updated yet). Also matching it up with the song tells me that the rhythm is right.

I'd also recommend simply cueing in the 'Ayah!' on beat 4 rather than putting it on a middle C.  (Also if it is 'A-yah!' shouldn't it be two notes?) On a similar note, is 'whisper' really what you want there?  It doesn't seem to match the sound of the sample.

The Ayah! is pronounced kinda breathy, and as pretty much one syllable. I'll leave as a vocalization for the performer.

-The time signature shouldn't swap from 4/4 to common time in bars 1 and 2.  Pick one or the other.
-The first bar should also be a pickup, rather than a whole bar on it's own. 
-I think writing 'optional 8vb' is a bit weird.  I think it should just be 8vb.  Definitely though don't say optional 8vb and write 8va.  Choose a convention (either say 8va or 8vb, I don't mind).

I never had these on my MS file, I guess maybe it was an accident when it converted?

Thanks for all the feedback!

p.s. For a while I was a little confused about the measure numbers but then realized Finale must count the pickup bar for some reason.

edit: files updated!

[legoenthusiast]

The actual tempo is 85.5. Should I use an approximate sign (≈) or leave it as 85 bpm?

[legoenthusiast]

-As I mentioned above, the bassline is where most of the inaccuracies lie.  For example, there are mistakes in the rhythms and the notes in every bar in the bassline before the repeat sign and many more after that.  For a specific example, bar 3 should look like this in the left hand:
You cannot view this attachment.

Another question: I still hear the F hit twice?

[Static]

Sorry for the wait! Looks like the pickup bar is included in the measure numbering in the submission file, so I'll be using your MuseScore file to avoid confusion:

• The actual tempo is 85.5. Should I use an approximate sign (≈) or leave it as 85 bpm?
  

  Unless there's a really specific reason for it, tempo should just be approximated to the nearest whole number, so just use 85 or 86. Or, ≈ works as well. Just don't use decimal tempo markings.
• m14/18 RH beat 2: There should be a grace note Ab before this G.
• m17 RH beat 3.5: There's a mordent here.
• m20 RH beat 1: This would be a lot easier to play and sound more fluid if you only kept the top set of grace notes.
• m22/24 RH beat 2.5: In the lower layer, the Ebs should be Ens.
• m25/27/29/31 RH beat 2.5: The Bbs should be Ans.

Other than that, the RH looks good to me, but the LH still has a lot of inconsistencies. I hear it very differently from what you have, for example this is what I'm getting for the first few measures (pay attention to the changes in articulation and note lengths):

m1-9

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Acoustic basslines I think are very hard to discern in their original octave, even in a relatively thin texture like this. My suggestion to you is to open this track in Audacity or Audiostretch and shift the pitch an octave higher. Everything will be much easier to hear for you.

Some formatting things:

• The measure distribution in the current file on this thread (not the MuseScore one) I think looks good, and you should keep that. I think this looks better on 2 pages than on 3.
• In general, when converting to the Finale file, watch out for slurs and grace notes colliding with beams. There are a few spots like this, such as m17 and 27.

Let me know if you have any comments or questions, or if you want help with the bassline

[Static]

Giving this a bump, you still around to work on this one?

[Static]

Archiving this for inactivity, feel free to resubmit when you're available to work on it