Hawkward's YouTube Channel

[Hawkward]

Most recent uploads....


Pokémon DPPT - Pokémon League (Day)

Spoiler

Arrangement by: QWERTYkid911 (adapted slightly)
http://www.ninsheetmusic.org/browse/arranger/878

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Spice and Wolf II OP - Mitsu no Yoake (蜜の夜明け) - Piano Cover

Spoiler

Arrangement by: Zacky the Pianist
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9niCEnvnC0

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First post here! I can't believe it's taken me so long to sign up here, I love what you guys do and wanted to make an account.

I wasn't sure what to do for my first post, I could have commented on the introduction thread, but I felt I couldn't properly convey who I am, or what I like etc.

For the past 4 years or so, I had taken a hiatus from piano videos (depression, not believing in myself etc etc), when I started getting back learning things just this year, I visited here a lot more, got intrigued in particular by the Pokémon DPPT project, which led me to soon after sign up  I hope to upload more stuff again!

In the past, I've done piano performances, and MIDI work, I'll showcase a couple below....


PIANO STUFF!!

Spoiler

Firstly, my first piano video in a few years.....

Touhou Project - Lullaby of a Deserted Hell (Piano Improvisation)

Symphogear G OST -  Kyoushitsu Monochrome (piano ver.)

(I can't show the piano original to compare because of copyright, sorry!)


Brentalfloss - Introspective Ducks In Space

(original: https://brentalfloss.bandcamp.com/track/introspective-duck-in-space-ducktales-moon-theme)

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MIDI STUFF!!!

Spoiler

Persona 4 Arena - Yukiko Amagi's Theme

(original: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvdDeL_x6nI)

BlazBlue Continuum Shift Extend - Soukyuu no Hikari (ignore my annotation at the chorus, I made no sense)

(original: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9uo45NBjHN0)

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I also have a lot of interest in Touhou Project music, but I know that has much less relevance here.

I would like to one day get into making sheets and using either finale or sibelus, but it looks too daunting for me right now... if I could do something like that with more confidence, I would absolutely look to transcribe some Metroid Prime (Particularly Rundas battle theme from Metroid Prime 3 Corruption).

But yeah.... that's it for now I guess?

Sorry if my post is a bit choppy, my 4 month old in the background recently discovered the power of her lungs, hahaha.... save me......

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These are really good! I especially like your Lullaby of a Deserted Hell performance and your transcription of Amagi's theme!

If you want to get into making sheets, plenty of people are here to help! I'd recommend getting some version of Finale because Finale is what our file system here uses. With that said, there are Notepad, MuseScore, and Sibelius users here who can make it work, it just requires some extra conversion work and some edits by people with full version of Finale here (like most of the updater team).

While there aren't that many Touhou songs on the main site yet, we have a few big Touhou arrangers here: WaluigiTime64, Maelstrom, and myself.

[Maelstrom]

did someone say touhou music

[WaluigiTime64]

obligatory post saying that i like touhou music and i need to update my arrangement thread because my old sheets suck



Welcome to NinSheetMusic.

[Hawkward]

Thank you for the positive responses!

I've seen there's a good amount of Touhou Project in the miscellaneous section (and lots more on the arrangement pages?  ), so it was wrong of me to excuse it as relevant so quickly! I'm definitely going to check out everyone's other arranges not present on the NSM main site <3

My pace atm is a bit weird, since my daughter being born, it's hard to allocate time to learn stuff. I do have a couple of things in the burner that I've already learnt but just have to play, but getting a time where I'm on top form at the same time as as not having to be 100% there for Marisa (yes, fight me), has been challenging to say the least.....
- Pokémon DPPT - Pokemon League (Daytime)
- Spice and Wolf - Mitsu no Yoake (Season 2 OP)

I hope it's okay to include any covers of anime related music here as well.

Might grab a trial for finale when I feel able to dive in, is it easy enough to work with on a laptop (no MIDI controller smaller than my piano OTL)

[Maelstrom]

Might grab a trial for finale when I feel able to dive in, is it easy enough to work with on a laptop (no MIDI controller smaller than my piano OTL)

It is, but I do recommend using a mouse. 

[Hawkward]

On topic.... and rather embarrassing actually.... I did try dab into creating sheet music once before in musescore... in 2011

Persona 3 FES - Brand New Days, The Beginning - Piano Tutorial

Spoiler

(Synthesia video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMyTQLsjUrA)

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I probably did EVERYTHING wrong back then, probably wrong key, probably wrong impossible to get wrong stuff, but I felt pressured admittedly by my own followers at the time, and pushed myself to try make a sheet seeing as I had so many people at the time messaging me "where's the sheet music?".

Once I started covering Persona... EVERYONE WANTED PERSONA... so I felt I had to do more persona, etc etc....

..... and then I took my four year hiatus soon after.


BUT!! I tried making a sheet! That's what matters, no matter how shit it turned out, I tried and I wanna try again soon so.... whoo!

[Latios212]

Hiya Hawkward, nice of you to join us! Thanks for sharing and hope to see more from you soon

[Hawkward]

Thanks Latios! Also congrats on the promotion recently

---

So... this might be weird but I want to write about criticisms on myself, and why I chose to share the videos that I did.

This is a format I've never tried before but I want to try illustrate the reasons I feel something qualifies as worth sharing, but also my stance and approach to uploading on YouTube, if this is better to belong in a different thread, then please do let me know

My thoughts might jump from topic to topic, but I'll try and piece it together as best I can

---

So... I wish I could have shared other videos in my thread, though I feel the need to hold back as I have over 80+ videos of me playing piano since 2008, my first upload literally being the first thing I learnt for myself. While I could flood this thread with my videos, I felt that would not leave a strong impression.

I've always had this need for constructive, honest feedback which I would struggle to get, I don't want to come across as complacent with my achievements because as I'm sure everyone else here might, I look at myself very critically even down to the camera angle. My family wouldn't care much for what I did, my mum just new I played piano and had a channel, and ultimately, she would praise everything and anything I do.

One thing that I could almost never do on YouTube, was provide a flawless performance.... it got to the point that these flaws would eat at me, and they still kind of might depending, but I settled at being able to share something if I made a mistake or two. But this need to be perfect or else I'm doing bad ended up having a negative impact, and as my channel slowly went to trying to pander to my viewers wants, my pace slowed down, and I found it difficult to pick myself up.


Here is my first ever piano video on YouTube, Zelda's Lullaby....

Spoiler

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In 2011, I had quit school because I was sick of being bullied, I didn't have anything going for me, and I just wanted out of it, but I got a new piano, and so I would dedicate more, and eventually revisit the same piece of music....

Spoiler

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The videos I shared at the start of this thread with the exception of Touhou, were moments where I picked something to learn by ear, and try to copy it as close to the original as possible, which is similar to the MIDI videos I shared.

But to be honest.... I don't really know where I'm at now.....


At one point I resigned to the thought I couldn't play anything on YouTube ever again, but to give up all of my hard work, I didn't feel happy at that. I would learn new things, that would immediately feel boring as soon as I tried, I would listen to a piece of video game music and want to make something of it... but then come crashing down as I feel it's beyond me, and felt hopeless, I would look at my older videos and think "look at this amazing guy I'm not", it was despairing.

This mindset is partly why I had uploaded more improvisations, I would do more of my own things, I would put my own spin on what I learn, and that worked a bit better. But it has been an emotional rollercoaster as my difficulty with piano has deeper roots tied to my day to day life, largely inspiration and motivation.

The whole purpose of me uploading so much in the first place, was to have a story to tell, to show people where I am in a years time, five years time, etc etc, but I feel that since I had stopped uploading four years ago, I hit the pianists version of writers block.

A bit before improvising mostly on piano, I also wanted to make my own Touhou inspired music which I shared on Soundcloud....
https://soundcloud.com/findlay27/unnamed-composition-draft-2 (I never managed to finish this)

Thankfully this year has been more positive already, I have been more optimistic, and I have been looking at my older videos instead as accomplishments I'm proud of, my wife also being supportive, listening to me criticise myself every time I play something, being a strong support for me... I eventually set my eyes on something I wanted to learn, and for the first time in years, I had overcome a barrier, which I will share as an upload soon when I can record it.

Though I continue to be fearful that I'll fall back into depression and doubt myself, fear I can't find anything I want to learn, etc etc.

I don't know if that'll ever change... but yeah....

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I'm really sorry for rambling on ><.... I feel there's more I want to put in, but I just hit a wall and can't think of anything right now.

[WaluigiTime64]

Desire for constructive criticism, perfectionism, periodic lack of activity (with included depression!), creativity limited by inspiration and motivation...

You sound like... me. A lot like me actually. You're even a Touhou fan too what the heck.

Glad to hear you're feeling more optimistic right now. That means it's also a good time to get yourself deeply and heavily invested into either what you're doing now (performance), or something less familiar (arrangement, composition), because you seem to be more in the mood. You've certainly come to the right place for it too. We're all music nerds here (in varying fields), willing to pitch in if you have any questions.

I myself am somewhat helpful for composition and arrangement abilities. I'm also a very honest critic, if need be (I'm super busy right now though rip). Those things being said, I did quite like that composition you posted. You seem to have a good grasp of composing, particularly concerning atmosphere. It feels a lot like a Touhou "Ending" (not "Staff Roll") theme to me, and it follows that feeling really well, though you never specified what it was supposed to be anyway. If you feel like getting back into composing, I'd enjoy taking a listen to what you have to make.

Despite the similar experiences, I really can't add much else right now. Just keep doing improving and stay motivated.

[Hawkward]

Thank you.... I honestly wasn't expecting anyone to reply to what was essentially a wall of struggles and some insight into myself.


For some amount of time... I generally just didn't want to be seen as someone who only did Touhou, or only did the same stuff over and over.

I have this comfort area - Broken Moon - When I play piano, I always, always play Broken Moon in Gm, though try to play it differently each time... I never think about what I'm playing much, I'll 'feel' the mood to play it in 3/4 or 6/8, or feel the mood to play it in staccato to break up any monotony, or maybe I'll want to just thunder down with octaves on the chorus segment, or even try to beef up the octaves into chords etc etc. Recently I've been having moments where I'll hit anything during a grace period in the song on the left hand so long as it's in key, I worry that if I cover it on YouTube again people will be all "ugh, not THIS again".

Broken Moon to me, is like Dearly Beloved to Kyle Landry. It's one of those themes that I feel a lot of attachment to, hence my avatar of Suika Ibuki, and the tshirt I own, and my figures.... you get the point xD


I have found recent inspiration in the form of Mega Man 9 and 20XX, but sadly, I feel my lack of ability to either play the amazing arranges on here, or to try make my own arrangement of something from 20XX - it's too fast, even if I slow things down or try to strip it down there's so much going on in the background.... I can hear how amazing it would sound if an amazingly talented person were to arrange it, but I can never reach out fully to grab onto that inspiration and try to pretend to be that amazing person because I feel completely out of my league, largely down to my left hand (I BLAME CASIO CHORDS IN HIGH SCHOOL GAAHH!!), but I don't want to dumb it down to just the same octaves....


But yeah, thank you again, it felt good to get some stuff out in the open... and thank you so much for checking out the Soundcloud link!! It was largely inspired, and took the main flow from intro of The Capital City of Flowers In the Sky, I was going more for a title screen feeling, but it does actually sound like it could also be more like an ending, or score entry screen now that i think about it

[WaluigiTime64]

Thank you.... I honestly wasn't expecting anyone to reply to what was essentially a wall of struggles and some insight into myself.

It's very good to vent surprisingly.

I worry that if I cover it on YouTube again people will be all "ugh, not THIS again".

If you spice it up and change things around compared to your first arrangement, that shouldn't necessarily be the case.

Broken Moon to me, is like Dearly Beloved to Kyle Landry. It's one of those themes that I feel a lot of attachment to, hence my avatar of Suika Ibuki, and the tshirt I own, and my figures.... you get the point xD

I understand that feeling too, though for me, the piece is Story Music Box from Yoshi's Island.

I have found recent inspiration in the form of Mega Man 9 and 20XX,

Hold up... you like Mega Man too?! (Mega Man 9 is some good taste).

but sadly, I feel my lack of ability to either play the amazing arranges on here, or to try make my own arrangement of something from 20XX - it's too fast, even if I slow things down or try to strip it down there's so much going on in the background.... I can hear how amazing it would sound if an amazingly talented person were to arrange it, but I can never reach out fully to grab onto that inspiration and try to pretend to be that amazing person because I feel completely out of my league, largely down to my left hand (I BLAME CASIO CHORDS IN HIGH SCHOOL GAAHH!!), but I don't want to dumb it down to just the same octaves....

That's how NES-style pieces (especially Mega Man) end up. The LH parts are always way too tricky for me to do as well, so I can't actually play any Mega Man pieces.
(I used to be able to play Snake Man Stage though).

I was going more for a title screen feeling, but it does actually sound like it could also be more like an ending, or score entry screen now that i think about it

That's also what I was guessing. Perhaps I'm more used to the later Touhou games' title screen themes, which have more energy to them. The overall structure of your piece still strikes me more as an Ending theme still.

[Hawkward]

Yeah! In terms of music, parts of Mega Man 2, 3, allll of 9 (We Are The Robots! <3), and just Nitro Man's stage from 10. Though you're totally right, because of the limitations of the hardware, I can imagine the music kind of HAD to be crazy and all over the place, which definitely played to its strengths.

If you haven't already 20XX offers some really freaking insane/catchy music. It released on consoles a few days ago and has been on Steam for some time, highly recommended if you're still into Mega Man style games. I plan to also pick up Mega Man X at the end of the month as my first proper attempt to get into the X series.

Sadly, I've never played any of Yoshi's games, but i checked out that theme, and it just... puts this huge smile on my face? :3 Thank you for sharing ~

As for Touhou... I'm mostly attached to Touhou 10.5, 11, 12.3 and 13 - despite Suika being my favourite, I haven't really dove into anything as much as I have from 10.5 onwards. I was a bit conflicted with Touhou 14, because ZUNpets started disappearing, but I love it almost as much now as well.

I'm kinda burning out for now sorry, let's just say I intend to be around, and try to expand into other threads at some point, see how it goes Maybe we'll now have Broken Moon 2018, 2019, 2020   

[Hawkward]

Fresh out the oven....

Spice and Wolf II OP - Mitsu no Yoake (蜜の夜明け) - Piano Cover
Arrangement by: Zacky the Pianist
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9niCEnvnC0

Do you guys think I should update my original post each time I upload a new video to share here?

[Maelstrom]

Cool video! I never made it past s1 so o can't comment much on the song itself.
Updating the OP is probably a good idea, but you might want to use spoiler tags or hyperlinks to keep it from growing too big.