[GCN] Wario World - "Kobito (Unused)" by Nine Lives

Started by Zeta, April 07, 2019, 05:28:21 PM

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Zeta

Submission Information:

Series: Super Mario
Game: Wario World
Console: Nintendo GameCube
Title: Kobito (Unused)
Instrumentation Solo Piano
Arranger: Nine Lives

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Bloop

Hi there, nice work! Here's some feedback:

Notes:
-I believe the song is in D major (2 sharps) (or D Lydian, if you will).
-I can hear an accompanying part in the first 4 bars. Could you try adding that in?
-Little rhythmic error in the R.H. of m. 5: the quarter note should be two eighth notes tied together (like you did in m. 9)
-Speaking of m. 9, the first three notes in the R.H. are b - c# - d (instead of a# - b - c#)
-The 2nd part in the R.H. in m. 10 plays different notes, starting on the rest I think it's d - c# - d - d# - b - b (also notate this so it starts a third below the main melody. As it is written now, the distance between the f# and a is too big to play)
-Those b's in the L.H. of m. 10 sound a bit off to me, I think I'd write it like this (same rhythm as you have notated now):
a (bass) - d and f# (chord) - a (bass) - b - b - b
-The last note in the R.H. of m. 11 should be a g
-I'd advise using an e# instead of f natural in the R.H. of m. 10 and m. 12, to avoid unnecessary extra accidentals
-The bottom note in the last note in the R.H. of m. 12 should be a c# (instead of d)

Layout:
-The measure numbers are missing
-The tempo marking is a bit too close to the music
-Remove the Pno. markings in the 2nd and 3rd system
-I noticed your pdf has a different look than the mus file. Is this because you're a musescore user? I don't know what the official rules are about this, but I personally would prefer a consistent layout between the mus and the pdf (so exporting the pdf from the mus, not the musescore file)

NineLives

#3
Quote from: Bloop on May 01, 2019, 04:16:15 AM-Those b's in the L.H. of m. 10 sound a bit off to me, I think I'd write it like this (same rhythm as you have notated now):
a (bass) - d and f# (chord) - a (bass) - b - b - b
-The tempo marking is a bit too close to the music
Thanks for the feedback! I do use Musescore and I will will try to stay consistent with the .mus file. However, I don't quite understand two of your statements, which I quoted. For measure 10, I just didn't quite get what you were saying when it came to writing out the notes. Second, I'm unsure what you mean by "too close to the music." Also, about the last note of measure 11 being a G, how would you suggest changing the chords on the left hand to make it so the two parts don't intersect?

Bloop

Yeah I wasn't sure if my explanation of m.10 was clear, this was what I meant:



With "too close to the music" I meant that the tempo marking clashes with the first measure. It's alright in the pdf (though a little close for comfort), but in the mus it's against the beam of the first few notes:



And as for the L.H. in m. 11, I'd do something like this:



I put parantheses around the first g to show that the note is played in both hands. I also shortened the melody note by an eighth note, so the second g doesn't clash with the melody

NineLives

All right. I took those changes into account, but I'm a little unsure about the accompaniment. Do you mean the muted trumpet part? I tried that, but the only way that'd feel comfortable to player, I feel, would be to put it two octaves lower into the bass clef of the left hand.

NineLives

Well, I updated the sheets, but I couldn't figure out how to move the tempo up or get rid of the piano abbreviations. I only have Finale Notepad, am I able to change that on there or would I need to get actually Finale for that?

Bloop

It's been a long time since I used Notepad myself lol. I think you should be able to move the tempo marking with the same tool that moves the dynamics. In full Finale, I use the staff tool to edit the abbreviations, but I don't think Notepad has that.

NineLives

Quote from: Bloop on May 03, 2019, 09:35:40 AMI think you should be able to move the tempo marking with the same tool that moves the dynamics. In full Finale, I use the staff tool to edit the abbreviations, but I don't think Notepad has that.
Yeah, I was able to change the tempo's place, but Notepad doesn't have the staff tool, unfortunately.

Libera

So I fixed the formatting for you and also went through the right hand and fixed some wrong notes that I heard (you can check against your old copy for the changes, but I think they were in bar 11-12.)  I also adjusted the measure distribution to make it three per system so that it fills out the page more evenly.

Here are some files for you to use: Stuff



Aside from that, the main thing that needs work here is the left hand stride pattern.  I'd have another listen through to it and making sure that what you've written in fits the original, particularly the voicings on the offbeat dyads and the on-beat notes in bar 11.

NineLives

Quote from: Libera on May 06, 2019, 06:15:33 PMSo I fixed the formatting for you and also went through the right hand and fixed some wrong notes that I heard (you can check against your old copy for the changes, but I think they were in bar 11-12.)  I also adjusted the measure distribution to make it three per system so that it fills out the page more evenly.
Thanks for helping with the note and format stuff! I did take a listen to the source again and added a couple of missed notes that I didn't hear the first time for the bass clef. I changed measure eleven so there wouldn't be a note in the parenthesis on the eighth after count three due to the fact that the note's already played by the right hand and even if it were not the case, I feel the left hand couldn't play the F# along with the D of the lower octave.

Libera

Nice, it's looking better now.  I've got a few more comments from me:

-I think perhaps the Cn in bar 7 would be better as a B#.
-I'm hearing Ens rather than E#s in bar 9.
-This might screw up the hypermeter (although you could just a break mark at the end of the last bar) but if the loop is how it is in the file you sent, there's a rather noticeable gap between the end of bar 12 and the start of bar 1.
-Similar to the last comment, we need a D.C. or a repeat sign to show the repeat.  (Unless the piece doesn't actually repeat and it just does in the file you sent?)

I think we should be good after that, provided I don't suddenly discover something else.

NineLives

I made the note changes as you suggested.
Quote from: Libera on May 07, 2019, 05:20:26 PM-This might screw up the hypermeter (although you could just a break mark at the end of the last bar) but if the loop is how it is in the file you sent, there's a rather noticeable gap between the end of bar 12 and the start of bar 1.
-Similar to the last comment, we need a D.C. or a repeat sign to show the repeat.  (Unless the piece doesn't actually repeat and it just does in the file you sent?)
As for the repeat, I feel that the song wasn't meant to loop. I think the person who uploaded the soundtrack and ripped it from the game may have looped it themselves and that's why it loops so oddly in the mp3. That's just me though.

Libera

Quote from: NineLives on May 07, 2019, 05:49:29 PMI made the note changes as you suggested.

I think you missed changing the E#s to Ens in bar 9's left hand.

Quote from: NineLives on May 07, 2019, 05:49:29 PMAs for the repeat, I feel that the song wasn't meant to loop. I think the person who uploaded the soundtrack and ripped it from the game may have looped it themselves and that's why it loops so oddly in the mp3. That's just me though.

Ah ok, you'd know better than me so I've got no problems with that.

NineLives

Quote from: Libera on May 08, 2019, 03:43:06 AMI think you missed changing the E#s to Ens in bar 9's left hand.
Right. Sorry about that. I got mixed up. Thanks for pointing that out.