This is pretty long, if you don't care don't read it, I'm not making a tldr.
I really started getting a really annoyed by I guess what you could call like social demands as you become an adult, aka. getting a job and house. I guess that is mostly because of my parents keep reminding me that "Tobbe you're grown up know you need to take care of yourself blablablabla....". And lately the more I've thought about it the more I just noticed how everything just seems to circulate towards money. That is basically what you need when grow up. And honestly, I don't find that much of problem, before I used to very left-biased and just against everything that has to do with money because "capitalism and money bad, left good". The problem I've observed lately is that money is soooooo tedious to get, and when you get it, you often get too little of it/not enough. Like I really like things I can solve on my own like for example if I can't play a piano piece I just practice and eventually learn, and other stuff I basically do the same formula - put enough effort to it and eventually I make it. But with gaining money/having an income you feel more like you're dependant on outside forces outside your control with that. Which makes you feel very powerless, and a bit failed in that aspect. And that you have to basically adapt and be like "those with money" aka. corporation and state whom would give you an emplyment wants you to be. Like having various skills and being good at things isn't enough or doesn't really allways matter, it is the skills those corporations and states want you to have that matter (which just annoys me). All this have stressed me up really. In one aspect it has made me obsessed with money, which have had a really bad effect on my health, thinking that I have to find all kind of ways of making money and using all tools available, like trying to make money on my arrangements by selling sheet music, and also trying to grow my youtube channel very rapidly (which tbh, growing my youtube channel isn't that bad, in fact it is something I want, but stressing it and pushing it, is pretty bad). And after all that it has on the contrary let me to be pretty pissed, thinking that the current economic system is bad, wanting a better one. And then trying to come up with a better system. One pretty funny one was having a "money charger" like how when your phone is out of power you charge it, when your out of money you charge you card full?? ( or to some ammount, not sure what). I guess because of having some fear of being broke (which is a bit irrational as I'm receiving money in form of allowances because of being unemployed but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ). Honestly no f**ing clue how good any of those alternatives are and just got a feeling some people would scream "inflation!" but that's where you're thoughts take you when you are in this scenario. And also more gotten the thoughts of "screw the money" just to get it out of my head for I guess health reasons. Which honestly makes a lot of sense. Tbh. I feel like I've stressed up way too much over what I think "society" or "others" kind of expect of me. Which as stated has just caused so much problems. And I'm starting to care less about this for my own health. And I'm even started taking a job-oriented studies, in the form of studying to become a gardener, which the course is pretty short in comparisson to other course (1 year only), and with a 90% chance of getting a job (according to the school who's in charge of the course, which I also trust). So honestly I shouldn't be that stressed up over things, but I still am which is annoying.
