Table for 4?

[Raymondbl]

Hmmm... we're all using different ways to vote   It's going to be hard on Jub...

Entry one was a little bit more interesting, but there was no definite "high point".  It was not as well written, but still good. 

Entry two was a little less appealing, but the way it was written makes up for that, I think.  There is a definite point of suspense, and I liked how he included the facts of how we're polluting the earth, and some philosophy.  It was also shorter than the first, which is a negative.

This is really hard - they both have their good points and bad points.  On the overall, - well I've already voted Don't want Jub to count it as another vote, like how Slowpokemon did in TWG

[SlowPokemon]

I wouldn't be talking because you've been infinitely banned...TWICE

Anyway back on topic.

[Raymondbl]

Actually, I don't remember being banned from a year before.  I think Dude mentioned something about banning me, and then everyone thought I was banned. 

You never said anything on topic in your post though -.-

[SuperFireKirby]

My story is actually part of a bigger full-length kinda story I plan on writing in the future. But I thought this would be a good way to keep myself from procrastinating on it and actually writing something down.

[SlowPokemon]

^I hate how everyone who hates writing assumes writing is easy if you like to do it. No. There are always times when you have to force yourself through things like that.

[Raymondbl]

Yes, I know how hard it is to write.  I've tried before, but couldn't put it on NSM because I'd embarrass myself. Once you run out of ideas or are stuck on how to make a certain part right, it's just torture. 

[Mashi]

OKAY, NOW THAT I HAVE FREE TIME, EXCEPT NOT REALLY SINCE I SHOULD BE STUDYING, TIME FOR A PSYCHOANALYSIS.

Story 1:
Pros-
Good diction.
Style of writing keeps the reader interested.
Decent description of main 3 characters and their backstories.

Cons-
The old man shows some aspects of an Omniscient 1st Person Narrator, which should not be the case.
Purpose of the old man is not explained and his impact at the beginning and end of the story is not very strong or profound.
Not very in depth about how Jake and Kelsey met, or why they're dating.

Psychoanalysis:
The story begins with the introduction of the 76 year old man and how he's observing James, Kelsey, and Jake.  The age seems to have been placed for emphasis, though I'm not entirely sure at the moment.
The three young adults begin a casual conversation about which one of them would pay for the drinks, which was initially began by the tenacious Jake.  The narrator decides, that by the way he portrayed himself at this moment, Jake was very spoiled.  James, after being cajoled by Kelsey decides to buy the drinks and leaves to get them.  Jake shows his aversion to this when he rolls his eyes, he believes that James is in the way of his relationship with Kelsey, because James seems to dote her and Kelsey likes him as well.
James returns with the drinks.  He gives one drink the Kelsey with a smile on his face, then to Jake, whilst having his teeth clenched, and finally to himself.  He pities himself, since he seems to be always be last; which is odd, since he was in control of the order he gave the drinks and could have easily given himself his own prior to being the last one to receive a drink.  Perhaps he coerced himself to follow this status quo, though this is only my speculation, but hey, what do I know?
After an awkward silence, Jake asks James how long he has known Kelsey.  A rather arbitrary question considering the situation, but one that gives insight about what Jake is feeling.  Though, it makes me ponder why Jake feels the need to ask this question now; apparently, with what James had said before (That he always buys the drinks), these three characters have known each other for a while, so I would only presume that Jake know his history involving his girlfriend and James, but I digress.  I would surmise James is growing jealous of James after he asked his question, which is why he inquires as to how James had met his girlfriend.
James and Kelsey begin to recite their anecdote, leaving Jake in some shock on learning of the circumstances they've met.  Although his disposition says that he's smiling, he's in shock, and probably not in a good way.  After finishing their story, Jake makes a small comment, "How sentimental", though, with a hidden sarcastic tone.  He's definitely vexed after hearing that story.
They finally begin drinking their coffee.  Jake states how he thinks cinnamon in coffee is disgusting.  In response, James seems to take it a bit personally; he stands up, affirming his opinion that cinnamon in coffee isn't very bad.  I have no clue why he would feel so profound about this, though to conjecture, I believe that since adding cinnamon to coffee was an act he and Kelsey seemed to share when drinking coffee, he felt that Jake violated him and Kelsey.  Kelsey settles James down and James begins muttering in his thoughts.  Apparently Jake is one of various boys Kelsey has dated.  So it's obvious that Kelsey is very imprudent and seriously your best friend is in love with you how do you not notice ambivalent when it comes to love.  James, of course, does seem to have an aversion towards this.  Once again, his love for Kelsey is discerned.
Jake and Kelsey leave to see a movie.  James proceeds to pay the bill, but to his dismay, learns that he's a quarter short.  The old man gives him a quarter.  He tells James that he deserves Kelsey more than Jake.  Apparently, the old man wants this adolescent to keep his love and make sure that Kelsey doesn't flutter away from him.  With the small description involving the old man at the beginning and end of the short story, I would surmise that the old man seems to have had a love in his youth as well, who had fleeted away from him for an unknown reason.  And because of this, the old man does not want James to suffer a similar fate.  However, the manner he does so is not to my liking (And when I say this, this is merely my own bias and opinion).  I feel that the old man is too direct in his statement and does not have enough information to be able to state any facts about James love and himself.  The old man doesn't seem sage-like or wise like a stereotypical old man should be like.

So in the end, I feel this story has large potential, but just doesn't leave very much impact on the reader.  The reader only says to himself/herself, "Oh, this was a nice story to kill some time with".  There are no conspicuous motifs or symbols that make the reader think very much, so after reading, the reader doesn't learn anything.  Though, for all I know, this could just be a story meant for entertainment with no symbolism (Which it probably is I suppose, because symbolism is the worst thing everrrrrrrrr).


BUT ANYWAY, I'M JUST A FRIVOLOUS YOUNG BOY WHO KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT ENGLISH SO WHAT DOES MY OPINION MATTER... No, seriously.
Though, even so, I'll post my view on Story 2 tomorrow most likely.

[SuperFireKirby]

Holy poots that's in depth

[fingerz]

Psychoanalysis? That's a psychological term, not for investigating which story is better.

[SlowPokemon]

He used it for humorous reasons. Also STOP SPAMMING THE TONGUE SMILEY

It doesn't work after every comment, just saying

[Shadoninja]

He used it for humorous reasons. Also STOP SPAMMING THE TONGUE SMILEY

It doesn't work after every comment, just saying

you sound like a pokecharms mod

[fingerz]

He used it for humorous reasons. Also STOP SPAMMING THE TONGUE SMILEY

It doesn't work after every comment, just saying

Most.

[Winter]

I have no opinion on this matter

[Raymondbl]

I do, but you wouldn't want to hear it

[SuperFireKirby]

you sound like a pokecharms mod

lolz I've banned from that website, twice.