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Author Topic: Relationships  (Read 203773 times)

SlowPokemon

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #720 on: February 24, 2013, 01:55:19 AM »

Tough it out bro, I feel for you :( At least you were brave enough to try, right?
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EFitTrainr

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #721 on: February 24, 2013, 01:55:43 AM »

Yup! :D
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Pit0010

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #722 on: February 25, 2013, 08:34:31 AM »

Good think brah! The future is what only matters :P
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spitllama

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #723 on: February 27, 2013, 10:45:26 PM »

Hopefully this wall of text won't scare people away--

One of my best friends is a girl. We met in 8th grade and in 10th grade she asked me out. I refused, because I felt like we were just friends. 4 years later we've both matured and I don't get along with / have as much fun with anyone as well as I do with her. We check in with each other weekly to see how the college experience is going and just to chat. When I go home for summer/winter breaks, we hang out all the time. My mom has jokingly claimed her as one of her kids because of how much we hang out and how our families get along with each other.

The simple way of putting it is that I am undeniably attracted to her personality. We both have the same sense of humor, value our academics, love outdoor activities, mock each other at every possible moment... She's honestly that kind of person I would want to be with for the rest of my life.

The issue I'm facing is that I'm not physically attracted to her in the least. I feel shallow saying how that affects my decision. But at the same time, it really is important that a couple loves each other inside and out. She's not obese, but she is bigger than most girls. Nothing stands out to me that says "wow you're beautiful" like has happened with girls in past relationships. Even the thought of kissing her grosses me out a little.

I don't know. Has anyone felt like this before? There is no one I would rather spend time with, but I also don't feel attracted to her. I know she still likes me... but I also don't want a relationship to ruin the friendship we have. Irl friends think I should do it. They argue that it'll be a long search to find someone who I'm just as compatible with. It's a really hard decision-- whether or not to pursue this.
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BlackDragonSlayer

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #724 on: February 27, 2013, 11:21:17 PM »

The simple way of putting it is that I am undeniably attracted to her personality. We both have the same sense of humor, value our academics, love outdoor activities, mock each other at every possible moment... She's honestly that kind of person I would want to be with for the rest of my life.

The issue I'm facing is that I'm not physically attracted to her in the least. I feel shallow saying how that affects my decision. But at the same time, it really is important that a couple loves each other inside and out. She's not obese, but she is bigger than most girls. Nothing stands out to me that says "wow you're beautiful" like has happened with girls in past relationships. Even the thought of kissing her grosses me out a little.

I don't know. Has anyone felt like this before? There is no one I would rather spend time with, but I also don't feel attracted to her. I know she still likes me... but I also don't want a relationship to ruin the friendship we have. Irl friends think I should do it. They argue that it'll be a long search to find someone who I'm just as compatible with. It's a really hard decision-- whether or not to pursue this.
In my opinion, if you like her personality- absolutely love it- that should be enough. If you decide that you merely want to remain friends with her, that's fine (friendships such as that are a great asset for both of you), but just realize that physical attraction is not the only part of a true relationship, something that many people in our modern times (and even in the past) fail to recognize.

Your friends are right, in a way, but in the end, the decision is yours.
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SlowPokemon

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #725 on: February 27, 2013, 11:31:18 PM »

As much as I hate how much physical appearance rules over us, I'm afraid that is an important factor. You can't marry a girl whom you can't kiss without being grossed out.
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GaryOak

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #726 on: February 27, 2013, 11:33:45 PM »

I disagree with your irl friends. If you're not physically attracted to her at all the relationship would likely end up hurting both of you badly and ruining your friendship. Especially if you really meant...

The issue I'm facing is that I'm not physically attracted to her in the least. I feel shallow saying how that affects my decision. But at the same time, it really is important that a couple loves each other inside and out. She's not obese, but she is bigger than most girls. Nothing stands out to me that says "wow you're beautiful" like has happened with girls in past relationships. Even the thought of kissing her grosses me out a little.

that last part.
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Bubbles

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #727 on: February 27, 2013, 11:34:14 PM »

You still see her as unattractive even after all those years? I've found that after I know someone for a week or so I don't even notice anymore. The only advice I can give is that under ABSOLUTELY NO CIRCUMSTANCES tell her this. Honesty is not always best when it comes to stuff like this, and I would rather not know because "ignorance is bliss"
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Toby

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #728 on: February 27, 2013, 11:46:46 PM »

I have a good friend who's a girl, I've known her for nearly all my life and we will always be friends.. It's one of those friends were you don't talk to much in school, don't meet up with but when you're ever with them you have so much fun.. Or is it just me that has that kind of friend?
Our families are close and that and when I was younger I use to plan out a secret wedding with her and I sort of sent her valentines cards but we would never go out with each other. I love her but as a friend.


I think that's what's happening with you (last sentence) you love her a lot but as a friend, like if she had a cardio arrest or whatever their called attack thingy  you'd get her help and try your best to get her back  but you wouldn't give her CPR... If that makes sense.
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Jompa

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #729 on: February 27, 2013, 11:47:45 PM »

The only advice I can give is that under ABSOLUTELY NO CIRCUMSTANCES tell her this. Honesty is not always best when it comes to stuff like this, and I would rather not know because "ignorance is bliss"
Yeah! She'll headbutt you!
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BlackDragonSlayer

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #730 on: February 27, 2013, 11:50:09 PM »

As much as I hate how much physical appearance rules over us, I'm afraid that is an important factor. You can't marry a girl whom you can't kiss without being grossed out.
It only rules over you if you let it... but then again, maybe I'm just "abnormal." Maybe I place too much trust in people...

I can understand if people are like this:

But I don't think people are like that. :P
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Toby

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #731 on: February 27, 2013, 11:51:24 PM »

Wait forget that last thing I said about CPR, a lot of people would give anyone CPR.. :L
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spitllama

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #732 on: February 27, 2013, 11:54:31 PM »

@Bubbles lol no I won't say that to her. Don't worry.

I've found that after I know someone for a week or so I don't even notice anymore.

That's exactly the state that I'm at. I'm like "meh" when I see her. I'm not thinking she's ugly or anything. But I feel like I should feel more than "meh" if I'm considering dating her :l

you love her a lot but as a friend

That's a good way of putting it.

My opinion lately has been right with what Slow said. At the very least I'm going to give it some time. Thank you all for your input.
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SlowPokemon

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #733 on: February 28, 2013, 12:11:57 AM »

Yeah! She'll headbutt you!

I cannot stop laughing
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MassiveMayhem

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Re: Relationships
« Reply #734 on: February 28, 2013, 01:34:17 PM »

In my own experience, I've had two girlfriends who were "on the heavy side."
My girlfriend right now is not "slim." but she's honestly perfect for me. I always thought I liked skinny girls and yadadada, but really you begin to realize that most overweight girls have the heartiest personalities and are the best to be around, you can't deny it. And I do feel shallow saying it, I contemplated on dating her because of her weight (and a combination of not really wanted a girlfriend). But I'm glad I went for it, it's a year an one month right now. :)

If you honestly have feelings for your friend, go for it. You might love her more than you think.
 
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