News:

Debate topic for next Tuesday: Are cannons truly valid instruments for an orchestra? Or should they be replaced with something safer, like Tesla coils?

Main Menu

Relationships

Started by ETFROXX, February 06, 2012, 02:46:02 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Psychic_Ness

#1215
Exactly, BDS.

Initially when we like someone, we see everything they do through rose-tinted glasses. Let that phase die down so that you can make better choices. Before you say and feel things you don't really mean. For me personally, infatuation period lasts around 6 months. The less I interact with that person the longer it takes. You should be able to be friends with someone before dating them. I don't believe in relationships that exist only on the intimate level. There isn't much happiness in those from what I have seen.

Quote from: SuperFireKirby on April 18, 2014, 03:31:50 PMYeah...you don't have much real world experience, do you?
If you want to torture yourself and risk infinite friendzoning, sure.
Unless you feel like having a nice afternoon with someone you're attracted to, sure.
Completely wrong, but sure.
Yes, because overthinking things make everything better, so sure.
Not true, but our society has developed the idea that requires men to initiate interaction and dating shit, while women are supposed to wait because if they took the role of "asking out" it could be seen as too forward or even creepy. But with women becoming more and more independent, these social stigmas are likely to change.

You obviously have yet to be introduced to the concept of "Risk and Reward".

Infinite friendzoning. So if the girl wants to friendzone you, don't waste your time considering her and trying to win her over. State your intentions, make sure she is clear about her decisions, then move on. Do you really want someone that doesn't want you? That should definitely be a factor in your feelings for someone, mutuality. It's very difficult for me to like a girl that has no interest in me and that plays out very well in terms of one-sided affection.

Back to the lunch and coffee thing. Unless you've established a reason for them to go with you I suggest not randomly inviting someone to lunch and coffee. Very rarely will a girl say yes to that offer unless she herself feels like taking a risk. Or unless you manage to ask her to lunch and coffee in the most amazing way that really leaves an impression on her.

You don't have to over-think a scenario that forces you to interact with her. You have to think, yes. If it's too difficult, then you probably don't have enough in common with her to be liking her anyway.

I would like to see the day that girls take initiative in asking guys out when they like them. Rather than just gossiping about the guy until word somehow finally reaches the guy and then the guy makes the move.

Is it society or evolution that has shaped this kind of thinking? It's funny that you bring that up because in nature, the guys tend to the ones courting the girls. I think this is because the females tend to be more selective about their partners because their sexual organs are a limited resource etc. There are theories you can read about. Makes sense.


Edit: So there were more posts while i was typing this. Yes I am saying ignore the spark. Ideally I would say "don't let it take control over your" but let's be realistic. The infatuation takes control over us even if we don't acknowledge it. So I'm saying. Whatever it is, give it time. If after x months/years of getting to know them it's still there, THEN there's something worth pursuing to you.

Yes this sounds like dating but dating is inefficient cuz the moment you are dating someone it's exclusive and you are limiting yourself to one person at a time. We put up subconscious barriers to close off other people from getting close to us cuz we already have a dating partner. "Ok , she is my friend so I shouldn't get too close to her cuz then my girlfriend will get jealous. Yeah I probably shouldn't invite her to see that movie alone cuz I shouldn't cuz I have a girlfriend already. But I do want to spend time alone with her." etc. It complicates scenarios that wouldn't need to be complicated. Get to know many people through friendship. Then choose the one that you feel closest to, to date.

@yugi

Don't worry about it and go for it. There was this one girl who I knew in elementary school from 1st to 5th grade. When middle school started we moved and did not see each other again until she popped up after I added a mutual friend of ours on facebook in freshman year of college. I sent her a message on facebook and she actually did not remember me... But we talked about stuff that happened in class and had a great conversation. We hit it off really well and now we're really great friends.

So for you, whether or not she remembers those first 6 months doesn't really matter.

FierceDeity

Laughing too hard to keep arguing, I give up

MaestroUGC

See, all the women come to me, usually in groups of three and then we have all the sexytime.

I call it the Maestro Method of Engaging an Audience and Retaining Their Hearts
Try to do everything; you're bound to succeed with at least one.

Kman96

Quote from: MaestroUGC on April 18, 2014, 08:02:28 PMI call it the Maestro Method of Engaging an Audience and Retaining Their Hearts
MMEARTH
Party Hard!
[close]

Psychic_Ness

Quote from: FierceDeity on April 18, 2014, 08:00:36 PMLaughing too hard to keep arguing, I give up

So the spark thing right? If your relationship solely relies on it, then it's not a very strong one. Enjoy it, but wait it out before taking the relationship a step further.

A year isn't a long time. And if you can't be friends with someone that long without losing interest in each other, then the chance of sustaining a much longer term and deeper relationship is much lower. Yes the only way of finding out whether you can be in a relationship with them is by actually being in a relationship with them. But the foundation of friendship should be there first and this foundation (your common interests, time spent with each other, etc.) will seem better than it actually is during the time when you're infatuated with one another.

Yugi


MaestroUGC

A year isn't a long time, trust me. If you're not paying attention a single year can fly by faster than you can blink.
Try to do everything; you're bound to succeed with at least one.

Yugi

oh god it's 2015 now

SlowPokemon

Fuck it's 2016 I can't believe this
Quote from: Tobbeh99 on April 21, 2016, 02:56:11 PM
Fuck logic, that shit is boring, lame and does not always support my opinions.

MaestroUGC

See, what did I tell you?
Try to do everything; you're bound to succeed with at least one.

Bubbles

I was actually going to join in until I realized there's never going to be an end to this

And I'm actually having a bit of relationship troubles as well...but I don't want to say anything publicly because I have a nagging suspicion that he frequents the forums >.>

Kman96

Party Hard!
[close]

Bubbles

but see youre implying were having relationship troubles which is false

FierceDeity

Quote from: Bubbles on April 18, 2014, 09:36:17 PMI was actually going to join in until I realized there's never going to be an end to this

That's why I decided to follow my gut reaction and laugh my ass off

Quote from: Psychic_Ness on April 18, 2014, 08:28:50 PMSo the spark thing right?

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
oh man, too funny

Psychic_Ness

Quote from: FierceDeity on April 18, 2014, 10:21:24 PMThat's why I decided to follow my gut reaction and laugh my ass off

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
oh man, too funny

Relax, dude. Clearly things have been working for you without trying what I said so whatever floats your boat.

What I've been describing based off of observation and experiences. Whenever a relationship is falling/ has fallen apart with a girl I used to be involved with, we actually discuss what happened, why it didn't work out, and how we could make future relationships better. The topics I posted were common themes in all my discussions which were generally agreed upon.