Relationships

[Psychic_Ness]

Guys and Girls:

If you like someone I strongly suggest you be friends with them first for like a year and hold off any initial emotions you may have. Get to REALLYYYY know them or else you're going to be in for a massive, massive, massive, headache. At first, that feeling of having a crush on someone tends to overrule logical decision making. The infatuation period should go away after a while (varies by person). That's when you can really make decisions regarding how much you like the other. During the infatuation period everything is going to amazing. Any small detail any little thing you have in common will be blown out of proportion in your head. Any negative traits will be largely ignored.

Guys approaching girls:

Don't start by asking to lunch or coffee. That stuff only works in movies or if the girl is actively looking for someone at the moment, which is rare. Most girls are either taken or not looking. What are the chances that the girl you end up with in the future is currently single? Not high. Make friends with everyone single or not and have a good time regardless. If it's "meant to be" then you'll both come to some kind of realization eventually regardless of the initial circumstances upon which you met. Conversely, girls that are currently taken shouldn't close themselves off completely. Obviously this does not apply to relationships that have already been established very strongly. One thing to note however is that length of time is not necessarily a good indicator of relationship strength.

So the lunch or coffee thing not working? No of course the girl will be weirded out. The most important thing is that first conversation. Make it meaningful and really try to find common ground. Something that could become chronic. How to make the first conversation happen? If you periodically talk to each other no problem. If you are admiring her from a distance (why do you like her anyway... but ok let's give the benefit of the doubt I am guilty of this kind of affection as well), create a scenario in which you are forced to interact. Make it clever and subtle.

Girls:

You have it easy gtfo.

Thoughts/discussions?

[SuperFireKirby]

Yeah...you don't have much real world experience, do you?

If you like someone I strongly suggest you be friends with them first for like a year

If you want to torture yourself and risk infinite friendzoning, sure.

Don't start by asking to lunch or coffee.

Unless you feel like having a nice afternoon with someone you're attracted to, sure.

Most girls are either taken or not looking.

Completely wrong, but sure.

create a scenario in which you are forced to interact.

Yes, because overthinking things make everything better, so sure.

Girls:

You have it easy gtfo.

Not true, but our society has developed the idea that requires men to initiate interaction and dating shit, while women are supposed to wait because if they took the role of "asking out" it could be seen as too forward or even creepy. But with women becoming more and more independent, these social stigmas are likely to change.

You obviously have yet to be introduced to the concept of "Risk and Reward".

[mikey]

Girls:
All guys love food.  Easy bait.

[BlackDragonSlayer]

If you want to torture yourself and risk infinite friendzoning, sure.

I don't think getting to know somebody before you start dating them always means getting "friendzoned." Unless I'm mistaken, the point Psychic_Ness is trying to make is that some people don't like it if you try and rush into a relationship.

[SuperFireKirby]

But a year? Come on.

[SlowPokemon]

That was really sexist to say girls have it easy. Also the fact that you're telling people to be friends for a year before dating tells me you know nothing about dating lololol

Certainly it's fine in some situations but it is not by any stretch of the imagination necessary or even beneficial all the time

[FierceDeity]

I'm gonna have to agree with SFK here. The absurdly long year wait aside, getting to know somebody outside of a relationship is completely different than getting to know them in a relationship. I see some of my closest friends reveal parts of themselves to somebody they're dating that I never even knew existed; not to mention, this has happened with a lot of the girls I've dated (one of which was after being friends for two years, so no, it wasn't a "I just didn't spend a long enough time getting to know her" thing). So many people spend all of their time masking some part of themselves that they don't think other people will like, but once they get intimate with somebody, they feel they can finally be open. And that's when you find out whether it'll really work or not.

I don't think getting to know somebody before you start dating them always means getting "friendzoned." Unless I'm mistaken, the point Psychic_Ness is trying to make is that some people don't like it if you try and rush into a relationship.

Well, it doesn't always mean getting friendzoned, but if there's a spark and you don't take advantage of it, it may die down before you have a chance to get to know somebody in a truly intimate manner. And yeah, some people don't like "rushing" into relationships. But not all.

And to recapitulate SFK's point, holy shit a year is such an absurdly long amount of time.

[Yugi]

I've known someone for a year but she doesn't remember me for half of that year what do I do???

[BlackDragonSlayer]

Well, it doesn't always mean getting friendzoned, but if there's a spark and you don't take advantage of it, it may die down before you have a chance to get to know somebody in a truly intimate manner.

He said "get to know the person," not "isolate them and ignore anything other than friendship," which in and of itself could be considered "friendzoning." That should be fairly obvious- it's not like you ignore all common sense just because you don't leap into a relationship right away. Though, he did say to "hold off any initial emotions you may have," which I agree is quite extreme.

And to recapitulate SFK's point, holy shit a year is such an absurdly long amount of time.

While this is true, he didn't say that you had to for a year; specifically, he said "for like a year." TECHNICALITIES!

[FierceDeity]

"isolate them and ignore anything other than friendship"

Wait what is "anything other than friendship", because as far as I can tell that only includes being A: enemies, B: neutral acquaintances, or C: in a relationship, and I'm pretty sure none of those fit into his advice, so no, he totally did say that. Maybe not "isolate them" but I really don't see how I implied that, either...

While this is true, he didn't say that you had to for a year; specifically, he said "for like a year." TECHNICALITIES!

why you gotta be like that, BDS

[BlackDragonSlayer]

Wait what is "anything other than friendship", because as far as I can tell that only includes being A: enemies, B: neutral acquaintances, or C: in a relationship, and I'm pretty sure none of those fit into his advice, so no, he totally did say that. Maybe not "isolate them" but I really don't see how I implied that, either...

You specifically said "if there's a spark and you don't take advantage of it, it may die down before you have a chance to get to know somebody in a truly intimate manner," which, unless I am mistaken, is completely missing the point of what Psychic_Ness had to say.

Also, by "anything other than friendship," I meant "a spark," which is something you mentioned, and I was responding to.

[braix]

Brainwash your crush into making them think they are madly in love with you. Problem solved.

[FierceDeity]

completely missing the point

irony at its finest

so, let me clarify my own point.

getting to know somebody outside of a relationship is completely different than getting to know them in a relationship

Still not clear? Lemme rephrase that.

getting to know somebody outside of a relationship is completely different than getting to know them in a relationship truly intimate manner

Now, let me point out every paraphrase of "spark" that psychic_ness encouraged us to ignore.

If you like someone I strongly suggest you be friends with them first for like a year and hold off any initial emotions you may have. Get to REALLYYYY know them or else you're going to be in for a massive, massive, massive, headache. At first, that feeling of having a crush on someone tends to overrule logical decision making. The infatuation period should go away after a while

[BlackDragonSlayer]

Now, let me point out every paraphrase of "spark" that psychic_ness encouraged us to ignore.

The things is, he's not encouraging you to ignore the "spark" in the same manner you're thinking as it of. To word that more properly, he's thinking of something different than you are, but you're thinking of it in a completely different way and applying that to what he said. Of course, I can't speak for him, but I'm merely drawing conclusions from what he said.

But, may you recall that I also said this?

Though, he did say to "hold off any initial emotions you may have," which I agree is quite extreme.

[Yugi]

Now you see if you wanna get girls

The king's orders are absolute.