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Author Topic: Comments on Paper NSM and the Thousand Year Door  (Read 3962 times)

Dudeman

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Re: Comments on Paper NSM and the Thousand Year Door
« Reply #30 on: August 27, 2015, 07:56:16 PM »

No worries; I found the lack of description hilarious! Plus it will leave everyone else in suspense...

And nice job on the first chapter! Everything's set up and your characters stand out from each other. Keep it up!
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ThatGamer

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Re: Comments on Paper NSM and the Thousand Year Door
« Reply #31 on: August 27, 2015, 07:57:31 PM »

I just checked my desription in protagonists! Very nice! I like how I was described!  :D
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Since I haven't heard from her personally I don't wanna be like "YO HERE'S THE CHATROOM OK"

Hero of Trains

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Re: Comments on Paper NSM and the Thousand Year Door
« Reply #32 on: August 27, 2015, 07:58:12 PM »

Great job! (Although in real life I more often use well balanced knives, which can be thrown or used in close combat as well)
But for the purposes of the story, a hammer/cannon is great!
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See guys? Trains isn't nice all the time.
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Trains is so nice that I'm sure she'd resurrect herself for a few minutes to compliment you back

ThatGamer

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Re: Comments on Paper NSM and the Thousand Year Door
« Reply #33 on: August 27, 2015, 07:59:53 PM »

Great job! (Although in real life I more often use well balanced knives, which can be thrown or used in close combat as well)
But for the purposes of the story, a hammer/cannon is great!

In real life I don't regularly kill people... :o
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Since I haven't heard from her personally I don't wanna be like "YO HERE'S THE CHATROOM OK"

Hero of Trains

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Re: Comments on Paper NSM and the Thousand Year Door
« Reply #34 on: August 27, 2015, 08:04:34 PM »

Hey, I don't kill anyone! But I know how to defend myself. Also there's a ton of good books on things like lock picking and knife throwing.
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See guys? Trains isn't nice all the time.
Quote from: also Dudeman
Trains is so nice that I'm sure she'd resurrect herself for a few minutes to compliment you back

ThatGamer

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Re: Comments on Paper NSM and the Thousand Year Door
« Reply #35 on: August 27, 2015, 08:09:29 PM »

Hey, I don't kill anyone! But I know how to defend myself. Also there's a ton of good books on things like lock picking and knife throwing.

I never learned how to defend myself...
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Since I haven't heard from her personally I don't wanna be like "YO HERE'S THE CHATROOM OK"

mikey

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Re: Comments on Paper NSM and the Thousand Year Door
« Reply #36 on: August 27, 2015, 08:28:02 PM »

And that I will! ;D
2 questions, when can we play lol together and what do you want your role to be? Just his pet?
for the record I can usually play anytime
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mayastarr041

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Re: Comments on Paper NSM and the Thousand Year Door
« Reply #37 on: August 27, 2015, 09:57:33 PM »

for the record I can usually play anytime
Great! Didya add me yet?
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FireArrow

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Re: Comments on Paper NSM and the Thousand Year Door
« Reply #38 on: August 28, 2015, 12:26:09 AM »

Oh oh oh, I can help you with shipping your characters!
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Dudeman

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Re: Comments on Paper NSM and the Thousand Year Door
« Reply #39 on: August 28, 2015, 12:35:35 AM »

wait what who ever said shipping was involved

next up they'll start making creepy fan art

and fanfics of a fanfic
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Tobbeh99

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Re: Comments on Paper NSM and the Thousand Year Door
« Reply #40 on: August 28, 2015, 12:38:36 AM »

Nice you added my character description. :)
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blueflower999

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Re: Comments on Paper NSM and the Thousand Year Door
« Reply #41 on: August 28, 2015, 12:40:53 AM »

I started reading. Looks promising enough.
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mayastarr041

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Re: Comments on Paper NSM and the Thousand Year Door
« Reply #42 on: August 28, 2015, 02:30:14 AM »

Thanks guys and your welcome! And fire, if you really want a ship, we can arrange thay! Maybe Trains and Dudeman?
« Last Edit: August 28, 2015, 02:33:00 AM by mayastarr041 »
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braix

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Re: Comments on Paper NSM and the Thousand Year Door
« Reply #43 on: August 28, 2015, 02:38:17 AM »

Sorry




"Hey!" a voice rang out as I turned to see a blue Bob-omb, "You knew here?"  -->  "Hey!" a voice rang out as I turned to see a blue Bob-omb, "You new here?"

Uknown to her a grunt was behind her and was about to strike.  -->  Unknown to her, a grunt was behind her and was about to strike.

Trains sidestepped and gave him him a hard kick.  -->  She sidestepped and gave him a hard kick. (You don't know who the girl is yet)

The air grew darker and colder and tendrils of Shadows wrapped around us, restricting movement.  -->  The air grew darker and colder and tendrils of shadows wrapped around us, restricting movement.

She growled and for a moment, something weird happened.  -->  The queen growled and for a moment, something weird happened. (The reader can mistake "She" for Trains)

"Watch where you're going loser!" he yelled at us.  -->  "Watch where you're going, loser!" he yelled at us.

"We are trying tog fight the Shadow Queen and obtain the crystal stars," Trains explained as Pianist tensed again.  -->  "We are trying to fight the Shadow Queen and obtain the crystal stars," Trains explained as Pianist tensed again.

"We could use are not her member."  -->  "We could use another member."
« Last Edit: August 28, 2015, 02:42:51 AM by braixen1264 »
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Hero of Trains

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Re: Comments on Paper NSM and the Thousand Year Door
« Reply #44 on: August 28, 2015, 02:41:42 AM »

No.

Not to be rude or anything, Dudeman's quite nice, but no shipping me with anybody. Or else I'll use my hammer/cannon and blast your brains out. Got it? Great!  ;D

Also Braix, it's "We are trying to  fight the Shadow Queen" ;)
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See guys? Trains isn't nice all the time.
Quote from: also Dudeman
Trains is so nice that I'm sure she'd resurrect herself for a few minutes to compliment you back
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