We seem to have trapped one of the mods within the forum's code... and we're not sure how to get him out. Oh well, he'll figure it out!
Ok I made the edits that I said I would earlier. There were some additional things that I tidied up/fixed:
-I added a double barline before the key change in 44.
-I tidied up some dynamic placements.
-I changed the mp in 52 to mf. I was guessing that this was a mistake, since the dynamic was already mp and so another mp didn't make sense. Correct me if I was wrong.
If you're ok with those edits I will accept.
Ah for 20 I think what you have is actually fine now looking at what you're trying to write in, but for 18 I hear this in the second half:Spoiler[close]
Yeah I can explain this more. So because the offbeat percussion has dropped out the left hand pattern that is written in doesn't really make that much sense anymore (although it sounds perfectly fine) so I was thinking maybe something different here would work better, and also help to vary it up a little bit. The arpeggio patterns are kind of horrendous so I wouldn't suggest that, but since the energy does loosen up here anyway I think just taking the bass notes on their own would sound fine. Like this:and then the second time around you go back to the pattern that you had before.Spoiler[close]
Also I'll just point out something I mentioned way back when that never got addressed:
Like this:Spoiler[close]
I can get all the other formatting stuff later if that isn't editable in notepad.
OK, more feedback from me.
-The pickup is still erroneously included in the bar numberings and so everything is off by one.
-I don't think you need to specify that repeats should be played on the D.S. since this isn't classical music.
-There are a bunch of systems where the staff separation is much wider and pretty much the only one I think is necessary is the third system of the first page. All of the others ones should just be normal width.
-I think the left hand of bar 40 should be an octave higher. It is currently very low and muddy and doesn't really sound like the original there.
-I don't hear anything on beat 1 of bar 44.
-Bar 50-52's left hand sounds like it should be an octave lower.
-I agree with Static about the bass in bars 24/28 etc.
-I feel like the left hand pattern in bar 17-20 would be a lot easier to play if it was every third note that was up the octave, rather than every second. At the moment this is very awkward to play at tempo and I don't think changing it would affect the sound that much.
-Is the extra piano part left out of bars 46-48/50-52 for simplicity? I think it's a bit confusing having it be there in bars 45/49 and then suddenly disappear, so it might be a more consistent to just not have it all.
-I hear something completely different in the bass in the second half of bar 18 and all of bar 20.
-I think it'd be cool if the left hand pattern changed for the first run through 29-36, where the percussion drops out in the original. It would be a nice source of variation in the arrangement and would reflect the original better I think.
Hey, I got the files for ya (link here), with all the formatting changes. I also made a few other minor adjustments:
- Typically, pickup measures don't factor into repeats, so you can use a D.C. rather than D.S. if you want. Either way is technically correct though, so I've left it with a D.S. Also, instead of whole rests, the rest should match the duration of the pickup, so use a quarter rest here.
- Since there is no "Fine" marking, it should just say "D.S." at the end
- Since you only have key changed from sharps to flats (or vice versa), you don't have to show all the natural signs.
- m24/28/32/36 LH: I still am hearing a D# in the bass here, instead of G# (left it as is for now)
Regarding m44, this is what I had in mind:
Anyway, the files linked above have all the changes already made, so feel free to upload those. Let me know if you disagree with anything or want clarification, etc.
- Since the tempo at m13 is different than the previous one, you don't need the "a tempo" there
- I like having slurs on grace notes, but up to you (I left them as-is)
Sorry for the wait! Here's feedback on the rest, and a file with the margins/text spacing edited.
- Similar to the beginning, I'd suggest removing the upper C# in the left hand in m. 11-12, 15-16, 19-20, and 23-24 due to the right hand needing to sustain the C# from the previous measure
- In the right hand chord in m. 11-12, 15-16, and 19-20, I don't think the En should be there - it doesn't sound like a minor chord. Currently a bit split between suggesting making it an E#, or just removing it.
