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OK, more feedback from me.
-The pickup is still erroneously included in the bar numberings and so everything is off by one.
-I don't think you need to specify that repeats should be played on the D.S. since this isn't classical music.
-There are a bunch of systems where the staff separation is much wider and pretty much the only one I think is necessary is the third system of the first page. All of the others ones should just be normal width.
-I think the left hand of bar 40 should be an octave higher. It is currently very low and muddy and doesn't really sound like the original there.
-I don't hear anything on beat 1 of bar 44.
-Bar 50-52's left hand sounds like it should be an octave lower.
-I agree with Static about the bass in bars 24/28 etc.
-I feel like the left hand pattern in bar 17-20 would be a lot easier to play if it was every third note that was up the octave, rather than every second. At the moment this is very awkward to play at tempo and I don't think changing it would affect the sound that much.
-Is the extra piano part left out of bars 46-48/50-52 for simplicity? I think it's a bit confusing having it be there in bars 45/49 and then suddenly disappear, so it might be a more consistent to just not have it all.
-I hear something completely different in the bass in the second half of bar 18 and all of bar 20.
-I think it'd be cool if the left hand pattern changed for the first run through 29-36, where the percussion drops out in the original. It would be a nice source of variation in the arrangement and would reflect the original better I think.
Hey, I got the files for ya (link here), with all the formatting changes. I also made a few other minor adjustments:
- Typically, pickup measures don't factor into repeats, so you can use a D.C. rather than D.S. if you want. Either way is technically correct though, so I've left it with a D.S. Also, instead of whole rests, the rest should match the duration of the pickup, so use a quarter rest here.
- Since there is no "Fine" marking, it should just say "D.S." at the end
- Since you only have key changed from sharps to flats (or vice versa), you don't have to show all the natural signs.
- m24/28/32/36 LH: I still am hearing a D# in the bass here, instead of G# (left it as is for now)
Regarding m44, this is what I had in mind:
Anyway, the files linked above have all the changes already made, so feel free to upload those. Let me know if you disagree with anything or want clarification, etc.
- Since the tempo at m13 is different than the previous one, you don't need the "a tempo" there
- I like having slurs on grace notes, but up to you (I left them as-is)
Sorry for the wait! Here's feedback on the rest, and a file with the margins/text spacing edited.
- Similar to the beginning, I'd suggest removing the upper C# in the left hand in m. 11-12, 15-16, 19-20, and 23-24 due to the right hand needing to sustain the C# from the previous measure
- In the right hand chord in m. 11-12, 15-16, and 19-20, I don't think the En should be there - it doesn't sound like a minor chord. Currently a bit split between suggesting making it an E#, or just removing it.
Hey, sorry for the wait on this one! I'll start with note accuracy stuff as well (I'll be using the current incorrect measure numbers as Libera did in the previous post):
- m2, 3, 4, etc. RH beat 4.5: Like Libera, I hear these notes longer/tied over to beat 1 of the following measure. To me, it sounds like there's almost no space in between those notes.
- m5 RH beat 3: In the lower layer, the C should be D.
- m6 RH beat 1: In the lower layer, I'd recommend just changing this to an 8th note (but keep it in the lower layer). That dyad is repeated several times in the same measure, so it's impossible to really hold it down in the middle of all that. In a performance setting, it would sound the same whether or not it was written as a whole note, but writing it as an 8th is less confusing.
- m9 LH beats 1-2: Bass plays F here instead of E.
- m10 LH should look just like m9 after the above change is implemented.
- m10 RH beat 4.75: The last 16th note here should be C instead of F.
- m12 beat 4: In both the RH and LH, this last quarter note is played long/tenuto instead of short.
- m16 LH beat 4: Bass stays on G here.
- m18 LH beat 4: Bass moves to F here.
- m21-36: I hear this section harmonized a bit differently, like this:m21-28
(m29-36 is the same, just transposed)[close]
- m24/28/32/36 LH: The bass plays a D/D# (respectively) here, it's a Gm/G#m chord but in 2nd inversion.
- m37-39, 41-43 RH: There are only two voices in these measures (just the bottom and top voices you currently have).
- m39/43 RH beat 4.5: Lower voice should be C instead of D.
- m40/44 RH beat 4: Lower voice should be C instead of D.
- m45-50 is harmonized exactly like m37-43.
Lmk if you have any questions
- m44 RH beat 4.5: This dyad should be Bb (below staff) and G (middle of staff).
- m44 RH: This might look better in bass clef, at least up until beat 4.5.
