The monkeys are up to something...
For this one, I also mean notes like these:Image[close]
What do you mean? The way you have it written out right now, the second section is the same as the first with the RH raised up an octave except for the last few measures.
Let me know once you've got these plus the measure distribution stuff.
- Crescendo in m72 is touching the barline.
- Whenever a 16th note lands directly on a beat or on a "0.5 beat" (e.g. beat 1.5, 2.5, 3.5, 4.5) without another 16th note right after it, it's cleaner to write it as a staccato 8th instead. i.e. beats 1.5 and 3.5 for m97-111 RH, beats 1.5 and 4 for m112-127, beats 1.5 and 3 for m128.
- m121-128 would be much better written with an 8va over it. For that matter, it'd be most efficient to simply write m113-128 as one big repeat system with a first and second ending and a note to play it 8va the second pass. (For now, don't worry about the second pass 8va on playback—we can add that later in Finale.)
All right, sorry for the wait! Here's some feedback...
- Measure numbers and page numbers... we'll grab this later. For now, all the feedback below is going to refer to measure numbers without the pickup measure (i.e. so the first measure in the second system is m4).
- IMO, I think this would work more nicely if the LH were legato and held for the entire piece (except for m32 for obvious reasons) instead of being staccato and detached for the first five pages. When the LH is staccato, I think the bass just has too much empty space to fill the arrangement.
- m4 LH beat 4.5 repeats the D-A-D chord instead of moving down to C-G-C.
- m8/12 LH beats 4-4.5 repeat the E-B-E chord two more times instead of moving down.
- Same goes for m16 as with m8/12, except m16 also plays the E-B-E chord on beat 3 as well (whereas there's a rest there in m8/12).
- m31 RH lower note should be an A instead of a B. Same for m36 RH beat 3, m38 RH beat 4, m40 RH beat 4, m44 RH beat 3, and m46 RH beat 4.
- m32 LH sounds like it should actually have a chromatically descending pattern (E-Eb-D-Db) instead of paralleling the RH.
- m34 RH beat 2.5 should have C as the lower note instead of B. Same for m35 RH beat 1, m38 RH beat 1, m42 RH beat 2.5, m43 RH beat 1, and m46 beat 1.
- Perhaps double the melody down an octave in m41-48 to distinguish this phrase from m33-40? May or may not consider raising it up an octave too.
- For m49-64, see comments on m1-16 (both RH and LH), except now here the end of m52 just sounds like three repeated E-B-E chords.
- For m65/66/69/70/.../78 RH beat 1, the lower note should be C instead of B.
- For m65/69/73/78 RH beat 2.5 the lower note should be F# and G.
- In general, it wouldn't hurt to go through and double-check all the harmonies in the RH since I may not have caught everything.
- m67 LH chord should be B-F-B (low B).
- Crescendo in m72 is touching the barline.
- For m81-96, see notes on m33-48.
- m105-109 are extra measures that aren't actually in the original.
- I would hide all the tempo markings and only show the "rit." where necessary. Also, "poco a poco accel." is more conventional than "gradual accel" (and for good measure, you could tack on "poco a poco accel. e cresc.", too). At m97, you could say something like "Meno mosso" at the beginning instead of explicitly delaying a strict tempo marking in order to give the player some freedom in how slow to start out.
- Whenever a 16th note lands directly on a beat or on a "0.5 beat" (e.g. beat 1.5, 2.5, 3.5, 4.5) without another 16th note right after it, it's cleaner to write it as a staccato 8th instead. i.e. beats 1.5 and 3.5 for m97-111 RH, beats 1.5 and 4 for m112-127, beats 1.5 and 3 for m128.
- Repeated 16th notes in the RH significantly up the difficulty for (IMO) not much benefit. I'd suggest removing some of the repeated consecutive 16th notes and leaving just the 16th notes on the emphasized beats. For example:Image[close]
- m121-128 would be much better written with an 8va over it. For that matter, it'd be most efficient to simply write m113-128 as one big repeat system with a first and second ending and a note to play it 8va the second pass. (For now, don't worry about the second pass 8va on playback—we can add that later in Finale.)
- For m1-16 RH, I hear the second RH note as being tied for most of the measure, and not restruck on beat 2.5. I can hear where you think the restruck rhythm on beat 2.5 is coming from, but I think that's just the underlying chords, and not the strings melody itself.
- For m129-end, see feedback on the m1-16, except just in a different key.
