It was then that I realized Col. Jenkins was never really Col. Jenkins, but rather Col. Waldo wearing a Col. Jenkins mask. Turns out Col. Jenkins never existed, and it was an elaborate ruse to trick me into getting Col. Waldo the Maltese Falcon, even though I told him I didn't like him ever since he spilled coffee on the new rug in my office that was a present from the President of Motor Mechanic Machines Inc. And as I mourned the unexistence of Col. Jenkins I realized that Col. Jenkins would've wanted me to remember Col. Jenkins not as the man he wasn't, but rather as the Col. Jenkins that couldn't not have been. But Col. Waldo stood there, smiling at the fact that I was visibly upset at the revelation the Col. Jenkins was actually him, Col. Waldo, and his elaborate ruse was a success. But Col. Jenkins would've wanted me to go on with my life, unbothered by his non-existence and carry myself as though he really did live a life of a very real and legally binding authenticity. The only thing that remained of the memory of the would've been late Col. Jenkins was this badly photo-shopped image of him standing in front of a Circuit City, which also doesn't exist anymore. Should've been a clue, really, now that I think about it. But there Col. Waldo stood, and then he walked out of the room, onto his next great prank.
