The Rant Thread/My Life Sucks Topic [Don't be pricks]

[Jub3r7]

im sorry

[E. Gadd Industries]

  Nothing is going correctly today

[Sebastian]

Same.

[Sir Dino]

A profanity laced rant from Kman96 regarding pineapples:

Spoiler

Listen up bitches it's time to get fucking REAL.
Pine-FUCKING-apples. Who the FUCK eats this shit? DAMN. This fucking shit is the shittiest damn shit I ever fuckin shit out of my fuckin asshole. Why did it even go in my goddamned mouth hole in the first place? I DONT FUCKIN KNOW, OKAY, ASSFACE? STOP ASKING ME ALL THESE FUCKING QUESTIONS ABOUT PINEAPPLES LIKE I GIVE A SHIT YOU PUNK-ASS PIECE OF LITERAL GARBAGE.
Sorry. Fuck. I just ordered a strawberry-flavored pizza and they fucked me over with this shitty Hawaiian, like who the fuck do they think they are? Pineapple is for DWEEBS AND PUNTY FUCKBAGS. I ain't that shit. Don't fuckin give me that shit. I won't buy it. And if you like pineapples then FUCK YOUR PINEFUCKINGAPPLES and fuck your weak ass pussy. ASS. PUSSY. Read that twice, bitch. Also fuck Hawaii. I ain't racist but that shit is overrated. And dumb.
Fuck my ass. Holy shit my back fucking hurts. It's like a lardo decided to just fall 50,000 feet into my fucking back and give me a crick in my neck the size of florida's crazy ass police blotter. I went to the flippin chiropractor the other day and guess what they fuckin did? FUCKING NOTHING. The guy like snapped my neck a few times, popped my back a bit and then sat me in a goddamned massage chair for 30 FUCKING MINUTES ARE YOU FUCK ME PLEASE AND THANK YOU GODDAMN
I am a bonaFINE sex beast. The amount of anuses I have ruptured with my massive bear cock is enough to give you 11 more fingers to shove up your significant other's fuck-cunt. The fact that I have three fully erect penises coming out of my left ballsack should be enough to tell you that I get MAD PUSS EVERY FUCKING NIGHT BABY. You can't even imagine how hard I go on all of the women. I go so fucking hard. You don't fucking know because you're a pineapple-ass eating bitch. Fuck that shit. I ain't about that fuckin life.
Fuck all this shit this shit ain't even worth my shit I'm out

[close]

thank you, so much this is gold.

[InsigTurtle]

I feel the same way whenever I eat pineapple. It makes my mouth itchy, a swollen throat, and breathing problems. But those little fuckers are always hiding in food since people like its sweet tropical death so I might be eating something when SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER you can't fucking breathe HAHAHA fuck pineapples

[mikey]

pineapples are saltier than an anime fan watching a Mighty No. 9 trailer

[Zunawe]

I like pineapples.

[braix]

I like pineapples just only when they're cold

[Nebbles]

I feel the same way whenever I eat pineapple. It makes my mouth itchy, a swollen throat, and breathing problems. But those little fuckers are always hiding in food since people like its sweet tropical death so I might be eating something when SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER you can't fucking breathe HAHAHA fuck pineapples

...you, uh... might just be allergic.

[InsigTurtle]

i am, but i just don't want to blame my immune system. it might be lacking, but i've still survived.
it's a lot nicer to blame the pineapples instead

[mikey]

PINEAPPLES ARE PEOPLE TOO YOU MONSTER

[InsigTurtle]

Well, I believe in pineapple rights; they should be treated equally, but even so, I'd rather not touch them.

[Pianist Da Sootopolis]

Yay for dumbasses in cars who hit me on my bike while I make a completely legal street crossing.
I'm fine save for a nice bruise on my side but my bike is a bit damaged.

[mikey]

holy crap were you crossing at a stop sign

[Pianist Da Sootopolis]

It was a T intersection, I was going across. My sign was on, too.